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 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 49
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?Page 2 of 34    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)
Sweety, it is all about who cared the most... Women who care the most, have the hardest time disconnecting... Men who care the most have a hard time disconnecting...

To say it is just a man thing I think really is incorrect, and forgive me if this is a repeat I just didn't have the time to read all what 6 pages...

Some people do have the ability to shut out the hurt and move on like you didn't even exist... I have read threads from men saying the same sad song about the pain, and how could she discard me and use like that?

BE GLAD, despite the hurt you feel, that you can feel deeply, and love like you do... Yes it hurts like hell, but when you love, the amount of love and devotion is immeasurable. Hopefully one day you will find that man that can love you with just as much devotion...

I know sometimes people don't always find that love mate, but as long as YOU ALWAYS believe that that kind of love and devotion exists....There is always hope...

Good luck sweet girl...
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 50
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:11:26 PM


Msg: 68 -- Surely you've heard the phrase 'boys don't cry'?


I cry. I cry HARD, and sometimes for hours at a time. BUT, I do so in PRIVATE. No one has SEEN me cry in decades. My private turmoil belongs to me and me alone. This is something I share with NO ONE.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 51
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:29:15 PM


Msg: 84 -- "Why men love ****es" by Sherry Argov.


HMPH!!!! "Why men love b1tches"? Newsflash, I HATE b1tches. "B1TCH" is the FIRST Red Flag on my list!
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 52
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:59:05 PM


Msg: 101 -- Most men just blow it off like nothing ever happen.


I blow it off and PRETEND as if nothing ever happened. There IS a HUGE difference.



It drives me nuts. I have met a few tho that doesnt act this way. They atcually care that the realationship is over.


I am one who DOES care. BUT, I care MORE for my emotional health. For THIS reason ALONE, I have developed in myself a "DETACH" REFLEX which supercedes any emotional involvement I may have in the current defective relationship in which I may be involved.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 53
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:13:53 PM


Msg: 105 -- Men who care the most have a hard time disconnecting...


In my case, this is not correct. I disconnect quickly and easily upon presentation of a Red Flag.

I may GRIEVE for SEVERAL months afterwards, but the disconnect is AUTOMATIC. I deliberately sculptured my response in this way.

OK, after thinking about it, the PAIN involved with the disconnect is EXCRUCIATING, but I choose to keep that private, not up for open discussion. It is a PRIVATE, PERSONAL agony that NO ONE will EVER be privy to.

The disconnect is personal, private, and PERMANENT.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 54
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:46:05 PM
Sorry if this is redundant but I am not reading 5 pages. If you are having so much trouble it is because of two things. You are not remembering the *sshole that would do this to you, the bad qualities in the man, but the idealized image that you have from when times were good.

You are mourning the loss of what could have been instead of what was. Even if this was supposedly the only time he was not decent do you, does this jibe with the guy you fell in love with? I imagine that he would not have frozen you out. It is harder when you thought you found the right guy but you need to recognize that he is not it.

So your problem is not him turning off his feelings it is your failure to recognize that this man is not good enough for you and YOU do not want HIM. Once you get your brain around that and see him for who he is rather than what you made him, you will be fine.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 55
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/3/2008 12:53:38 AM
calamitygray: msg 113
t474t: msgs. #114-116

Ladies, all I can say is, those were some very well thought out, in-depth and lucid arguments. Good job.

Naaaaah, I was just kidding. Your statements actually portray you as bitter, jaded and biased. Sorry for your pain and whoever caused it.....but it wasn't me (just a random guy). Have a great, happy, fruitful and joyful life.



~ds~
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 56
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/3/2008 12:55:01 AM


Msg: 105 -- To say it is just a man thing I think really is incorrect, and forgive me if this is a repeat I just didn't have the time to read all what 6 pages...


Trust me, you missed virtually NOTHING. "Man vs Woman", "Woman vs Man", same OLD argument about Long-Term Relationships and why they do not last.

OK, this thread is REFINED in some ODD attempt at understanding WHY men seem to have premature feelings of affection as opposed to why some women do NOT.

Personally, I view the masculine and feminine plane to be on the SAME scope, one searching the other for compatibility. FAR TOO OFTEN, and I consider myself to be among the ACCUSED, compatibility is FAR to often PRESUMED, WITHOUT any basis in fact.

MY RESPONSE: I BAIL! I simply REFUSE to be responsible for another's happiness unless it DIRECTLY involves my OWN!
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 57
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/3/2008 1:45:17 AM


Msg: 111 -- Stone cold disconnect is breaking hearts to keep yours secure.


Your argument is valid, but I won't pursue it. This is the way I deal with MY PAIN. It is the way I have trained myself and I won't break from it until and unless I find a better way. So far, nothing as effective as this has reached my attention.

If you have a better way, I am open to suggestions.
 JamesP166
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 63
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/3/2008 10:38:26 AM
Why is it that men show anger instead of hurt? It makes the situation worse.

because we get mad when we are hurt - - - -
and many times feel that the hurt was intentional - - - by her actions
or her lack of listening - - - or her demands - - and nothing that we say matters.

So we get hurt and mad at the same time

Jim P.
 JamesP166
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 64
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/3/2008 10:40:21 AM
How come women decide they want a divorce after a new house is built?............................and not when the concrete is being poured?
Who are they listening to?

Mind did - - got what she wanted and then tried to drive me away - - -
then found out it did not work the way she wanted - - she still got stuck with the house payment - - she forgot that - - and did not get my whole paycheck to live on and have me take second jobs to earn money for me to live on - - - - - then got mad at me over all of this.

Jim P
 Krenman
Joined: 1/25/2008
Msg: 65
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/3/2008 10:57:57 AM
for a man its just overall different. It does kill em inside and there are still people i think about every day... its been 4 years and i still think about em. Best thing you can do is look for some reason in ur/his actions and reactions to certan questions. Moste men do just edgy and a little mad... Personally i have been known to snap on my closest of friends due to an ended relations ship.
 roughridertex
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 66
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:20:50 AM
He didn't really care to begin with, love just doesn't just stop,and you don't have to go looking for love when it's where you come from,love does not begin and end the way we seem to think, love is a battle, love is a war, love is a growing up and I hope you never have the same regret as I --that too often when I loved, I did not say so
Rikc
 fixitfred
Joined: 11/10/2007
Msg: 67
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/4/2008 1:26:21 AM
I sometimes just read the first and last postings and I find this gem:

... I met a guy a few months back and we went out a couple times.
(I bet he paid so you wouldn't think he was a cheapskate)
I wasn't really interested in him at the time but thought about it and decided to give him a chance , and so we started dating all the time.
What was left out was: I have been done wrong by so many guys I don't think I should give this guy or any man a real chance but that will be my little secret. He probably felt like he had 2 strikes against him.

He treated me great and we were always going out,
Did he keep paying so you wouldn't think he was a cheapskate? What was left out: I kept telling him how all men have done me wrong and he had better not do the same. I wasn't going to treat him like he should be treated untill such time that I deem him worthy or hell freezes over.

I met his daughters (all grown), spent alot of time with him, he even asked me to come along to look at stuff he might buy for his new home.
So it appeared that he was treating you decently while the relationship was going on and you two really got to know each other.

Everything seemed fine even though he was always busy with work and stuff.
He had to work hard to be able to date. He had to always pay as he didn't want you to think he was a cheapskate.
Then we saw each other on a friday night, and emailed nightly a few nights, then he stopped writing. A week went by and I wrote him.

He was trying to let you down easy. He found out what he needed and moved on. You just weren't for him.

he said he was just too busy to see me and asked me if I had met anyone and even suggested joined a dating site??
His hints had to be more direct because you didn't get the message, he just wasn't into you, it happens.

I had become used to having this man in my life

Yea he probably felt you had become used to him, like you get used to a hemmoroid.

and it was very hard to just have it end with no break up or anything, no real ending.

Maybe if we all knew what a real ending was. A big fight? A leter? (notorized?) Breakup sex?

just like when you start talking to someone when you are at the store and then you go you own way . I guess men dont' really care that much and are only out to use women.

Is this the we had sex, therefore, he owed me line but without him doing what I wanted him to do, means he used me? He might have felt your treatment was like someone you meet at the store. By your own admission you weren't interested in him but you gave him a chance.

I use it as a learning tool though and I will be very tough with the next guy I meet, it will take him longer to earn my respect.
Yes, chase away the next guy you meet toting your damaged woman baggage from relationship to relationship. Here's my question. Did you perhaps take out your previous bad relationship on him or tell him about it and all your problems. Women call it sharing men call it whinning and nagging.

Not meaning to be a b****
Oh no, of course not.
but I have found it takes longer than a couple months to be able to trust someone.

Of course it takes time and yes normally longer than a few months. That's what dating is spending time with someone to see if you are compatable and hopefully enjoy the time spent. He obviously thought you were not for him. Move on, next, most guys live in the here and now. Part of being a man is not to show your feelings especially if you're hurt. Man up, tough it out. Do what some of you woman do best and take it out on the next poor sap who you start by giving him only half a chance.
 virgogidget
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 68
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:38:09 AM
If they leave that easily.
They just not into you.
If a misundering occured and he cared it would be sorted out.
Or maybe they start a misunderstanding as a excuse to say Goodbye.
Or disappear be cause they havent learnt to be honest.
It comes down to maturity.
Some love living in the past.
Misery loves company.
Im a woman, I havent a clue either


Maybe theres just to many fishies
grass is always greener, tho these same issues will keep continuing till they do a soul search within. Men/woman.
I know im not stepping into the pond again
I know this is for real world as well as pc world.
 virgogidget
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 69
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:39:42 AM
Ops misunderstanding
 EagleEric
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 70
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:39:26 AM
Breakups are equally difficult for both men and women. There have been studies done about the effects of breakups on both sexes. Interestingly enough, women recover from them faster due to their higher level of emotional development and a larger and more supportive network of friends and family. It appears that men have much greater emotional problems and suffer much more and longer due to emotional immaturity and a very poor network of friends for emotional support.

The Eagle
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 71
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:16:45 AM

If you have a better way, I am open to suggestions.


StarreGazer
Please understand that what I am about to say is meant to ask you to sit down and think really really hard about why you are even bothering to date.
It sounds like whatever horrific hurt you experienced in your past has not healed, and that you are actually using dating and relationships to build a case supporting your singlehood. Guess what, it's 2008 and as far as I know there is no law dictating that each and ever adult must be half of a couple UNLESS they can prove a complete and utter dearth of partners that are suitable and reasonably accessible. So if you are actually so emotionally injured that being by yourself is your TRUE wish, why don't you stop trying to date, when all that your dating really IS, is a search for yet another red flag, another "permission" to scurry back to the safety of singlehood.
What is it you think you need to prove, and whom are you trying to prove it TO?
Directly to the topic;
Not all men can stop having feelings so quickly, sorry to pick on him some more, but our dear friend StarreGazer is an example. And yes, I do think men are more conditioned and trained to compartmentalize their feeling.
Then there are those who have learned to pretend more feelings than they truly have,so they can have complete control of their sexual/romantic involvements. The minute things don't go THEIR way, they are SO outa there! Again this is SOME men, not ALL.
All one can do is to enter each situation honestly...and I am NOT "anti" red flag, but I do think that there has grown a strong tendency to use it out of context, and even to just plain OVER use it.
Cindy O
 Lindsay Rae
Joined: 5/25/2007
Msg: 73
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/7/2008 5:02:57 PM
Women live on a emotional plain, our hearts do most the thinking for us. We give all that we are to the man we come to love,often enough we give that love too freely and quickly, thus giving men the impression we are too needy.
Men live on the plain of logic, they have learned to surpress thier emotions. Outward demonstrations of such would display weakness. Truer than not, I would venture to say; at some point in this man's life he trusted and loved a woman that broke his heart.
Now any woman that crosses his path will pay for that one time he let his defenses down. My advice to you is; reserve more of yourself til you really get to know the man of interest. Why do we as women trust first,then are shattered when they break that trust? Not just women but people in general need to reserve and protect thier heart until that trust is developed between you and the person of interest.
Men seem to already know this, time we caught on wouldn't you say!!
 randomstoic
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 75
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:16:56 PM
Sorry no insight here. In the past I have had feelings fast and no argument or break-up ever followed. I think these blokes must be saying things.
 fixitfred
Joined: 11/10/2007
Msg: 78
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/8/2008 9:58:51 PM

Men live on the plain of logic, they have learned to surpress thier emotions

That's funny, men are from Mars not Vulcan.
 maples01
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 79
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/8/2008 10:02:31 PM
He obviously didn't have feelings in the beginning, because I could never just write off a relationship and move on as if it never happened.
 SCUDRUNN3R
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 80
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:50:24 AM
women can do this too =P
 BouncyBall
Joined: 3/3/2005
Msg: 81
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:25:09 AM
Personally I disagree, I think it takes a longer time for a man to become emotionally attached (unless he's on the rebound), its all about reliance. Women are on the whole more self reliant than men and are definitely stronger in the long term. As someone who has never been unfaithful but let down in the past, I ask myself (as do many men) the very same question about women?
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 83
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/11/2008 2:44:32 PM
TJand me, everyone should read this post thoroughly....you are right! Get past it quickly so you can find the real true partner. At this point, I don't even care why I was dumped (and I was last Friday) just throw out the cards he/she gave you, toss the photos and start over. Try to forget the name and everything. Of course, this is for the short relationships!
By the way, OP, any reason they give you is going to be a LIE, I hope you know that. People can be mean, but YOU don't have to be......sorry for your pain, but take care of yourself.
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