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 catman40
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 88
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?Page 3 of 34    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)
just a second I have to stop ok . me calm . yeah that will be the day . I fall hard if I like the person . BY date #2 I am already thinking " god it would great to have her by my side " . IF , I am lucky to get date #3 . she is mine . YES Look out . here comes mr. and mrs catman . NO marriage .
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 91
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/21/2008 6:50:00 PM
women do it too; I think it sets them off; of course it just doesn't happen overnight.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 92
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/21/2008 9:45:12 PM

How can a man tell you one day he cares for you or loves you and then the next day you have an argument, break up and they completely lose all feelings they had?
Don't fault them...it's an easy mistake. Both (love/lust) are 4 letter words beginning with "L".
 fixitfred
Joined: 11/10/2007
Msg: 94
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:56:20 PM

Because men have no heart what so ever, They are heartless, The only thing that they think with is their PENIS...
Thinking like this is promoted and encouraged by girls that think they are princesses and like to show skin and caption their pics with lines like "I am so damn cute", "I have been a very bad girl" and "take me now."
 degostyle
Joined: 2/24/2008
Msg: 95
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:42:28 AM
Ok, there are a lot of men out there who will say what a woman wants to hear till they get what they want and then move on. But there are also a lot of men who just arnt use to feeling love or close to that feeling and as much as guys dont want to admit it, many men get scared because of it. BUT, dont just pin this on guys cause women do it too. Its a 2 way street. What about the countless women who date or marry men for their money? So dont make it out to be just the guys. How many times have you heard that a guy married a woman for her money? I know that the number isnt that high. But in any case, there are just too many guys out there that are afraid to admit to their real feelings
 shawnpclayton
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 96
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 6:44:01 AM
For me and my last girlfriend I broke up with her and was over her within a week it was a non painful experence becuse I knew I could do better than here . we were together for 8 months.
 belissima
Joined: 2/18/2006
Msg: 100
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:08:11 AM
Maybe he didn't truly have any feelings in the first place...
And if he doesn't show feelings, do you really want that?

I think most of us needs someone that communicates , even a breakup should
be understood.
 Mainebrighteyes4u
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 101
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:35:51 AM
[Some say that when you receive a man's semen it's energy stays with you for seven years...A hormone is released so that you will bond to him in order to protect the young that may be the result of your union....Some things are programmed into the matrix of our cells no matter how much we wish they weren't.]

I have felt this concept (instinctually) for years. In addition to your point, intercourse is an internal experience (anatomically speaking) for women and outward for men.
I'm not sold on the seven years aspect though.........
 simpleman20188
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 103
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:56:29 AM
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?


Then the irony strikes in a resounding crescendo!


IF THE TRUTH HURTS, I CANT HELP IT THAT I SPEAK THE TRUTH ABOUT MEN, AND I AM SORRY IF SOME OF YOU MEN CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH
 justme1124
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 108
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:21:38 PM
to me your question is too broad and hypothetical to comment on, give us some context,is it a situation you experienced?I mean,would you believe anyone who said they had feelings for you any sooner than 6 months? if you do ,your rushing things,make it a lesson learned.
 Javan2
Joined: 7/9/2005
Msg: 109
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:22:44 PM
That's Funny !!! N.P.T.V. Did a documentary showing that indeed male babies are more sensitive than female babies. The man hasn't lost feelings for you. He feels hurt by you, but he can never say that. Are you kidding me ? He would rather die than to tell you that you hurt him. Men are not allowed to talk that way. So, we quickly learn not to talk that way. We suffer in silence or we act out, sometimes with violence or in other destructive or self-destructive ways. Sometimes we just stuff those feelings down within ourselves.
 friendseeker68
Joined: 5/17/2008
Msg: 110
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:51:30 PM
I would say "BULL" to that, I have never said "I love you " to get into bed with someone, and as far as getting it wrong, and being out of the water, my wife treats me that way, I did everything a Man could do for a Woman, moved far from home, gave up my comfortable life, my house, my well paying job to move here and be with Her and hers, married Her, lost a Baby with Her,,,,, watched helplessly as my/our dreams faded, wondering if she ever truly loved me in the first place? I live with this heartache daily, and wonder if I should keep trying? she has been caught in more than one lie to me, I dont know what to believe anymore, ,,,
 simpleman20188
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 112
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/26/2008 9:17:07 PM
Not picking on you in particular modelcher, you just happen to hit on a couple of prime points.

Men are basically boys in grown up bodies.

As long as there are womenn who believe this and they get other women to believe it the "Broken Hearts" forums will have a thriving business.

I've never been able to figure that one out.

Now that rings true.

Hold your head up and keep remembering what a treasure you are.

When you hold your self out as being more valuable than the one you are seeking then you have already placed them on a lower rung.

I am a Dom, some people here have an idea what that means, I consider my Subbie to be the most important person in the world. Her needs, her protection and her well being are at the top of my list of priorities. I consider her a treasure.

If more people considered their SO a treasure there would be a lot more happy couples about.
 anton222
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 114
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:44:31 AM
why do women continue to spout the sort of crap like in your 1st sentance .
the fact is most women think with their brains . not their hearts . how many super models are in a meaning full relationship with a" dustman" come on please cut some of the crap.
when i was house sitting for a fabously rich guy who was abroad I had cart blanch of his mansion with all the extras and 6 very expensive cars .
in one week i got 63 phone numbers driving his red sport car from stuning women just by asking them to check if my rear indcater light was working . and then saying hey may i take you out for lunch............. how many do you think i would have got if i would have been in my red fiesta????
now i suppose you are going to say not all women are after a rich man that old chestnut

well ok must be thousands of good women who are activly ONLY after a man who lives in a top floor council flat whos only 6 months behind in his rent.
COME ON
 SCUDRUNN3R
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 116
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:08:05 AM
WE DONT!
OW!
I'm the dumper... and I feel CRAP!!!
so no... you're acusations are not legit :)
 bella9
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 117
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/27/2008 12:17:15 PM
i think it was a VERY accurate generalisation.
 sinfull1961
Joined: 8/1/2007
Msg: 120
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:09:18 PM
I was with the ex for 15year,s never one played up on her loved the ground she walked on...It started going down the hill when the sex life started to decay (one,s or twiss a week to lucky to have sex twiss a month). when we split it took three days for her to move in with her new man...well i did go off tryed to kill myself ...hit the piss...and drugs hard...got locked up smashed in doors even got lock up in a syk hospitol...
then one day i just snap back into gear and tuffend up...yes she got half of every thing ...and i found out she had been seeing this man for five years behined my back...so you ask how men can stop having feeling so quickly.....well its go easey for me....i dont make the frist move anymore if a women is fat i tell her to **** off...i have lost intest...since then with was only 18month to two years ago i have started my own business and to me thats all that counts...payed all my fines and repaired every thing i broke.....now im back on track....so here my reply ladies if a man loses feeling so quick it was,nt ment to be.....or if the sex is over in two min,s....maybe you should look a bit harder in the mirra.....i realy don,t like conflick....you now in 15years we had two agument...she won both...i dont give a fu...k any more
 llynass
Joined: 4/20/2008
Msg: 121
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:14:36 PM
To crayonzz. I have read many of your replies on various forums sir and YOU have a serious chip on your shoulder. Get some therapy. Even after my experience i do not hate men and i don't hate my ex.
 redhairedSWF
Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 122
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:34:19 PM
To all and OP, I have read nearly all the posts and think that the general consensus is that the Subject probably should have been phrased, "How can some people stop having feelings so quickly?"

There have been a lot of very good insights posted. One talked about actions being the truth of it, as we want to believe the words especially in the beginning, we women and some men also think too much "does s/he like/love me?" and not of "who is this person really and do I really like/love him/her?" Our focus is not in the right place generally speaking, but that way of thinking colors our interactions, we do not appear confident- which is very unattractive, and appear too needy which is why the opposite sex might bolt when things start getting more serious and people get way too serious way too soon. We women make it too easy for some men who are in the catagory of saying what will get them sex. Sadly if there is no internal conscience, as in sociopaths (one extreme), and others that may be unconscious, lacking self knowledge and insight, most people of both sexes to varying degrees will take and take from us until we say stop, or the other person asserts their needs and it becomes a take and give relationship. Sad but true, it is true of human nature in general. And they may not be in it because they feel the same way we do - yes he (or she) may just be not that into you (as the title of the book says) .

The book "Why Men love ****es" is actually about women not letting themselves be taken advantage of and being a bit smarter in relationships more than actually being ****es. (controversial titles sell more books) A lot of people say they don't want to play games, etc. so they just give everything from the beginning and have set themselves up to be played. It's not about playing games really, it is about thinking more clearly, the balance of head and heart. Accepting a few not so wonderful facts about human nature. To use our heads, and have objectivity we do need to slow down and look at what we are getting into and not think we are going to change this or that about the person but see them the way they really are in life. Dating and beginning a relationship is a very good time to be in therapy by the way, especially if you have patterns in your past that you wish to break. And while I am on this rant, people don't know how to date and build a relationship, but that's another subject.

After 6 months of dating someone we have barely scratched the surface of who they really are. As one poster said "slow down" and delay sex. If they are in it for sex, when it doesn't happen soon they will lose interest and leave, so that is how we can eliminate that element.

Another good insight is who is the one doing the breaking up? They generally have an easier time of it because they have processed their feelings more by the time the breakup happened. I have observed that some people, probably women a bit more, once they commit feel they must have a very good big reason in order to leave a relationship. They often try everything twice before giving up, checking all the boxes on their list of things to try to save a relationship. Yes that is the nature of commitment and it may be a subtle reason not so obvious, like they do not love this person anymore, or who this person has become once they let themselves see more objectively. The fact is either partner can leave because they want to, are not happy and may not even know the reasons why.

The whole going too fast thing also complicates breakups. As I said above we have barely scratched the surface at six months. As we see from some of the posts, people get married, engaged, move in together, mix finances, social lives, children before six months and before they can possibly know this person well enough. One therapist wrote that he believed the couple should wait two years before marrying. I agree. There are also stages that couplehood go through. And a big one usually occurs between 18 and 24 months. The pheromones and hormones that have been fired up during courtship and sex wear off and the masks come off. And yes both sexes experience the brain chemicals of bonding during sex. For men it is the strongest right before orgasm. For women it is after sex and triggered by it. Interesting difference? Sex skews our objectivity, we need both head and heart in making decisions about who we will be with.

For OP and others with similar circumstances, there is no closure so that allows the mind to run amok and over analyze and blame herself, because there was never a breakup talk. It is a torture of its own. And some people can't verbalize it nor have enough insight into themselves to explain it to someone else so even if there is a breakup closure talk it may not make any sense.

BTW I am a therapist and I enjoy reading the posts from time to time. This is the first time I have posted. Yeah its a long one, hope it was worth the read.

Here is an article that you might like to read.... this link will take you to the website thepsycheinpsychology.org then click on "The Tao of Relationships".
 ther_mal
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 124
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:12:04 PM
most men show anger because they feel betrayed when they break up. i just got out of one and i proposed to hear and literally promised i would never leave. her trust in me after 9 months together way to get her sisters one in gov office and other in sale friendswith cops. to do a complete check on me my friends and family. i'll try and give you an explanation. for me i fall for you you get my honest love. from inside that place in my heart i guard very strongly. so when say you leave or i leave, its like men can't deal with lost like that. so we...them..use anger to deal with it . to surpress the emotion . sadness. lost. its easier to deal with a break up. if their a real human being the man feels great lost. i think its more severe and in that hard to comprehend and like what do i do how do i feel how do i go on. there are some who ( players) move from one woman to the next like trophies. once they get you they win ..on to the next conquest.personally i take it hard. been through a few. hard for me to think of her in the arms of another man. eats me up. but i deal with it tuck it away learn from it and get busy living or getbusy dying. i rather live. so i hope this helps.
 Dontmissthismiss
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 126
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:27:14 PM
Aint it the truth! This has happened to me, but I am grateful formy child!
 Dontmissthismiss
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 127
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:31:10 PM
A man like you is not good to find, the **** that hurt them make it impossible to bond with the right one that comes along afterward.
 Chagal116
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 128
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/28/2008 12:33:02 AM
Thank you Psyche Doc,
Especially your point about how people know longer know how to date. I have noticed that people don't take the time to really court,to use an older expression.
I also think that the OP may have reached one of thoes turning points in that relationships where someone made the decision that had to be made . Does this relationship move forward or does it end. Just a thought.
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