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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 207
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?Page 30 of 34    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)

Men don't show hurt because it would also show vunerability, and that is a taboo in the male realm.

I won't show emotion either publicly, especially vulnerablility. That's not a male thing, that's a personality thing.
 venom000
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 208
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 12/18/2008 6:14:29 PM
hey my name is ben and i have had some experience wit relationships..

some guys do show their emotions " I for one do " cos the only way to get to know the real person u have fallen for is to understand their feelings and atleast try to understand. If you are unable to understand their feeling you should still be able to love and be loved for who the person is.. some guys dont show them cos they think it makes them weak and vulnerable.. and some think it gives them bad image showing emotions. and from my experience they lose all feelings cos they choose to to hide from it all.. if all guys knew that if they show their emotions life would be alot easier. and u would really find the one u love. well thats all from me. if anyone disagrees thats their opinion and u are entitled to it. catch ya's
 phishkev
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 211
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/5/2009 12:54:37 PM
How can women? I have thought that I found the ideal match a couple of times here to be left out in the cold-maybe it was too soon, maybe something else, but the pain stays the same and hurt is hurt....so, I keep Ramblin' On!!
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 212
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/5/2009 11:06:18 PM
sounds like you still like men. i dont know ware to start. i think you have to go by a set of rules, basically everyone has to go by that set of rules. the best of us dont know the whole set yet. you have to dig deep, or far, or wide, ask, read. you will have to get painfully honest with yourself. [its called painfull because it hurts more than getting punched in the face], honest is the hardest part. you will want to quite [bad speller] but go on, the rewards are there!! once you accept yourself, it gets more than a little bit easyer. accepting yourself does not mean you approve of all of yourself. if your phsyque isnt kinda right [there are rights and wrongs] much of this wont make any sense, and you will get mad at the writer. no sex before marrage, going on a date is an interviue, you have to get to know each other to a big degree before doing it and or getting married. [you have to accept ALL of thier bad stuff,] again not approve , there is a difference. there is some reason that this exercise is easyer and actually even more fun to do before that intimate step. dont you think?????? i am flatered in advance by all of the readers that will think i came up with this. its a learn as you go thing, and it could still screw up, but whats wrong with trying to improve the odds? did i diggress from the topic.? what triggered this out burst? o yaa, its been 5 years since my only woman of about 35 years said i am outa here! i was devastated for the first 4 years, even though i started prossesing it right away. if you dont process it, it will go into hiding and rear its ugly head at all kinds of wierd times in your life. dont you think?????? denial is where you put it until you have the fortitude to deal with it. and lets rise above the animals. once again sorry for the bad riting!! i am all ready for my second broken heart! maybe i will be numb after that one . not if i process it, right? i wonder how many years that one will take. good luck searching for the truth, whaaa?
 skorost
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 215
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/7/2009 7:10:16 PM
I don't know what ur talking about... it's been 6 months and I still cry out loud several times a week but it has more to do with no longer having my daughter in my life than her mother who canceled the wedding with 3 weeks left and moved out of state the following Friday...

the feelings are there... the question is allowing you continue to feel them too...
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 216
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/8/2009 9:59:16 AM

we men DON'T stop having the feelings quickly, we keep it inside and find other sometimes really bad outlets for our hurt.

This is SOOO true! My ex (who broke up with me) is now doing some really shady things because he's all about not actually giving in to his feelings--he's avoiding them by doing the risky stuff and relishing the risks. He's depressed, too. So now, even though he dumped me, *I* am the one trying to cajole HIM back to "normalcy".
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 218
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/9/2009 10:10:37 AM

Sure, internally we will hurt and be sad, some of the time, but that is only if we really care about the girl.

So you admit indirectly by saying this that you'd go ahead and date women you didn't care about? Why would anyone do this...boredom? Lack of consistent sex? Just curious.
 PallasAthena
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 222
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/13/2009 1:45:54 PM
ugh! I've been wondering the same exact thing. My ex his emotions were so choppy it was hard for me to get with his program. When we broke up he was distraught for like 10 minutes and now he is probably prancing through the fields somewhere while I'm licking my wounds.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 223
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/16/2009 9:11:07 AM
Robn, I know you don't speak for all men. And some of what you say is true. But if so, then those men are idiots.

If we show emotion, we lose, if we don't show emotion, we lose.

Only with other men, NOT with the woman who loves you. The problem is, as I see it, you don't trust the woman enough. You are just not comfortable with showing any emotion (other than anger). Where did this myth come from? I have never in my life thought less of any man for crying, or telling me he's feeling depressed or sad or anything like that. I rather think most women LOVE that men will make themselves vulnerable to them, it's like a secret gift he gives them.

The first mistake that a woman makes when a guy stops making contact with her is to harrass him...


Truth is, he didn't stop having those feelings....he just expressed them in private, was probably alone and feeling horrible with no-one to talk to.

How's about he talk to the woman who's "harrassing" him?

I also don't appreciate that you put all the onus of the relationship on the woman--she should bide her time, she should give him space, she should address his needs and have true unconditional love for him. meanwhile, what do you suppose the MAN should be doing? (Whatever he wants, apparently.) What you fail to acknowledge is that women have their own needs, and one of them is open communication within a committed relationship. If a guy and I don't talk for a month, the relationship is over by about 3 weeks.
 Obeliske
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 225
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/17/2009 10:49:03 AM
I dont know about this man maybe hes emotionally young... or maybe he never cared in the first place i know when i have a breakup its stayed with me for months in one case even years. it feels like all the females ive dated are teh same as this man your talking about regardless im sorry for your loss hun and i hope things start looking up soon
 cfb62
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 227
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/22/2009 5:45:29 AM
I've read more than once that initially when there's a breakup, men will be all "woohoo I'm free" and go out and get crazy, where women will mourn the loss. After a while, men will then start mourning the loss, right at the time when the woman's "getting over it"... that's why, when we as women are feeling better about things... we get that phone call about the guy wanting to try and work things out.
Men and women just have different timing in when we feel the pain.
 previouslyme
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 228
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/6/2009 1:11:06 AM
thymekiller had a line on his response...."That's probably why we just can't understand women. " We don't really want you to understand us... we want you to keep trying to figure us out.....

Some men seem to go from one extreme to the other, baffling..... They can be good at vanishing off the face of the earth too. Hmmm... wonder if he died in an accident or something? Hope not!
 niccijt05
Joined: 1/5/2009
Msg: 230
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/6/2009 2:55:23 AM
Hi

I just want to say Im going thru the same as u, we were a great couple, very well suited, and we lived together, he was younger than me but we acted the same age.
We got on that well we said and did things at the same time, we used to just giggle about it.
He said he loved me and I know deep down he did very much, but one day after an arguement 2 weeks ago, he called when rather drunk and finished with me saying some very hurtful things.
Since then I have seen him and we do get on well still, nothing more, which is a shame as I love him dearly, but he'll send emails saying how much he's missed ahving me around, he would love to see me, and when I asked if we cud work things out in the future, he said ' to be 100% honest im not sure, i wish i had a magic wand to make everything all ok.
Personally I think he had a serious case of reality check and that, yes you do have to do things for yourself when u move out from ur parents.
I Know he still has feelings for me, as he wouldn't say, its killing me and ive cried over you loads, but its so i can put it to bed.
He just can't open up, where Im very open and can ramble on as u can see, and he's even said this, its him that needs to open up.
He expected it to be perfect he said, we all have to work towards this, he couldn't handle my daughter seeing her dad, as he felt he couldn't be the father figure to her that he wanted to be.
But like u said before, how can a man say he loves and obviously show it in everything he does for u, then from one arguement, thats it its over?
I don't believe its true.
Nicci
xx
 czarcasm
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 232
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/14/2009 12:14:56 AM
My last ex either never had feelings for me or stopped immediately -despite her telling me that I "pulled her heart strings". Conversely I had feelings for her and told her as much when we were breaking up, her response: "Oh I'm sorry".It took me a while to get over her and I felt/feel as though she has a heart of stone..

This does'nt mean I should make sweeping generalizations about all women having liquid nitrogen pumping through their veins, that would be detrimental to myself. -(98 more and you'll have a buck)

-Czarcasm (mostly harmless)
 bbobbutler
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 235
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 4/1/2009 6:20:58 PM
THIS IS SO UNTRUE, Men are no diferant then women, I am living proof! after my first divorce in 82 I could not look at another woman for two years. and everytime I seen my x I would beg her to come home and she has told me sence that I was perfect husband however she left me after 5 years of marriage second marrige my wife left me for someone else after 4 years of marriage and I let her come home 5 times before I finely said no more. so how does someone who has everything, does not get abused ,mentaly or any other way no violence just wake up one day and decide that they want out and walk out . I also raised both of my kids. so I believe it is people in general not gender. I do agree that men may not show it and thats why women live longer because men hold it in.
BOB
 previouslyme
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 236
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 4/2/2009 1:14:15 PM
That is what I was thinking. Just depends on what is going on!
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 237
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 4/7/2009 1:14:36 AM
people leaving OK mariages [727] because we can, I guess.
its the we only live once mentality that says we might be missing something.
why do we think we deserve better than we have?
no moral reason to stay.
both sexes do it.
leave little children behind.
dosent make the world a better place.
 country0189
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 238
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 4/7/2009 2:55:13 AM
Well to be honest I think everyone is kind of right. No one is the same some just follow others actions. Its really not that easy for guys we do tell our friends and family, but the thing is when some guys are hurt since we cant when an argument we go to a last resort get you where it hurts and everyone knows that ignoring a woman bothers her the most. But back to the subject, we dont stop so fast. I fell in love the a girl during some bad times unfortunetly she couldnt handle thing and we agree to break up. Its been five years since then and we are great friends, but honestly everytime I look at her I wanna cry for screwing up.
 atxman1
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 239
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 4/25/2009 9:47:53 AM
Have news for you... it cuts both ways. Women can turn off and be as cold as ice in milliseconds. Men do feel the same pain, we just can't be seen as weak. So, instead of acting like a woman, men get angry and vindictive when badly hurt. Shortly after, are not happy about the behavour, but by then whats done is done.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 240
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 4/28/2009 4:12:15 PM
we are all humans and in that regard women are as complex and can be as problematic, if not more so, then men.
==========
You were doing so well until you added that little stick into the sides of all women (emphasis mine).

I am overwhlemed by the selfish worldviews today.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 241
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2009 10:53:58 PM
I seriously wish I could stop having feelings quickly. I have not fallen in love with very many women in my lifetime, but I still remember every one I have, and they will always have a very special place in my heart.
 marisia
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 258
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How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 6/2/2009 11:52:26 AM
There are definately some men who are like this., probably ladies too. As hard as it is to understand, that is just the situation and we are better just letting them go.
 f6man
Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 261
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 6/11/2009 2:32:19 PM
I feel that is untrue. It was totally oposit with my last wife. She fell out of love with me so fast and she was the one that cheated on me and broke the marage up. It has been 2 years now since she did that and one year since divorce. I still have string feelings for her but she lost all she had for me. And I cant figure out why. You all would not beleive what I had done for her to have this happen to me. So I guess it works both ways...
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 263
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/14/2009 10:47:50 AM

I can tell you that men hide their true feelings because they are percieved as less of a man when they show emotions. I know women who are always telling their men to show how they feel, but the thing is as soon as a man does this the woman will begin to lose respect for him and percieve him as weak, unmannly

Men say this a lot. I have never seen it in action--have you really EXPERIENCED this, or do you just go with the common thought about it?

One of the sweetest things in the world to see is a man with his new baby. If that's not emotinoal, what is? There is not a woman uot there who would think a man who loves his kid that much is "less manly". I'm sorry, it just doesn't happen.

Stop buying into what OTHER men tell you, and instead just feel what you need to feel.
 Dr Fakullo B.
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 266
How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/15/2009 11:55:31 AM
"woman tend to show wat their really feeling, thats wat makes it hard for guys to understand them"

I think this is profoundly true. Women talk and communicate their emotions more than the reason for those emotions. They may even demand immediate indemnification for their losses, but they say what their loss is in emotional terms, and they say the terms of the reparations in emotional terms.

Let me explain.

A man forgets his wife's birthday. She slams him for leaving the toilet seat up, for opening the window, for not opening the window, for turning the TV on as soon as he gets home, for asking her how day's been.

If from these clues the man does not understand the issue (that he forgot her birthday) then she goes into explaining what she needs to get to be appeased: He must stop running after his secretary, or after his boss, he must not tip the waitress so much, he must not give away his boredom with the marriage so easily by talking to his orthodontist in such a friendly manner.

Simple, and I can see why male humans have a hard time understanding the female earthlings.

The one previous poster is a genius, despite his lack of language skills.

Thanks, one more thing to report to my fellow Zorkians.
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