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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?      Home login  
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 rivereye
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 51
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?Page 3 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
Amyjones,
With due respect, I beg to differ. IMO you should be ready to take responsibility for yourself, and acknowledging fault and apologizing when needed is important.
 someonesx
Joined: 9/25/2007
Msg: 52
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:39:19 AM
cdeacon ^^^^^ wow a man who gets that it's only a number

Mary Kay Ash who was an incredible business woman, mentor and certainly a person known for her style of treating people very well felt this way about age:


She is very secretive about her age. She says that "a woman who will tell her age will tell anything".


Now of course Mary Kay didn't have to fill out an application form to be on POF... just wondering what age she would have put though

I did an experiment once with this site when we could change our ages....changed my age to 36 for a week cause at the time I was 46 ...all of sudden men who hadn't written to me, even though they viewed my profile when my "honest" age was showing at that time with the same pictures/profile all of sudden wrote to me -hey you're sexy, blah, blah, blah, yada, yada..

Yikes all of sudden I'm sexy because you think I'm 36 when you didn't think I was worth contacting because I was 46??? Nothing in myprofile had changed except the NUMBER in the age box! For the record, my age is correct

edit:VVVVV yep, men do lie about age as much or more than women do...I met one once told me he was 50ish...he was 63!!! Met another, said he was 46, he was 56 and both gave the same reason....I've seen many profiles on here where men state...I lied about my age but I can't change it now
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 53
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:42:08 AM
Men ARE allowed to lie about their age (and boy do they lie)! Men are human too!


Some men post the wrong age on their profile. Because if he doesn't that man may never come up in any womans search...hey young nublie women (for the most part) do not want men over fifty.
Some men lie about their age by decades. So not right!
 PurpleCrayon~
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 54
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:46:29 AM
IF the OP is uncomfortable due to the age difference of her being older than him and the OP can honestly tell himself he would not be uncomfortable if he was 8 years older than her, then, yes... that is shallow. But, if the OP is of the mindset that it would be 'uncomfortable' in both situations... then, he is not shallow ... rather... he is consistent and unbiased in his views. ONLY he knows which is the case.

As for the actual lie re' the age. I would definitely have a problem with that. It's a lie. Period. Doesn't give someone the right to lie simply because they might look younger.

Granted, I agree with the Poster who stated the OP looks older, in his photos, than his stated age. But, if he stated his real age and she did not... it still would bother me if I was in position. ... that my love interest had lied.

Do I believe she should be forgiven for the lie? ONLY the OP can decide that. I would give some thought that she told him before the actual marriage took place. Still, a lie is a lie is a lie. If the OP does decide to stay with her, I would stay engaged long enough to have as good as possible indication that there aren't more 'lies' still out there.

An example: You know those signs in Gas Stations, etc. that go on the premise of 'If you don't look 30 years old, be prepared to show ID to buy Cigs or Alcohol'. I get IDed.. right up to the present time - year 2008. BUT... I refuse to put less than my actual age on a dating site.

I know how much I hate it when I meet a dude out and he confesses he is older than what he put on his profile and his photos are a bit outdated. Geez!

Just tell the truth folks. It really does feel good!
 peregrinate
Joined: 4/30/2008
Msg: 55
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:00:21 PM
This thread confirms my suspicion that there are many women on POF lying about their age. And it also confirms several other suspicions I have had about other types of dishonesty regarding the same issue: posting old pictures, deceptively thin pictures, etc. Some may find these things little white lies -- personally, I would be completely offended if someone lied to me about anything about themselves -- especially after knowing them 6 months. If they came clean after a few dates, I would still never see them again, but at least I wouldn't be emotionally invested.

Maybe guys do this sort of thing, too. I don't surf their profiles or date them to find out. I am certainly willing to believe the women who say there is the same kind of thing going on with men, and I think it's equally deplorable. It's funny -- lifestyle choices, kinks, their morality, religion, what kind of mate they want, what they want in life...I say live and let live. But FFS, be honest!

I mean, I could easily advertise myself as ten years younger -- a close shave, some nice clothes, a good pic -- and it would certainly draw younger women to my profile, which would be well and good. But that's not me. And I have a feeling if a young woman posted something here about being deceived by some guy here about his age, height, whatever, many of you women would be on it like flies on manure. Like other posters, I do see that double standard here.
 NCRosebud
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 56
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:04:35 PM
I feel that honesty is one of the main cornerstones of a good relationship and agree with those that feel if she'll lie about this...what else is she comfortable lying about?

In another thread talking about lying about age, it was mentioned that some men and women lie about their age to attract a wider group of people. If that is why the person lied, once an interest is expressed I would think honesty would be forthcoming with an explanation as to why the age was understated.

OP, you don't say how long you dated before proposing, but you DO mention that she told you about the lie after "six months of engagement"...which I assume means even more time was spent with this woman in the "courting" phase. I would be very wary of someone that would be in a relationship that long and not share the truth. In fact, I would think it should be mentioned by the first or second date at the latest.

How sad that she has placed you in this predicament.

Good luck,
Rose Mary
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 57
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:07:53 PM
Weird...I remember a thread where the guy lied about his age by three years.
The majority of the folk were "LYING IS LYING" plain and simple. If he lies about his age there's no telling what else he's lying about. RUN...RUN FAST............You can't trust him anymore. Once a liar always a liar.


Interesting how different the answers are on this thread.
 yngwierocks
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 58
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:17:26 PM
Mendacity is unacceptable if you want to be married to this person. Granted, people lie. But to a potential spouse? What happens when you are married to this person, suddenly they will start telling the truth? You have every right to marry or not marry for your own reasons - because you decide who to marry when it is you getting married. I'm not suggesting dumping this person right away and I'm not saying go ahead and marry her - but is it an issue or flag? Saying that it's an issue or flag is a drastic understatement.
 CentralValgal
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 59
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:26:55 PM
I think you may soften when you are over 50 and people discriminate against you because of age. You will find you may be forced to lie too. I have seen it and know how that hurts. I do think she should have told him sooner. But that was her choice. And shc can certainly work to regain that level of trust. Full disclosure is now necessary. Some men would have said, it does not matter, I love you. I DON'T THINK THAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS SITUATION. So its best to clear the air for both of them.

People lie all the time about cats. They don't want their friends offended. So your cat is very important to you and he knew that.
But if he is a sociopath, he won't change. You have to move on and the "cat" was just the beginning. It COULD have been the only thing though. So move on and don't blame men.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 60
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:42:30 PM
TigerWoods..

First of all, I did not.."rage" I was never using Upper Case text so your assumption is false!!
As for my opening line and the { ' } mark I used in leu of "uckin" (which isnt allowed anyway) or your prefered "F#^@ " That has absoulutly nothing to do with the subject of the post.
There has to be a special forum set up for "typo" and "Grammar" police somewhere in cyberland!!

Now , as for the second thing you quoted about my post...I believe I ended that statement with a question mark!
meaning.....I was asking the question "if he was going to let it all go"...(You should know this with all your punctuation wisdom)

I asked that question because O.P. stated in his original post that he is "uncomfortable" marrying this woman because of the issue he had with her true age!!

You also said..

They way you're going on you make it sound like he kicked the woman out the door and bolted it behind her...
(you forgot a comma in there)

what do they say about people assume again?....hmmm.......Oh yeah! I remember now!
 peregrinate
Joined: 4/30/2008
Msg: 61
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:42:42 PM
"The age prejudice thing by men is illogical and asinine."

The age prejudice by MEN? Half of the profile views I get are from women older than I am. And now I am starting to think the other half are lying about their age.

This leads me to believe that EVERYONE is interested in someone younger.

I don't think guys discriminate against age so much as women who LOOK old. And this is not discrimination in the sense of racial, gender, and other forms of bias. This is discrimination in the sense of being "discriminating".

No one is ENTITLED to a mate of a certain age or with any other qualities. It's not a lottery. There are no Equal Dating Opportunity laws. You just do the best with what you have to offer.
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 62
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:48:32 PM
Wow mary.
What a great attitude you have there.
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 63
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:52:05 PM
I'm old enough to remember my parents talking..... about how a man never asked a woman her age! It was horribly impolite. EVEN while courting. giggle

I get a laugh out of the various posters telling OP to ask her "why" she lied about her age.
Geesh, as if it isn't clear... she lied because she is 'getting old' and doesn't feel good about it.. especially while trying to find dates. Period. What's to figure out about that?
It's a shame she felt she had to do that, being honest is always the best policy.

Thing is... in my opinion... it would have been better if she just didn't tell her age.
But she made up an age quite a bit younger than her actual age and stuck by it through all the getting-to-know-each-other period.
No good.

Geesh, how did she explain the time period in history that she graduated High School, for example.
Or how long she held jobs, or length of past marriage, or ages of kids... that type of stuff.
"Back in the 60's I was doing such and such"... just various and normal facts that come up in conversations. Didn't you wonder?
Or did she just throw in other lies to cover herself?

Or is it you just don't really know her well?

I think if I was getting to know a man 8 years older than me, (and thinking he was from the same birth year as me), eventually some of the things he said would make me wonder how he was doing *whatever* back when I was only in 9th grade. Stuff like that.

My thought is GET TO KNOW HER BETTER.
 Just_Jay79
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 64
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:57:50 PM
Ha-ha well played Rain, well played... A comma would have indeed helped that sentence, though its absence doesn't cause a grammar check flag in Microsoft Word... Hoisted by my own petard!

Seriously though, the focus of that quote was your decision to tell the OP to do something rather "obscene" just because you did not care for his question, which I find somewhat immature given that you could simply choose to read another thread if it bothered you THAT much...

Like other posters have mentioned in this thread, for such a simple and politely worded original post, it is surprising how bilious the flack this man has received has been. A lot of female posters have simply ASSUMED that he'd be fine if the situation was the opposite and she had lied about being 8 years younger rather than older... Funny though that he's made no statement to that effect, these people are simply ASSUMING that he's this stereotypical male pig that's just looking to chuck his "old lady" for the infamous younger, Bigger Better Deal (BBD)...

Now what was that expression about assuming again...?

At any rate, you're entitled to your opinion, and I mine, so I'll just agree to disagree and say good luck to the OP and to all, it looks like we each have our own peculiar crosses to bear...
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 65
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:00:02 PM
Mary, I think it is different if you know up front, then you can chose if you want to proceed with a relationship or not...

but this man claims to have fallen in love with this woman.....enough so to want to marry her.. ( thats a huge deal) It means he has accepted her for her!!The way she looks, her way of life, all her faults, sickness, health, richer, poorer, the whole nine yards!

The time it takes to get to this level with a person, the sharing, the commitment, then he claims to be" uncomfortable" with the situation, because he finds out she is 8 years older then him?

"True age is defined by ones attitude and demeanor, not by the amount of years one has lived".

You dont fall in love with how long someone has been living.




Seriously though, the focus of that quote was your decision to tell the OP to do something rather "obscene" just because you did not care for his question, which I find somewhat immature given that you could simply choose to read another thread if it bothered you THAT much...



now I have read all my posts again from this thread..and I would like to know where I told the O.P. to do something "obscene"
I had no problem with O.P's question, I was asking him why would he choose to throw LOVE away because of a number.

There is another quote I kind of remember about going to battle unarmed....TigerWoods..would you like me to look it up for you?

One other thing.................Dave, if you have found a woman... fallin in love with her, proposed marriage to her, and she has accepted...Why are you still on a dating site, looking for a woman for a "long term" relationship?????
 peregrinate
Joined: 4/30/2008
Msg: 66
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:08:40 PM
Mary, Mary: Stay out of my inbox. If you want to discuss the issue, keep it in the forum.
 CentralValgal
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 67
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:09:05 PM
Never is? One lie and he is a dead man or women? Its going to be lonely out there. You must have been hurt really bad. It left you with no compassion. You are too young to feel that way. And if a man does love you, you are going to be brutal to him. He won't be able to make a mistake. And we all make mistakes.
 Just_Jay79
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 68
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:28:04 PM
Sorry Rain,

I'm getting Alzheimer's in my deranged later twenties...

What I meant to say was that you told him he's a fu*king idiot....
For some odd reason in my distorted and erroneous memory I thought you typed, "go f^%k yourself"...

I wholeheartedly apologize for the misquote, but either statement is kind of rude to post right off the bat especially if the person hasn't retaliated against you... Or maybe I'm just a prude...

I mean, look at the two of us: playfully bantering on a lazy Tuesday afternoon... But thus far neither of us has resorted to name-calling, so why did you lower yourself to do so to the OP? You're usually a far classier poster than that on these forums, so I'm surprised you've taken the step down temporarily...
 PurpleCrayon~
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 69
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:30:59 PM
Like the handle 'Lois Lane'... I use it on a Commodities trading forum. Ace reporter... girlfriend of Superman. What a life! I used the name 'Gossip Girl' here for a bit...but, really got tired of the negative emails I received. So, now am back to my Original choice.. 'Jedi Girl'. Twas me first preference anyway. I swoon over Jedi Knights.

Dang, hit the 'Post' icon before I finished my thought process.

I really don't get it... I don't. Why are some women saying it's AOK to lie about age. What are some men and women... saying 'Age is just a number'. True, it's a number...but, let the shallow ones, who refuse to contact someone due to age, continue on their chosen path. Chances are they will still be on sites in their 70s and 80s looking for the elusive 'younger' ...but, that's their choice.

I don't appreciate being lied to...even about 'just a number'... and I try to treat others like I want to be treated. It's simple as that.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 70
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:36:01 PM
Tiger Woods...

Stop sucking up!!..You know I will forgive you when this post is all boring and old!!

I say what I feel in these threads...because I am a 41 and three quarters YEAR OLD WOMAN..and because I can!!
Plus I make sure I can back up anything I say or believe in!! (most of the time)

Although Name calling really isnt the right thing to do!!

Damn it TigerWoods!!...Now you have got me feeling slightly warm and fuzzy and my defenses are down!!
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 71
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:38:11 PM
From the Oposter:
am I shallow for saying that I am uncomfortable with marrying a woman that much older than me?
Yes.. you fell in love and want to marry the woman.. not the age you now find out she really is... The age does not change who you fell in love with.. or [I think] it shouldn't anyway.

What about the lying part, does anybody feel this should be an issue or flag?? interested in comments.

Everyone says they'd do "this" or they'd do "that" but, nobody really knows what they'd do until after it actually happens to them (no matter what the scenerio is). Even when it does happen to them.. they're torn at what to do ... the countless threads in these forums asking for strangers advice seems to prove that assumption. Bottom line is: Only YOU can decide if it is a deal breaker for you or not OP.
 Just_Jay79
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 72
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:43:00 PM

Damn it TigerWoods!!...Now you have got me feeling slightly warm and fuzzy and my defenses are down!!

Excellent then all is going according to plan: first the sweet talk, then the peace offering, then the romantic getaway for two in the Caribbean...

Hey, I just dated a 38 year old woman back in January because she looked damn fine for her age... If you're not careful you just might be next!

On -Topic: We can never know how we'll react in this situation, but given that the OP asked for advice and didn't stipulate that we had to actually LIVE the same situation before responding, I think what each poster has contributed is valid (even when it turned out a little rude... ). Deception is bad, some say "hate the sin, not the sinner", others like myself are apt to be more suspicious thereafter... To each their own.
 tender_tootsie_pop
Joined: 4/7/2008
Msg: 73
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:45:37 PM
Supposing she has been upfront and totally honest about everything else she has told you, I would look the other way. She is from a diff generation, where women are encouraged to be a bit decietful about thier age. I am not supporting the lie, just saying, she was raised in a diff world than ladies my age.

If her true age is really a turn off however, then you know what you have to do.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 74
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:49:24 PM
Holy Christmas Batman!!!!!!!

I can't believe how polarized and negative a post like this can get...

Men and women are castigating either the OP, or his 53+8 yr old GF? Fiance', what is it with all the anger???

Sheesh, He who is sin free and perfect start casting the first stone...The rest chill out, it isn't anyone elses life, except the OP's and he will be the one that decides right or wrong ultimately...

Everyone comes in with their own personal baggage to these threads... I see someone that thinks most women lie now, because of this thread... OHHHH FOR PETE SAKE

Maybe her actions were less than stellar, or maybe she didn't realize that it would get that far, and then found herself where she didn't know how to get out... HECK MAYBE she is a world class liar, and the only time she isn't lying is when her mouth ISN'T moving...

What ever the case, my questions is why does it have to be something that gets so intense as it to no longer be a discussion, but rather who can out rant the other opposing opinion...

If people would get this uptight and expend this much energy and anx about the gas prices, and demand a change on that front, maybe we would actually get something accomplished worth while...
 rjb888
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 75
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:56:59 PM
Yep your right "ALL lies are deliberate and self serving." Just like the lies we tell ourselves, "I'll eat this ice cream cone and work out an extra hour tomorrow" and we don't. Some lies are worse than others. But some people need to get a grip.

I have read most of the posts and I have to say to the "high and mighty' moral crusaders get the F OFF your soap boxes. If you want to hold yourself to unGODly high standards go right a head, your a better person than me. EVERYONE lies, anyone that says they don't is a flat out LIER!!! While I don't think it's right to lie it freakin happens. The lying trait is in our human DNA, 18 month babies lie they don't have a clue of what lying is.

And yes before you go off with more of your moral outrage I know adults should know better. But guess what we're human. For all any of us know this is the only lie she told him, or she could really be a MAN!

Everyone has their right to decide for themselves what to tolerate. But shoving your morality down someone else throat is going just a bit to far.

Alot of glass houses are shattered with this thread.
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