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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Carrie Bradshaw™
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 76
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?Page 4 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
The woman lied about her age. Yes, it is a small lie but she lied. If she would lie about her age what else is she going to lie about? A relationship built on deceit is not going to last.

I might joke around with my friends on my birthday that I am turning 19 again. But when men ask me my age, I tell them. I would like to be 19 again but the fact is I am almost 30 so that is the age I give them. Why lie and take off a few years?

If she were honest then the OP would have had a chance in the beginning to decide if he wanted to date an older woman or not.

I would think it would be more about her lie and not about her age.

~Carrie
 Hearttune
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 77
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 2:24:18 PM
Do politicians count in this?
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 78
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 2:50:03 PM
Yes, age is only a number but lying so easily is a problem forever.
 someonesx
Joined: 9/25/2007
Msg: 79
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:23:21 PM
^^^^^
Experiments show that men don't have a clue how old women are judging by their looks....so if they are crossing off a specific age group, it has only to do with their inability to accept dating the AGE, not the LOOKS.


A new study shows that the fruity aroma from grapefruit may be able to shave years off a woman's appearance.http://www.webmd.com/content/Article/106/108196.htm

hmm maybe the OP's gal wore this and that was part of the reason he never guessed her real age...
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 80
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:26:21 PM
But if you tell them upfront that you lie about your age. You are telling the truth.
I know with me it all started in my early thirties when my daughter "thought" I was the same age as my much younger neighbor. Worked for me! So I ran with it!
In real life if they don't ask... I don't tell..hey works for the military
But every man I have dated has known my correct age... before we became engaged that is.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 81
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:29:36 PM
Would this be maybe similar to the smoking detail on your profile? Occasionally means that you are a smoker but in your mind, you do not smoke that much.....do I have that right?

Hmmmmm.....thinking........Maybe a person does not feel their age, or look and act it, so should they put occasionally? Would it mean that some times they feel 45, and some times they feel 35 but do not feel 47 that much......

Your smoking occasionally is as much a lie as someone that states 40 when 45, or 49 when 51. Both a deception for personal reasons, and the one part that I can not understand, is that when you light up, there is no doubt that you are smoking, how it looks, smells and treats your body, but you can have another with you that might be 45 according to their birth certificate, but looks younger than your age and what is on your birth certificate, and no one knows the age at all, unless told.

"Baby.....that dress makes you look fat", is far from saying, "Baby.......that other dress makes you look even better then you are already"!!!! Both, may be lies, but I bet one is accepted over the other for many reasons.

Let the one who has never lied, cast that first stone in this direction, and be very careful when you do, because you just might hit my "old" ass before I can move out of the way...........

Looking......still looking.......no stones......wonders why?

Just my opinion........
 debaura
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 82
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:41:36 PM
i dont think its such a big deal ... ill give you an example when i met my ex i was 25 but because he looked so young i said i was 24 he also thought i looked young so he said he was 21 but he was really 23 i felt a bit bad, he also felt bad so one drunk night he said look ive got something to tell you ..... and i thought he was going to tell me hes met someone else or something massively heartbreaking and when he said he wasnt really 21 i laughed and said no im not 24 either and we both cracked up laughing ........ it was just alittle white lie to me thats all we stayed together for 10 years and hes the most honest person ive ever met ....... people are insecure some people lie about their age but that doesnt make them a bad person
 galonthemt
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 83
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:47:55 PM
Oh great.........now I have to wear essence of grapefruit.........like I'm not fruity enough..
 peregrinate
Joined: 4/30/2008
Msg: 84
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:49:28 PM
Old Lady: I've been told I have the body of a 20 year old.

Old Man: Well, give it back! You're wrinkling it!
 rjb888
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 85
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:56:00 PM
Lois,
As I said in my post adults should know better than a baby I made it clear without having to write a book about it. My point is lying is human, right or wrong, it is. Try as many of us do never to lie it happens to the best of us. And people who say they don't lie are LIERS!

Would I allow what the OP is questioning, age....I really don't know . I'd also like to think I wouldn't ever lie about an issue like that, or any issue for that matter. Try as hard as I can to be perfect...I'm only human. I can tell you from my own personal experience I did meet someone that told me a huge lie about his past (a criminal past) 7 months AFTER we became involved. I tried to get past it because he claimed it happened MANY MANY years ago, but other "things" just seemed out of place. Then those things started to fall into place...a bad place. I was outta there. And this was a man I developed very strong feelings for. Wasn't easy for me to be honest. But it's not up to me to beat up someone with my moral judgements.

With the career you choose to work, I commend you for staying true to yourself.
 TheReason_
Joined: 9/19/2007
Msg: 86
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:01:18 PM
Men die before women, so maybe in the end, the timing will all work out.




 Challenge
Joined: 6/3/2006
Msg: 87
She lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:02:57 PM
The fact that she lied about her age is morally repugnant to me. The essence of any solid relationship is based on integrity and trust...

Without that foundation, it is simply a matter of time until the next betrayal is exposed...

When I review a profile, I trust that the age depicted is just that....accurate and truthful...

I have on occasion found that in the narrative a different age appears with the claim of " it was lowered to be in a certain search category" or " the system wouldn't let me change it". They are both fallacious arguments......just be honest about your age...it is what it is......if the system won't allow the change, then create a new profile and retain your integrity.

I personally will not engage in a dialogue with a liar........

OP......my condolences ..........I can only imagine the next big lie that is out there waiting for you.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 88
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:35:50 PM

I met someone, fell in love, and proposed marriage to her. She accepted, and then after six months of engagement tells me she is actually 8yrs older than me. I am 53 she is now 61(she had told me she was 53).

We had talked about all kinds of goals, expectations, work life and she never saw fit to tell me..... Now I have an issue or issues...

am I shallow for saying that I am uncomfortable with marrying a woman that much older than me?

What about the lying part, does anybody feel this should be an issue or flag?? interested in comments

Good grief...you might not be able to have as many children as you wanted to, what with her being 8 yrs older!

The only comment I'm going to make is to suggest that you search YOUR OWN HEART and make up YOUR OWN MIND.
Sounds like you love the lady. At this stage of the game, while I do not CONDONE lying about ones age, what is the big whoop? But if you can no longer see the woman you love, only a big number "61" when you look at her, then by all means end the relationship. While I would be the last person to advocate "settling" , "accepting less",or "lowering your standards" I'd like to remind you that at age 53 it isn't like you have unlimited time to find another love.
And maybe she WANTED to find younger men to counter the stats that indicate, were she to marry a man her own age or older, she's all but GUARANTEED to wind up a widow.
You need to make up your own mind about this...
Cindy O
 curveyone
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 89
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:51:57 PM
EVERYBODY lies about something, trust me. not saying it's right but that's just the way it is, human nature. i do lie about my age too but i usually admit it if i see the relationship is getting serious. sometimes if it's only 1 or 2 dates, why confess? but in your situation, i would definitely ask her why she didn't tell you about the lie earlier?
 dbndon
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 90
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She lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:55:35 PM
.

Some say that “age is just a number,” but they are usually the very young or the very old -- or someone older looking for younger. I’m so old that when someone asks me my age I actually have to think about it so I can answer correctly. . . .

Actually, I would have changed my age to 75 (again), if I could. I did that once, a year or so ago, and received a lot of interesting mail.

Nowadays, the only reason I may glance at someone’s age is to insure they are not too young for me. Many of the gals around here shave a few years off of their age, which makes them too young for me. But, that’s the way it goes. A guy’s got to have a starting point, eh?

Anyway guys, when the topic is age or weight, you should realize that there sometimes may be a little dissembling involved. That’s been going on for as long as I can remember.

.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 91
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She lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:23:23 PM
In my opinion, the fact she lied to you about her age it's making me wonder just what else she lied about.

Did she not think you would ever find out? I think that you should be able to trust in someone to tell you the truth about anything. I never did understand why people lie about their age. Your age is what it _is_ and that can never be changed. Unless of course you purchase illegal documentation to the contrary.

How did she hold up the charade? I mean considering what couples converse about. Like their graduation(s), how old you were in a certain decade, if she was married and when, things like that, just normal life experience conversation. She must have had to have lied to you about things she did and when.......

I went out with a man once, I found that he'd lied five years about his age. I never gave him another word period. He lied, he didn't have to. But, it's ultimately up to you how you feel.
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 92
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:25:07 PM
Like alot of people have said you have to go with your heart or gut feeling. But for me i would wounder what else she lied about or what else she will lie about so if some lady lied to me i would proably break it off. If thier is any dougth at all dont get married as it will just fester and get ugly. I look at it like this i am 60 and i wont get involded with any one older than I , i nursed my wife thur a teramal illness the last 2 years of her life and thier is a better chance of some one older being that way in a short time andI would rather not go thur it again but if i married and they did get that way i would stick by them.
 4dutyandhumanity
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 93
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:19:18 PM
My belief is that scrupulous honesty in one's profile is the way to go - accurate as to marital status, age, and photo less than 12 months old. I don't even bother looking at body style descriptions - average is a relative term, and to put it mildly, most people are rather generous with their self assessments.

My preference is for accurate age reporting, but I went through a stretch where three of four women I met had shaved a few years off. The explanation was always the same - they did it so they wouldn't get filtered out. So, I figured I'd just go with what I saw in front of me, and not obsess about the number.

However - the women I met were typically trimming about three years. Eight years is a bit of a stretch. And, crucially, they told me what they'd done right away. I can't blame OP for being concerned.

53 seems a bit young to be rushing into marriage anyway.

As to the 'it's only right I lie about my age - I look so much younger, it's only right.' Fatheads - 50 year old bodies, 17 year old attitudes. Blecchhh.

And the 'everyone lies' theme: does everyone pass bad checks too? Is it ok to say you're single when you're not? Lies can be justified when sparing someone's feelings (like your friends do when they tell you you look younger than your age), or when answering a question that is none of the questioner's business. Making a material misstatement of fact when trying to establish a trust based relationship with someone is just not ok.
 looking4u2345
Joined: 4/27/2008
Msg: 94
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:27:40 PM
You were decieved. I do not blame you. However, love is not easy to find. If you really love her, you should try to forgive her. It might or might not be the only time she lies to you, who is to say. But, yeah...that's a tough one. I would not be too happy about being with a liar. It kind of makes you lose respect for them.
 galonthemt
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 95
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:27:52 PM

53 seems a bit young to be rushing into marriage anyway.


\I bet this is the first time the OP's been told that~~~~~~~~~~~
 rowdysheis
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 96
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:39:31 PM

For you to believe I will be lonely because I have a value system I believe in and expect shows YOU don't value yourself enough. You don't value yourself enough if you expect and accept to be lied to.

I will never be lonely because I choose to love myself first and others can see that. And don't make assumptions about my level of compassion. You have got a lot of nerve! I stated in an earlier post, that I tried to forgive him for his lie but because he did that every time I played stepmother to his daughter, I was reminded about how he decieved me.

So where the fvck is YOUR got-damned compassion! It's OK for them to lie to people, what happens to the people they lie to? Fvck them, eh? No doubt you've told a whopper in your day to someone you so-called love. *SMH*

Furthermore, I don't know what type of mistakes you are talking about. Yes, people make mistakes. However, lies are not mistakes. You don't trip, fall and mistakenly lie to your SO. That is deliberate. All lies are deliberate and are self-serving.


Lois, your hostility and rage is palatable. Calm down!

You were told a terrible lie by someone you cared about. I certainly don't condone lying, but if there was a lying scale, a man or woman lying about being 53, instead of their actual age of 61, would be considered mild, compared to either a man or woman lying about having a child. These two situations are nowhere near the same in severity, IMO.

The OP fell in love with this woman. HE needs to take time to determine is the relationship has be insurmountably damaged by this lie. It is not for us to say. What you feel is beyond forgiveness may seem fairly insignificant to someone else. It appears from his postings that he is more concerned with the age difference than he is about her having told him any other lies. Either way, very few situations in life are so cut and dried. You must weigh the pros and cons and decide what is the best course of action for yourself. Let us all just wish him the clarity needed to see what is best for the two of them.
 dave4754
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 97
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:15:24 PM
thank you ncrosebud and yes it is sad, at this point i am still wrestling with all the things said on here. I am however, tending to beleive that if she lied about this for so long....... perhaps there is more she lied about. The age diff is not that bad. I really appreciate the discussion this has had and all the opinion I have read every one and thank you all.
 dave4754
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 98
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:29:58 PM
You are right breath I did have some inkling that she looked older at times, but she does a wonderful job of keeping herself and she has a young mind. I should have had the radar on....and let it go cause of that great smile and gorgeous green eyes. Worse things can happen we have had a wonderful time... I feel sad.... very sad at this course of events. We had so many similiar things and may still but the feeling of being duped crops up each time I look at her and wonder if I will be duped again.!!!
 OneBeachlvr
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 99
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 6:57:13 AM
I disagree that this is a sign that she lied about anything else. I think lying about age is the one thing women should be excused for simply because men are SO ridiculous when it comes to age. My age is honest, but I have to say that I've been tempted to lie about it. Men who show me clear and undeniable interest in public wouldn't give me a second look on here because they rule out on age alone. This woman was attractive to you, interesting, and obviously you were in love with her enough to ask her to marry you! NOTHING THAT MATTERS has changed! Would you even be having this concern if you found out she was actually 8 years YOUNGER than you thought? No, I don't think so. It's your hangup, and a hangup most men have, which causes women to have to lie. This is a completely excusable lie and done of necessity because of men's ridiculous notion that they should be older, sometimes much older, when that actually has very little to do with compatibility. You found a compatible mate who you love and to whom you were obviously attracted. Get over yourself, apologize to her for even thinking this was an issue and if she'll still have you, marry her.

As far as men, I believe women have a ridiculous notion that the men should "provide" for them so lying about income is the one man's lie that I would blow off as excusable since it is the most ridiculous "thing that really doesn't matter" that women judge men on.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 100
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:54:33 AM
I understand what you are saying "OneBeachLvr", but do not quite agree with your premise.

Men can be overly youthful when it comes to wanting another, but that is more the physical side than it is the date on their birth certificate. It just happens that most that look the best will also be the youngest, and that seems to be natures way of handling life.

A wrinkle on a man can be looked upon as distinguished, but one on a woman, makes her "older". Some gray on a man at the temples gives men a mature but sexy look, yet a woman with gray will be deemed to old to have around. All of this is more physical then age related, and that is when the trouble starts.

Many many women can cut years off of their looks by using make up, facials, and other techniques to maintain that youthful look, while most men are lucky to change their tie, or get a hair cut......

I believe that most want to make themselves as available and attractive as they can for the greatest amount of those around them, and if they can do that, the one thing that will "rain on their parade" will be stating an age that is many years different from their looks, so some will not tell, or fudge their real age.

Women have done this for ever, and it is not considered a lie but an insult if another even asks their age, yet we put it right up front for all to see on POF, no matter how good or youthful that person may look.

Men do it now as well, almost as much as women, because the equality of dating and the sexes has emerged with sites like this one and the internet. Both sexes are doing searches by numbers and not by looks or ability, and that has expanded the fudging of age in order to not be overlooked, because you might have 45 on your profile, but look 38, and 80% search by those 40 and under.

The cut off for many will be 50, and that is when more and more will stay at 49 for as long as they possibly can. What difference does it really make, as long as when you are searching, you are attracted to the person and not the age on the profile? I wonder what would happen if POF added an income range on the profile, and how many would fudge the amount earned in order to not be excluded just because they make a few dollars less?

I will state once more that I think the age thing is over rated, and I prefer to have as many recent pictures up on a profile and do my search by those that I find the most attractive and interesting, and not by the date on their birth certificate. If a woman can hold my interest at the age of 60, 50, 40, or whatever age they may be, why should I run, instead marvel at how well they take care of themselves both physically and mentally....<img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>

Just my opinion.......
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