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 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 90
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?Page 4 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
Is this not the real reason for not making age the absolute criteria for knowing another?

Amlaee has hit on this point exactly. If one looks older, it seems to me that they should be dating those that look and act similarly, and if his significant other looks about the same as he looks, and acts that way as well, what is the point?

Now, I wonder how the OP would feel if he wanted to date someone that looked much younger, and he thought they were, but in reality, they were close in age and she dismissed him because of his older looks, and not because of his birth date?

You can hide your birth date, but you can not hide how nature, life and your genetics have treated you. Would it not be better to go with what you enjoy and works for you using the laws of attraction, and not the laws of birth?

Just my opinion.......
 4dutyandhumanity
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 91
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 11:05:33 AM

You can hide your birth date, but you can not hide how nature, life and your genetics have treated you. Would it not be better to go with what you enjoy and works for you using the laws of attraction, and not the laws of birth?


Ridiculous. How about when you drop dead ten years before your spouse because, despite looking great, your genes give you a bad heart? Aging = higher probability of illness and death. If the 'law of birth' (?) says you're a decade older than your spouse, your spouse runs a good chance of being widowed early or having a partner with an age related illness, regardless of your self-assessed and undoubtedly very generous view of your own appearance. It does matter, and your partner has a right to know.

'Laws of attraction' my ass. Laws of conceit and self-delusion is more like it.


PoF = Plenty of Fools.
 casandra67
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 92
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 11:35:02 AM
LOL @ decent_m for "Wow, you would have told them Santa Clause was a lie wouldnt you?"
 4dutyandhumanity
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 93
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 11:52:57 AM

My husband passed at 60 and had I been 38, 48, or 58, I would still be a widow.


I doubt you want to see the point - but the point is, you are more likely to die as you get older, and your spouse be left a widow. Yes, people die at all ages, but they're far more likely to die at 70 than 50. Sucks, but true. And if there is a big gap between two person's ages, the younger partner has a right to go into the relationship with his/her eyes open.

Partners have a right to know these things about potential mates, and I think a loving partner would want his/her mate to know everything. Were I about to be married, I'd expect my partner would be fully informed about my health, finances, and any events in my past that might prove startling. That's my definition of caring.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 94
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 12:01:25 PM
I'm just curious to know this from PoF folks defending the woman's behavior to perpetuate a lie for 18 months:

You know the responses would have been quite different had a woman been the OP. Quite typical of the freakshow that constitutes POF. When a man starts a thread with a legitimate complaint, he is often ridiculed and insulted by many of the jaded hens and a few men who engage in ad hominem arguments rather than employing logic and empathy. One wonders if there is any crime that a woman is capable of.

Anyway, using the "logic" of some of these posters, I guess I could claim that I'm Spanish or Italian, to woo women who might otherwise discriminate against people of Indian origin. After all, my parents do hail from the north of India and green eyes and fair skin do run in my family. Most people think that's what we are to begin with, but I always correct them. And, I do feel that I'm no different than anyone else having been born and raised in this country. There, I think I've satisfied all of the POF criteria for a justified lie. Thanks POF for your immortal words of wisdom!
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 95
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 12:46:26 PM
Be very careful who you call a fool my dear sir because it takes an idiot to even make that claim.........

Opinions are valued no matter your position, and what makes this forum worth the time, is to hear others points of views without name calling and an attitude of repugnant nature.

If you are dating someone with the thoughts of how long before one of you drops dead, then I believe you have larger issues to work on. There are no guarantees of length of life, or quality, and to create a relationship based on that is like sitting by a swimming pool but never swimming out of fear of drowning.

What your partner has to know is how well you two fit with all of your background, and not primarily your age. As someone that had to help bury his younger sister this past year, I can tell you, that age had little to do with it, and much more the condition of her body and life style overall, and no one would have ever thought that a brother seven years older than his sister would out live her when they were children playing together.

Your "ass" may be your attraction point but it has little to do with your brain power....or maybe it does.......

Just my opinion......
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 96
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 12:56:08 PM
^ blah blah blah blah blah

Well, well...Look who decided to chime in...one of the people that I was referring to. Funny to see how defensive people get when they are called on their BS. An opinion is like an a-hole, everyone has one. You can dance around it any way you like, but at the heart of the issue is the fact that she misled him about a fact that she can not change...and those are the worst lies.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 97
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 1:01:12 PM

You know the responses would have been quite different had a woman been the OP.
Not from me... My opinion would have been exactly the same.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 98
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 1:10:04 PM
Chime in??? I suggest you read the entire forum thread and you will see my multiple posts from the start.

And when you have something to say that is relative to the topic, and not just blasting the person, then do so please. There are ways to banter without demeaning others, and ways to poke fun that the topic or response in such a way as to show some class, tact, and respect.

What is funny to see is you coming in now and saying what you have with, the way you said it, with nothing even close to what the topic is all about or reasons given for most comments.

OT........I contend, and will continue to contend, that a persons genetics, life style, conditioning, eating habits, and over all youthful attitude will far out weigh a specific date on a birth certificate. With that in mind, is it not just as important, if not more so, to have a relationship with another that is similar to what you are, and not let it be mostly determined by their age?

Just my opinion.......
 4dutyandhumanity
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 99
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 1:16:34 PM

Opinions are valued no matter your position, and what makes this forum worth the time, is to hear others points of views without name calling and an attitude of repugnant nature.


I find hypocrites, liars and morons to be repugnant. Guess that's my cross to bear.


If you are dating someone with the thoughts of how long before one of you drops dead, then I believe you have larger issues to work on. There are no guarantees of length of life, or quality, and to create a relationship based on that is like sitting by a swimming pool but never swimming out of fear of drowning.


Simple concepts trip you up, but I'll try again: there's a guarantee on length of life alright - that your life has a length, and as your age gets higher, you get closer to its end. And that's true, notwithstanding accidents, sudden illness etc. If you're 40 there's and excellent chance you've got 20 more years - at 80, not so good. Oh and Dr Phil - about people with issues over their partners health and longevity - that's for them to decide, not you. I think my partner has a right to know all about me - that's caring, and relationships aren't a game.


I'd like to end with an emoticon for you, but I don't see a smiley face trying to shove its nose up someone else's ass. I'm sure all the ladies will be most impressed with your defense of lying.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 100
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 1:19:50 PM
Too funny, deacon. I have been here since this thread began and my post was completely on topic, but you choose not to see it that way because it bothers you. Let me break it down for you, a lie is a lie, but some are more serious - like the ones you can't change. The justifications that people like yourself and others have given can be extended to any other fact/characteristic about yourself as long as you feel a certain way or are afraid of being discriminated against. I don't buy that reasoning. As soon as she realized that there was more to this relationship than just a one time encounter or a flash in the pan, then she should have been honest. At least he could have made an informed decision without all the heartache.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 101
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 1:32:00 PM

Ridiculous. How about when you drop dead ten years before your spouse because, despite looking great, your genes give you a bad heart? Aging = higher probability of illness and death. If the 'law of birth' (?) says you're a decade older than your spouse, your spouse runs a good chance of being widowed early or having a partner with an age related illness, regardless of your self-assessed and undoubtedly very generous view of your own appearance. It does matter, and your partner has a right to know.

I can tell you one thing about love, marriage and life. THERE are NO GUARANTEES.
So,if you are fearful of being widowed, having to care for an ill spouse, or having your partner just up and leave you for whatever reason, then don't seek a committed relationship. Then you won't have to worry about it.
Cindy O
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 102
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 1:34:53 PM

You know the responses would have been quite different had a woman been the OP. Quite typical of the freakshow that constitutes POF. When a man starts a thread with a legitimate complaint, he is often ridiculed and insulted by many of the jaded hens and a few men who engage in ad hominem arguments rather than employing logic and empathy. One wonders if there is any crime that a woman is capable of.
You know.. sometimes when a woman starts a thread .. the same thing happens to her from the males contributing. It seems you are here in this particular post to ridicule and insult those that have differing opionions than yours. You even put down your own gender and accuse them of "ad hominem arguments" You sir, appear to be no better than those you chastise. I do see that you had nothing but kudos for those that did indeed agree with you.
This is your opinion on the topic:

As soon as she realized that there was more to this relationship than just a one time encounter or a flash in the pan, then she should have been honest. At least he could have made an informed decision without all the heartache.

*Wonders why you just couldn't post it and leave your superiority rhetoric out of it*
 4dutyandhumanity
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 103
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 1:38:24 PM

OT........I contend, and will continue to contend, that a persons genetics, life style, conditioning, eating habits, and over all youthful attitude will far out weigh a specific date on a birth certificate.


Your genes control your aging process. If your body is wired to produce too much cholesterol, over time it will build up in your arteries, and someday you'll have a stroke or heart attack. This can happen regardless of conditioning. And it's much more likely to happen at 60 than 30.

Age matters. Significant differences in age matter more. Lying about significant differences in age is not harmless.
 4dutyandhumanity
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 104
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Posted: 5/10/2008 1:44:39 PM

So,if you are fearful of being widowed, having to care for an ill spouse, or having your partner just up and leave you for whatever reason, then don't seek a committed relationship.


Yes indeed - and if you seek a committed relationship, show enough caring to tell your partner everything about yourself - so that s/he can enter the relationship having made their decision freely and fully informed.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 105
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 1:45:35 PM
You know.. sometimes when a woman starts a thread .. the same thing happens to her from the males contributing. this your only contribution to this thread and it appears you are trying to ridicule and insult those that have differing opionions than yours. You even put down your own gender and accuse them of "ad hominem arguments" You sir, appear to be no better than those you chastise.

Huge assumption on your part. I have been posting in this thread from around the sixth page, if you care to look back. I just don't buy the faulty reasoning that has been tossed out there to justify her actions.


You even put down your own gender and accuse them of "ad hominem arguments"

Yup, no one can accuse me of being a hypocrite. By the way, the ad hominem arguments are primarily used by female posters.

And yes, the personal attacks on an OP does happen "sometimes" when a woman starts a thread, but it is almost guaranteed when a man starts one.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 106
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 1:53:44 PM
^^^ I read back... and my apologies for your missed earlier posts.. I edited my response before reading your latest addition.

Yup, no one can accuse me of being a hypocrite
True... but it does back up my theory that you only appreciate an opinion that is the same as your own.

And yes, the personal attacks on an OP does happen "sometimes" when a woman starts a thread, but it is almost guaranteed when a man starts one.
Huge assumption on your part.... perhaps you've missed some of the jaded male responses to other threads... I'd say the personal attacks run just about equal to and from both genders.... sad isn't it?
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 107
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 2:01:22 PM
True... but it does back up my theory that you only appreciate an opinion that is the same as your own.

You have a right to your own theory...even if it is wrong.
However, this is a pretty simple matter that is generally considered a no-no...well, until it hits the cyberworld that is POF. It is not just the opinion, but the reasoning behind it...like I said, it can be used to justify almost any lie based on the criteria that has been given. Heck, one could lie about their age, race, marital status, and so on and so on...where do you actually draw the line? Also, the length of time that it took her to reveal her secret made it that much worse.



Huge assumption on your part.... perhaps you've missed some of the jaded male responses to other threads... I'd say the persona lattacks run just about equal to both genders.... sad isn't it?

Then you and I will have to disagree. I've been in these forums for years and I've seen it happen to women on a much lesser scale and generally without the personal attacks. More often than not, they get sympathy from both genders. However, we both agree on the fact that it is sad..
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 108
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 2:19:02 PM

Yes indeed - and if you seek a committed relationship, show enough caring to tell your partner everything about yourself - so that s/he can enter the relationship having made their decision freely and fully informed

For the most part I agree with you, but what troubles me is the fact that the OP described what sounded like a wonderful relationship that he chose to let come crashing down ,NOT because the lady lied, so much as the fact that she was 61 not 53.Apparently nothing about her health or appearance indicated that she was an ancient! OP didn't say but I'm guessing that if he wanted to have children he'd have been courting ladies under 35...
And here's a tidbit of information I encountered again and again and again in grief counseling, Widowed Persons Service functions, and in a couple of self help books for widows I read;
If a widowed woman remarries or committs to a man her own age or older, she just about guarantees that she will find herself having to bury yet another SO. This information WAS NOT being used to encourage widows to date wildly younger men or to forego any attempt at finding another meaningful relationship or marriage. It was meant to encourage her to develop her own sense of self reliance/selfconfidence, INDEPENDENT of being "Mrs.Somebody".

So, I think the overall probabilities, were a 61 yr old woman to marry a 53 yr old man, basically all she's doing is balancing out the chances of another prolonged widowhood later in life.
For myself I date on the basis of character, personality and values, not what year is on somebody's drivers license. Because of my own personal "yuck" factor, I eschew dating men young enough to be my son or old enough to be my dad.
Of the 3 "interesting" guys I've met lately( not online!) I couldn't tell you a one of their exact ages. 2 of them I know ARE older than I, but by how much I neither know nor care.
Cindy O
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 109
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 2:22:53 PM

like I said, it can be used to justify almost any lie based on the criteria that has been given. Heck, one could lie about their age, race, marital status, and so on and so on...where do you actually draw the line?
Did the op's ex-fiance lie about her race? Did she lie about her marital status? Hell, did she lie about having no children but actually has some? NO.. She Did Not.
I believe the opinions that leaned towards Op over-reacting to the woman's age-lie were based on what was actually lied about, and what was posted in the opener, NOT ON: what she MAY/WOULD/or COULD possibly have lied about.

And I agree with the post above me.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 110
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 2:37:41 PM
Did the op's ex-fiance lie about her race? Did she lie about her marital status? Hell, did she lie about having no children but actually has some? NO.. She Did Not.

You missed the point. What's the difference between lying about any of these things? They are all things that you can not change. The justifications given for lying about one's age can be applied to any of the aforementioned categories. If someone were not to give you a chance based on what you actually are, then they are not worth your time. They always say that the truth shall set you free and if you choose to live a lie, then you'll always be looking over your back. The truth always surfaces eventually. In her case, it surfaced way too late. She should have told him after the initial attraction turned into something more serious.
 4dutyandhumanity
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 111
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 2:48:25 PM

For the most part I agree with you, but what troubles me is the fact that the OP described what sounded like a wonderful relationship that he chose to let come crashing down ,NOT because the lady lied, so much as the fact that she was 61 not 53.


Again, I argue that age matters in proportion to the years involved. I just don't think eight years is insignificant. It needs to be part of the full disclosure that every couple should have.



So, I think the overall probabilities, were a 61 yr old woman to marry a 53 yr old man, basically all she's doing is balancing out the chances of another prolonged widowhood later in life.


Women outlive men by a couple of years, not eight. And I think some of the disparity in death age is due to men dying young of unnatural causes (accident etc) much more frequently than women. Again, I don't see this as excusing deception all the way to marriage.



IMHO the 'heart of the issue' is that the OP has taken the liberty of being judge and jury here without for one second owning the fact that he TOO has told lies, and engaged in less than desirable behaviour, for which he felt badly, and didn't know how to extricate himself from it.


I take it you know this gentleman? Really, I think tremendous judgments are being made about the OP and his relationship based on almost no fact.


Did the op's ex-fiance lie about her race? Did she lie about her marital status? Hell, did she lie about having no children but actually has some? NO.. She Did Not.


You feel that an eight year difference in age is just a tiny fib. I don't agree. If that fact is meaningless, why hide it? If he was too shallow to accept her for being 61, why not find that out right up front?

I'm really feeling many women think they have a right to state their age as whatever they please. I'm not buying.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 112
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 3:01:43 PM
Going back to his original post, this is where the age difference really becomes a factor and where she should have fessed up:



We had talked about all kinds of goals, expectations, work life and she never saw fit to tell me..... Now I have an issue or issues...


Not only was it a serious lie and that she kept it up for a ridiculously long time, but she even duped him into a future based on a lie. At 61, she is approaching retirement age 8 years sooner than he is, so the talk about goals, expectations and especially the "work" and life part was just compounding the lie and giving him false promise that would very unlikely unfold in the manner that they discussed.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 113
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 3:04:11 PM

The truth always surfaces eventually. In her case, it surfaced way too late. She should have told him after the initial attraction turned into something more serious.
I agree.. she waited to long to disclose. I also agree that it's not okay to lie.

You feel that an eight year difference in age is just a tiny fib. I don't agree. If that fact is meaningless, why hide it? If he was too shallow to accept her for being 61, why not find that out right up front?
Thing is.. he fell in love with her.. no matter what her age happened to be... why would that change just because she was older? and please don't come back in with some made up story about what if she was an ax murderer that he fell in love with.... We're discussing a man who suddenly couldn't be with someone any longer simply because she was a few years older than what he first thought she was.
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 114
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 3:08:30 PM
Lying about something so simple does cause lots of doubts...

But what is truly bothering you... that she lied or she's older than you? Cuz really, you're in your 50's... why should age matter to you if they're also in their 50's
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