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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?      Home login  
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 Medina49
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 101
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?Page 5 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)

.if we all told the truth ..the whole truth and nothing but the truth.....we would all be hermits.


It must suck to be anyone who really believes that. I'd rather take the hermits life than live a lie, or find out I'd been lied to. (again)
IF she really was in love with this guy, why live the lie so long?
Two reasons, one, she is so used to lying about "little" things, she forgot.
Two she thought less of this guy- namely he might leave if he found out.
...Nice....
 Medina49
Joined: 12/17/2007
Msg: 102
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:06:16 AM
Oh, BTW, 30% of the profiles I read...ladies, you aint fooling no one with the age
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 103
view profile
History
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:11:15 AM
Apparently the OP, can't get past this, and all he sees is a liar when he now looks at this wonderful loving accepting woman...

Really to bad, because she apparently before this HORRIBLE slight had been wonderful enough to marry. Now she is nothing but an old aged liar, that was manipulating him into believing one thing, when someone thing else was the truth...


I wonder what would happen if POF added an income range on the profile, and how many would fudge the amount earned in order to not be excluded just because they make a few dollars less?


Yeah that is how it is on some sites... The lies that come out of that question...

Oh well, perhaps the lady doesn't know how lucky she is to have told him this PRIOR to making more plans for a future with him...

Nothing like being convicted of further crimes just because of one silly vanity...

After all now he'll have to wonder if she has some child out there she didn't mention, or if she was really a jail bird, crack fiend, has some horrible uncurable STD, lies on her income taxes, maybe she's murdered her last BF, or embezzles money from her job...AND horrible upon horrible I bet she uses face creams, and colors her hair on top of all this lying...

Maybe the op should ask himself if beside maybe she LOOKED older, that would he have given her a chance if she had stated she was 61, instead of 53... Maybe all she was doing was looking for a partner...Just like he stated he was...

I guess some men feel they need to be sure they will die before their partner, cause Lord knows they don't want to be the one left behind...
 PurpleCrayon~
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 104
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:12:18 AM

Hmmmmm.....thinking........Maybe a person does not feel their age, or look and act it, so should they put occasionally? Would it mean that some times they feel 45, and some times they feel 35 but do not feel 47 that much......

Your smoking occasionally is as much a lie as someone that states 40 when 45, or 49 when 51. Both a deception for personal reasons, and the one part that I can not understand, is that when you light up, there is no doubt that you are smoking, how it looks, smells and treats your body, but you can have another with you that might be 45 according to their birth certificate, but looks younger than your age and what is on your birth certificate, and no one knows the age at all, unless told.


Not the same at all.
Reason:
Someone might smoke a couple of times a day... someone else may smoke a pack a day.. while another...2 packs a day. Distinquishing between 'occassionally and often' in that category is correct and appropriate. There is a difference. Regardless, you still smoke. You're not a non smoker.

Same as with exercising. Does one exercise once a day/several times a week/ occassionally or often, etc.

You can't compare it to feeling like different ages at varying times of the day/week/etc. because regardless, you are the age you are.

Smoking ... no matter how much and NOT stating one is a non smoker is being truthful.. NOT deceptive at all.

There are times I honestly wish we, smokers, could choose, via our mail settings, to not have non smokers contact us. Fair is fair.

Deliberately telling a lie about age is a lie period. It's up to the other Individual, who was lied to, to accept it or not.

But, with smoking, be it occassionally or often, the other Individual knows for certain that smoke is involved. Not a lie.
 Guy4theForums
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 105
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:52:22 AM

MSG#1~OP~Dave4754:Wrote:I met someone, fell in love, and proposed marriage to her. She accepted, and then after six months of engagement tells me she is actually 8yrs older than me. I am 53 she is now 61(she had told me she was 53).

Well how old did she tell you she was in the begining? You say she's now 61 using "now as a time reference" You never do say how old she said she was in the begining. If you knew her 7 years before proposing or 10 days before proposing. How many years did she knock off her age? If you knew her 7.5 years before proposing then she didn't lie much.
So how old was the two of you at the time of meeting her and her fudging years off her age?
LoisLane you must dislike alot of people if you would dislike someone for fudging some age off their true age. My age is correct in my profile but I know a great percentage of people fib about their true age. I think some people,(especially men) Must be looking through a magical mirror because I've looked at a few that certainly look 10 years or more older than what they have as there age listed on their profile.
I don't know what kind of mirrors they own but I want one.
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 106
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:54:25 AM
I can't condone the initial lie, but the bigger issue here is that she played this fib for more than six months post engagement. OP it's up to you to decide whether to forgive her or not. Personally I'd be wondering what else she is being deceptive about. The age thing isn't really an issue. If you are truly attracted to her, who cares that she is 8 years older? It's certainly shallow to initiate a breakup based solely on the knowledge she is 8 years older. The time length of the fib is the primary problem here.
 Kyoki
Joined: 5/4/2008
Msg: 107
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:56:07 AM
The age isn't the issue. The lying about the age isn't the issue. The not coming clean way before now is the issue.

I'd back off.
 Mint Ice Cream
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 108
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:02:10 AM
My opinion is just because u lie about your age, doesnt mean u lie about everything else. I do fib on occasion about mine because I have notice in Las Vegas, I am judged by my age. People put u out to pasture like an old horse and u get discriminated against in the job market. SO if that is all I lie about, who cares? Who's business is it anyway. And if a guy gets serious about me and and cant handle the truth, then God bless, he can move on. Some people get so anal about BS.
JMO
 PurpleCrayon~
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 109
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:06:29 AM
I agree with LoisLane...and here's why.

A lie is a lie. Period. You cannot compare apples to oranges. It is a number misrepresented in this case. Using the occassional smoking is not the same. Using that she told him the truth 6 months later is not the same. It just is not.

Now, as to those venting their negativity towards the ones who say it is a lie period.. imho, might be seeking 'attention' from that person. Sometimes people will try to pick arguments, etc. just to have the person's attention... no matter what...simply because they are drawn to that person. And, please.. note the operative words 'those', 'might', 'sometimes', etc. etc. It denotes NOT ALL.. just some.
 lovepink51
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 110
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:08:45 AM
Did you fall in love with HER, or her age? If you're still in love with her, then talk to her about it. Forgive her, put it past you, and keep moving ahead. After all, you fell in love with who she is, not because she said she was 53.
 zentral
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 111
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:31:47 AM

you fell in love with who she is, not because she said she was 53


Perhaps, but then he fell in love with someone he thought was honest and had integrity. He didn't know he fell in love with someone who is neither.

Perhaps this example is extreme, but it makes a point: what if you fell in love with a man only to find out that he never told you that he is a convicted sex offender or thief or drug dealer or some other felon? Would you still maintain the opinion that you fell in love with WHO HE IS, not because he SAID he was an honest man? Would you feel reassured that even though he lied, it isn't important?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 112
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:35:24 AM

My opinion is just because u lie about your age, doesnt mean u lie about everything else.

Thing is, it doesn't guarantee you don't lie about anything else, either. It's in the not knowing which that is the dilemma here. If the OP knew for certain that's all that went on here, I'm guessing he wouldn't be confused or put off by this.

P.S. I learned REAL young that just cause someone says they don't do something doesn't in fact mean they don't...there's simply no way of knowing for sure, and let's be honest, what else would they say? "Ok, I lie once every other day"??
 pazoozoo
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 113
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:48:18 AM
My Dad believed my Mom was 3 mos. younger than he until the day he died. They had been married 57 yrs. My siblings and I believed Mother to be a certain age. When she passed away and I looked through papers, I found a birth certificate that stated her age to be 4 yrs. older.

I don't know why Mom lied about her age. But she was a good wife (according to Dad) and a good Mother, so sometimes, you just look past the lie and the reasons.
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 114
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:52:07 AM
What does it really matter we are all old after 50....it is all down hill after 50. Yep one foot in the grave and the other on a peel.
You are not going to get much smarter you know...and you sure as hell are not going to get better looking. But if you are lucky enough to find love at fifty and over then that is like winning the power ball a 1 in 5 million chance.
OP if you love this woman then you are doing yourself a disservice by not giving her another chance. It is really silly!
And for some of you that are so uptight about age you need to get laid.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 115
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:58:12 AM
Rose.....we can't because we do not fit the age requirements and are just toooooo old...............

OT......Let her explain her reasons for hiding her age and what led up to that decision......it might just be interesting and factual enough to make you at least consider why she did it.

Just my opinion.......
 shell1949
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 116
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:08:24 AM
IMO...you should never ask a woman her age or her weight...if you really love her, forget about the age difference...if you don't love her...this is your out
 tyree1972
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 117
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:47:00 AM
I'd have a problem with it. Mainly because I would question all the other things she told me. I understand why people (especially women) lie about their age. I don't agree with it, but understand. A lie is a lie and it doesn't matter what it's on. The only time I would give it a pass is if it was to save someones life. I don't know, I would just question in my mind all of the things that were said.
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 118
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 12:14:50 PM
I am not one to usually condone a lie but once upon a time it was rather “common” for women to fib about age. Older women said a few years younger to get those guys hung up on a woman either being older or even the same age, so they thought they were getting a younger gal. Some gals added on a few years so they could get married earlier.

Age differences used to be a bit more of an issue, not so much in today’s world. While it was always common for there to be an age gap in the older man/younger woman category it has now become a little more acceptable for the tables to be turned so women don’t really feel the need to hide their age anymore.


Now I have an issue or issues...

am I shallow for saying that I am uncomfortable with marrying a woman that much older than me?


She was older than you before you asked her to marry you, the age gap didn’t make a difference then, what is different is you actually know the number now and it’s playing with your mind.


What about the lying part, does anybody feel this should be an issue or flag?? interested in comments.


I would say for the most part yes, it is a red flag. However, if this is the only lie (as far as you know) it is up to you if you can forgive the lie and how you actually feel for this woman. Of course one lie can cause doubts and make one wonder if there are other lies. You need to find out if there are other discrepancies. It might be real easy to write someone off in a just met or early dating situation, but it has gone farther down the road now and your decision shouldn’t be done lightly for her benefit as well as your own.

Your head might be saying dump her due to the lying and the difference, but your heart was all into her up until this point. This is one of those cases where you may have to go with your heart. Have a talk, ask her to come clean now about anything else that might be an issue and see what you can and can’t accept. People don’t fall in love everyday and it is never perfect. You have to decide for yourself how much is at stake. You may keep all of your pride in tact but you might lose out on many happy years together.

My ex was 8 years younger and the age “issue” was never a factor in good times or bad. I have known many couples where the lady is older and it doesn’t matter. I had an aunt that married 2 younger men one by 10 years (he never knew) and she out lived them both.
 PurpleCrayon~
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 119
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 12:27:14 PM
Here's what I don't get. Why would anyone want to lie about their age???? To attract a younger age group? Why? If someone is set on a certain age range and you lie to get in that group, you're doing yourself a disservice. And, if it's just to get into that age group, whether the ones in there are set or not set on a specific age range, I still maintain why? Why would someone want to be something/some age they are not to gain a mate. Doesn't make a bit of sense to me personally.

Men my age or older don't contact me hardly at all. However, I get plenty of contacts from the late 30s-all through the 40s age group of guys. In the last 10 years, I haven't dated a guy within approx. 7-15 years of my age. The older ones do not want to date women my age. So, I am dating men at present who are in that 7-15 years younger group. They, for the most part, are very stable, committment minded, intelligent, witty guys. It's been my choice to not 'settle down' with just one yet. When I find the right one, it'll happen. Point is... I don't lie about my age to attract these men. It just happens to be this way. There was a time I wished men closer to my age would want to date... but, alas, they are seeking the younger women. So be it. I'm actually glad now they chose the 'chasing younger women' route. That's that.
 rowdysheis
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 120
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 1:04:54 PM
RE: Msg 130

Lois, were you never told that using foul language does NOT make you look more intelligent. Can you not write without using expletives? And to answer your question of "who the hell am I to judge the hostility and range in your posts", I am a member of POF who writes posts on various fora. I am entitled to have an opinion regarding the hostility and rage you demonstrate in a thread. You have the right to your opinion and so do I. I have not being ranting, using profanity or putting anyone down throughout this thread. That has been your style. Not very professional, I might add.

By the way, my reading comprehension is as good or better than yours, my dear, as is my intelligence. I also have over 20 years more living experience than you. Things are not always so black and white. Past behavior is not always indicitive of future behavior. People can, and do, change. To assume because she lied about her age that she has, or will, continue to lie about other things, since some man you use to know did that to you, is absurd. Each relationship is different. Each couple is different. Each has to be weighed on it's own merits or lack thereof.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 121
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 1:19:26 PM
~OT~ Lie to me about your age, you'll lie to me about other things. Age lying is the first NO-NO on my list of "Reasons to NOT meet/date." I'm honest about my age, I expect the same. JMO
 SueisWho
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 122
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 1:30:06 PM
Find out her true motives for not revealing her correct age....once you have the motive(s), then you will be able to act accordingly.
 tick tock
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 123
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wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 1:36:57 PM
I would think that someone of her age would have garnered enough experience and wisdom along her journey through life to be comfortable in her own skin. Sadly, in this case, it seems not. The lie is one thing - a pretty deceitful one at that - but what it says about her personality...hmmm.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 124
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 1:52:26 PM
My dad died years ago. His long time girlfriend (that was actually about 20 younger him) thought he was 10 years younger than he was. I doubt she knows to this day and that was 22 years ago.

Some times it is “tempting” to fudge about your age.

My ex wife (married 17 years) was 13 years younger than me. She was the oldest female I had ever been around. She knew before we had our first date. She was the only “age group” that I felt I related to (after all those years).

I did not date much after the divorce (4.5 years ago now) but ......... it was tempting.

On these singles sites it is right in their face. The age is posted on the profile.

In public age is not in their face.

If they ask - I ask them - “How hold do you think I am” - it was crazy lol.

One ask me then said “wait - I can ALWAYS guess a guys age ------ you are ......... 46 (I was 57) and I said - “boy you are good”

Another one - I got real close and said “I am older than you think I am - does that bother you” - she said “no - you are about 50” (I was 58) - end of discussion lol.
 galonthemt
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 125
wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 2:05:34 PM
People lie for whatever reason.............I just came back from a first meet and the "gentleman" was at least 40 lbs over what he presented himself to be. And his pic was NOT indicitive of who he was. Yes it was a lie he couldnt hide but a lie non the less. That however would not have prevented me from seeing him again. There was just no connection.

OP the best advise I can give you is to ask her....talk it out...........maybe she is one who just cant deal with aging....maybe she wanted to expand her choices.........maybe maybe maybe.....no one here knows.........once you started in a realationship she should have fessed up but she didnt and now here you are................she got caught up in a lie and didnt know how to correct it.......the longer a lie continues the harder it is to correct..............TALK TO HER OR END IT........................
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