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Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 338
Paren-talesPage 15 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
Thank you, Sunshine & T-rop! ;) I the beautiful souls that wrote them. :)

Whispered as (loudly) quietly as they both can...remember top of your lungs, okay 'Lij? Okay, Trev-get ready to shower down!

Happy Birthday to youuuuu
beautiful Mom that we love
Happy Birthday to youuuu
our gift from up above
Happy Birthday dear Mommmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaa!!!
Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuuuuu!!!

What a pair of wonderful kidlets!
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 339
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:42:54 PM
Mommmmmmmmmmmm, when you coming home? I made a 3pt in the last second of the basketball game!

Hey Ma (deeeeep voice), I killed an 11pt with a 21 inch spread-come down so I can show you.

I walked into Elijah's classroom yesterday looking like Gene Simmons & as Elijah's eyes caught sight of me, he made the rock sign with his hand, raised it to the sky & said MOM ROCKS!

Leaves are changing & falling faster than I can keep up with. The boys are all growing older, taller, leaner, more handsome with each day that passes.

There could never be another job that would come close to being thier Mom. A little heartache, all the love to give them & three of the staunchest, most fierce protectors anywhere near or far.

Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 340
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:33:31 PM
I walked into the kitchen tonight intent on making breakfast for dinner for 3ft2, eyes of blue & myself to find the fridge store standing open. One of us had left the door ajar this morning @ 7:30am in a hurried rush to get out the door.

My mind once again failed me when I needed it worst as I viewed the ensuing hot mess of melted pools of butter gave me cause to check the gallon of now hot milk, warm cheese & curdling ranch dressing that would soon be following the downward path of the garbage disposal. Once the mess was cleaned out, bagged & drug down the stairs, I turned back to Elijah. His blue eyes darted hither & yon, doing anything to avoid looking in my eyes, I held my hands out.

His seven year old hands slid into my thirty-eight year old hands as I looked in his eyes & said wonder who could've left the fridge open this morning...looking directly in my eyes, he said, it wasn't you, Mom. Sometimes these things happen & it'll be okay. God has always provided.

I hugged him tightly finding it hard to remember he was all of seven years old as those much older & wiser words flew out of his mouth.

Everything happens for a reason, Mom.

Reflecting on his words, I picked up trash that exploded from the bag by my car as he stood a close guard on me with an open garbage bag in hand.

Don't we make a great team, Mom? You're making everything right & I'm helping you.

Isn't this what love is?
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 341
Posted: 11/10/2009 2:37:33 PM
Elijah spent his three out of school days with with Nana & Papa down south. He had a wonderful time being the star of thier sky soaking up every moment he could with them because one on one time with them is few & far between.

I drove south Friday to pick Trev up & bring him back with me for the same...much needed one on one time. We had company over Friday night & the rest of the weekend was ours. It was a beautiful weekend, both in weather & in time with him.

Last night was a rough night for me. The first night without him always is. Words ellude me @ times like that, but I keep smiling for Elijah & wrap up in him to maintain, thinking to long as Elijah doesn't realize-it's okay.

He sat in the floor last night with a ton of paper, a box of markers & crayons & his set of stencils & drew & drew & drew. I teased him unmericifully because he was concentrating so hard.

He'd say Mom, I'm busy. Mom, I'm concentrating. Mom. We'll talk in a minute.

When he was done with the finished product, he carefully picked everything back up, put it all on his art table & got all of his papers in order...very serious about it. He came & sat beside me, gave me his papers & said read this book, please.

It said piece by piece...


(Peace sign for O)
(Upside down peace sign -muti-use for a V)

(in smiling butterfly & flowery heart script)

E(because Purple is for true love, mom)

MY (horizontally-Cool huh, Mom?

(Peace sign for O)

Thank you, God, for the blessings.
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 342
Posted: 11/14/2009 9:43:32 PM
Yesterday, Elijah's dad called to let me know that his mom (Elijah's Granny) was sent him with hospice & told she had a week left. I followed him to Dallas tonight so Elijah could have one more time with her & she could have one more kiss & I love you, Granny Jean from him.
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 343
Posted: 11/19/2009 7:07:47 AM
Elijah's Granny passed last night.

I talked to him about it all this morning. He said she's not hurting in heaven, is she? I said no. He said that's what we want, no more pain.
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 344
Posted: 11/29/2009 7:17:58 AM
I you, Bran.

We were back home for a relatively uneventful week. It was nice to sink into my own bed & just breathe. It's hard for Elijah to remember that someone he loved so much is gone.

I know youth overcomes, but hearts love regardless of place...souls love regardless.

We went home to spend Thanksgiving with the family. Thanksgiving day, we walked in the parental home to get a call from my little sister telling me our Dad was in an ambulance heading to the ER with a heart attack.

Thank GOD Elijah's dad & I are still as close as we are. He met me on my way to the hospital & took Elijah with him to see his Grandpa for the holiday weekend. We've been splitting shifts with my preggers sis coming as she can, Mom being here during the day & me @ night.

His dr. put in a stint yesterday morning, comparing his rare heart condition to that of Tim Russert, an ABC/NBC correspondent that died from it. The dr. said he felt the heart attack being as light as it was was indictitive of a wake-up call.

I'm thankful myDad is still here.
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 345
Posted: 12/4/2009 9:12:12 AM

Dec. 8th will be the ONE year mark of Elijahblue being removed from his original school. Not only is he almost completely mainstreamed into the 2nd grade classroom, but his grades are all As with one B & he is batting 1000! This isn't to say that the bad days aren't bad, but merely alot less so than they once were.

And I, dear ones?

Recieved word that I have a scholarship that will pay the rest of my college degree plan in FULL!
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 346
Posted: 12/9/2009 8:51:41 AM




Are you awake? I want to snuggle, Mom!!!

Flip flop, pounce, jump, flip flop, pounce!

The bedsprings are rattling my brain as I open my eyes...



Wrap your arms around me & snuggle like ya mean it!

Nose to nose he whispers to me,
Love me, Love me, Love me!!!

He backed up against me, put his head on my arm & sighed...
Good love, Mom. That's what it's all about.

And went back to sleep.
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 347
Posted: 12/17/2009 9:31:18 AM
My 7 yr old "officially" has ADHD & ODD. He has a Rule Out of Aspberger's/PDD(Spectrums of Autism) Along with the above, he has an astronomical IQ, last tested two summers ago (age six) @ 115. He passed the Iowa test with above average scores & his school considered skipping him from first to third grade. At age seven, he's reading my college biology & pre-algebra books & explaining them in detail to me.

He flourishes on & HAS to have routine. He HAS to have scheduling down to the letter-almost to the second.

October to December kills us every year. This year is no different. His principal told me yesterday that the alternative learning enviroment that he was moved in Dec. '08 may be moving him again as he has shut down completely. If this happens, he will slide so far backwards I may not be able to pull him back out of it.

I'm not sure why I'm going into detail with all of you other than to hold myself together.

I know from years of learning & growing alongside him, we are a stealth combination of strengh. In watching him handle situations differently @ different times, I'm acquiring wisdom. I've learned from seven and a half years that the worst times that break my heart & rip me to shreads...the temper tantrums, the shredding of both of our souls....are the times he needs my love the most.

Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 348
Posted: 1/5/2010 1:41:05 PM
It's going downhill quick, fast & in a hurry. E's sliding backwards & the admin in his school district is balking thinking they might be moving him to a different school to see if they can do anything for him.

Good days are good, bad days are not balancing out.

I met someone over the weekend that was an absolutely, completely a true gentleman.

Things are getting interesting in the house on the hill.
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 349
view profile
Posted: 1/5/2010 11:39:21 PM
aww, hang in there sweets...and pull your little mannie close. Perhaps the back slide is because of Christmas Vacation? His routine is shot...

I have my fingers crossed on the gentleman. And on your baby...
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 350
Posted: 1/12/2010 11:47:35 AM
I contacted Disability Serviecs & got them moving on helping Elijah get the modifications he's needing for school. After the appointment with DDS, I made a referral to Cir/Cuit, a group of teachers, therapists & other professionals that might possibly get the ball rolling for E to help him with school.

Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 351
Posted: 1/25/2010 6:29:24 PM
We struggle. We fight uphill battles. We slay dragons & demons with swords made of aluminum foil. We brace ourselves for the inevitable. We fight tooth & nail for a stay in the game of life. The sick feeling of dread from giving all you have only to see it pour through your fingers like water trickling into the against time to provide the roof, the four walls internal that create the stability, the home, the life that we want our children to have. Never wanting them to have a grasp of worry, fright or pain...

Watching as they grow. Laughter richoecting off the walls of the home made together. Soft kisses in the morning. Cocoa all over the where. Toothpaste on the bathroom door. (I read somewhere it helps make the door shiny, Mom)

Step by step. Inch by inch. Hands creating. Minds learning.

Love holds it all togther
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 352
Posted: 2/3/2010 8:53:37 PM
Thursday when I picked him up from school, it was a bad report day.

I hung my head & cried my heart out. I think that scared him worse than any harsh words or raised voices could've ever come close. I held his hand & told him I was NOT giving up on him, that I knew he was better than that. He bowed his head & cried with me for quite a while.

We left town Thursday night to beat the snow/ice storm in to find Friday morning that schools were closed here. He went half days Monday & Tues & had exemplary days
with today being even better.

I held his hand on the way home from his sitter's tonight as he yawned hugely. I said lay your head back & rest sweetie. He closed his eyes, squeezed my hand & said thank you for calling me that. I love being yours.
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 353
view profile
Posted: 2/4/2010 4:07:48 PM
I did everything to get in trouble and the worst I recieved was banned from the bus and it was a pretty aggressive decision of mine to urinate in a glove and fling it at a wanna be gangster who thought he was the s.hit. Turned out he was the s... wait he was just p.issed off but all he called me was a phycho :P.

But it got me thinking how many chances I recieved to turn my life around and these pricks at a school board get more prickish by the second at the good kids. Hang in there momma. Your other son, Brand

better to be pissed off then pissed on? Or both haha

With blood shot eyes I watch you sleeping
The moment calls can she hear me
Can she hear me
If I calls her name
Would she know me
Would she feel my shame
Your tears don't fall
They crash around you
The sound may cause
But the memories deny you
Your tears don't fall
They crash around you
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 354
Posted: 2/8/2010 9:16:25 PM

It started snowing here around 3am...or so the text from a dear friend said anyway. When I woke @ 6am, there were three inches of white stuff. When Eblue woke @ 830am, he came flying under my covers to whisper I'm SOOOOO late for school!
Get UP! I said man....go look out the window & see if the sun is shining.

MOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!! OMG! It's...MOM! Look-it's aghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! All over the place!!!!

11am, dressed in three layers, a scarf, a pair of gloves & boots, he ate lunch & headed out to tear the neighborhood kids up in a massive snowball fight.
1130am, I walked down the stairs to the car to get sideswipped by the neighborhood heathens...Eman @ the helm. ATTACK!!!!!!! I may not be as good as I once was, but I gave them a run for thier money!

He made snow angels, he played hard finding every unfrozen puddle & managing to tromp through it finally coming in to thaw for a second or two before heading out for one last reign of snowball king

I tucked him in tenderly & snuck over to his window pulling the drape back to see more snow falling as the ice continued to freeze.

Tomorrow...he's in for it.
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 355
Posted: 2/11/2010 10:04:26 AM
Every parent quietly prays for thier babies to shine out of the starting be the smartest, cutest, hit the baseball the furtherest...the one with confidence, know of which I speak whether you might want to admit it or not.
The genius has ADHD/ODD with a faint trace of Aspberger's & dysgraphia thrown in to keep me on my toes. Transitions upset him, (new teachers/subs coming in, holidays & not keeping in routine), structure turned inside out hurts him in a way he cannot express. He has sensory overload issues that tear me apart...for him. My car stereo is NEVER to be above levels 2 or 3. School bells ringing take him to his knees. He hasn't seen the inside of a Wal-Mart store in quite sometime as it is too busy for him to take in. His meltdowns are often full frontal assaults of epic proportions due to his lack of filtering in the sensory arena that you & I take for granted. Seconds later, he is curled up in my lap, his arms around me as I hold him, apologizing over & over again for his actions.
You wouldn't realize his strengths during a meltdown because all you would have to judge him by were his weaknesses & failures.
The genius is a combination of such shining intellect that it almost makes my heart ache to be around him. A few days shy of age 8, he is reading on a college level, comprehending & discussing with me Galileo's theory, Newton as well as Nikola Tesla's theory of radio and modern electrical transmissions systems.
He scores above proficienct in all areas on standardized tests on state tests & is willing, able & ready to help anyone with reading, math (he "helped" my teacher teach my basic math class or 12 & knew what he was doing) & anything else he sees a need for. His empathy knows no bounds.
He is my 4ft2 eyes of blue boy in my pictures. If your eyes slide over his blue eyes, his turned up smile or his honery streak, you won't physically *see* any deformities. You won't see his synapses exploding in a million different areas & coming back together painfully…fragment by fragment.
You wouldn't know that his IQ is 115, that he is ambidextrious or that he is twice-exceptional…until you talked to him & had to force yourself to remember he was 7, not 47.
Please know that inside that little mind thats is working in overdrive, there is a frightened, oft overwhelmed little boy that wants nothing more than to please, love & be loved.
Isn’t that what we all want?
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 356
view profile
Posted: 2/11/2010 5:13:55 PM words. I'm swallowing the lump in my throat...
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 357
view profile
Posted: 2/12/2010 1:46:40 AM
Well Tonya he is a sure genius for sure. Don't forget even Eighnstien was diagnosed with major depression and was considered a lunatic in his days for example. Now we look at him as the brightest minds ever! Point is it's stressful living everyday no respect and no chance to prove how smart your son can truly be and everyone just wants to make money off a cause of how to satisfy their own needs. Those who don't know I am diagnosed with schizophrenia paranoia no one could help me till I helped myself then everything just clicked. I've been through so much stress I could feel my hands gripping my heart from the pain that stigmitized from there. So much stress on my head that I felt my brain on fire at times. And sometimes so much stress in my chest I had to go to the ER cause it felt I was having a heart attack. Luckily just stress. But so much pain and frustration it brought forth of suicide and murder I didn't want to live I just wanted to go out the hard way. Joined the Corps for a day regardless of my condition to kill or be killed. That's when they shipped me away back home after finding phychotrophic drugs in my system. Basically it made me more bitter more depressed and I tried constantly to slit my throat. I needed help!

It wasn't until I found strength through poetry I found such beauty in myself and others I found on Plenty of Fish for example. Thank you all for all you've done and I can never repay your generosity. Truely thank you Tonya for taking me under your wing and sharing my story with you and now others can see my frustrations I endured. I only hope I can save another life out there.

Once more Tonya in 8th grade I scored a 14 on the ACT in 8th grade! :) Sometimes it takes a brilliant mind to endure the strengh the weak minded can't handle. Again thank you I only hope to make everyone happy that I can. thank you.
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 358
Paren-Tales of a Jujubee
Posted: 2/22/2010 8:24:12 AM
I'm planning a summer away.
An entire summer of laketime, fishing, arrowhead hunting, fishing & pure BOYdom summerness. I'm praying that this will be the best thing that could ever happen, that we'll pull together & that E...will enjoy being a kid in the countrym spreading his wings & spending time with people he doesn't have alot of extra time with during school.

There's more to say, but not @ the moment.

Namaste, my friends.
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 359
Paren-Tales of a Jujubee
Posted: 2/25/2010 12:20:12 PM
Thank you for listening to each nuance & inflection in my voice as I spoke of my son's condition to you. Thank you for observing each minute thing that might't matter to someone else, but YOU caught them all. You cared enough for him to validate each & every thing I've read up on, thought & poured over for hours on end the last three & a half years in regards to him. Thank you for giving him the opening to trust someone besides his mom, to realize that he HAS potential & to help him create that potential.
Thank you for giving me hope.

Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 360
Paren-Tales of a Jujubee
Posted: 3/20/2010 9:57:16 AM
Ever read the email asking if you know the name of the custodian @ your child's school or your place of employment? They, too, contribute, no matter how inconsequential thier part might seem in the grand scheme.

In January, I stumbled on Partners for Inclusion near where I go to college everyday. I spoke to a woman that might have shut me out, told me to make an appointment-that her schedule was immense & she'd call me after I went through the proper steps.

She didn't. She took the time to tell me she was in a meeting, could I be back by 1 that day & bring any documentation I had on Elijah with me?

She was instrumental in changing everything in his life & someday when he's older, I'll explain that to him. She listened. She asked questions. She validated my gut instincts & gave me a huge amount of emotional support in the span of an hour.

She recommeneded an Occupational Therapist that works with kids like E, telling me she's an Autism/Aspberger's Whisperer of sorts.

After putting him through a battery of tests including IQ, Occupation Therapy, Speech Therapy as well as testing with a Neuro Psycholigist, we are finally finding out what is going on with his mind, through his eyes...

He is officially Gifted with both Memory & Sensory Disorder, which makes him Twice Exceptional or Dually Gifted. Having been given labels doesn't make everything perfect & probably won't ever, but it gives his Mom & his care team a good place to start.

All because one person took the time to open a door & listen. We each DO make a difference in someone else's life.
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 361
Paren-Tales of a Jujubee
Posted: 4/1/2010 5:45:33 PM
Every parent's heart glows with all the good things, doesn't it? Attaboys, praise to the heavens, well done, kiddos?

How does a tiny crack in the lining of the strongest of hearts set of a firestorm of the deepest unmaginable pain ever created? How is it, I, as a parent, can't fill all the minute tears in his heart & mind & save him from pain?

Tonight was the first karate lesson for an eight year old I know & love with all my heart. He wasn't sure going in, but as it began, he took his place tentively. As noise levels gradually got louder & louder, he stopped. functioning. moving. participating...tears ran down his face as he looked for me.

As I held my safety spot by the back door (for him to look back & see that yes, his mom was near), my knuckles were white, my breathing possibly as painful as each of his.

Should I go to him? Let him work it out in his own way? M.Victor noticed immediately, softly speaking to him around the activity for several minutes, stood, put his arm around Elijah & led him to me gently to me where he laid his head on my shoulder & cried his heart out.

When he caught his breath, he said I'm scared. I'm angry. I'm embarrassed, but I'm not leaving. Can I please stay & watch? It's new, but I might want to try again next time.

As we sat there, quietly watching & talking, I told him that he would never be a failure in my eyes because he cared enough to try-to stretch his bounds of comfort & do his dead level best.
Joined: 1/24/2004
Msg: 362
Paren-Tales of a Jujubee
Posted: 4/6/2010 5:41:19 PM
Hi all! I'm gearing down for the meeting I've been prepping for for the last couple second chance @ redemption for the blonde haired blue eyed one, Elijah.

I might be back someday, but for now...I'm needed on the homefront.

Thank you ALL for supporting me & loving me & mine through the years, laughter, sadness & tears.

Love you muchly,

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