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 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 14
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How open about sexual preferences on first dates?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
to each their own Tejas, but if you talk to any professional about a healthy sex life, fantasies are a part of any healthy lifestyle. To expect someone to never find another attractive or fantasize about someone else ever, is not only ludicrous, but unhealthy.

Now, don't get me wrong, if bringing a 3rd into your relationship isn't for you, that's fine. Not one thing wrong with that.....but if one even FANTASIZES about something?

See the thing is: a fantasy is in the mind and doesn't always have to be fulfilled, probably why it's called fantasy lol. If it was acted upon it'd be called reality !
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 17
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How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/8/2008 8:13:02 AM
But it's very rare to see women actually dating other women, ya know, getting into long term relationships.


Dude, please......When I read that I had to see your profile and find out where you're from...I thought for sure you'd be from BF Arkansas but was surprised to see you're from montreal??? Holy SH.t batman......

I don't know about the gay population in Montreal but hell, it's alive and thriving here in Toronto. I mean, I personally know and have worked with 6 lesbians, 2 transexuals (1 pre and 1 post op) and 4 gay guys. All within the last 3 yrs.

I mean just a week ago I was in Home Depot and I saw two women who were obviously dykes looking perplexed in the plywood rack so I helped them out with advise on what they should be using.

Rare, yeah, about as rare as concrete being used as a building material lol.....
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 20
How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/8/2008 9:34:45 AM
reasons for being gay ...you are attracted to members of your own sex ..... you have the deep seated feeling you were born the wrong sex .....reasons for being bi.......its popular these days .....the guy you are with wants you to be to attract and make it ok for him to be with other chicks who think they are bi.....you are a rebel and dont care what others think and are very hedonistic ..... you have been hurt by the oposite sex and are getting even in your mind ....bi just dont make a lot of sense ...you can have sex with a rubber doll or a bob but to have feelings for.... it has to be one or the other ....JMO...it is my observation that people are either.... gay ...heterosexual.....or fooling themselves ....when a professed bi person goes looking for sex with a member of their own sex ...its that... just sex ...they are not looking for a meaningful relationship .like a gay person might be
 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 21
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How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/8/2008 10:24:57 AM
Are all women Bi or Bi curious? I don't believe so...... Are many women Bi curious? I would have to say yes. After a short time together women that have never experienced a Bi encounter MAY indicate they either have in fact experienced an encounter or desire to have the experience.

Would it be uncuth to ask on the first date "So are you Bi" Or "are you Bi curious"...LOL. On the surface, I would have to assume that your percentage of getting laid may substantially decrease. I don't know that for a fact, can someone enlighten me please?
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 23
How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/8/2008 11:09:57 AM
I actually think that the subject could be broached immediately, if you can work it into a fun convo--ask in a light way. But I do NOT think that "most" women are bi- or bi-curious. I think that "most" women want one man to love forever.

I also wonder why this is a "requirement" for this guy--I think that he sounds like a control freak, and doesn't really want a close, intimate relationship with any one person. So I would want to know immeduately, anyway, were I dating him--so that I could dump him immediately.
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 24
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How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/8/2008 11:14:42 AM

.... it has to be one or the other ....JMO...it is my observation that people are either.... gay ...heterosexual.....or fooling themselves ....when a professed bi person goes looking for sex with a member of their own sex ...its that... just sex ...they are not looking for a meaningful relationship .like a gay person might be


Dude, I hope that made sense to you cuz it sure didn't to me. You say on one hand that one is either gay or not, then you say if a bi person goes looking for sex with the same gender it's just sex.....which is it? Bi gay and straight or Gay or straight?

For the record: one doesn't have to have a relationship in order to be gay straight or bi. Know why? because the words THEMSELVES say it: HomoSEXUAL, heteroSEXUAL biSEXUAL

Here's one for you: I worked with a transexual. They were a girl turning into a boy. Know who their partner was? A boy turning into a girl......so explain THAT one!!!
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 26
How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/8/2008 12:26:38 PM
which is it? Bi gay and straight or Gay or straight?
...i know there are exceptions to everything ....i was just stating that people that say they are gay seek relationships with the same sex ..generally..people that say they are Bi seek relationships with the opposite sex and the encounters with the same sex are considered just play ...again from my observation's and again with exceptions ...I have no basis for an opinion on trans gender people...as i know none ...or if i do they are not open with it ....now i know it is entirley possible to associate with trans gender people and not know it . but being associated with the swinglifestyle where bi is prevalent i do have a basis for my theory on bisexual people...and by associated i dont mean being a participant just an innocent bystander or what have you...i have worked security in a swing club and still do.the easiest job in the world me thinks ....the members police themselves ...in the many years i have done this there has been very little trouble ....not so at vanilla bars security at a vanilla bar will get you killed ...or worse..been there done that too........hope that clarifies what i was saying
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 27
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How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/8/2008 3:56:34 PM
Well dog, I know a plethoria of gay single men who would totally disagree with your theory or observations. Just because a guy doesn't want a relationship doesn't make him gay straight or bi. If one goes for members of the same sex? They're gay. If they go for members of the opposite sex? They're hetero. If they go both ways? They're bi.......

bisexual:
2. sexually responsive to both sexes; ambisexual.

Homosexual:
2. of, pertaining to, or noting the same sex.

heterosexual:
2. Biology. pertaining to the opposite sex or to both sexes.

all from http://dictionary.reference.com. Now YOUR definition may be different, but I go by the dictionary of the english language. if people are going to start making up their own definition, we're doomed......
 jst_a_mskgn_grl
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 29
How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/9/2008 4:28:17 AM
rentahusband - I think I my have misrepresented myself...I am not about to dis a mans fantasy unless he wants to act upon it by adding a 3rd party into MY mix. My personal belief is that if a man (or woman) wants more than the one-on-one, monogamous relationship, he/she is not in love with their partner and is not respectful of them. Again, this is my personal belief. I also personally believe that a healthy sexual relationship is vital to a healthy relationship with your partner (whether your partner is of the opposite sex or not). And if the sex is no good and there's no chance of it being good, I'm not in that relationship!

I know there are 'open relationships' for some out there. I don't understand how/why, etc., but to each their own.

I know that men are very visual and I know that when I'm with someone, I find other men attractive. I expect the guy I'm with to find other women attractive, too. We are only human. He is even more than welcome to say she's hot or she has a nice body, etc. I am not that insecure that if he finds someone attractive, I can't even hear about it. I am not all that and there is always better out there. He would be a fool to not find others attractive/sexy/hot, etc. If he wants to ACT upon those findings, that's where I have issues.

So, it's my personal preference that my man want me for me and he would want no one else while with me. rentahusband, from what your saying, I'm a rarity on my expectations. But you know what? I happen to date men with the same beliefs and have no problems finding those men, either. I know enough men / have enough male friends that when they admit to having a fantasy of two bi women, it's just that: a fantasy. They don't want a relationship with the women and it would only be sex if he went with those women. Relationships are based on trust and face it, if your woman liked other women and wanted other women (or men), can you trust her? I think not. The only time there would be trust is in the rare 'open relationships'. A true 'open relationship' is not that common, either.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 31
How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:32:50 AM
Now YOUR definition may be different, but I go by the dictionary of the english language. if people are going to start making up their own definition, we're doomed......
now rentahusband my friend wake up ...thats exactly what people do ...and how are we going to be doomed by divisions in language....proper language in the time of Shakesphere would not even be understood in most sects today..im sure he would have problems with todays language also/even whats considered proper..in terms of sexuality every sect ,every region,every group ,and yes every individual has his or her own definition....definitions change and it is the dictionary's duty to follow that change ...not set the rules for definitions ...language developed before dictionaries and continues to evolve....there are even conflicts depending on which dictionary you reference..not as your sixth grade English teacher would have you to believe ...dont know the times ...and im over half a century old ...that when in school I was admonished for saying something ...ie that word is not a word but guess what ...now it is an accepted word ...now it is in the English dictionary ...the dictionary is not a book of laws ...it is a book that explains the laws that society sets ,changes and resets and its correctness depends on where you are and each individual's out look ...especially in subjects as diverse and broad as human sexuality...even though ..... I will state that in my previous post that i was not trying to state rules ...just my observations in the bisexual rich groups that i am associated with ...and in those terms i stand by my observations and conclusions and definitions ....while accepting that in your region /,groups you observe and are associated with and your definitions...things may well be completely different ...this is why I will not try to poke holes in your observations /theories though they may be different than mine ...please afford me the same courtesy
as with the trans gender people ..i will admit that i have little data for a theory on Gay people as i know very few of them ...but my associations are crawling with Bi people mostly women
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 32
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How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/9/2008 7:35:47 AM
DD: ever heard of the word PARAGRAPH, dude, come on.....

Yes, it is true, definitions change, but not by one person's definition. It is the majority of the society that can have an affect on the definition of the word(s).

My point was that if homesexual people live by the definition, then they are the ones the rest of society should abide by don't you think? If you don't agree with that, that's like saying to a cat: you're not a cat you're a dog because I say so....

As for your experiences with the women in the clubs you work at, I think what they are referred to as "lipstick lesbians". But conversely, if someone has sexual contact with members of both sexes, that by it's very action is bi (as in two).


I wouldn't be able to give him what he desires or fantasizes about.


Tejas, you specifically stated that you would not date a man that fantasizes about a 3some or something that you don't agree with/to. Then you go on to say that you have known and know many men that DO have these fantasies. Which is it? Either they can have these fantasies and you're ok with it, or you're not. Or is this one of the enigmas of women that men will never understand: that they can be against something and for it at the same time?


A true 'open relationship' is not that common, either.


Umm, maybe in your vanilla world but there are millions of swingers out there and if you'd do a little research you'd know your statement is false. I personally know of 2 couples that are in an open relationship (and I only know 5 couples so that's like 50%).

Being relatively new to POF and the forums I can tell you something I'm learning: people are SO stuck in their little worlds that they don't realize there's a lot more out there than what they see right in front of them.

I just wish people wouldn't make such blatantly false statements (like the above) and open their eyes to the rest of the world.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 33
How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/9/2008 10:08:32 AM
Yes, it is true, definitions change, but not by one person's definition. It is the majority of the society that can have an affect on the definition of the word(s).


yep but those changes started with just a few or maybe one person ...every majority starts with a few...i use a word wrong someone else picks it up and another ...pretty soon Webster has got to republish


yes i have heard the word paragraph ..and believe it or not i know how to use them...but like you i suppose..i neglect proper grammar when posting ...because im doing other things at the same time ..ie...making a living ...spell checkers make spelling easy but for lack of a grammar checker you can just suffer through reading my post ...or ignore it

yes you are right on the last comment most people would be surprised how many of their friends are swingers ...its a common occurrence at the clubs people walk in and say what are you doing here we could have rode together

lipstick lesbians.....there is all kinda lingo for all kinda interest but its pretty much..... str8....gay...bi..or bi curious when swingers are talking about themselves...or their playmates...and any sexual activity with others than their SO is referred to as PLAY kinda tells you that they put no emotional bond to their activities


a
 jst_a_mskgn_grl
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 34
How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/9/2008 2:25:55 PM
rentahusband - men have those fantasies. Sure. I said I am not able to fulfill his fantasy if MY man wants that. If a man dreams about it and wants that dream to come true, it won't happen with me.

And if you want to call my world vanilla, you go right ahead. It's probably pure vanilla compared to yours. BUT TO EACH HIS OWN. I never sent a personal insult to you and you shouldn't do so to me. I happen to best friends with a swinger, her choice, not mine. I am NOT stuck in my own little world. I know what's out there and I am happy with who I am. So, don't dis me for saying I don't want a 3-some and have never been bi, bi-curious or even drunk enough to feel the need to kiss a woman. To each their own. I have gay friends. I have gay relatives. I have bi friends. My BF is a swinger. BUT, I am all for one-on-one. Monogamy. You call it vanilla. I call it a hell of a good time.

Don't bother replying with a post about this. You are more than welcome to dis me privately in an email, if that's the route and maturity level you desire.
 opnmydm
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 37
How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:05:43 AM
that would be a really good time for you to say, i only date bi men, are you bi?
and no, most women are not bi. not sure were this guy gets his info? oops, must be that porn he is always watching..lol
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 38
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How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:23:40 AM
I definitely do not agree with the OP's statements on women and bisexuality - since is is misinformed! I do think that people who are open about their sexuality are more desirable than those who are closed off and do not express their desires. I would want to know upfront the true wants needs and desires of a potential partner - so that I can make an informed decision on whether or not to continue into a relationship!
Is it right or wrong to discuss sexual interests on a first date? Hey - to each their own!!
 sj365
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 39
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How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:52:08 AM
my my my... arent we all so very sure of ourselves.

what strikes me is the absoluteness (yeah, not a word, but it should be) of the statements regarding sexual preferences... as though we were static creatures who never change or evolve.

i think a healthy sex life, good sex, should be a more fluid thing (*snicker*...sex...fluid...get it?) i mean i dont have sex in the same way , nor do i enjoy it the same way i did when i first started having sex so many moons ago. its gotten better & more varied over time. you learn, you grow, you change... assuming you're open to the possibilities.

my kids (teens & 20somethings) generation seems to have a handle on this subject. they seem less intent on identifying their sexuality with an either/or sort of label. i think they might have it right.

personally? i like to think of my self as 'flex-ual'
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 40
How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:44:20 AM
tejas yuki baby I dont think rentahusband was referring to your world being vanilla ....vanilla is a term that people in alternate lifestyles use to refer to a straight monogamous sexual lifestyle.... we were simply using terms of the swinger lifestyle in our debate ...we are sure that your lifestyle provides you with the pleasure you desire ...and in no way seek to demean it ...

i know i did not mean to advocate any lifestyle over another ...like you said Each to his own ....my only purpose was to discuss the alternate lifestyles ...the debate got more heated between rentahusband and me than any other poster in this thread ...and any thing we said that was taken offensive to another poster i think i can say was not meant that way ....nor did i take anything that was said personally...and it is my hope that rentahusband or anyone else didn't either
 Jet Fuel
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 42
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How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 5/13/2008 11:53:26 AM

Is that true that most women are bi but would die before saying so?


Dude...you watch too much porn
 smhrgs3000
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 43
How open about sexual preferences on first dates?
Posted: 7/31/2008 2:46:55 PM
Ummm, sorry, but I have to respecfully AGREE with the first statement. Unless you're still a teenage virgin, by now in life you should have some idea just what flavore or varieties of "high octane fuels" your sexual drive runs best on. If you still honestly dn't have a clue, then that's even more important to share with a potential life partner. Statistically, "sexual incompatability" is the single most comon reason for both marraiges, and relationships, to flounder or totally fail. I just can't imagine anyone believing that it isn't even worth talking about openly, and often. Certainly more important than your interest in gardening, hummingbirds, or coon dogs.
Plus, we're none of getting any younger, so why waste six months of what's left in your life on a relationship that was dead at the start due to radically different sexual preferences and practices? The irony is, safe sex isn't difficult, and to be honest, sexual compatability is easier to evaluate than gardening preferences, lmao. So, hehehe, just how should I plant this tuber sexy? .:banana
Why be so secretive about it? If someone else is bothered by reading it, then I've just ruled out one pof candidate already, and not one second was wasted in the process:
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