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 AUTHOR
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 166
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Been married for 20 years, feel empty.Page 12 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I always suspected that when an OP is getting bashed, and the chronic bashers outweight those with compassion... then the thread never gets deleted. However; when the chronic bashers don't seem to 'win' or, get the majority to agree with them, then 'this thread should get deleted' is voiced. Funny how you don't want it to remain now.. Where was you concern before? I understand this (though find it rather pathetic) afterall, regardless of what your opinion is why would you want decent men seeing via your posts how mean and unyielding you are. There are decent ways to give an opinion that does not agree with an opening post... Thanks for showing (I hope) most of us the way NOT to do it.
*acknowledges galonthemt's post and does not include her in my synopsis*

The OP could have just came on this site and did whatever it is that she wanted to do as far as meeting or dating. She didnt do that.
I agree, the fact that she posted indicates to me that she is indeed looking for clarity, otherwise she could have just joined one of the thousand married folks on here and gone ahead and cheated, not worrying or, giving a sh*t about what any of us people thought about it.

~ Wishes ~
 TwistedEnvy
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 168
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:56:44 PM

^^ wow, that all means so much. coming from a *cough cough* 19 yr old LOL


Excuse my ignorance, but you were 19 at one time, were you not? No doubt you were ignoraqnt to the ways of the world, but just because you were does NOT mean I am. Just because you are OLDER and more "WISE" does not make you right. So? People learn the best lessons of all from their children.

People like you, who only look at age, are ignorant. I have made many mistakes throughout my life, and through doing so I have learned a helluva lot more than a lot of people your age. Maybe you should learn some decency and stop bullying someone who is obviously hurt or she wouldn't be trying to post on this BROKEN HEARTS forum.

I saw your nasty posts as well, and as I was focusing on WallFlower you are in there just as well. I chose not to include you because I don't know much about you. I only come on these forums so often because they have turned into a petty ****-fest. You are the one who needs to grow up.

WallFlower, I'm so happy you got defensive and turned it around on me. I'm sure the rational people on this forum have seen your posts and thought as I did. It doesn't matter what you say to provoke me. You should learn to take your own advice, or back off.

Tacu, no problem. If no one stands up to these schoolyard bullies, they will keep bullying until they can't go anymore. Being online shows who people really are. If they see other people taking advantage of the right to free speech and yelling at others, they will do the same. Mind you, these are the same people who tell their kids (if they have kids anyways) to play nice. Let's see the children read what they are saying online. No wonder kids are so messed up these days.
 wallflower1
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 170
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:52:09 PM
About kids??
My 2 are very productive grownups who are very together, very loving, in stable and functioning relationships. In fact, my daughter is going to be a beautiful bride this year. She is marrying every mother's dream for a son-in-law. He adores my daughter.
My son is with a woman who thinks he is perfection. I am adored and respected by my kids and they spoil me any chance they get. All my friends and acquaintances have always said "How on earth did you get such beautiful children?" I said.."It's because I loved them enough to treat them with decency, love, respect and taught them good values and a decent code of behaviour."
I enjoyed them! I had fun with them. I put them in sports, music and other things so that they could develop self-esteem and learn to challenge themselves in a productive way. They did well at school and college. They never smoked or did drugs. They partied with their peers but not so that it ever became a problem.
I never called them brats and ran them down. How horrible for those kids that this happens to.
This comes from someone who also taught her kids to speak up about peer pressure to do bad things. I taught my kids to have opinions and not be scared to be leaders instead of following a pack of sheep being led by wolves.
I can be proud.
Now I am off the forum. so..if you want to rip me apart...go and do so. I have the last smile and laugh because I have respect.
 ther_mal
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 172
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:05:31 PM
you ladies who seem very bitter from past hurts, keep post sarcastic remarks to anyone who doesn't agree with you. everybody has a right to freedom of speach. and
jnh456 **mean and disgusting no ***. i don't know you , never met you nor ever talked with you before now. but your own words and sarcasm is what forms ones opinion of you. i'm sure to those who know you think very highly of you and you may in fact be a very nice person, but the way in which you replied to my post gave me my impression of you . we all have had people who hurt us in life. and will probably happen again. thing is some of us know to heal and move on taking with us a lesson learned. what the op does is not anybodies business but hers. we get what we give. she will in the end get what she gives. if it be lies and deceit then a measure is reserved for her. what i didn't like was the ignorant remarks slung at others. how some tried to make themselves look so much more inteligent and better than others. trying to dumb down anything said counter to what your views were. we get what we give! while mine may not have been any better i will be big enough to apoligize for anything i said that offended anybody.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 176
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Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:46:15 PM
^^^From wutznot2love's msg #234\/\/\/

Why beat a dead horse, is all I'm saying? both sides have strong opinions. Nobody is going to change the minds of 'the other side' and the OP clearly finds this all very amusing so what is the point in continuing? There's people on these forums who are genuinely lost and looking for help. Time would be better spent trying to help them than help someone who never really wanted help to begin with, that's all I'm saying.
I never said delete the thread......I just don't understand why it goes on and on, like the song that never ends. *shrug
From packagedeal:
And here's the thing, when you continue to attack someone whether they deserve it or not, eventually you begin to look ignorant and stupid, even if generally speaking you are not. Saying it one more time is not going to make a difference. Continuing to argue about a subject that is essentially without resolution is equally ridiculous and pointless. Even if you are right, people get tired of hearing it and will distance themselves from you and yet again, what have you changed, absofukinglutely not one thing.
 lenore alexes
Joined: 8/24/2007
Msg: 177
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/19/2008 11:38:20 PM
Hello, listen..i am going through the exact situation you are, and you are not doing anything wrong, i know what it feels like to be lonely and empty inside...be you Chritian,Catholic or whatever. You have given 20 years of your life to a man who sounds like he just doesn't care and who is selfish..My husband also drinks and whever else he is doing,he has een stolen my pain medicine so he could get higher when he drinks beer. I feel your pain, honestly.....it does not matter what anyone on here thinks...why are they on here?...But what i can tell is that you need to meet that one person who will make you feel alive again...and you will!...it does happen, so please don't give up..ok?....everyone has something to say, but only you and you alone know what you need and deserve...Really, as far as i'm concerned i'm only married on a piece of paper,but i don't have a real marriage, and neither do you...So hang in there...i bet anything that you will meet a really nice guy......take one step at a time and honestly, don't listen to these other people....how can anyone be so judgemental...you may be legally married but that's it...I felt the emptiness for many years and now have found a wonderful guy...like i said...one step at a time...you'll do fine...keep your self esteem high and that's it....When i read your messeage,it sounded exactly like me!...so don't give up..ok......you take care
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 180
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/20/2008 1:45:53 PM
But what i can tell is that you need to meet that one person who will make you feel alive again...and you will!...it does happen, so please don't give up..ok?....everyone has something to say, but only you and you alone know what you need and deserve...Really, as far as i'm concerned i'm only married on a piece of paper,but i don't have a real marriage, and neither do you...So hang in there...i bet anything that you will meet a really nice guy......take one step at a time and honestly, don't listen to these other people....how can anyone be so judgemental...you may be legally married but that's it...I felt the emptiness for many years and now have found a wonderful guy...


Sometimes people change, and not for the better. I for one have no quarrel with the OP wanting more out of life, but she seems to be seeking support for a "strategy" of finding that "more out of life" by pursuing extramarital romantic relationships,citing finances,concern for breaking up her family and her somewhat faded Christianity as reasons to remain married to this man, whom she claims to love as a parent loves a child rather than as a woman loves her man.
I GET that she hopes to find a man who will help her escape from this sad shell of a marriage. I say she is headed down the wrong path because all she is doing is shifting the responsibility for her own happiness from one man to another.

FORGET all the dogma about cheating, setting a bad example for her kids,whatever! She's just repeating the same damn mistake;looking for a man to provide her with happiness.
We are each responsible for creating our own happiness,and finding someone else who has also created his or her own happiness. And then you SHARE it. If there is a circumstance in your life that puts you out there on your own for a time, you can get through it with equanamity. You may not LIKE not having someone to share your happiness,but you will be able to make your choices about love and relationships with a little bit of good judgement and wisdom.
you need to meet that one person who will make you feel alive again...
and that one person is HERSELF, not a man who's willing to enter into a relationship with another man's wife.

You don't get true happiness from another person, true happiness is something you create for yourself, and you grow that happiness by sharing it. As long as the OP sees her happiness as being dependent upon having male attention, she's gonna screw herself over again, and again. That's what bothers me.

But it sounds like the post from which I've quoted will give the OP what she THINKS she needs...a way to rationalize cheating, by telling herself other people are doing it,too. Sure they are, and for every one that actually leverages themselves into something POSITIVE, there's probably 10 who end up with their *ss in a sling...
Cindy O
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 183
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Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/20/2008 5:31:11 PM
^^^^^From msg 231
Frankly, I'm not sure why this thread continues.
*sees irony*
 wallflower1
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 184
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/20/2008 5:58:01 PM
Hey...wutznot2luv....
Don't you feel like a mouse in the field... and all of those crows are sitting on the powerlines, beady eyes alert, waiting for you to surface....to make a squeak!
SQUEAK!!!!
They descend on you and try to rip you to pieces....but...we do run fast when we see the black hordes coming.
Ahhhh...that's their life, eh?

To all of super's homies....
This thread is becoming a hamster wheel....

You will argue until the pigs come home....ooops...the cows.
Just know that the silent majority is for honesty, integrity, honour, strength and
justice will prevail. I will not stop with the way that I express myself. If people don't like it, well...get some spine.
When your mother or father had enough of your whininess, I will bet dollars to doughnuts that they were sharp with their words to you and you cleaned up your act fast! Some adults who never grow up still need that kick in the ass*.
Get over it...
 ther_mal
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 190
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:56:26 AM
WALLFLOWER
lol you have the nerve to post this hypocritical crap after all you posted on here to others and ripped them? omg oh poor you
try using your own advice:
Some adults who never grow up still need that kick in the ass*.
Get over it... and yourself.

Don't you feel like a mouse in the field... and all of those crows are sitting on the powerlines, beady eyes alert, waiting for you to surface....to make a squeak!
SQUEAK!!!!
They descend on you and try to rip you to pieces....but...we do run fast when we see the black hordes coming.
Ahhhh...that's their life, eh?

To all of super's homies....
This thread is becoming a hamster wheel....

You will argue until the pigs come home....ooops...the cows.
Just know that the silent majority is for honesty, integrity, honour, strength and
justice will prevail. I will not stop with the way that I express myself. If people don't like it, well...get some spine.
When your mother or father had enough of your whininess, I will bet dollars to doughnuts that they were sharp with their words to you and you cleaned up your act fast! Some adults who never grow up still need that kick in the ass*.
Get over it...
 Kymiani
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 192
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 7/24/2008 1:06:06 PM
i hate to sound like the eternal rebelrousin' iconoclast but here goes:

WTF are you up here? This was supposed to be for those who are single, seeking and wanting a relationship, or something like that. Not that it is in the exclusive province of sngl ppls but darn when does the madness stop??!!

You should be consulting with someone who is uniquely equipped to assist you in this trying time. To consult relative strangers and want to base your future actions upon their words is truly cheating yourself, and you are trying to place the blame of your own subsequent activities on someone else. Far easier to place the blame on someone else, that way you dont fully own up to anything that goes wr ong. But remember: you have to own up to 50% of anything you get yourself into. Remember you get what you pay for in life, nothing worth anything is free, be it common sense, personal growth, fortune or fame or infamy. You put in, you take out.
 Kymiani
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 193
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 7/24/2008 1:10:45 PM
i hate to sound like the eternal rebelrousin' iconoclast but here goes:

WTF are you up here for? This was supposed to be for those who are single, seeking and wanting a relationship, or something like that. Not that it is in the exclusive province of sngl ppls but darn when does the madness stop??!!

You should be consulting with someone who is uniquely equipped to assist you in this trying time. To consult relative strangers and want to base your future actions upon their words is truly cheating yourself, and you are trying to place the blame of your own subsequent activities or inadequacies on someone else. Far easier to place the blame on someone else, that way you dont fully own up to anything that goes wr ong. But remember: you have to own up to 50% of anything you get yourself into. Remember you get what you pay for in life, nothing worth anything is free, be it common sense, personal growth, fortune or fame or infamy. You put in, you take out.

And come back when you are single, or the dust has settled.

have a goood one

Blackspere
 janedoexyz
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 198
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 7/24/2008 9:00:36 PM
You said it yourself. Your with a child of a man. I believe that kids get a bad lesson when they live through a dead marriage. Better to come from a broken home than to live in one.

I was married for over 10 years to a grown man that acted like a child. He always had money to spend at the bar and denied the family the basic needs, because he needed the money for the bar. I was the only adult around. He would break my rules for the kids as fast as I set them. He didn't believe that kids should have chores, because his sister didn't give her kids chores. I was a servant in my own home. He would raise his fist to me. It was the drinking/ and his ego that got him mad at me.

I don't see you as thinking yourself as better than him. Your crying for help and guidance. A dating site is not the place for it. Yet, I hear you.

Well, you don't have child care issues. A child of 11 is legally allowed to be home alone. I wouldn't recommend it for long periods of time, but it's ok until you get home from work. you need a plan to break away. I know what your going through, it's misery.

There are better sites to contact than this one: It's called hidden hurt dot com. It's a site for anyone that were damaged by their other half.

J.
 discreet no strings 123
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 201
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:12:13 AM
My opinion is a little different than most of the others . So many people think the easiest answer is divorce .
Well lets explore that shall we . So it's not working out in certain areas of the relationship , so we sell the house , lose ground there , fight over and split the pensions lose ground there. Very possibly do damage to the kids attitudes , they usually don't do well with parents that split . So we're taking a big chance there . The lawyers are probably going to do every thing they can to keep you 2 fighting and disagreeing with each other , that way they make more money , and the more they make means less for the 2 of you to split.
Well I guess after you take the years of getting back on good financial ground and the time it will take to get the kids well adjusted again , if your lucky enough to get them adjusted , you might have time if your young enough after all that to be able to start the often long process of finding the right one this time .
I have a friend at work who opted to avoid all that mess . He was married to his wife for 15 yrs and the last 3 of those years he spent most of his time trying to find a way to get his wife interested in having sex again . He went that whole 3 yrs without sex , but still stayed married . Maybe that's easy for most women I'm not sure but I don't think it is that easy for most men . So he could have opted for divorce to but he chose a different approach . He sat his wife down and asked her , if you have an apple that is bruised do you throw out the whole apple . She said no I just cut out the bruised part. I'm not going to waste a good apple just because of one small bruise . He said exactly . Well dear we have a bruise on our relationship . He then asked her , am I a good provider , she said yes. Am I a good father , she again said yes . He asked her , do I drink to much , gamble , or do drugs , she said no . Well he said our bruise on the apple is our sex life . We haven't had one at all for the last 3 yrs . Why you've lost interest isn't important to me anymore because after trying for the last 3 yrs without any change now I've slowly lost interest . So we can throw out the whole apple and go to divorce court or we can just cut out the bruised part and agree to let each other see other people for our sexual needs only . Well to this day they are still married , still run the house together , still take care of the kids together , still make household and family decisions together . The only thing different is they still don't have sex together they have chosen to find other partners for those needs. They both make sure their partners are clean and they make sure they don't deal with pregnancies . because they discussed it and only keep it secret from the kids , the only ones who suffered from it are the greedy lawyers who didn't get all their money .
So depending on the circumstances , sometimes there are other solutions to relationship problems rather than making lawyers rich , and taking the chance on the kids future .
 ladyinup2013
Joined: 8/22/2009
Msg: 203
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 2/12/2013 1:32:42 PM
I have been single most of my life and refused to live in a relationship where I was unhappy~~but i got tortured for leaving my divorce 25 yrs ago and that pain and abuse is now finally settling~i had one descent relationship in that time but it never went down the aisle~but your youngest one is turning 11, that's a very challenging time already for him/her, as long as you move on, free yourself from all of this, and get your kid in therapy to help deal~but if your ex is/was drinking depression, oh my, you may set off rejection that could turn ugly~~if he wants to separate and divorce too, that's a good sign, go for it, but i tell you, depending on where you are, good luck~your age is still good to hook up and find what you want~i just see some red flags on deep emotions, men don't like it if women leave them~but there is an adult way to do this~hoping you the best~sounds like you are lonely~
 lovefun99
Joined: 6/14/2010
Msg: 204
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History
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 2/14/2013 11:46:50 AM
Oh surprise!
Another 5 year old post that you dredged up to answer when the OP is long gone and everything in this post is now irrelevant.....
 zombiehuntress
Joined: 4/10/2011
Msg: 205
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 2/27/2013 6:07:22 AM
I was married for twenty years. If you're not happy then end it with divorce. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. My children. And the ex....Staying with someone because of religion or family values is sometimes a very bad idea. None of us are regretting my decision. It's up to you to make yours.
 altosong
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 206
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History
Been married for 20 years, feel empty.
Posted: 2/27/2013 8:24:17 PM
Drinking behavior..and emotional abuse ...go hand in hand...I just got out...of a nine year relationship...with the man feeling so sorry for himself..It kept bringing me down,No solutions...just lies and deceit..and other women..Sad..Sad..
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