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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Do men hate it when women they like have kids?      Home login  
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 Jivin
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 76
DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???Page 4 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Part of the issue here is that a guy may look at the big picture. If the kid gets attached to the male figure (and it happens) and things don't work out, that's three losses-including the child(ren) who may take it the hardest IF they became attached to the male figure.

There is also the unfortunate stereotype that women with kids need a man to 'play daddy.' While I don't think I have ever known a single mother who was out and about looking for this, this is the way many guys will see this.
 DragonRider
Joined: 7/15/2004
Msg: 77
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DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/18/2005 11:12:09 PM
@Tangoperu

I should probably have said "every other criteria"... (sigh) the point I was making is that, you could meet a woman that was everything you wanted, looks, personality, brains, temperment etc... (please ... I know you don't want someone elses kids, okay?), but she has children...

I am not asking you to apologize for your preference, nor even to defend it. I am simply saying that you MAY be overlooking a wonderful person due to this. No, you should not be called any of the variety of names because of your preference. AS LONG AS YOU BEHAVE AS A GENTLEMAN about it.... Most of the comments that you are seeing here is because of the name calling and degradation that was going on both here and in the other similar thread. Because they have kids, they have been subjected to being called, home wreckers, wh***s, Sl**S and worse. That they are a little miffed about it is understandable.

YOU seem like a gentleman, and seem like you would handle the situation better than most. Unfortunately, it seems that the ladies here, have met or run into too many that treat them like cheap ladies of the night or worse. And sadly, yes, you might get a barrage of insults that you might not deserve.

Peace, I was not attacking you... just explaining and answering your question.

~~Dragon Rider~~
 DragonRider
Joined: 7/15/2004
Msg: 78
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DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/19/2005 8:39:11 AM
TangoPeru -

I agree that it will probably take a few dates, or meets to see.... but I can also see circumstance where you could meet for lunches or some such and the topic took a bit to come up. The only thing stranger than fiction is real life....

Catch22 - Yeah, it could be, badly. Until a few months ago, I would have had to agree with you, a guy wouldn't call up just to spew names at a lady... sadly, I was surprised, but that is a different story. So how do you behave properly? The best thing that I can offer is this, simply explain it to her, you're not ready for childre, or you want to start your own family, or you are reluctant to enter a relationship due to potential intaglements with ex spouses, or whatever the reason. It isn't going to be easy, simply for the fact that she may be what you are looking for in every other way. If she is truly the person you thought that she would be, then you CAN talk to her and she will understand, if she isn't the person you thought, well... then that pretty much is self-curing right? In my case, I have no issues pursuing a relationship with a gal that has kids, but I do have criteria for doing so, I don't commit half way, I refuse to play yours/mine crap, and discuss other topics. It has worked for me, that way her and the kids know going into it what I expect, it is either accepted or... not.

The last thing in the world though that I would suggest is the disappearing act. That is simply rude. Yes, you stand a chance by talking to her to be thought of as immature or shallow or whatever. But if you TRY to have the conversation with her, then you did at least try, and win loose or draw, you did your best. In all honesty, I have never turned a way from a lady because she had kids, we have seperated because of a mutually differing point of view on raising kids (BIG differences, not little ones), or because of psycho ex's, and only once have I had one inform me that they were HER kids period... I mean if I can't tell a kid to pick up a mess or to quit puching sis in the face... I might as well not be there...

Mostly all I can say is, behave as a gentleman=treat them with respect and it usually has worked for me, probably why I am still on speaking terms/friendly with ex's. Consideration and kindness have their own magic...

Take care - Good luck and remember - all you can do is your best, there are still going to be those that think you are a jerk... Women can be just as blind and dumb as us guys...

~~Dragon Rider~~
 butterflykisses
Joined: 1/28/2005
Msg: 79
DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/19/2005 12:53:19 PM
i think if the guy knew about the girl coming as a pakage . well he shouldnt be the one complaining about the kid(s) after all the girl was a good enough person to straight out say hey theres more than 1 of me in this commitment * or whatever* but whats worser than a guy running from a ready made family .. is a father running from his creation ^ u girls know what i mean?^ i was married and after i became pregnat -- seems like his(my ex )s fantasy family was smashed and hell he ran like a chicken running from a fox or whatever.. but now we get along better as friends than what we did when we was a unit..
 DragonRider
Joined: 7/15/2004
Msg: 80
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Re: DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/19/2005 6:11:40 PM
Butterfly Kisses - I agree with you, IFthey know of it at the onset... you are right, wrong to wrong.... Fathers that abandon families should be shot...

Cassy!966 - Proper attitude... but there are guys out there that would not shun you.

~~Dragon Rider~~
 FRlENDS
Joined: 2/18/2005
Msg: 82
DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/20/2005 8:56:46 PM
I've had the "oh, and I have 4 kids" thrown at me after a couple of dates before too.
She was not received well.

I even dated 2 girls back in the day each with a child.

My opinion:
Run like hell and don't look back. Every guy I knew growing up tended to view single mothers the same way – “damaged goods single healthy successful men should avoid.”
Hell, even my mother did when I dated them.

Thank God I'm with a super person who will have her first child when we're ready.

I've said it before, too much baggage for me. Besides, in Canada, dating a woman for 2 years with kids that aren’t yours will land you 20 years of child support and university tuition fees.

Unfortunately, as we grow older, the options of dating women without children are less available. And single fathers undoubtedly view this differently, as I would if I were in their position. And that’s what this is about: Choices – the best ones out there.

I've said it before, too much baggage for me. Besides, in Canada, dating a woman for 2 years with kids that aren’t yours will land you 20 years of child support and university tuition fees.

I do give credit to the numerous girls over the years that brought the subject up immediately after we initiated our conversations. Saved us both a lot of otherwise wasted time.
 Jivin
Joined: 2/10/2005
Msg: 84
DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/21/2005 10:47:56 AM
I like dating women with kids...it's like instant family-JUSR ADD WATER!
 FRlENDS
Joined: 2/18/2005
Msg: 85
DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/21/2005 12:33:02 PM
My GF loves superman.
 FRlENDS
Joined: 2/18/2005
Msg: 86
DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/21/2005 9:24:08 PM
Is it reasonable for men who are looking for long term relationships to think that?
 FRlENDS
Joined: 2/18/2005
Msg: 87
DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/22/2005 12:17:26 AM

I am looking for someone to take care of us and be a fill in dad.....nothing is farther from the truth. My daughters have great dads. I am looking for someone for me to take a break with from the chaos, not to take care of me.


Is it the desire of men and women to take care of the person they are with?

...the word "care" has so many implications.
But since you added "financial daddy", the meaning has changed.
 rrrockstarrr
Joined: 9/6/2004
Msg: 88
DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/22/2005 6:15:02 PM
This man hates it, because it represents that you can't hold onto a man. My dad raised my brothers and sisters and me, and I know that men care about their children. If you are a widow then thats different. Having kids also represents that you dont think you need a man to be around the children. Stick-to-it-iveness is lacking in the 21st century boys and girls that are playing house.
 babymamamonica
Joined: 12/9/2004
Msg: 89
Re: DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/23/2005 10:52:00 AM
i have a 1 year old and i'm also only 19, but i see it like this: If you put it out there that you have a kid, and they don't respect that then f*** em they aren't worth it. most people i know say it obviously shows that you are responsible....as long as they are in your custody. put a pic of you and your babies in your profile, just don't try to hide it.........you love your kids right?? no need to be ashamed, we all make mistakes.
 babymamamonica
Joined: 12/9/2004
Msg: 90
Re: DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/23/2005 10:52:29 AM
i have a 1 year old and i'm also only 19, but i see it like this: If you put it out there that you have a kid, and they don't respect that then f*** em they aren't worth it. most people i know say it obviously shows that you are responsible....as long as they are in your custody. put a pic of you and your babies in your profile, just don't try to hide it.........you love your kids right?? no need to be ashamed, we all make mistakes.
 babymamamonica
Joined: 12/9/2004
Msg: 91
Re: DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/23/2005 10:52:44 AM
i have a 1 year old and i'm also only 19, but i see it like this: If you put it out there that you have a kid, and they don't respect that then f*** em they aren't worth it. most people i know say it obviously shows that you are responsible....as long as they are in your custody. put a pic of you and your babies in your profile, just don't try to hide it.........you love your kids right?? no need to be ashamed, we all make mistakes.
 babymamamonica
Joined: 12/9/2004
Msg: 92
Re: DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/23/2005 10:54:21 AM
i have a 1 year old and i'm also only 19, but i see it like this: If you put it out there that you have a kid, and they don't respect that then f*** em they aren't worth it. most people i know say it obviously shows that you are responsible....as long as they are in your custody. put a pic of you and your babies in your profile, just don't try to hide it.........you love your kids right?? no need to be ashamed, we all make mistakes.
 Meatthechzhead
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 93
Re: DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 2/24/2005 12:49:39 AM
OK I personally love kids but it is a bit of a pause. You have all kinds of relationship dynmics right in the face, you probably have a ex-hubby out there (and the few I've met have not been nice guys at all). Plus lets face it you'll never get to be the most important person in the other person's life... If my life is crazy, stress filled at the moment maybe I'm just looking to relax in a relationship, if my life is going smooth when the relationship starts then maybe I'd be interested in the little extra challenge of not only winning over mom but the kids as well... kinda all depends. Just my two cents...

-Greg
 Sudsnbeer
Joined: 4/19/2005
Msg: 94
DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 4/24/2005 9:10:50 AM
Well. I prefer if a broad does not have kids, but I will bang her either way. I dated this one chick once who put her kid in the closet so that the kid would not be able to watch us bang. I find welfare moms are the worst for that. Oh well. Big, tall, fat, small, line em up I will do em all. That is my motto.
 Sudsnbeer
Joined: 4/19/2005
Msg: 95
DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 4/24/2005 9:11:16 AM
Well. I prefer if a broad does not have kids, but I will bang her either way. I dated this one chick once who put her kid in the closet so that the kid would not be able to watch us bang. I find welfare moms are the worst for that. Oh well. Big, tall, fat, small, line em up I will do em all. That is my motto.
 Sudsnbeer
Joined: 4/19/2005
Msg: 96
DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 4/24/2005 9:11:22 AM
Well. I prefer if a broad does not have kids, but I will bang her either way. I dated this one chick once who put her kid in the closet so that the kid would not be able to watch us bang. I find welfare moms are the worst for that. Oh well. Big, tall, fat, small, line em up I will do em all. That is my motto.
 DragonRider
Joined: 7/15/2004
Msg: 97
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DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 4/24/2005 9:52:19 AM
ON the other hand... at least he IS honest... and there are some that will accept him under those terms...

My only issue with dating single moms is that, I tend to be "dad" material, I get attached to the kids, the longer the relationship with mom goes the more the kids are in my life... then if she walks away, or throws me away... I have separation anxiety multiplied... cause I didn't just lose a girlfriend, I lost an entire family... with NO visitation rights... and it gets VERY lonely... cause then... if one is the type... it gets very hard to do much of ANYTHING... for where does one go and not be surrounded by happy loving couples or smiling and playing children... even a trip to Walmart becomes tedious and painful...

To me, for me, that is the only REAL risk in dating single moms... and amusingly enough, the hurt is not straightline, it seems it is exponential.. (for you math freaks out there...)

Oh well, to each his own...

Dragon Rider
 DragonRider
Joined: 7/15/2004
Msg: 98
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Re: DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 4/27/2005 7:05:42 PM
Good for you Sanlip (YOU have four kids??!??!? )

Venus - I think a lot of guys do meet the angry ones... it really isn't hard... they seem to abound, and a fair percentage of them have a right to be angry... I just wish that people could learn NOT to take it out on innocents...

Later Folks

~~Dragon Rider~~
 Looking4NSA
Joined: 1/19/2005
Msg: 99
Re: DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 4/28/2005 6:31:17 AM
Well coming from a single guy that is 29 and has no kids, and has dated women with and without kids, I would say its sticky !! I mean I like kids and all but, its hard you have to plan around the kids when you want to do things together, you have the baby daddy drama, you have the kid drama so that is extra stuff to put up with. Then if you guys get really serious and your around the kids more and more and you start doing things for them and taking them places (at lease I would, and I have) and this sometimes causes more drama because the kids dont want to do anything with there fathers. Then on top of it some of these kids fathers are half assed doing there jobs anyway so that makes it worse. So I think it is just as hard for us single guys to deal with women that have kids. Plus what if we want to have our own kids ? Most of the time the women arent willing to have anymore because the first guy messed all that up, and then theres the having multiple baby daddies, so that doesnt fly too well either !! I could go on and on........
 singledad13b
Joined: 9/25/2003
Msg: 100
Re: DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 5/9/2005 6:24:55 PM
four children alone ten years

and no one gives a hoot

it sucks
 TexKJ
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 101
Re: DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 5/9/2005 6:49:31 PM
I dont' mind women that have a child. Not trying to offend anyone, but more than one I do have a problem with. I have a child of my own, and I hope one day to have another with a woman I love and can spend the rest of my life with. Never cared for a big family. Three kids at the most is what I want.

I'm sure that would go out the window if I felt a connection with somebody, as it should, but there's so many issues in dating someone, and throwing a child into the mix has it's problems, not to mention if there's more than one.

No need for any women in here to jump my case. If I fell in love with a woman it wouldn't matter if she had 10 kids. It's just not something I'm looking for.
 Jroch
Joined: 4/13/2005
Msg: 102
DO MEN HATE IT WHEN WOMEN THEY LIKE HAVE KIDS???
Posted: 5/11/2005 7:37:36 AM
Normally not an issue. When we first meet, we talk about each others 'situation', and how we handle it presently. Then go from there, mutually making plans together (all involved), then one of us makes time for personal time together.

I don't offer suggestions too early, as she may not have same sentiments/beliefs as me
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