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 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 8
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The Ex shows upPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Sounds like trouble in Paradise. Look, your fiance at some point will have to get use to family events where your ex will be attending them. Graduations, birthdays, weddings, etc. He's got to understand the ex will always be a part of your life because of your children. The positive thing that you've got going is you've got a good relationship with you ex, therefore your kids will benefit.

If the fiance can't understand, I'd rethink the marriage. Sounds like it's time to sit down and talk (not with the kids around).
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 9
The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 11:24:50 AM
All I can say is that your fiancé was invited and declined, and according to he's done that more than once. He'd have known what was going on had he joined you, and he didn't - so in no way is that your fault. Your ex has every right to show up to your parents and see his kids - sounds totally innocent to me, and it happens in a lot of families.

I have a friend who's divorced but is VERY close still with her ex-mother in law to the extent that they spend a couple times a week together, and all holidays. Her ex husband doesn't bother with his own mother most of the time and has moved out of state, but always calls the house on holidays to talk to his kids while they are there for dinner/dessert. Her current fiancé also joins them for holidays and sometimes even brings his mother along. It's extremely healty and good for her kids, and since they are both very trusting of each other, there's no problem...because he chose to become a part of things.

When you don't want to be a part of things, and you have control/insecurity issues - that's what happens. Sounds like you may have dodged a bullet, OP.
 Beaugrand®™©
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 18
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The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:34:27 PM
If he's that insecure it isn't going to work out anyway. Better to know this now than later.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 19
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The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:35:02 PM

a little over the top?
Ya think? ~tilts head~

Yes, this was more than over the top. More like over the top and plummeting down the other side at the speed of light. Unless there's something you haven't stated concerning other issues with your fiance about this.

Does he normally have this type of kneejerk reaction to situations?

This was very extreme. Asked you to leave? Yeah, I'd leave and not look back.
 nice_shy_girl
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 26
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The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:21:44 PM
That is way over the top. It sounds as if your fiance has some insecurity issues that he needs to deal with.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 28
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The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 7:38:57 PM
Okay ,so the fiance sees that ex is over at house,calls me ,freaking out ,I try to explain ,,not a chance .Okay so the walking folks come back ,the ex heads home ,at this point I am kinda upset over fiances phone call,.. I go home ,the fiance wants me to leave,, says it is over,he told me I should have told my ex to '**** off',,...a little over the top?
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Hmm, perhaps he didn't take his meds this week. Did you find this guy at some fiancee irregulars sale on leftover stock? TAKE A DEEP BREATH....since you are engaged...give him a day or two to cool down, if after that time, YOU CONCLUDE THIS IS MOST UNUSUAL FOR HIM...you can call him and apologize..and remind him you weren't at a bar out of town alone with him...THAT WOULD BE A PROBLEM
 Soorare
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 32
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The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:21:59 PM
How lucky can you get?
You just saved the cost of a marriage, divorce, security guards, a hitman to ‘Earl” out your EX-FINANCEE, (ALA Dixie Chicks) & you still have an EX husband who treats you & your parents with the grace of a gentleman.

Welcome to the JACKPOT, Darrrrrrling…

The only excuse for seeing your EX FINANCEE again is to serve a restraining order. I suggest sending a Bailiff….
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 34
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The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:40:44 PM
custis, not at all. I am not saying that she is deliberately lying either. Just people perceive (and interpret) things differently. And especially if emotion comes into play - it colors the story. That's all I am saying.

Excellent point rnbf, I too usually give the poster the benefit of a doubt, Except for two cases a) if it would benefit the OP, and b)if the OP types something really crazy. I mean if you got a crazy lover, what does that say about you?
 Soorare
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 36
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gotta Admire that EX!!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:51:04 PM
One classy gesture,& he outs his competiton as the last of the Neanderthals!
talk about Einstiens' 'spooky action at a distance'....

Is your EX by any chance named Clarke Kent?

Yawn- its late - Bybe bye fora folk!
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 37
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gotta Admire that EX!!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:12:29 PM
I could see fiance getting a little shook up but reason should have taken over after he thought about it.. Ya'll were married for 10 years.. you have kids together.. duh??? Your ex was just trying to show your mother respect and I am sure he is very thankful that they have supported you through the divorce and are good grand parents to your children.

Yes I agree with the majority of the posters here this guy is a fruit cake.. and totally unsuitable to marry..
 Xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 40
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The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:53:12 PM
Vodoo #32, you state some really valid points for Maggie to work thru. Hmmm,,,the fiance earns much more but she has paid off many of his bills and chips in for expenses where she can???? Is this a case of the fiance having many expensive toys that he "owns" (and she pays for) plus he owns Maggie such that being anywhere near her Ex (who has joint custody of the children) causes the fiance to go ballistic? Well, good luck with all that. It took 3 years for all this to come to a boil?
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 41
gotta Admire that EX!!!
Posted: 5/12/2008 9:55:39 PM
voodooguru
You nailed it on the head!!!! my husband did VERBATIM what you wrote there.
i have a little story to open your eyes. my husband was susposed to adopt my son immediately upon us marrying and we agreed to have another child immediately.
Well, he never adopted mt son. Whenever his genetic father called~and to be perfectly honest~the man has nothing to do with my son's life~my husband would go crazy with accusations~insanities-he was english-his name for me was tart-jealousy ect.....you see where this is going. I will give you more detal about my son's genetic father, he agreed to letting my son be adopted so that he could have a father and a family. The genetic father lives in Germany and is a German. He has only seen Christian (my son) once.
But crazy man saw him as the enemy. And if you stay with this man, your children are your children from "HIM" and everything will be your ex husband. He will end up breaking your heart. Being nice to the kids one day then cold the next and eventually break their hearts. His SELFISHNESS, INMATURITIY, AND
EGOCENTRIC behavior is not going to change.

Honey, it is all about him. And, i think that you know it. Whah, whah, whah,me, me,me!
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 42
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The Ex shows up
Posted: 5/12/2008 10:28:36 PM
Hold on. Before you dump this guy, have two serious heart to heart conversations. Have the first one with yourself. Try and see things from his point of view. I'm not condoning what he did, but it seems like this was something that had been festering for a while. It's good that you and your ex can still be close. But, how close are you? When you have that heart to heart with yourself, be painfully honest. Is the kind of closeness you and your ex have something that would cause a reasonable man (and when I say reasonable I mean someone not in your family or circle of friends) to become jealous? Try and think outside of your self. Sometimes a person can have very innocent relationships with the opposite sex, that to someone on the outside, may look like something more than what it is. It is possible that he never thought you guys were that close? Have you ever sat down and talked to him about your relationship with your ex? Or, did you just assume he must know because he loves you and is your fiance? Has he shown jealous tendencies in the past? Really examine it from every angel.

The second heart to heart you should have is with him. Really pick his brain and find out if he has jealousy issues. Has he always had these feelings? He won't tell you right away, so you'll have to coax the answers you need out of him. If you do find out he's nuts, leave him alone. Don't try to work it out. Don't wait around trying to see if things get better. They won't. Cut your losses, lick your wounds and move on. You met him, you'll meet someone else. Good luck
 ileft
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 51
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The Ex shows up
Posted: 11/30/2008 6:53:05 AM
First of all sorry to hear about how this all ended up. I agree with what some other people are saying his reaction was a little OTT. The thing is I can see why this would look bad on your fiance's part. I think before he flew off the handle he should give you a propper chance to explain the situation and maybe even talk to your parents to get their take on things I mean It's always best to see all sides to a story before making up your mind.
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