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Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 26
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She is a complete mindf*uckPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
random thoughts -
the baby - if there really is a baby, as one poster questioned - is not going to do well in this situation at all...unless it is against her moral fiber (which is doubtful she has any right now, but she will learn to), why is she having the baby??

why were you continuing to talk with her at all?

why did you start seeing another woman after only two months of grieving over this woman? that is hardly any time at all, and clearly you're not over her seems you might have started dating as a 'rebound' relationship, which is not respectful of the new woman.

you are destined to much more suffering if you continue to have any contact with your ex girlfriend. do you wish to bring yourself more pain? you are not responsible for her predicament.

you need to find your own self -worth again and focus on that. she has used you and abused you it seems and will continue to do so until you stop letting strengthen yourself and realize loving her is detrimental to your psyche and to your life and any future relationships also.

it's time to truly detach and be very strong and firm and clear this is what you are doing - both with yourself and with her. her problems are not yours. her life is not yours. your life is yours and it's time you took control of it again and removed it from her influence, once and for all. it is the only way you are truly going to recover and heal from that relationship.

it will help her also to learn she must respect can make that difference with your actions now. continue to be her beck and call boy and neither of you will learn self-respect (which starts the process of respecting others).

this is an opportunity to turn much around for all of you.....but i only see that happening if you start taking care of yourself first and that means respecting yourself enough to say no to her. it is an extremely important life lesson for all of you.
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 27
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:41:09 AM
The most important thing is that you square up to your new girl, it's so horrible to be with someone and yet have feelings for someone else. I've been in a similar position after the person I consdiered the 'love of my life' was killed in a road traffic accident; for three years I dated people and yet still had feelings for a person that would never walk planet Earth again! However, I was always honest with them if they started to show feelings for me, in many ways I think I was looking for a replacement, a substitute and this is a VERY bad thing to do. You need to close one chapter of your life BEFORE you start another, and it sound like your ex is still very much an active chapter of your life. If you still want to be with her, thne it's pretty clear your new girl is not the one for you, otherwise you wouldn't be giving your ex a second thought. Either end it once and for all, and tell your ex to stop with the life updates (you so DONT need to keep in touch with her if YOU don't want to) or confess to your current girl, she'll be pissed off (understandably) and probably leave (you cant blame her for want to the the centre of attention and not the backburner to your ex) but at least that will mean you have to deal with your ex and either get it sorted or genuinely close the chapter once and for all. Good luck!
Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 28
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 4:44:18 AM
Why not take her back, marry her and give the baby your name. Then she can leave you and you will pay child support for the next 18 years.(sarcasm)

The mistake you made was in keeping contact with her when you found out she cheated on you while in the relationship. Obviously you did not get on with your life if you thought you could keep her in it. How fair was that to the new gf?

Tell her your sorry she got herself in this mess but it is not your job to save her. And then stop contact...................Direct her to social services if you feel you must help.
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 29
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:20:12 AM
you really need to move on as she did. I dont know why she is wanting you now but i would not trust her at all. she needs to go find the man who got her pregnant if she even knows who that is. I can tell you that she does not love you at all or the cheating would have never occured in the first palce. you look very young in ur photo, i hve not read your profile to see your age but you dont need some slut who left you and got preg by god only god knows who. you need to end it for good with her and get lady that deserves you and ur love. Its not her.
Joined: 6/2/2007
Msg: 30
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:41:34 AM
HeartBroke, it's simple.....She is coming running back to you because you are her safety net. Things weren't so good for her after you guy's ended and now she has gotten herself in a pickle, she is looking for a soft place to fall and hoping that you will be it. My advice, you had moved on, so continue to do so. Tell her straight up that those are her problems and she needs to deal with them. Good luck
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 31
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:53:43 AM
this girl that I loved at the time had been cheating on me.

And if you took her back, probably would again - she doesn't "love" you, she just sees you as someone to save her from her own mistakes, knowing that you loved her.

To make a list....kicked out of her apartment, quit her job, (and the best on) is pregnant.

None of which are your fault, or your responsibility.

I am just so torn apart and tired of it all.

You don't sound ready to be in your *current* relationship, you aren't over the last one yet. Rule of thumb, if you are feeling "tired of it all", then you probably shouldn't be talking to her and move on with your life. She's being an emotional "drain" to you, thats not love, thats her looking for someone to 'save' her.

Its a "moral dilemma" for you because you still have those feelings for her. But, if she really had those feelings for you, reality is she never would have cheated & left. She's "made her bed" (and shared it with someone else!), and now that its all caved in on her she's looking for a 'martyr' to jump in and save her. You wouldn't be doing *her* any favors, she needs to learn that with actions come responsibility for the results.
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 32
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:04:41 AM
Guy ,keep her kicked to the curb.If she did this before, she'll do it again . Think with the head thats on your shoulder, not the other one.A mind muck she is. Don't be a FOOL.
Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 33
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:10:22 AM
If you go back to your ex you will get just what you will deserve for such stupidity. Screwed over. You will always have the reminder of what she did before your eyes and not only that, but the first time another dude comes along who excites her, she will be pulling her pants down again behind your back. Better think it thru and stay with the gal you are seeing now and form a bond. Tell the ex to go find the guy who knocked her up.
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 34
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:11:03 AM
Kid~ As much as you feel for her those are feelings from the past. Keep in mind you wanted to spend your life with her BEFORE she cheated on you.You felt dumped then and she WILL do it again when someone else catches her fancy. What on earth would you want to raise some other dudes kid? $$$$$$ She wants you to get caught up in the fantasy of hers to be a family..don't do it. Start fresh with the girl you are with. Choose your own destiny...don't let the ex define that for you. Change your phone number and cut off ALL correspondence with her. Its not your problem she lost her job, got kicked out ect. Shes trying to get you to feel sorry for her when these were HER bad choices not yours. Love does NOT equal pity. Shes looking for a temporary meal ticket. Why did she get kicked out? Did she cheat on him too? Shes not carrying your child...let her figure out her Jerry Springer problems with "the baby daddy". Do you want the guy to come around to see his kid and have to be reminded they used to sleep together? I know you feel torn but shes really playing with your heart and your mind. The more distance you place between the two of you, and move on with your life, your mind and heart will settle down.
Joined: 9/16/2005
Msg: 35
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:28:02 AM
There is no easy answer to your problem…I am many years older then you, but the pain of being cheated on by someone you love and trust transcends age…it is difficult to have children period and my advise would be to wait to have a family as the responsibility at any age can be overwhelming…after all don’t you want to be down the shore during the summer having fun with all your buddies? ex cheated on me and took me to the cleaners in divorce court…she left 3 children in her wake…so mistakes can be made at all ages…I am now in a wonderful relationship and I thought that I could never love or trust anyone again…I might suggest that you be friends with your ex…be there to help her through her pregnancy…at the same time date others…it might help you to get over her and to see the person she really is…no judgment here, but she sounds like trouble…starting with having unprotected sex!...good luck!
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 36
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:48:15 AM
First off, in my experience it's very difficult to be friends with an ex when parting under those circumstances. My ex cheated on me and left me and our children for her. Now, he's not happy in that relationship. He keeps trying to refer to me as his "friend" and is using me or trying to, as a dumping ground for his complaints about her. As difficult as it has been, because I still have feelings for him, I have learned three simple words. I DON"T CARE. When he starts in I tell him these three words. Moving on is difficult but very possible. Anything else is a danger to the sanity.
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 37
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 6:59:58 AM
So,,,, if you get back with her this will be better how?

She's a lost soul kid. No direction, and no smarts either. She sounds emotionally disturbed too. You would be better forgetting her. Years from now you'll think back and thank GOD you turned her loose. Imagine your life with her. Raising some other man's kid, and having her drain you of your money, love and emotions. I have learned that once a person has betrayed your trust, you never have 100% respect for them again.

You said it, she's a mindf*ck .
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 38
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:02:07 AM
Kick her to the curb, you do not need her!!!! She only want to use you, plus she WILL cheat on you, while you are working your ass off to take care of her baby from an other man!
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 39
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:08:38 AM
Dude, run as fast as you can. Some women when they get pregnant and the father is not well defined, look for a man to become the daddy. And it has nothing to do with love, but with instincts. So run away as fast as you can because you may end up having to dish for the baby, only for her to cheat on you again and bring a second baby to which you are not the father again.
 good guy75
Joined: 3/25/2008
Msg: 40
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:19:31 AM
first of all didnt she cheat on you?second of all out of that cheating comes a baby thats not yours.its usally the women who stays with men who have done this.stay with your nkew girl wish the ex all the best and tell her not to call you can you still have feelings for her can you spell self inflicted womb.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 41
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:26:06 AM
OP I can understand your problem. You were in love with this girl once, and usually when you have strong feelings like that for someone, they will always have a small bit of your heart. I was married for a few years to a woman who I found out, after she told me she wanted a divorce, had been cheating on me for a few months before her announcement. I moved away and moved on, but we still had things to resolve (property issues), so we had to still be in touch. Karma was a real B itch for her, because what has happened to her life since we ended things has been a fraking Greek tragedy. And when I hear all of that I feel sorry for her, and wish there was something I could do to make things better. But then I have to steel myself and realize she brought it all on herself. It helps to remember all the heartache and turmoil she put me through for her own selfish reasons, and to know that pity is not love. Sounds like you need to do likewise to move on with your life.
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 42
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:36:03 AM
I agree with msg32 inthat she views u as a soft place to finish falling.I know this stands the chance of being deleted especially after viewing a couple of nics here that seem to take it upon theirselves to delete when someone doesn't agree with what they say or if they view them as a threat.Either way op as u said ur not completely over her so I can imagine this is going to weigh heavy on u and if u keep up communication then I believe she will suck u back in and u will fall inlove even with the unborne child,as another poster wrote"if there really is one",to the point u will take her back.Good luck in ur choice and remember include ur head in this process of deciding ok.
Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 43
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:16:48 AM
Just a few things.....

1.) OP, you're 20 years old. Why are you even THINKING about marriage at your age? Trust me...marrying right out of your teens is a bad bad BAD idea. You're at the threshold of your life. You're just beginning to LIVE. You have plenty of time to find the right girl and settle down. Don't be in such a hurry!
2.) The hardest part about love at your age is the emotions--they run so much higher and seem so much more intense. You fall in love fast and hard, and when heartache arrives, its amplified about 1000 times more because (usually) you lack the experience to deal with it. You need time to pull yourself together. If you are seeing someone new, just be sure to take it S-L-O-W-L-Y. Don't look at it as forever; not every girl you go out with has to be "the one."
3.) Why are you even still TALKING to the ex? If you get back with her, it would be the biggest mistake of your life. How would you ever be able to trust her again? You need to cut off all communication with this woman ASAP. Change your number if you have to. She has made her choices and now she has to live with the consequences. Cutting her out of your life does not make you a cold-hearted person. It makes you a man who has had enough and is ready to move on. And believe me, you NEED to move on from this one. It sounds to me like she is trying to use you as some kind of safety net or backup plan, and you don't need that.

Good luck!

Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 44
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:27:39 AM
what I don't understand is why you are listening to her... why haven't you closed the door and moved on with your life? No one deserves that kind of emotional anguish - so why hold on to it?
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 45
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:12:54 AM
I totaly agree with you. Dude move on start fresh. She screwed up and wants you to take care of her. You r a fool if you let her run your life!! You will became unhappy and will end up hating your life. You need to go find a good one and start fresh in a relationship. Good Luck!
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 46
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:25:11 AM
In the immortal words of Wayne & Garth...she's not worthy, she's not worthy, she's not worthy. Move on. She had her chance and she blew it, her loss!
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 47
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She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:27:25 AM
I can totally understand how difficult it seems for you at the moment. But I think something very important to think about, before you can even work out exactly what your feelings are, is to consider why your ex has suddenly started contacting you more and more.
She is probably feeling very vulnerable right now, and worried about what's going to happen to her and her baby in the future. Her lack of apartment or job will be playing on her mind, and she will be looking around for someone to rely on, who she thinks will love and support her, i.e. you!
What you need to do is put this in perspective. Do you really think your ex would be contacting you if she wasn't pregnant and in this precarious situation? Does she really want to be with you, or is she just looking for someone (anyone) to take care of her? Where is the baby's father in all this? Does he know about his impending parenthood? Even if he does, what if he suddenly decides he wants to be involved after all?
I think you need to evaluate all these things before you can make any decisions about whether or not you have a future with your ex. I certainly think that you are still too emotionally involved with your ex to be involved with anyone else. It's not fair on the girl you are seeing, and it just puts you under even more pressure.
If you do decide, after weighing everything up, that you want to be with your ex and help bring up her baby, then try and take it one step at a time. Remember, she might feel diffferently a year down the line once the baby has been born, and you will have given your heart to them both just to have it broken again.
Good luck Hun!
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 48
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:42:22 AM
Has anyone else on this planet ever heard of such a moral dilemma?

What moral dilemma? OP listen and listen carefully!!

a) She cheated on you.
b) She got booted from her apartment for being a deadbeat.
c) She can't hold a job, and;
d) She is knocked up by a different guy who is no longer in the picture.

OP. Step back for a second and re-read these 4 points a few times. Once you are done, you will realize that one word can sum up your ex....Looser!!! Would it not be fair to say that she actually did you a favor by cheating on you? After all, you could have been the guy stuck with this deadbeat!
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 49
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:51:26 AM
If you are dumb enough to go back to the Ex, when it sounds like you have a wonderful girl right now, then you deserve every bit of mindfvcking that you get!
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 50
She is a complete mindf*uck
Posted: 5/13/2008 1:55:29 PM
Ignore your ex's phone calls, emails. All of it - there's no reason for you to be in touch with her. You're not her friend. Give yourself a break for at least a few months from ALL CONTACT, and if you still want to talk to her afterwards, then you can at least make the decision rationally.

It's also dishonest to be in a relationship while you are talking to an ex like that. It's emotional cheating. It's not fair to your current girlfriend, and you're holding yourself back from being with her. So if you keep talking to your ex, then you need to end the current relationship. Hell you might already have cause irreparable harm, but only time will tell that.

Put it this way, I'd rather have my girl throw a mindless blowjob to a guy in a bar than be the emotional girlfriend to her ex.

I had an ex who was like that - as soon as things turned south she re-inserted herself into my life, but luckily I had gone without her for long enough that I could objectively say it was better to be alone than in a bad relationship. It can only help you're actually with a girl you like too!
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