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 AUTHOR
Feedback or Criticism?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Seriously!? This guy is both classless and clueless. What a jerk! He deserves to be alone, and you deserve a date with a better guy.
 justme1124
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 7
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Posted: 5/15/2008 9:45:08 PM
you were a practice date,so when someone he really wants comes along,he won't blow it.he's into the 'art' of dating.Alot of relationship gurus tell their readers to use the internet for practice dates so they won't blow a real date.,chow
 sugargirl760
Joined: 3/19/2006
Msg: 12
Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/16/2008 12:41:51 AM
I want to know what people think about me, but I don't solicit it by first listing the other person's faults. This guy is, at least, a social amatuer. I understand why he's doing it, but he totally went about it in the wrong way.

See, people are like onions...
 UnzippedPassion
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 15
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Posted: 5/16/2008 1:49:46 AM
I've always heard there are only two times we should give advice:

1. If it's a life or death situation.
2. If it's asked for!

Of course between best friends we should be told if there's lipstick on our teeth or toilet paper on our shoes but other than that........hold back.

**(Words exchanged between good friends are different anyway because they know how to phrase things as helpful because they know us.....where as the same words spoken by a stranger may be hurtful!)
 MajorThomas
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 20
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Posted: 5/16/2008 10:54:50 AM
So youre saying you would prefer him just not calling back and leave you hanging?
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 22
Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/16/2008 12:33:49 PM
KD,

Don't worry about it. If there was anything useful in what he said to you, fine. Use it. But my guess is there probably wasn't much.

It would have been fine for him to ask you what you thought of him, but he was out of line to tell you anything unless you asked him for feedback.

He's a social beginner, that's all. You might have picked up on that sooner with his "sounds like a job description" remark.

Part of dating is learning to let go and forgive. He was doing the best he knew how. At least he wasn't your parent and you can walk away from it.
 Janet4ever
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 23
Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/16/2008 12:43:19 PM
I wouldn't mind receiving a report card... I would never see the score keeper again, but sure -- let me see your gripes!

As Ace said, if anything he says is useful -- great -- otherwise ignore it and smile realizing you now know why he is single.
 Icestorm
Joined: 1/15/2007
Msg: 24
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Posted: 5/16/2008 2:12:13 PM
Hey, congratulations on losing the 20.
 sxyvirgo
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 25
Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:42:08 PM
What's wrong with this that just because someone doesn't like something about you, doesn't mean you have to improve! To think so is very judgemental - most differences are just that - differences. Different isn't necessarily WRONG! Your date has a very self-centered view of the world and is also wrong to think everyone wants to know his opinion!
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 27
Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:02:29 PM
Pretty frickin' presumptuous of him to think his opinion of you would matter.
Smells of ego.... big, fat, stinkin' ego..... peee yuuuuu~

"I'm going to give you my opinion of you and you will benefit from my words of wisdom".

Choke, puke, gag, wheeze.......

OP, next time a man gives you a list, hand it right back to him and tell him if you want his
opinion, you'll ask for it. Seriously, I wonder about your self esteem.... Oh sorry, you
didn't ask....
 Spanish Lover XCLNTE
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 28
Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:13:12 PM
No one can MAKE you feel anything, you got upset because you have your own personal issue with the things he said.

I am always curious at how people perceive me. I try to understand this new and objective perspective and say, hmmm, wow, is that how I am being perceived and take it totally constructively.

Sometime people totally misinterpret me, which I find very interesting. Sometimes people think I am funny when I am being serious, or I say something they relate to as humorous and laugh. I find I am fascinated by how two strangers relate to each other. Here you are meeting a person for the first time with no preconceived opinion unless you have misrepresented yourself in your profile or have said things that are just not true or overdone. Well in that case, it is good to get a reality check from an objective observer because if you continue to misrepresent yourself or over speculate on your opinion of yourself and don't ground it on how others really perceive you then you will continue to do yourself an injustice, potentially, of course. Of course, if you don't care what others think of you, then why care what they say about you. I think you have an issue or several self-esteem problems. Somebody can say you're an idiot and call you all kinds of things, so what? Why take it personally and react emotionally? Why are you reacting at all to this? That is the real question.
 Spanish Lover XCLNTE
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 30
Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:42:36 AM
While you are a mere novice, I am in my fifth reincarnation. See my posts under Mr Ultimo, Mr Peabody, etc...

 GbBengi
Joined: 11/23/2007
Msg: 34
Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:14:30 AM
What a perfect situation, being criticized about who you are and your choices after a first date, that makes the decision to move on so easy, because why on earth would you ever consider being with someone who will be constantly looking down on you in your future...... this is a very clear sign of someone with control issues, the future would hold only attempts to mold you into the perfection that they think they are....
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 37
Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 5/31/2008 9:17:37 AM
Just tell him that you can't make any judgements because YOU ARE REALLY NOT THAT INTO HIM. This will certainly make him want you more. The more aloof and distant you are, the more he will want you. Just think of all your good attributes, and tell you these thing about yourself over and over again. These are who you are.... the other list of things he wants are only demands, in order to seek someone else's approval. The best thing on the list is that you know who you are and you make yourself happy. And guess what? You really are not that into him.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 40
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Posted: 1/17/2009 8:01:35 PM
He made something of an assumption there. He believes that everyone wants feedback, but in fact he is just projecting his beliefs onto everyone else. Some people do seem to project an awful lot and you can find you are practically fighting off their rather warped view of you. The worst thing about it is that, although projection is a well-known psychological phenomenon (which, supposedly, the projector themselves is unaware of), it often seems to be an attempt to control. I've come across something similar in that someone believed they should always be honest. Yes, in most cases I would say so, but sometimes total honesty can be brutal and if it hasn't been asked for (as in the case of your feedback), it is an unwanted and thoughtless intrusion. Unfortunately, you met one of those people who have to impose their beliefs on others. Good thing you got out of that one!
 briargate
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 41
Feedback or Criticism?
Posted: 1/17/2009 8:13:25 PM
Most people, be they adults or children, don't seek out criticism. They seek out approval. When they DO seek criticism it is from very close friends, not some date that had a few hours to make decisions and judgments about them. So any moron that thinks this sort of conversation is going to be popular needs to have that made clear to them.
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