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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why are men so darn... respectful?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Wanna take a walk
Joined: 11/14/2006
Msg: 3
Why are men so darn... respectful?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
OP, curious to know what he signals he gave you so that you could see that he was dying to get your phone number?
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 10
Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:44:33 PM
Because you sent him mixed signals. That's not being a woman, that's being indecisive. If you can't decide whether or not you are interested enough in a man to give him your phone number, why should he waste his time and effort? How would you have liked it if he said "May I have your number? No, wait, I don't want it... on the other hand, yes, I would like it. Wait, maybe no... possibly... ummm... ahhh... " Pretty ridiculous, isn't it? Your behavior is no different.
 msflis
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 11
Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:46:12 PM

OP, curious to know what he signals he gave you so that you could see that he was dying to get your phone number?


Me too! Was there a sign on his forehead?

Next time, why not make it easy on the poor guy and blurt out your area code? Then at least he has a clue you're probably willing to give him more...

--Ms. Flis
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 13
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Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 5:50:41 PM
You could always have asked him if he biked there often because if he didn't mind slowing down a bit, you would love to have someone to ride with.

Next time, drive to the top of the hill so you are not perspiring by the time you get there and if the guy thinks you're cute all sweaty, what are you worried about?

Now seriously, he rode away because you ended the conversation so you should ask yourself about your behavior instead of his.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 15
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Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:06:23 PM
LOL! ABC, I know exactly what you're talking about! About a year and 1/2 ago this totally gorgeous guy was flirting with me.....and I was so hung up on acting dignified....he probably thought I had a broom stick shoved up my butt! LOL! Meanwhile, I'm trying to think of a way that I could ask him to dance without seeming like I was singling him out...but by the time I could do that....he'd moved and it would have been very obvious that I was specifically looking for him. When my girlfriend and I were leaving, I walked past him and again...he complimented me but like an idiot, I was so dumbfounded I didn't know how to respond. LOL! after I'd left....it occurred to me that I SHOULD have done something outrageous....like kissed him and said, "Thanks!"

My advice is: Keep biking that trail until you see him again, and next time just let the "idiot" show! LOL! Don't act like it's an accidental meeting, let him know you were hoping to run into him again! GOOD LUCK!
 circe 1
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 16
Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:09:03 PM
OP I have done the same thing and missed opportunities like the one you mentioned. Don't beat yourself up, learn from this experience. It sounds like he was a nice guy who was interested in you, but he left when he didn't get the response he hoped for. And being a gentleman he assumed you weren't interested and didn't want to push it. So he left. He is probably kicking himself as well for not seizing the opportunity. Next time, don't be so shy. Be brave and ask if he would like to continue the conversation over a coffee. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. He showed all the signs of being a gentleman...he was concerned for your welfare for starters. But you were more concerned about your sweaty appearance. Why? What he saw was a healthy athletic woman...a turn on for any man. Next time, take the initiative....and you will be amazed at the results.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 17
Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:11:28 PM
Because he probably got no clear signals of interest from you, and didn't want you to think he was overstaying a polite stop and check (which in itself is sort of a sign of interest, you probably didn't look distressed).

I'd have asked for his number in case I needed assistance again, but that's just me.

Because if, in a situation like this, if we do ask for the digits we become pigs, interested in only one thing. We are called insensative because we are hitting on you while your just trying to excersize. I'm sorry. I forgot. That only applies to dudes you don't think are "gorgeous". My bad.

True, if we're not attracted, it can be seen as creepy or annoying. If we are attracted, it's an opportunity. I suspect that it's the same for men when it comes to women they are or aren't attracted to.
 Karrpilot
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 18
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Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:16:29 PM
He might have been a little like me. Just about everytime i make the first move, it goes horribly wrong. One time i asked a woman out who i was interested in, and she broke down crying. I found out later that she was a recent widow. I pretty much gave up asking after that experiance. I just let you ladies go first.
 clearandbright1
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 19
Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:21:05 PM
I had the same thing happen to me while in Canada.. I was waiting with my bike for the ferry, and a really cute guy on a bike said, the ferry wont be here for a half hour, just enough time to go to the other side of the island and back. I said its only a half hour to the other side? he said, yes, and its a nice view. For some reason I didnt realize he was interested in taking a ride together, and I continued talking about the ferry.. He left and I kicked myself later . Should have went for the ride.. :)
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 20
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Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:22:47 PM
As usual, Boo Boo gave good advice; trying to appear cool will not be nearly as attractive as letting him know that you wanted to see him again. You know, he may wind up biking that trail at exactly the same time of day because he hopes to run into you again too.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 24
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Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 6:52:29 PM
why? I've been to countries where you can't get rid of a guy for the life of yours; OF COURSE I am giving mixed signals, I am a woman for heaven's sake... why did he go away?
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Oh OH! Not another "nice guy can't get a date story", see its true. If we are aholes we are all over the forums being stigmatized or posting threads. Now a real nice guy (except he exercises, thats a new twist) meets a woman, and of course, because he is a nice guy, he is afraid to ask her out.

If I was a woman, and not psycho, which I probably would be...I'd be unzipping my blouse a tiney bit, with my tongue out, and asking him how many PSI does he pump up to...next time.. Next time you ride your bike, wear a string bikini, like you hang your keys and whistle on.
 SomethingManly
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 25
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Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:55:38 PM
Lol...OP, there's a ton of reasons why this guy would think he had not shot (assuming he was interested).

Maybe you have a bf
Maybe you're not interested
Maybe you're gay

He took th efirst step and actually stopped to talk to you....have some "balls" and show some interest ;)
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 27
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Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:09:51 PM
Damn, guys just can't win these days! If they are persistent, they're idiots, perverts, jerks or stalkers. Now if they aren't persistent enough they are "too respectful"! He took the first step, was polite about it, and when you showed mixed signals OP, he moved on, exactly what I and most of the guys I know would have done. Women sure don't make it easy on guys these days. I always try, once and only once, with a stranger I meet that I might be interested in; if she doesn't reciprocate, I'm gone. We're all adults, so speak up, or else you'll be stuck here on the forums posting about missed opportunities.
 Masked_Hero
Joined: 12/14/2003
Msg: 31
Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 10:55:46 PM
Ha... Women in America make moves on a guy ?? LOL Thats a whole nother subject...... Anyways I can def see where this guy was come'n from. You sent mixed signals so if I'm get'n a mixed signal I'm thinkt'n to myself. Hmmm maybe she finds me attractive but..

She has a B/F
She not looking for someone for whatever reason EX. middle of divorce, about to move out of town ....

She gay

The dating world would be so much easier if women would just keep it REAL. They expect us to pick up signs and read in between lines so much. I feel llike I'm Indiana Jones try'n to read hyroglifics to find a lost treasure. Oh well maybe next time OP.. maybe next time you'll bump into Mr. Lance Armstong again.. Good luck
 SomethingManly
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 34
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Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:47:55 PM
Ok, i gotta ask OP...

What else was this guy supposed to do?
 giggleparts
Joined: 10/23/2004
Msg: 35
Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 1:23:34 AM

True, if we're not attracted, it can be seen as creepy or annoying. If we are attracted, it's an opportunity. I suspect that it's the same for men when it comes to women they are or aren't attracted to.


First off... I really like you uglybetty... oops, I mean djchicki401, but this just smacks of condescending elitism.

In terms of the OP, I don't know... I don't get into situations like that, as I'm a social leper. However, I will say that you should have just said something to him, because in those situations, you have little chance to reconnect. You either take a chance or you potentially lose out forever. It's the way of things.

the giggleparts - Creepy and annoying... two for the price of one.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 40
Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:26:09 AM

I'd be willing to bet everyone reading this has had it happen to them at one time or another. I know I've missed out a lot of times for the same reason as you.

I think two guys walked away from me in my life that I regretted not talking to. If you're not totally socially inept, that should be enough kicking yourself not to let it happen again. That is, unless you feel the opposite sex should always make the first move - in which case a lot of em will be walking away....but I digress.

First off... I really like you uglybetty... oops, I mean djchicki401, but this just smacks of condescending elitism.

Doesn't it? But both genders are guilty of this, and to declare it with bitterness or think you discovered it as a new thing is just naive. A lot of men and women are either bothered or pleasantly surprised based on their level of attraction to the stranger at hand.

Men are usually more in tune to the opposite sex in the course of everyday activities, whereas women tend to get into a zone that it takes a while to emerge from should they be approached by someone they really like, but IME, people's reactions (outside the usual social pleasantries such as smiles and waves as people go about their day) to being flat out approached in public tend to hinge on the interest factor.
 dead account
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 42
Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:48:48 AM

Well, dating in America has its quirks it seems... men are not expected to be the pursuers, women are. Men assume you are not interested even if they get MIXED signals... how is it possible to assume that? So if I am not sure I want to be approached, but am obviously considering the possibility and checking him out, then it's not a signal enough to make a tiny step in my direction? Umm, how do you guys procreate at all?


This is so wrong on so many unseen levels.

I think some ladies should get over themselves and realize that guys are tired of being kicked in the proverbial nutts every time we approach a woman. You beat a dog long enough he either becomes submissive, resentful or skittish.

Please allow me this bit of advice.... If you are interested in the man you are talking with and want to see him again without making it seem your throwing yourself at him... respond to him by saying the following words... "Maybe I'll see you here again". You will see him again if he is interested or isn't gay.

Missed opertunities, I have missed plenty... to many i'd say.

This reminds me of my first missed opertunity when I was in grade school. I don't really remember how old I was young and just begining to discover girls. It was the end of the year and of course everyone was signing everyones year book.

The prettiest, smartest girl in my class signed my book with something to the effect of that she thought I was the cutest guy in the class and she was going to miss me. I remember her to this day even... She was exretemly quiet, shy, had beatiul long brown hair and was prettier than anyone else I knew back then.
I was awe struck'n because I would have never imagined a girl like her would be interested in me, even though I was one hell of a cute kid
She never paid me any attention, never smailed at me or sent me a note like most kids do... she never even asked me a question of any sort just to get my attention.
I guess what I am saying is I could read women's minds then and I still can't read them now... Like it was posted earlier, sometimes you just have to open the door and invite us in or we will just walk on by.
 KountMacula
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 46
Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 7:40:41 AM
Wow. Are you 17? So because you're a female that means you get to be flaky, and indecisive. At the same time we men are supposed to be claravoyant, and somehow weave our way through your bullshit mixed signal minefield, and miraculously decipher what you really mean, as opposed to what you're saying. Let me get this striaght; A guy that YOU like came to YOU. He was, in your estimation, interested in YOU. YOU gave him wishy -washy, mixed signals. YOU pull away from him. HE sees YOU do it, and like a gentleman bids you good day, and it's HIS fault. Are you serious? I know why he left, but I think the info would be wasted on you. I mean you're damn near 40 years old, and you're still doing that high school shit hat you should have grown out of at least 10 years ago. Games are for kids...grow up, and quit playin'.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 48
Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:04:20 AM

And a lot of men just LOVE a woman that is dressed down and sweaty.

IME, this is true. Weird that when I am totally disgusted by myself during a workout, men seem to pick that exact moment to talk to me - I guess it's the smell of accomplishment coming off me...maybe my sweat reeks of it, I don't know. Either that or phermones - but ironically (sweaty or not actually) I've always gotten at least the same amount of attention dressed down as decked out. Must be the indifference they detect...men seem fascinated by that...lol

You were cycling for 8 miles and you're self-conscious because you broke a SWEAT? If I were the man that found you and you HADN'T broken a sweat, I would be laughing internally at yet another lady that "tries to work out" but isn't burning a lick's worth of calories...

That's true - breaking a sweat is sort of necessary to be working out doing any type of cardio...and I know when I see a nice athletic man with a six pack sweating - it's FAR from unattractive.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 49
Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:09:26 AM
I'm surprised nobody mentioned one other possibility. Maybe the guy is "taken". He might have a girlfriend or a wife. If a guy is biking by himself, that doesn't mean he's single and available. Also, if you were a 90 year old woman or a man, he might have done the same thing-he's sees a person who might be in distress and asks if they're OK. I think there's too much being read into this short encounter.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 55
Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:47:14 AM
Stay away from cyclist. We tend to be bad news. While you were thinking, this guy is hot, he was thinking what kind of bike is she riding? Is it all carbon? Does it have a good gruppo? Can she climb this hill or am I going to have to drop her? Are those panty lines under the spandex? Got to go.

Hehehe.

Being a cyclist myself, it's weird, I remember chics by they bikes they ride. There's Biachi girl, all poshed in celeste. Cervelo girl (well all tri chics are Cervelo chics and are quite boring). There's Pinarello chic, she was hot and with well defined curves, yum, yum and a rapacious attack, attack attitude. . Now the girls with a Trek, well I would not even want to talk to them. Boring.

Now remember when you smile on your bike that is an expression used as well when you are out of air and are about to bonk, and toss your cookies.

Now, what do you ride? What do you wear under your spandex?
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 58
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Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:58:56 AM
I'm surprised nobody mentioned one other possibility. Maybe the guy is "taken".
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Excellent detective work; It was mentioned about 15 times.


(((stay away from cyclist. We tend to be bad news. While you were thinking, this guy is hot, he was thinking what kind of bike is she riding? Is it all carbon? Does it have a good gruppo? Can she climb this hill or am I going to have to drop her? Are those panty lines under the spandex? Got to go.)))

I think that guy makes a lot more sense in this case than Homecoast. STOP being so frikin serious some of you. She didn't come in here whining about loosers, and abusers, and drinkers, and cheaters...did she? She wasn't even coming in here complaining about aholes and guys with an angry attitude problem, was she?

When she wrote the word "mixed signals", that's what I do all day long with the opposite sex..just in case I need to cover my tracks. Mixed signals is more like "hey, I really liked hanging out with you you are cute and have a cool car, I loved the blues music band" and then guy says "can we go out next weekend" and she says "Oh no, I think of you as a friend" those are mixed signals...

And I thought I was a grumpy guss.
 SomethingManly
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 60
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Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:14:03 AM
I don't get it....you seem to be 100% sure HE was interested....and you did nothing?

I sure wish i met a cute girl and i knew she was 100% interestred...lol.
 msflis
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 65
Why are men so darn... respectful?
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:31:51 PM

And yes, I do think most men here have been ruined by feminists. Men who are too scared to act like ones, and scolding a woman for "not having balls". That's right, I don't have balls. Doh!


OP, you seem quite determined to make your situation the man's fault. You got a lot of good advice on this thread and some very insightful comments, and yet you're bristling at just about every remark that indicates perhaps your actions played a part in the situation not working out the way you would have preferred. What's the goal here? To be confirmed as right, or to learn something that helps you do better next time?

--Ms. Flis
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