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Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 16
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The Ripple EffectPage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Ahhh Red...another soul moving thread. Thank you. Your story of the man who found forgiveness for those who murdered his family (and millions) in the holocaust resulting in your giving up anger is a huge inspiration and reminder for me. And truly words are not doing me justice trying to express that to you.

I utterly believe in 'the ripple' or 'butterly effect' - I don't know how one can't affect or be affected by others - and so much happens energetically out of our control.....

So, just keeping to the forums for now, for that is where my focus is right now - Yesterday, and now today also, they are having quite an impact on me. Yesterday was a day I do a monthly healing circle with many other like minded people. And the morning here was full of very moving posts from women I find inspiring - itsMargo is one, rune3 is another, Funny Girl is another and there are many, as there are men here who also really inspire me.

Well, it was an itsMargo and rune3 morning and from reading their posts and feeling their love for their partners (and from their partners), I realized something I hadn't let myself see before. And I also need to add, since this is what started the ripple or the butterfly flapping - before the love posts, I had seen a post to me criticizing how judgemental I was and I thought I usually feel empathy for the posters, but that poster was right - I had read something quickly and jumped to conclusions based on something her post set off in me and I had been cruel in my response and I saw this poster was right and I thanked her and apologized also for my post because I got what she was saying and saw it as a gift - I needed to see my insensitivity.

So, I was in a sensitive state and I read these other posts and they kept going deeply into my heart (as your thread here, Red is doing also), and I was driving to my healing circle deep in a beautiful State Park near my home and it hit me - I still had my heart closed when it came to personal, romantic relationships. I have been realizing for years I had closed it for protection and have also been opening it too when I felt safe and most of the time, since I am not in a relationship, I am really open hearted. But, when it comes to romantic relationships, I only realized yesterday I still had a tight lid on letting my love flow.

And so, yesterday was a big turning point and a wake up call for me to address this and to start taking off the veils I've been holding up, thinking they were protecting me, but really, they are keeping my love in and not letting it out, and they are keeping out what I so wish to receive - and that is the love from others.

And of course, love is contagious, like anger is and resentment and fear - it's time I faced my fear, I guess, is what I"m really trying to say - and let it go. Because it's hurting me to hold onto it. It's creating what I'm most afraid of, and that is not to be loved..... which means not to be loving, or lovable.

So yes, Red - "it's time I started creating the joys of my future instead of living in the sorrows of my past."

EDIT to add : Wow, Funny Girl - where are my tissues - again! I read your post after writing this one, and it so touches exactly what I'm talking about - yes itsmargo really is a gift, as honestly, we all are here....every single person who posts is learning and teaching something. Thank you for your truly heartfelt post. Inspiring is an understatement.
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 22
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The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:11:09 AM
There have been wonderful posts and many wonderful email conversations with friends from this site, that I have found tremendous comfort in since joining. Comfort in time of sadness that has made me see that silver lining behind a dark cloud. I usually am a "silver lining" type of person but, just sometimes I can't see it and needed a little help in locating it. There have been those of you that my heart has gone out to and those whom I hope I have had some type of positive effect on whether it be serious or humorous, I have heard from some very lovely people. I have made some wonderful site friends in the time I've been here. I have also met in person some very nice people here. The ripple effect lives on.

There have been times that I have been reading the forums and have found posts that I have read wherein I have laughed so hard I spit on my monitor or laughed so hard that my sides hurt or laughed and didn't watch what I was doing and spilled my coffee! I love to laugh like that and there were times that I really needed a great laugh. Thank you to all of you who provided that gift to me........there have been many of you. And oh, I forgive you for making me spill my coffee on my light beige carpet too. Just so you know. ~winks~ It was worth it. Thank you all.

Last year, prior to joining here, I was in a LTR of many years. He passed away last year after a long illness. He was my "rock" for many years if I needed him to lean on and I for him. Even in his terrible pain and sickness he was "there" for me.

I never asked or said anything to him about -what was I gonna do without him- when the time came that he was no longer around (because by then it was immient that death would be certain).

But somehow he knew what I was feeling. He told me not to spend a lot of time grieving for him after he was gone, to the point that it would keep me from getting on with my life and carry on. That there's nothing that would change this outcome and there would be nothing that I (meaning me) could do about it and that wasting too much time grieving and not letting the stages of grief happen naturally and in succession wasn't healthy. He told me just "go with it, like I know you can".......then "go on with your life and turn this page and write a new chapter". That he would be in a better place although not "here" in body but would live in my heart. He said I deserved to be happy and when all of my grieving was finished that I would know it, see it and feel it. He said then let someone new into your heart and find happiness again because it can and does happen more than once in one's life. He told me that after "his time" came and he was gone, I would even be angry with him for leaving this earth. But, he said, I'd been "pissed off" with him before and I'd gotten over it, I will get over it again. LOL He was always making me laugh.

You know what? He was right in all of the above. Every single point. I have moved on, forward, that's when I joined the dating world again and haven't had any reservations about doing so.

Have I make mistakes since beginning to date again? Oh, my, yes. I dropped a big pebble into the pond and hurt someone's feelings and I very feel badly about it to this day a couple of months later. Sometimes, we all say things that hurt others feelings, say things we don't mean in the heat of anger/frustration and make ripples that affect others in a hurtful way. That's why I try to measure my words, but sometimes it just doesn't work out the way we/I want. I learn from my mistakes.

I see so many people, here and IRW who aren't sure if they should be here, looking for someone special. I think that if you aren't sure then you shouldn't be looking for someone to take into your heart, right now. Perhaps later.

My grandmother always told me.....and I don't know who initially said it....."Just when you think you have it bad, there's someone else who's in worse shape than you. Go help _them_. I have tried to do this.

My daughter (age 26 now) said to me a few years ago that she understands more now that she's older, why I would say certain things to her, not let her do certain things that she thought she should be allowed to do when she was growing up, that she would get so angry at me for, thought I was unreasonable about. Why I made her do chores and if she wanted money, she had to do something to earn it, not just be given it when a lot of the other kids were just given money and not have to DO anything for it.

I always told her (gawd, in those terrible teenage years) that, "I was NOT, put upon this earth to make your life miserable. I was put here to be your mother and TRY the best I know how to guide you into doing the right thing for the right reasons. To make the best possible decisions......" (there's more to my little speech to her that she did hear more than a few times during her life.) She told me that now, when she is in doubt, she remembers those words and thinks hard about what to do.......or thinks "what would Mom do........then she said if she needs help with a decison she calls me up and asks me my opinion. This she does do. And this was one of the most wonderful gifts that she has given me. It ranks right up there with my grandson. I can see the positive effect that I have had on her (not to toot my own horn or anything. :-) She has turned out wonderful. And she's a wonderful mother. I had help in shaping her, I didn't do it all on my own.......she has a wonderful father too. I can only hope and pray that this "pebble" will ripple to my grandson and to his children and soforth.

Damnit Red! I knew I shouldn't have read this thread and posted before I went shopping today! Now underneath my eyes look like I have my bags packed! HEY! Do any of have some extra tissues? I'm out........
*clicks the "post" button and aimlessly wanders off to locate ice pack to apply to the eyes to rid herself of the "packed bag" effect under the eyes.* ~grin~
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 24
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The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:32:12 AM
Wow... there's some pretty deep stuff going on here...
I'd add to it... but it's Monday... and I don't do deep on a Monday.

Let me just say, that this site, and the people here (wonderful ones like Red, and oldsoul, and laughinglibra, or the not so wonderful) have all had an impact on me.

Naturally, the impact of those wonderful people are cherished and appreciated. Offers of friendship and more (*snuggles libra*) are all wonderful. And you incredible ladies have really brightened my day on many an occaision. And some of you do so daily. And I truly appreciate that.
I count you among my dearest of friends. And I cherish all the time we spend chatting together. All the wonderful advice you give. The way you help me examine myself and my actions. And I'm happy when I can be doing something to help you.

As for the not so greats... well, it's always good to have a laugh at how stupid some people can be.

But I have made wonderful friends here. And even had some incredible relationships start because of this site.
And every one of you I talk to, every one I meet, is definitely a blessing. You've all enriched my life in ways I can't even describe.

And you ladies... well... what can I say? You're all truly incredible. Beautiful inside and out, brilliant, caring, funny, and definitely on my list for my cuddle tour. ;)


Yeah, so... you know... thanks and stuff.

*Cannonballs into the water*
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 26
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The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 9:24:22 AM
I wrote something last night for this thread, and opened it today to post it. I’m lost for words. Really. Every expression of gratitude and thanks I think of (which is bigger than the sky BTW) is sounding so woefully inadequate and possibly arrogant to my ears – that I can’t say anything at all. And that seems so wrong. So I will settle on a simple thank you – and hope that you can hear the love and gratitude and respect that is there.

I didn’t expect this when I began to dabble in the fora. I didn’t expect so many very special people would touch my life, and in the touching of it, alter me. I didn’t expect to find friends here. I didn’t expect that having someone like Red, who I respect so much, be moved by a post would affect me so deeply. And talk about freakish ripples Red, I’d lost track of that thread, couldn’t remember the title of it and it is special to me because my sweetie made one of his rare posts in it. And today, linking to it, I was jolted to realize he and I joined on the exact same day… would we have met if one of us was busy that day? Speaking of him, I surely didn’t expect to have my notions of what is possible in relating be tossed on its’ ear by Rune and crazylilting and Funny Girl.

Oh that FG, who persists in making me sit still, squirming madly, and take all of her embarrassing compliments. Dayum, I feel like Sally Fields at the Academy Awards. Thank you FG, you’re still teaching me. I’m stunned. I didn’t know the effect our conversations were having in your life but I knew the effect they were having in mine. Every time we discussed something it forced me to look at it in my own life. Seeing the woman that is FG made me sit back on my heels and think “I want that”… I want to be the woman who refused to be stopped by her stuff, who courageously went to the places that scared her, who fearlessly expressed herself and, perhaps most of all, who put things in action in her life. See, at the time I was stopped. The conversations WE had kick started me, got me out of the stands and back in the game. Who should be thanking whom here? Hmmm?

Sheesh this thread is going in the toilet. Which leads ever so nicely to the ripple I intended to post this morning…

Once upon a time, about a zillion lifetimes ago, I volunteered at a week long symposium. The deal was you’d be able to hear parts of the seminars for free in exchange for helping them out.

I was fired the first day from a volunteer job because I didn’t clean the washrooms after the breaks with the right attitude.

I fumed. I fumed over the indignity of being fired. I fumed over the indignity of being fired from a volunteer job. I fumed over the indignity of being fired over a toilet and my lack of sufficiently appropriate toilet attitude. I fumed over their expectations – I cleaned the stupid washrooms and didn’t outwardly complain so how DARE they fire ME because I wasn’t perky Miss Sunshine oh gosh, thank you for giving me the opportunity to clean the friggin toilets. I fumed over who do they think they are? I fumed over who do they think I am? I fumed about missing those dayum seminars. It made for a couple of interesting days, lol.

Then they called me to come back in. Oh?

What to do with that? Do I tell them to stick their heads in a perfectly clean toilet bowl and flush? Several times. Do I promise to do better? Do I say I’ll come back but only if I don’t do toilets?

I went back, still not sure what I was going to say and I listened to them. I heard their point about being in service to people; to their view, the seminar experience went beyond the speakers. I heard their point about it isn’t enough to just do a job, that yes, your attitude about it makes a difference. I heard their point about how attitude is a choice. I heard their point on who do you say you are?

I decided I was not a person who got stopped by a toilet bowl.

I don’t remember the content from any of those seminars but the ripples from that toilet bowl continue through my life.
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 29
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The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/26/2008 10:23:24 AM
Red? You know the day you told me that maybe I do need to cry over what I had "lost" in that scenario I was in a couple of months ago? And you told me I might feel better? Because I told you I had not shed one tear about it, yet I felt so bad?

Well, I cried about it, a long time, and today I do feel much better. One of YOUR "Ripple Effects", thank you.
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 32
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The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/27/2008 4:48:18 PM
neat story dance.

My story about the Ripple Effect in my life is a little bit different it is about the choices that are made.

back at Christmas 1991 I met up with an old school chum.. he was divorced and lived in another state and we began a very tumultuous realtionship.. that is it was tumultuous around us with his famiy's drama. I was so in love with this guy thought he was my soul mate.. We were engaged for about six months then he decided to break it off.. and start dating someone who lived near him since I was a couple of states away.. Broke my heart.. I wanted him so badly.

The next year in 1992 I quit my job and moved to the same state that ex-fiance lived in but in a different location, in order to go to grad school. In 1996 I was diagnosed with a serious cancer.. and nearly lost my life. What saved me was my doctor who had only moved to the small town where I was living six months before my diagnosis. Ended up I had a medical mystery that was not easily solved.. he solved it.. because of a combination of things.. I was actually mis-diagnosed.. and this doctor was probably the only one in the world given my circumstances.. the nature of the true disease and his prior experience with this disease and the fact that he had studied with the world's authority on this disease. All things converged for me for him to be able to save my life. Every major cancer center in the U.S. mis-diagnosed me.. Sloan Kettering, Fred Huchison, MD Anderson, Mayo Clinic, St. Judes, Emery, Duke, LSU, University of Mississippi Medical Center, Baylor, Vanderbuilt, U. of Tennessee.. all of them missed what it actually was.

Bottom line is this.. if I had not moved to the state I am in now.. and gone to grad school I never would have met the doctor.. if I had married the "love of my life".. I would never have met the doctor..

It seems that I had an appointment with destiny when I moved here.. and that appointment saved my life.

So you never know what choices are going to be critical in our lives till time has passed.
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 38
The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/30/2008 11:27:39 AM
I totally disagree. These words are very sweet and nice but I dont listen to people on POF very much. I listen to those that love and know me; not strangers that I dont know on a dating site. I may read what they write but in general I take it with a grain of salt.

There are nice, smart people on sites I'm sure, but looking at the profiles there are also lots of dysfunctional people who dont know what is right and wrong. Everyones words do not affect me. I read the room, and check the source.
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 46
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The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:49:48 PM
I can say I can't count how many people on the forums and in real life have had a ripple effect on me...I have often laughed and cried about some new insight I have gained from reading a person's post..or hearing their inspiring stories..which have often inspired me to look at things differently, or to make a conscious change in my thought patterns.

I can only hope that sometimes what I say/post has an effect on someone else..and I also hope that my external life is a good example for people to see and relate to, or even, on occasion, learn from. The best thing I can do is be and live my life the best way I know how..and hope it makes even a tiny ripple for someone, somewhere.
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 48
The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/31/2008 3:13:53 AM
OMG! I'm completely speechless. How can I personally thank redcassandra for this thread she started up here. It takes a woman to think, and bring up such idea, like the "Ripple Effect". Red you are one of the greatest women in the world. I love and respect you for this. You have touched my life since yesterday, and i don't care if i break the rules up here, but i have to speak from my heart. I felt touched when i first read your first post of thread, and now, i just can't wait to see you post another update again. I woke up this morning,and on my way to work, i was just thinking about all what you have been saying, and i'm learning Red, i trully am.

I have come to know something on POF, that it's not just about searching and mailing
members on POF wanting to know them, but it's all about going to the Forum, and learning, and be touched with positive post by sweet and beautiful members like everyone of you who has posted and contributed to this thread.

Now i feel touched by an angel. I strongly do believe that if we all continue to stay like this, then we all as members of POF can change the world for good. That's why am here.

Let's keep this going. I'm actually coming up with a special thing for you'll, and as soon as am sure about it, i'll let every single member know about it.

Thanks to you'll.
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 49
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The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:53:29 AM
In other words,the ripples only effect us as much as we want them to.
Are you sure? Isn't the idea of the ripple or butterfly effect based on the fact that we really don't know what effects will occur (beyond the obvious sometimes)'s all about sending an action or feeling or thought out of you perhaps to a loved one or a stranger, and on an energetic or unconsious level that thought goes out to the universe and may have effects far and wide you will never consciously know. And yet, you are the catalyst and absolutely essential part of the effect.

And, likewise, another may do or say or think or sing or write or play something, and not realize that song or book or play or movie or simply a thought might be having an incredible effect on your heart or mind or psyche or spirit.

We are responsible, yes, for us, but we do not always know where our inspiration has come from, or where it goes. I think it's part of the incredible mystery and blessing each of us bring to life and the lives of each other - past, present, and future.
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 50
The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:11:37 AM
All of us have an impact on the people we encounter in our life, as long or as momentary as it may be, a lifetime memory or mostly forgotten and remembered only at times.

Some are aware of that, some are not and some have an experience that makes them aware of that.

Growing up as the daughter of a minister, I certainly couldn't say I was ever totally unaware, but I did have an experience that made me so much more aware.

I won't share that here (just no way to make it brief) it is still posted, if someone wants to read it I'll send the link. I will say it was a trauma, a tragedy almost unimaginable. The ripple affect, in so many peoples' lives is too vast to wrap my head around.

It changed me, certainly it's just something you can't honestly say you're the same. Some of the immediate affects I overcame in time, the long made me more compassionate, more understanding, more patient, more aware of what deep hurt and grief actually is.

I have shared the story, through media, through some public speaking, and through lots of personal emails and personal contact. The upside is that through something tragic, I am able to share that anything is survivable. It's a matter of choice and believing that you will, even when you're at a place where you can't imagine it could ever happen.

People that are hurting and broken can't see a time in the future where they'll be whole and happy again. Embrace life and love and be thankful to see the sun rise another day. It's been humbling to have many people share the ripple affect with me.
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 51
The Ripple Effect
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:17:10 AM
Too late to edit, I was asked to post the link.
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 53
view profile
The Ripple Effect
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:30:28 AM
Lu - I have few words other than to say thank you for writing your post here. The tears flow, not from sadness, but from being so moved in my heart - it's as if I was in that hospital hearing your laughter, seeing those gather near to feel and share your joy within all the grief.....what a gift. And to value words can do are an .

and bucsgirl - ok, got the courage to read your link - i am numb and i am grateful for your sharing it....the ripples i can feel are starting, connecting to a place deep within....i feel extremely humbled and know you have made an impact - the butterfly is sitting very still, feeling the state of humility and inner strength, not weakness at all but great strength in you. thank you for being so open and trusting to share...and opening all our eyes to help our ignorance and to be reminded we all share horrors as well as beauty in our lives , from yours to abuse to the shocks we live with within and without. i can not write much more for i need to be quiet with this state of humility a little longer. i am doing a grieving ceremony later today with the core of my spiritual community here and i will bring your story internally with me, as i will the others here too......for we all are in a state of healing and finding our love within the horrors of our lives and our world.

and myth - acceptance - yes. it was so good to hear your thoughts (when you're not thinking about bob that is :) .....thank you.
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 54
The Ripple Effect
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:56:17 AM
I know this is a poem but I felt inspired to write it and would like to share it as I feel it is pertient to the topic.

Writing Our Life Story

What type of a book will our life story be
A drama, a mystery, a love story, maybe all three

We’re writing our own stories each day that we live
In the lives that we touch, the love that we give

The words that we speak, the things that we do
Are our life story written all our life through

The works may not be written down on paper or penned
May not be in print, only in the hearts of women and men

Every person we know, everyone we have met
Is a chapter, a page, so let us not ever forget

The importance of those who cross our life’s path
For a lifetime, for years, or for a moment, if that

They’re all a part of the story of our life
Whether a friend, our family, a husband, a wife

All are important, no matter how brief or how long
They helped mold our lives, helped keep us strong

Those who have helped us to love and to grow
The lessons they teach, the seeds that they sow

Some have moved on, some have left us forever
They have left us with life lessons, memories to treasure

As we live out our lives, may we always be aware
That our lives are not for just us, but to share

As a part of a much greater, much larger plan
That God has for us all, each woman, each man

Yes each life is a precious new gift to this world
A gift from the hand of God, a new plan unfurled

May we all be reminded as our life’s book we write
That our lives have a grand purpose, let us unite

In our wishes, our purpose, our stern resolve
To live out God’s plan, to give other’s God’s love.
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 56
The Ripple Effect
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:22:09 PM
Silken, thanks for the kind words, they touched my heart and meant more than I could possibly tell you and to the other who posted. Funny Girl, a darling friend and sister I've known and loved for years. A sweet and gentle spirit, it's been an honor to know you. WeAre1, thanks to you for posting your message. sweet sister and could I possibly not be strong when I'm being held and susurround by all the wonderful people here.

Silken, thanks for sharing that I got goose bumps! I can relate so much to faith waxing and waning. God works in such mysterious ways that we cannot know. This thread, the stories the emails I've received because of it...just what I needed when I needed it.

Nothing else really counts.
Truer words, darling lady...the only thing truly worth having, embracing and cherishing in this life is the privilege of giving and receiving love. It's a wonderful thing, nothing less than a miracle that the more love you give, the more you have to give.

There is definitely so much more to life than what we can see, feel and touch. I believe it!!

Lucretia, bless you for sharing your story. I can picture it...totally can!! You have a special gift of a radiant, warm spirit.

Kyn the apples don't fall far from the tree. Silly cliche, perhaps but your children are the truest reflection of you.
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 60
The Ripple Effect
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:45:11 AM
Just last night i went throught the RIPPLE EFFECT, i read through it over and over again, and OMG! RED, YOU ARE BLESSED. You may not know, but you are changing the world.
Ever since i read the RIPPLE EFFECT, i have felt touched. I have been looking for the right words to explain how i feel, but i still haven't found the right words to express my feelings. But i want to thank Red for all what she has said so far. I have been touched by an ANGEL.
I want to keep writing, but i don't even know the right words or right thing to say right now.
But all i can say right now is that Red has touched my life, and i'm thankful.
She deserves an Award for this, and for not only only touching my life, but others as well.
Joined: 8/14/2005
Msg: 65
The Ripple Effect
Posted: 6/3/2008 12:20:02 PM
Many of us extend the ripple effect in ways we neglect even to think about: parenting.

I endured a painful childhood with a continued history of physical abuse and the emotional horrors abuse brings with it. I determined that I would not let any child of mine suffer it or suffer because of it.

I was divorced from a very disturbed person when my son was quite young. I stayed married longer than I should have to protect him from that ogre, and I was quite shaken when the judge awarded custody to my wife, but judicial opinion at the time, in Virginia and many other states, dictated that "the mother gets custody" in almost all cases.

Visitation was made very difficult in spite of my efforts: quite often my son's mother was not at home when I arrived to pick him up; she scheduled his doctor's appointments during my visitation period; she sent him off to summer camp during my visitation periods; he was frequently too sick to go. She followed each visitation with an extensive debriefing of my son, wanting to know who I was seeing, what we were doing, what films we were seeing, what food we were eating (and who was cooking it), and word-for-word what was being said . . . and everything was being written into a logbook. Christmases and Birthdays, his or mine, were not acceptable times for visitation (but New Year's Eve visitation was QUITE necessary.

She moved several times during my son's formative years -- to states far away. I did visitation nevertheless. She accused me of planning to kidnap -- I challenged her in court and continued to do visitation. She accused my relations of sexual abuse--it got kicked out of court. She attempted to saddle me with charges for 90 days of inpatient mental care for my son -- that didn't stick either. Other, less notable events occurred, too many to dredge up, but despite the hurdles and obstacles, my visitation was a constant and dependable series of events for my son: she could do nothing to shake the firm mutual committment I had made to him and he had made to me.

We spent HOURS and HOURS determining and discussing the rights and the wrongs of the world. We spent a lot of time talking about truth and honor and loyalty. We discovered that bass fishing was wonderful. We learned that roller coasters scare the hell out of kids (and Dads). He and I learned where some dandy swimming holes were. Hotdogs were great over a campfire, and sassafras tea with freshly harvested roots was great when savored on a hike on the Appalachian Trail. We learned that at the end of the visitation, a stern debriefing and a logbook were also a constant. He learned that I was required to defend myself if I was as little as an hour late in returning him from visitation (in spite of a flat tire and a telephone call). He learned that even mothers could encourage a son to lie to get visitation cancelled. He didn't lie, and visitation continued (but he lost hisTV privileges).

He is getting married at the end of June. He graduated from high school and college, and he teaches in the public schools. He is marrying a real nice girl, too. He reminded me last week of something wise I said to him a long time ago (something I had long forgotten). He is a wonderful person and a credit to the human race.

His mother is an old, withered, nasty, deceitful shrew, condemmed forever to spend the rest of her life stirring a fiery pot of boiled eyes of knute, a thick logbook, and a load gopher gizzards. She will die an uncelebrated death, I'm sure.

My son is much, much better than that. He stands loyal, trustworthy, honorable, and committed to an admirable code of life. I like that.

We ripple many things into the life of our kids, don't we?
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 74
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The Ripple Effect
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:34:52 AM
LMAO, 13 out of 88 eh? oh my.

OK, it's kind of an inside out ripple but I'm reminded of it...
My dad had such influence on me I can't say he was a pebble or a ripple; the man was a friggin' ROCK
And one of the many, many dadisms that still float though my life and out of my lips is...

"Every one of our actions leaves a wake behind us; what type of wake do you want to create?"

Clever man, that one. Had he said "what mark do you want to leave in this world?", I'd be thinking of larger and more permanent things, actions that would endure beyond my own passing. But a wake is immediate and impermanent and, once aware of it, causes one to choose ones actions and words with intentionality.
Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 75
The Ripple Effect
Posted: 6/6/2008 7:51:44 AM
I am very certain, that if you have an evolved spiritual sense you change the lives of everyone who you come in contact with. All humans have this 6th sense if you will, some people call it the gut instinct, law of attraction, etc. The only thing that gets in the way of it is the ego. Once you remove that, its like have infrared glasses. You see the world with completely different eyes. It is in my opinion and experience that in this time you are really able to make profound changes in your relationships and friendships with others. I had an ex gf that after we broke up I was very bitter because of the things that she had done which she didn't know that I knew. As time went on I really focused on what had happened and the chain of events that led up to where I am at now. I decided to drop the anger and bitterness and became very neutral when it came to her. She began calling me when major things occurred in her life. I listened and gave advice where she wanted it, that was in her best interest. I think that she would like to give things another shot, but doesn't know how to come back, or maybe is afraid that I would reject her. I did alot of work on the inside after we split up, as well as getting shape etc. I gave her a book to read that I thought would help her with her troubled past which obviously transcends into her present and future. She hasn't figured it out yet, she has worked on her physical side which is great, but it is the inside that needs the most work. My point is I have faith in her that someday she will get it and she has alot of work ahead of her. When that day comes she will remember all of the things that I said to her pertaining to the issues. When she works on that her whole life will change for the better, and she will then begin to make lateral moves in life rather than linear. There is an example of the ripple affect, although it hasn't happened yet I do know it is coming even if she will be forced to grow.
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 80
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The Ripple Effect
Posted: 6/15/2008 2:42:18 PM
For all that we complain of the negative threads on here. Sometimes they have opened my eyes and had me view things differently.

To that end, for all the fathers who may or may not have as much "fuss" made of them on this day and any other... would like to wish all of you a Happy Father's Day.
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 82
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The Ripple Effect
Posted: 6/17/2008 2:07:02 PM
actually, ^^, i'm surprised you think this is automatically known from the age of 8, what, at the age of 13 we forget it again?

there are far too many incidences happening the world wide, from environmental catastrophe's of abuse, to war ...
clearly, those in power really are not seeing anything beyond their own selfishness and wants and desires......with no concept of how their actions, thoughts, feelings could be affecting things way beyond their view, which is in the mirror looking at themselves.

I think you have simplified the concept, sir, too much - to the point of not seeing the whole spectrum of possibilities........

not just for immense wonder and inspiration, but to the other side of utter devastation.
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 85
The Ripple Effect
Posted: 6/20/2008 4:22:49 PM
There, it sounds like simple cause & effect.

Cause and effect when dealing with human beings and relationships is apples and oranges from cause and effect in the business world....or other realms, politics, etc.

People affect other people's behavior at times that they're not aware of. The influence is not direct nor always easily able to be discerned. Leaders make decisions to bring about an end result, like businesspeople do. People can be an influence just by being who they are without making a concerted effort to affect change in someone else's life. THAT is what I think the Ripple Effect is all about, we all affect the people we surround ourselves with and have relationships with whether we're trying to or not. In essence I think that's what defines a role model.
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 86
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The Ripple Effect
Posted: 6/20/2008 4:47:20 PM
J8080 - hmmm, I still think you're not quite getting the concept of 'the ripple effect' or 'the butterfly effect' is another term for the same idea. I say this because your second post goes into the ways businesses use the tools they have to try and predict it's all studied, projected, deduced as to the possible consequences of an action, or belief, or practice, or policy, or decision. And that's not quite what I thought this thread is about.
In a previous post here of mine I put it this way -
"....Isn't the idea of the ripple or butterfly effect based on the fact that we really don't know what effects will occur (beyond the obvious sometimes)'s all about sending an action or feeling or thought out of you perhaps to a loved one or a stranger, and on an energetic or unconsious level that thought goes out to the universe and may have effects far and wide you will never consciously know. And yet, you are the catalyst and absolutely essential part of the effect."
And, the op agreed that that is what she believed is meant by 'the ripple effect' too.
My previous post to you was trying to make it clear it can go much deeper than you were thinking - and I'm not talking about the govt' figuring out the effects of their decisions - in fact, it's almost the opposite of that - it's not really knowing how your actions, or thought, or words, or photos, or songs, or stories, or plays, or dreams even, or even just watching someone walk down the street - it is all about the unknown ways our energy and attention can effect another, or others, in ways we are not even aware usually.
For example, these forums - we read, we write, we share, and most of the time we have no idea who is reading, if anyone, what we write - but then every so often someone might send an email and say thank you, or disagree, or just share their perspective and you truly had no idea they even existed before they made contact - but you had made an impact on them in some way that you also were not aware....and then the one you touched unknowingly might then have mentioned their inspiration to others at dinner that night, or work colleagues who all go home and talk with their families, perhaps....and suddenly the 'seed that was planted' is sprouting up across paths you could not possibly have imagined......and it doesn't stop, just because you might have long moved on from that forum thread.
And that is just one example. It is not just basic cause and effect, though that is certainly part of it.
But not everything can be explained logically, even though I have explained it to you this way because I believe that is the way you might get a sense of what this is about. Now, if you were a spiritual person - then it might have been explained in terms of the magic and wonder of how energy travels and touches all - almost mystically....
I hope perhaps you have opened your mind to perhaps see how you, even, maybe smiled at a stranger today and you have no idea, but perhaps that smile raised the spirits dramatically for them and really made their day.....which made someone else's day, and someone else' just don't know.
Equally, we are just as capable of unknowingly sending negative energy too and it also can spread where we don't know.....which is why I think Bucsgirl spoke of being a role model - so being careful with how we act, react, think, speak, feel.....because you never really know just how far that thought will go.
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 88
The Ripple Effect
Posted: 6/20/2008 6:46:07 PM
Quick story...I was in the elevator coming back from lunch yesterday. A gentleman and myself were the only ones left to go to the 9th floor. We stepped out he was looking around and said "I think I may be in the wrong building". I asked what building he was looking for, he didn't know, only had the name of a firm. I told him there was probably a directory downstairs then realized I didn't know where it was. I told him, follow me and I'll see if they're in our building. He followed me to my office and waited in the hall. I got on white pages and looked up the name of the firm, got the phone number. Grabbed a pen and paper, wrote down the address, on the same street, in telling me where it was, the lady on the other end said...she didn't know the "name" of the building, but they were in between the bridal shop and the...*ahem* strip club. She started to giggle, we both laughed out loud. (where I work is in a very high-end business section of town...still TOO ironic). I jotted down the phone no. and walked out to give him directions. Third building down, same side of the street, next building past the bridal shop. He asked me a few questions about our firm...and said you've been so kind, so wonderful what is your name. He handed me his business card...(wouldn't you know...we're in the same profession) and wishes for a great day and many thanks.

Honestly, I didn't even think about it, it was a few minutes. I know when I've been lost, car broken down (in the rain with a silk suit...yeah) there has always been someone there to see to it I'm on my way. When I saw the movie "Pay It Forward"...chills...I have so many stories. Well I had been having a really good day, other things just "happened" and it ended with a phone call (unexpected but most welcome) from a long time forum friend.

I was thinking driving home about the ripple effect. I do think about that, now I have a name for it...thanks RC!! And it does affect me, makes me so much more aware (still VERY human....and forgive myself at times for being so) but just the awareness of dropping a tiny pebble in a huge pond and being aware of the ripples (positive and negative) that may happen, may affect someone else. I'm thankful, grateful and have been more than extremely blessed to be more aware.
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 90
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The Ripple Effect
Posted: 6/20/2008 10:51:41 PM
I guess, part of the gift of the forums (sometimes) is they allow us to relate our lessons by speaking of our life experience, rather than staying with theory so much.....and many don't post personal things on the threads, but this thread, for some reason, almost gave a safe space where there would not be any bashing (hopefully)....and the posts have been so humbling and so moving and reminding of how human we really all are here.....

So I'm sorry I misunderstood.
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