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 Yesterdays Hero
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 2
i feel like an idiotPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Why would you open yourself up completely to someone, again?

After your first real experience of letting someone into your life so they have a bit to do with every part, then they rip everything out, that's it. Not again. Not soon, not ever.

You can let someone in, for example, 90%. You can love someone with 90% of your total love. That other 10%, you save for you. That's what you live on.

So that one day, when/if they up and toss you aside life you're nothing, as though you're some broken children's toy, that's has no worth, and deserves to be thrown in a corner and shit on, you have that 10% of love for yourself to move on with.

Sort of like, how when you cut certain cell's in two, one half dies, one half lives. You're the half that lives.

You never ever devote yourself to someone 100%, because when they leave, you fall down with all your weight, and don't brace yourself on something (the 10%).

Otherwise, you're practically asking to have that shiv jammed into the base of your chest and pulled upward so your guts spill out.

Why you'd do it again is beyond me. Hope you heal up soon though.
 EagleEric
Joined: 11/2/2006
Msg: 3
i feel like an idiot
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:18:13 AM
Well take this as a lesson you should learn from. Couples should go slowly in relationships and not expect too much at first. They need time to explore each others feelings to see if there is anything there for them.

Most people don't understand the development of relationships. First there is some mutual physical/emotional attraction. Next over some period of times usually several months feelings for each other begin to develop. If these feelings are positive, often times they aren't or the stage where you were at, then they deepen and the couple becomes closer and more intimate.

The next stage is committment where the relationship becomes exclusive. Here other parties are excluded and the couple pledges to work on the relationship and deal with whatever problems come along no matter how difficult.

Obviously, at any point along this path, the whole thing could blow up and often does. If you aren't prepared for this, then you had better forget involvement with another human being. I believe this is where women turn to cats!

The Eagle
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 4
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i feel like an idiot
Posted: 5/31/2008 10:19:00 AM
hmmm.... should never feel like an idiot for falling in love.. maybe shouldn't have fallen in love with FWB....

as for the person that said only give 90 percent.... that is insane.... should give your all.... can't just give part of you in a relationship... anything worth having is worth giving your all too...
 Yesterdays Hero
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 8
i feel like an idiot
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:37:54 AM
If you dont risk getting hurt you can never find what you are looking for. The only question would be, what are you willing to risk?


I'm willing to risk nearly everything. That way I can get nearly everything in return. That way, if I lose nearly everything, I don't wander around going "I'VE LOST IT ALL! I'M A FOOL!"


Why SHOULDN'T she? Changing the way you are able to love just because someone hurt you is ridiculous.


Why shouldn't she? Gee I don't know. Once bitten, twice shy? Why burn your hand on campfire when you're trying to stay warm, when if you stay at a comfortable distance, all is well.

And besides, who said anything about changing the way you are able to love someone? I love who I'm with. And I'd be most upset if that ended. But when/if it does end, I won't be completely destroyed either.


as for the person that said only give 90 percent.... that is insane.... should give your all.... can't just give part of you in a relationship... anything worth having is worth giving your all too...


Yes. It's insane to protect yourself so if your life explodes into a million pieces, that you don't explode with it.

You can love someone just as deeply, without turning yourself into a zealot that is hellbent on giving everything you have to the relationship.

People misread the written word so easily. Very strange.
 rockchick24/7
Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 9
i feel like an idiot
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:40:01 AM
Maybe he wasn't happy being an FWB along with some other guy! You know, some people actually have morals.....
 rockchick24/7
Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 11
i feel like an idiot
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:01:22 PM
Their is nothing wrong with you he is the one with the problem, he uses people and therefore is not a nice person you can do better than that just believe it.


Do you know the guy personally? If the answer is "NO" there is no way in hell you can know what has gone on between them, what has been said, whether he is a user or a nice person! Stop feeding the OP rubbish!

EDIT: FWB = Friends With benefits which the OP mentioned on another thread that she had two of them!
 Yesterdays Hero
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 14
i feel like an idiot
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:21:34 PM

Do you know the guy personally? If the answer is "NO" there is no way in hell you can know what has gone on between them, what has been said, whether he is a user or a nice person! Stop feeding the OP rubbish!

EDIT: FWB = Friends With benefits which the OP mentioned on another thread that she had two of them!


Wait, what? The OP has a couple guys on the side also?
 rockchick24/7
Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 15
i feel like an idiot
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:24:18 PM
Well, this is what she wrote a few days ago....


i currently have 2 FWB's and I know fora fact, that yeah, one guy i have known several years and we can talk about ANYTHING and there is no feelings of commitment there AT ALL, BUT one the other hand, my other guy is the one I am (actually have) fallen for, and I have known him much longer than the first guy. I guess it is a hold over from when we dated years ago. Yeah, I know I am gunna be hurt by him , but I got Guy A to fall back on and cry on his shoulder


So yeah....the guy she was so in love with and hurt by was one of her two fcuk buddies!
 AnglFlynToCloseToGround
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 16
i feel like an idiot
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:56:08 PM
FWB is realy nice if both ppl know that is what it is and dont use or try to hurt each other in any way ... Im sorry OP that you got hurt so bad ... If this guy was one of the FBWs then maybe you should not have put to much into it ... An agreement up front and later should either person start to feel differently then it should be known when that starts to happen has well ... No one can get realy hurt that way ....
 Yesterdays Hero
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 17
i feel like an idiot
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:04:24 PM
So yeah....the guy she was so in love with and hurt by was one of her two fcuk buddies!


.....

Wow. So the OP is sad because someone she's not even monogamous with, wants to stop being FWB, and wants to stop seeing her.

Yeah that'll happen when you see multiple people at once.

Glad to know she told us the whole story.

I've suddenly lost all desire for her to be happy, and am content to know of her writing in misery.

 Yesterdays Hero
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 19
i feel like an idiot
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:09:31 PM
Big difference when you seek sympathy from people when you're not truthful with them upfront no?

It's like saying "My child died yesterday." without adding in "because I killed them as I'm insane."
 AnglFlynToCloseToGround
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 22
i feel like an idiot
Posted: 5/31/2008 1:27:11 PM
Whoissue ... I am a understanding person .. If you watch the news you WILL see even ppl who are smart and have it all do things they shouldnt do and some pretty dumb things too ... When you are in a FWB relationship it takes two ppl that can keep it going good with out using the other one for only their own benifit and no ties either plus not telling others who they are doing the FBW with ... It can be realy good but not easy to some ppl ...
(note: Im not saying if I aprove of it or not)

 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 25
i feel like an idiot
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:38:31 PM
What I see more and more is that many woman, at all ages, are gullable. You perceive things and you dont see the actions. Men say what they want to get sex. They will say anything and for the most part many women will believe anything.

The internet has created a society that is so open with their lives to everyone, that its unhealthy. You dont open up to a guy so quickly. love takes time. And he's not a helluva actor; you would have believed anything.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 26
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i feel like an idiot
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:32:53 PM
Parrot59, the Fed Ex guy? The Fed Ex Guy???????
As a mailman, I would say next time please try the postal service.
Several people have mentioned taking the time to know someone. Not to offend anyone, but some of the people here don't have all that much time! I myself am going to be 51 soon and if I feel relatively sure that someone could be the woman I have been waiting for I don't want to hold anything back. When you are 25, that could be a great strategy especially since you are talking about having children with that person, you have a lot on the line. But at 50, I am way into the back nine, people! I know many people who have had life threatening incidences (health) who are younger than me. What exactly are we suppossed to wait for? "Dating with Depends?"

I feel silly having "long term" in my profile......would it really be that long?
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 27
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i feel like an idiot
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:37:12 PM
Christi 66, couldn't it be possible that every long term relationship was at one time, a friends with benefits situation?
 Yesterdays Hero
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 29
i feel like an idiot
Posted: 6/1/2008 7:27:44 AM
As it's noticed that the OP doesn't post after the fact.
 Yesterdays Hero
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 34
i feel like an idiot
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:32:32 AM
Syrup-like drivel.

You enjoy being hurt, so you set yourself up to be hurt.

Heading to the boards to **** and moan about how things turned out, when you're getting railed by two different men does nothing to garner any sympathy from others.

"I'm sad cause I can't have my cake and eat it too."

Welcome to Earth.
 huixin
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 35
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i feel like an idiot
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:17:24 PM
You feel like an idiot doesn't mean you are an idiot. In fact you are very brilliant since you have realized what' s happened.
A man who doesn't love you and left you is like uncomfortable shoes . Get them out away and you'll find another better one soon.
wish good luck
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 36
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i feel like an idiot
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:37:42 PM
Take comfort knowing that you will come out of this. Heartbreak is heartbreak. It sucks.
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