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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > No time for coffee dates, at my age      Home login  
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 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 5
No time for coffee dates, at my agePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You should say...coffee and piece of cake...
 WesternRose
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 7
No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 5/31/2008 12:54:57 PM
I don't really enjoy coffee to start with so I find it really lame.

I invite them to join me walking on the seawall...it's an easy, non-commital thing.... you walk...you talk...get the old heart rate up and very easy exit.
No cost to HIM to pay for the coffee....lol... no hunting for a coffee shop.... no caffiene buzz.... there is enough adrenalin on a meet.

At some point you have to meet .... so why not make it a bit fun and not in a crowded coffee shop? If you are afraid of a 'stalker' and want to meet in a crowded place with lots of witnesses... well perhaps you should not be meeting that person.
 OTTO BONN
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 9
No time for coffee dates at my age
Posted: 5/31/2008 5:14:57 PM
I always have time for a coffee date, especially if there is pecan pie on the menu.
 sunshine_one_
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 10
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No time for coffee dates at my age
Posted: 5/31/2008 5:34:57 PM
I understand not wanting to spend several hours with a stranger but seriously, a coffee date is the most boring, non-creative outing possible imo. Although I don't frequent bars, I think I'd rather plunk myself up on a bar stool to be gawked at and take my chances at being picked up (like I did in my 20's), than to meet for a cup of coffee in a typical coffee shop.

My alternative? How about a one hour activity we both enjoy? Bike ride, picnic at the park, sunrise beach walk, building a sandcasltle, whatever???
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 12
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No time for coffee dates at my age
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:35:27 PM
I personally prefer to have some chats on the phone, text message, online chat before I meet someone and it usually is dinner and more like a date because we have some raport between us. For me this works because I have already made a decision whether I would like to spend some time with them or not..
 Beaugrand®™©
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 13
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No time for coffee dates at my age
Posted: 5/31/2008 7:11:14 PM
I usually suggest "coffee or lunch" for a "first meet," and usually at a restaurant thats midway between us, but I'm usually willing to compromise. If "coffee or lunch" is a "waste of time" I'd have to hear an alternative that isn't.
I don't expect the "first meet" to take a long time anyway (usually half an hour or so) unless we really click. If that's the case we can do something else together, if we don't we're both free to do other things.
I would never meet without seeing a photograph or several, and having several discussions via messenger, email, and phone.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 14
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No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 5/31/2008 8:42:14 PM
I think that we would all have to give up our day jobs if we met with everyone who asked. I have learned over time never to waste time meeting someone until to have chatted enough to at least know that we had things in common and a half decent chance of at least being friends.
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 19
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No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:47:05 AM
I'll have my coffee black so I can fill my squirt gun with it. Then when I start hearing the complaints, I can start using it to give you a real reason to complain.
I know putting sugar in it will jam up the works and if there's cream in it, the smell of rotting milk products would start to smell pretty quick.

I don't think you'll have to worry for long though, as the amount of requests for any kind of dates is inversely proportional to the amount of griping you maintain.

Then you'll have no time for dating because you wont be getting any. Then you'll have to choose between complaining about not getting any or pretending they're lining up for the action you're not going to settle for.
 swtcarolinej
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 20
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No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/1/2008 6:02:35 AM
I agree with Bdoll,I just dont want to linger that long,over lunch or dinner if there is just no connection!A drink, some chat and Im gone..If there is chemistry and we enjoy the other he'll call me for a real date,Im old-fashioned like that!!
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 21
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No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/1/2008 7:11:28 AM
My first date, I'd prefer coffee or lunch. Keep it short, sweet, and simple. I've had some lunch dates where things went so well, we went to a movie or out walking afterwards. You've really got to take it on a date by date basis.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 28
No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:13:17 PM
One of the first posts I read when I came here was by a guy who didn't want to spend time with someone he didn't know. At first I thought he was a little loopy, but on thinking about it, I decided he was right, lol! So I watch with something akin to amazement to the: three emails, one chat, meet peeps. Just seems like a setup to waste both people's time. Seems pretty obvious to me that most contacts won't "pan out" ~~ so why not take the time, however long that may be, to get to know them first? That way, even if there is none of the famous chemistry, there is at least a meet with a friend?

Just me.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 30
No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:49:58 PM
...A think a great place to meet for coffee or tea is a book store, like Chapters for instance. Perfect way to stimulate good conversation.....books.
Besides, if it doesn't work out, you can always look fo a good book to take to bed haha

...maeflowers
 MacKevinized
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 33
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No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/2/2008 7:35:59 AM

I tend to be more than truthful, I tend to underemphasize my strengths and overemphasize my (many) weaknesses. That being the case, anyone who meets me is going to find that I am just as overweight, frumpy, and acerbic as I told them I'd be. (They may also find that I'm pleasantly spiritual, surprisingly well-read, and understanding of their anxieties and sorrows.)



Do you tell them you have a friend with benefits too?
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 34
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No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/2/2008 7:40:50 AM

It's that I don't have the time, it's that I don't feel like it too often. I've been on a few coffee dates and found that it was a chore, so I stopped going. I won't go unless I get at least a little exited about meeting her. That means pics, chat, and phone. At least.


OK our Sammy! Next time I will email you a pic of me in my belly dancin costume! Think that would get ya out???
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 37
No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/2/2008 8:59:44 AM

One of the first posts I read when I came here was by a guy who didn't want to spend time with someone he didn't know. At first I thought he was a little loopy, but on thinking about it, I decided he was right, lol! So I watch with something akin to amazement to the: three emails, one chat, meet peeps. Just seems like a setup to waste both people's time. Seems pretty obvious to me that most contacts won't "pan out" ~~ so why not take the time, however long that may be, to get to know them first? That way, even if there is none of the famous chemistry, there is at least a meet with a friend?


...I agree miss wooby, whats the rush. I figure I've waited this long to meet someone why rush now. I want to take some time to get to know him first, through e-mails, phone conversationn....I want to feel comfortable.....however long that takes. I have had men that wanted to meet for drinks and or coffee immediately, and were quite put off with me when I didn't want to. I've said this many times in other posts but my next long term relationship is probably going to be my last, so I intend to make damn sure this is the guy for me.

....maeflowers

 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 38
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No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:11:32 AM
OK our Sammy! Next time I will email you a pic of me in my belly dancin costume! Think that would get ya out???


Will that help me? I can probably do the costume, but I have no ability to belly dance...
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 39
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No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:16:51 AM
I have found that a good screening approach is to invite them for a meet which would involve drinking a bottle of wine in a hot tub. Gets around quickly the body issues, relaxed and contained situation for a conversation, definitely lets you know up front about chemistry, and is something you can do all year round!

The only stress comes in deciding whether she is a red wine or white wine type of person. I also keep ginger ale for those who have taken the pledge....
 Avalon96
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 40
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No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:25:24 AM
If going for a coffee is not your cup of tea, suggesting an alternate activity that may be suitable would be appropiate.
Asking somebody to go for a coffee is just an invitation to meet in safe environment, that both may be comfortable with.
I am sure that 2 people interested in getting together would be able to agree on something.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 41
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No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:32:24 AM

Next time I will email you a pic of me in my belly dancin costume! Think that would get ya out???


Uhhhh.... Yeah!
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 42
No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/2/2008 9:43:03 AM
I have found that a good screening approach is to invite them for a meet which would involve drinking a bottle of wine in a hot tub. Gets around quickly the body issues, relaxed and contained situation for a conversation, definitely lets you know up front about chemistry, and is something you can do all year round!


Ok....I would like to amend my last post....I can get pretty comfortable pretty fast if theres a hot tub involved.


The only stress comes in deciding whether she is a red wine or white wine type of person. I also keep ginger ale for those who have taken the pledge....


I'll have a glass of white please.

...maeflowers
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 43
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No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/2/2008 10:00:24 AM
*pushes Miss Mae over*....I would like a nice red please!

As was mentioned, there are other ways to meet up instead of the usual coffee. How bout ice cream and a walk? Meet up on a patio for a libation or iced tea? But again, there has to be at least for me, the overal general interest in wanting to meet the person. Otherwise, why bother?
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 45
No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/2/2008 2:44:06 PM
How about aromatic coffee at his place...I mean at his house?Nice music...in the background...perhaps Vivaldi...The 4 Seasons...
Do you feel that delicious smell?
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 48
No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:44:12 PM
Coffee shops...eh
Try European cafeterias...you will fall in love not only with them...but with your date...
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 50
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No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/2/2008 4:21:16 PM
Who said anything about biting you? I mean, if your into that kind of stuff, and things develop in the tub.....
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 51
No time for coffee dates, at my age
Posted: 6/2/2008 4:43:55 PM
Hot coffee...now tub...maybe jacuzzi...or just swimming pool...
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