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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.      Home login  
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 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 2
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Well, I think your argument is pretty lame. I can tell you right now you wouldn't meet all of anyone elses needs either. To justify having multiple partners to make up the perfect person is pretty self absorbed and selfish. Its not all about you, but your needs seem to be all that matters. Good luck with that.
 ThirdTimeAround
Joined: 12/31/2007
Msg: 4
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:26:37 PM
I agree with you 100%. At my age I will NOT settle. Until Mr. Wonderful comes into my life. I will continue to look and don't see it as a flawed concept. Like my profile states: I'd rather be alone for the right reason then be with "someone" for the wrong reason. Enjoy your life and one day you WILL find the happiness you are looking for. My two cents.
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:27:18 PM
I agree with you that the concept of "the one" is deeply flawed. Too many people are holding onto that concept and looking for that perfect person, and keeping themselves from finding meaningful relationships, out of an "all or nothing at all" mentality. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting people settle for less than what they want, but as we get older maybe we realize we don't really want someone who is exactly like us and agrees with everything we do. Its not necessarily a question of finding someone who fulfills all your "needs", but someone who has a good heart and a good mind; from there we can embrace each other's differences, and that can be a lot better than being bland and perfectly compatible.
 xvr145
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 12
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:54:15 PM

Well, I think your argument is pretty lame. I can tell you right now you wouldn't meet all of anyone elses needs either. To justify having multiple partners to make up the perfect person is pretty self absorbed and selfish. Its not all about you, but your needs seem to be all that matters. Good luck with that.


Way to go mthomjmark! Couldn't have said it better.
 tootsie-22
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 13
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:56:58 PM
I have to agree with OP.. I know that would put a lot of pressure on me to think that I had to provide ALL of it ... I am only one person with flaws...why whould I expect ONE person to fill all my needs...I hope to find someone that I can relate to Emotionally, physically and intellectually to some level but I also know that I have hobbies that really don't appeal to men.. so I need to go out to explore those .. so why not other activities if the partner has tried them and really isn't interested..

I really have no interest in Wall street or stocks.....but if I have tried to have it explained to me and I still don't know the difference between a bull and a bear... well..is that a reason to dump me???
 Friendfindercom
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 15
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:01:31 PM
maybe you just haven't met that someone yet.. and I know there's alot of people out there.. but... and if you haven't yet met the one.. and you've met others who fit into the many to serve the need.. well... that's what ya got.. take time, maybe one of them is who you need an you'll learn as you go...
 Janet4ever
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 16
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:05:11 PM
I don't think a spouse is supposed to fulfill all our needs. We have girlfriends, family and friends that fill in the gaps... but to suggest that I have numerous love interests at the same time with differing qualities to provide ME with everything?

Sounds kind of selfish, doesn't it?
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 19
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 2:17:13 PM

I'm always telling people that if I could just melt all my exes into one woman, she would be perfect lol.
Do you mean all of the GOOD parts of your exes?


Edit: royalpain I don't think there's meant to be someone to fulfill ALL of ones needs. If you truly need someone who does this it seems as though one is not complete within themselves.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 24
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:00:02 PM
I agree with you, Royal Pain.

Somewhere along the way people have aquired the bizarre idea couples are supposed to do all sorts of things together and have similar views on everything. Relationships were never like that.

Men did "man things" and women did "woman things". Couples never did a lot of activities together or thought the same way because they were not exposed to the same things.

Now that we have equality men and woman have a choice. That results in a man possibly meeting a woman who may do things which are usually associated with men or a woman meeting a man who enjoys things associated with women. That results in having friends of the opposite sex.

The problems arise when, for example, a woman questions her man about his association with another woman.

"Why are you seeing another woman? Am I not enough for you?"

The man is seeing the other woman in the context of a friend, not in the context of a woman. Because men and women are often involved in the same things it's natural for people to have friendships with members of the opposite sex. It's not natural or even likely for two people to be compatible over a broad range of activities/views.

That is why sex is so important to a romantic relationship. That is where compatibility is vital. A couple must be in complete harmony, otherwise, affairs occur.

The strange thing is the importance of sex is often dismissed. Comments like "if we are compatible in other things sex will naturally fall into place" make absolutely no sense. Men were compatible with men and women with women throughout history but they were not all engaging in sex. Compatibility in activities and views had nothing to do with ones sexual attraction, in most cases.

I believe the current way of thinking, seeking a partner based on compatibilities other than sex, results in relationships not lasting. Those relationships are based on things that change. There isn't a "chemistry" connection.

Hopefully, one does not get more satisfaction from playing golf than having sex or the discussion of political views than sex so sex is what bonds the two people.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 27
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:38:41 PM
I think if you get into any relationship, more concerned with getting your needs met than you are about simply offsetting each other's weaknesses and utilizing each other's strengths, you are bound to face disappointment. Committed, long-term relationships aren't supposed to be about just "getting our needs met". They're supposed to be about growing together with someone you love and admire and being as concerned with their wants and needs as you are with your own.

Your needs and your wants are two entirely different things. You "need" to eat, have water and to be safe from the earth's elements. You "want" to have intellectually stimulating conversations. So you aren't even talking about "getting your needs met". You are talking about another human being fulfilling both your wants and your needs and that is not even reasonable.

It needs to be said that in this age of narcissistic programming, good self-esteem is not thinking that because one exists, one is "entitled" to either (a) have someone else catering to all your wants and needs (including at the expense of their own or, (b) fill your life up with each person having a specially designated purpose in your list of needs and wants. If you can't find one person who fulfills all your wants and needs it's because no one else is supposed to! The third option over (a) and (b) is to be someone who is just as attentive to her partner's wants and needs as she is to her own and to look at the decent activities that can meet some of the stuff on the wants list. That's what MOST of us do.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 29
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 3:48:38 PM
I think most people have what you are talking about when they are in successful relationships because no one should be expected to be anything and everything to someone. I think, however, that most people have some qualities that they must have, such as intellectual stimulation and sex while the others may be more negotiable.

You figure out what is acceptable to you and that helps you to find the woman that you can live with. It may not be perfect but it can be pretty damned close.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 35
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:33:33 PM
(Msg 35) I truly think that the OP is just looking for approval to be a player and cheat. I seriously doubt that if he dated these separate women, that supposedly only full-fill the separate needs, that he would TELL them that he is dating the other women too.


The OP is a "she", not a "he".

It seems a few posters are dumping on the OP when all she has done is ask a question which was, "If I can't find a committed long-term relationship with one person who seems to meet all these needs - why shouldn't I have one partner for sex, one for intellectual stimulation, one who understands my emotions, one who likes the same hobbies and pastimes as me, and so on?"

That's what people did in the past. They had one partner for romance and a number of "partners" for other activities. A person might have a golfing partner and a hunting partner and a shopping partner and, sometimes, a partner at work. The problem, today, is many people seek a partner who will fulfill all those rolls so they never find that "special one".

EDIT: Msg 41
The OP is asking for validation of her attempt to justify cheating. If she were talking about having a committed relationship while also having friends to hang out with, we wouldn't have this thread. Think about it.


The OP made it quite clear. "why shouldn't I have ONE partner for sex,...." I didn't hear any :::whooshing::: sound.
 tootsie-22
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 36
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:36:14 PM
she said "why shouldn't I have one partner for sex, one for intellectual stimulation, one who understands my emotions, one who likes the same hobbies and pastimes as me, and so on?"
.. no where did she say multiple sex partners.. she said ONE partner for sex..she is just asking if she can classify why that person is in her life..YES... they are called friends...and some people don't think we can be friends with the opposite sex.. and that is a very big issue with society..they think if we are seen with someone of the opposite sex then we are sleeping with them..give me a break.. if that is the case...well..who knows who I would be hanging out with...
 chickalina
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 37
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:48:13 PM
RoyalPain - You go girl! Hell women are age should be able to do what you are suggesting because we ain't got nuttin to lose. The only thing is how the hell would you be able to keep all those guys on track? I know when you get 50 and older the mind starts to go. Please be sure you put down on the computer who is who and then remember to look it up when you are going out with one of them.

Good Luck

ME
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 39
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 4:59:21 PM
I don't believe that any one person can meet all of the needs of another. That is a fallacy and probably is a cause for a lot of divorces because people look to others to meet their needs and dang I can't even meet all of my own needs how can I meet someone else's.

I think the best secnario is when we can mutually meet the needs of our partner in the area of partnership, lover, friend.. but there are needs that I have that a man can never fullfill. That is why I have my relationship with God, my relationship with my women friends and co-workers and why most importantly I have a relationship with myself.

When I have a mate it will be because I allow them to partner with me in life to enjoy life.. not to meet my needs... I can do that without a partner.
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 41
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:25:10 PM
The older we get, the wiser and pickier we are!

why shouldn't I have one partner for sex, one for intellectual stimulation, one who understands my emotions,

Social research suggests we are attracted to the physical when we are younger,
and then to more emotional...spiritual things. Kind of a no-brain-er...I suppose.
But I definitely think that as I get older sex just doesn't matter as much without the emotional component?
I think Doctor Frankenstein was on to something...the brain from one...the heart from another..and don't forget this guy
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 43
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:38:12 PM
I have this thought sometimes, but only when I'm single. When I'm actually with someone, then I feel very satisfied (and yes, everyone is flawed, no one's going to be the perfect person), and only want to love and be intimate with that one person. I have other friends to join me with other hobbies and interests that I may not share with that person, and I think that is a normal and healthy way of looking at the relationship. The man I am partnered with can still be "the one" without fulfilling all those other roles. However, if the sex, affection, and the eating with the man isn't good, then you don't really have much of a relationship.
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 45
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 8:44:50 PM

With all due respect, lets just push this cart of yours downhill and follow your thoughts to logical conclusion. Say you find 5 people, and they all manage to fulfill your needs perfectly. At this point, you'll have five people on your hands who need to have all of their sexual,intellectual,and other needs fulfilled. How would you accomplish that?

Always remember there is nothing sexier than a mature silver haired woman with life experience, self confidence, and a good retirement pension.

 Remington55
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 48
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/1/2008 10:04:09 PM

O/P Msg 1 ~ One partner for... another for, blah, blah, blah...
What is the most fundamental aspect about getting into a relationship? It's the relationship, for without it there is no "US." A healthy relationship supports life & love. How? Through intimacy, communication, forgiveness, trust, giving and receiving, commitment and letting go. It's the giving of 100% to each other, anything less is self-serving.

If you want someone you can trust more & love less, get a dog or a pet of some sort. Hmmm at least with a dog, they'll be there with you through thick & thin if you treat em right. They can also meet every other aspect except intimacy & if they do, that's crossing the line... Only by looking in a mirror will we find that ultimate person who meets ALL of our needs & requirements. Then the decision would be to just become asexual. I hear that is the new trend nowadays...

Know how to get a dog to forget that he's a dog, introduce him to a few fleas, that will certainly take his mind off himself and his needs... It will inspire him to get a new sense of direction too...


O/P (Msg 1) ...Obviously, not all of these partners need to be of the opposite sex...
So who says any of them has to be of the opposite sex, doesn't only a woman truly understand what another woman wants & goes through? So many responses lately have indicated that ALL men (and I use the term loosely) are just pigs, and only want sex?

Just curious...

**~Remington55~**
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 54
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:43:05 AM
Any good man can easily meet your needs.

It's your wants and whims that they can't meet. Why shuld they? You can't meet theirs either.
 blondi75
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 55
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:49:04 AM
You must know your own needs and wants. You r to dependent on someone else. Live your life and have fun. Go out with the girls and have some laughs. You need to secure your life first before you can find someone. Keep your head up and enjoy life. The right man will be around the corner.
 sably
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 64
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:22:54 PM
I waited a while to comment because I thought it would be one long list of posts with people agreeing with you. I'm really surprised at all the opposition. I mean we are all here. Probably because we haven't found 'the one.' I think the only realistic thing to do is fill your life with as many people as it takes to make you feel satisfied. We only get one time round. Does it make sense to be alone waiting when it could be years before you find someone? One post said we will never have true satisfaction until we find one person who fulfills all of our desires. I sure hope that is not true. I didn't hear the op insulting any past partners. I just heard her expressing her lack of luck in finding a suitable one. I didn't get the feeling she was cheating on anyone or was even suggesting it. As long as you are being honest with everyone, I can't see the harm in you living your life the way you see fit. Good luck in finding everything you are looking for.
 sxyvirgo
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 65
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/2/2008 5:55:14 PM
One question you haven't addressed is why you need OPPOSITE sexed people to fulfill your non-sexual needs regarding intellectual stimulation, emotional support, etc. Why not marry the "sex person" and have men for the rest? No controversy in that... There's really no controversy in having women fulfill the non-sexual needs either - it only gets "sticky" if your spouse isn't the one fulfilling your sexual needs....just playing devil's advocate here.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 66
Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:11:31 AM
I want a billion dollars and I wont take a job until I get one that gives me a billion dollars; I dont want to settle; oh brother; this I dont want to settle bull crap is about being self absorbed and too high maintenance. No one is perfect and to shock many of you that say this, you are not anyones perfect catch either.

You should never need anyone emotionally; you want them.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 67
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Sometimes I think, No one person can meet ALL my needs.
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:41:53 AM
Has anyone noticed something peculiar about this thread? A number of posters have assumed the OP is a male. I wonder if that has anything to do with the topic?

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