Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 that sam i am
Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 5
What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONESTPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Someone to share food with and go to events with. Oh oh...and someone to go to the movies with.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 9
view profile
History
What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 6/2/2008 1:56:03 PM
I'm confused, you are married, have been for many years, you are on a dating site for singles??? Am I missing something?
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 11
view profile
History
What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 6/2/2008 2:28:42 PM
No one knows what they want...no one has a plan. If you do have one you'd better have written it with a pencil and have a huge eraser ready...life throws changes at us...look at what you're going through OP. I don't really understand your purpose either, but the gist is that you're changing and you're not sure if the marriage is going to weather the storm.

I may want one thing and then poof I meet someone who just throws me in the exact opposite direction...there's not counting for the chemistry and introduction of another person.

I know things I don't want...infidelity, boring, lazy, no sense of humor...but what do I want and expect--not a clue.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 18
view profile
History
What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 6/2/2008 3:21:06 PM
Amy, There are a lot of people here who are in relationships, and a lot of single people who don't understand it.

Curious...

it's not working now for either of us,

So, you know it is not working for him? What is the issue then? Would it not be appropriate to brainstorm with him how the two of you switch/fold/alter this business such that the two of you can spend more time together?


money runs our lives

so, what else turns you on? I look at it as "feeding the soul"
 Kahndor
Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 27
What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/1/2008 4:03:47 AM
are you ****in' kiddin' me?
sounds like the classic woman to me, which keeps the cycle goin on and on
i want him home with me, so we can do things
but i want him working so that we can do things

if your home with me, your not making money
if your making money, your not home with me

answer, win the lottery, or turn your family business, into an actual family business
where you both work together, and see each other

yeah, that will work, cause i am betting, by your own words of throwing out the tantrums
that will be death too, cause if it was me, i would, and have worked intentionally
just to stay away from women with that attitude

everybody comes to the answerman
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 30
view profile
History
What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/2/2008 12:37:07 PM
best friend ~ companion ~ lover
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 34
What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/8/2008 7:07:32 AM
Sounds like you are at that point where you are both exhausted and all expectations have become a dread. The way you feel is not juvenile, the way you feel is call empty. And the problem in an empty soul is that is going to get worse until it is not just a little issue, but a big one. I suggest you take a vacation from your husband. Go somewhere with your sisters, or a female friend.

What you need to do is erase all expectations. Tabula rasa. No more of the he is supposed to do this or that and he doesn't. Get rid of all the little buttons that each other know how to push until you are neutralized into a state of not even caring. You need to rediscover what caring is all about. But you need to start by caring about yourself. Then define the things that are important to you, put a mirror on those things and define them from his point of view. Ask are you being fair.

Anyway, you are at the cross roads. Realize that it's good. But also realize that you may have already exhausted all that is worth giving in this relationship. So be honest to yourself.
 We_Design_Our_Lives
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 46
What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/8/2008 7:19:05 PM
What you want is CERTAINTY!

Certainty... not perfection, not control, not love, not sex, but certainty.

Many people make iffy mate choices but they can bank on certainty because they're certain!
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 50
view profile
History
What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/10/2008 2:05:21 PM

Thanks MIA :-)
We talk all the time ;-)
But your first question I can't really answer..as we got together when we were 15 and 17..and I don't honestly think I knew at that point why or how I fell in love with him. I knew nothing about him really, in all honesty. I knew he made my heart pitter patter when i saw him at Highschool. I knew nothing about who he would become in this life..or what his values were or whether he wanted kids etc.

I do know we have grown up together. And some days it feels we are together out of convienence..but most days he and I both know we are still "in-love" and just want things to be different.

And yes designing my own life is what's in order now :-)
Thanks for your reply.
~Amy~


You know, I read this whole thread, and not once did i see you talk about what HE wants and what HE feels.

You keep saying "we" and "I," and I get the impression that you treat him as an extension of your own psyche. Nobody can actually give you any advice unless we hear what HE wants from this whole thing.
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 52
view profile
History
What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 8/11/2008 3:07:24 PM
honestly, my soul concern was getting you to talk to him to see what he wanted. Because I had the impression that you weren't talking to him about this stuff, and just letting it congeal in your mind, without any conversation to unravel the mess it was making.

But since you're actually talking to him, you two should be able to work it out for yourselves, no?
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 57
What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:12:28 PM
I'd like to go to bed with him happy every night.
I'd like to share a meal with him everyday.
I'd like to talk to him about anything I felt like.
I'd like him to be open to accomanying me to the beach, nature walks, a crazy night, whatever.
I'd love to accompany him when he goes and does something fun.
I'd like us to give each other space.
I'd like each other to contribute equally in the maintenance of the house.
I'd like to be spoiled every now and then, and to do the same for him.
I'd like to be proud of him, and know he's proud of me.
I'd like to be able to count on him, and feel secure that he will be there.
I'd like him to love my family, and me to love his.
That's all I can think of right now.


ADD to that :
I'd like to be able to know I am safe in his arms during the storms of life.
I'd like to be able to trust him with my heart, my thoughts, my feelings.
I'd like to know he will be there in the morning.
I'd like to have the passionate love and intimacy with him that is so rare.
I'd like to know we're priorities to each other not options.
I'd like to be able to work out things with him in ways that make us stronger.
I'd like to that feeling of knowing that I am special and matter, and visa versa.
I'd like to love on him and have him appreciate it.
I'd like to see the smile in his eyes when we look at each other.
I'd like to feel that he desired me completely and no other, and visa versa.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 61
view profile
History
What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 9/10/2008 6:53:29 AM
Money has nothing to do with what you want out of your life and it has nothing to do with what you want with your husband. You said back on page one ....
money runs our lives
Yet you do nothing different... you have yourself 'stuck'.

You've also indicated that conversation is important to you... but you can't get that with your husband right now so you are looking for that from others. When you turn away from relating with him you diminish that which feeds you.

You are bored. That is you, you are bored with. You seem committed to think it is something 'out there' that you need to get or have in order not to be bored, something is missing. Nah, it is you. You are boring you. If you could divorce yourself you would be less bored and find happiness << think about that.

My guess... you are having a split with spirit. The answer is inside of you... because the problem is inside of you. You are looking outside yourself for answers and may find distractions but will never find the solution. The solution is to come home to yourself. I think you will know what that means.

Your verbiage and seeking is all about distraction. A distraction that allows you to not face the problem that is inside you, that you are generating and supporting in your life.

Money doesn't work for you - yet you keep that ball afloat and are likely committed to it. That energy will do nothing for your spirit... works against it in fact. If something is not working, why continue to perpetuate it? I suspect you are lying to yourself. Living a lie has you be bored. Psyche speaking to you that the way you have your life organized... probably some of the belief structures you are wearing... aren't working... aren't feeding the soul.

You said you feed your soul. I don't think so. The evidence is in your posts.

I don't believe this has anything to do with your husband or your relationship with him. My sense is he is fine and is a healthy part of your life... you land on him or your relationship with him because it is "outside of you". You need to work on your relationship with self... which is impossible until you stop the distractions that keep you churned and bored... and seeking.

I doubt you are ready to hear this yet, but I thought I'd say it since I pulled my punch back in June. And even now, may be being too in-direct about it.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 69
view profile
History
What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 9/10/2008 10:56:16 PM

AMY: why do I get the feeling that some people are resistant to anything I write?

Don’t worry about it Amy… perhaps you’re just resistant to how the Universe shows up in our posts.

Afterall, you said…
AMY: I thought maybe I'd try this forum and see if the Universe shows up in any of your posts as to any NEW and creative ways to "do" life lol.




AMY: Interesting how much a person can tell from a few posts about a person...now really you can't presume to know all that you know about me when we have not even met.

pfft… I don’t presume to know you at all, thought you wanted some new things to think about is all. Seems you missed this critical part in my post…
MARGO: My guess...
and then there was this bit (guess I ought to have listened to myself and not bothered to post, lol)

MARGO: I doubt you are ready to hear this yet


Yanno… one thing I’ve learned about life is where we are the most reactive is where we need to look. Seems my lil post struck a couple of nerves. At any rate, sorry to have interrupted your blog here… carry on with your processing and I hope you get your husband home soon.
 fortynlvinit
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 71
view profile
History
What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST
Posted: 9/11/2008 1:29:27 AM
I want someone who loves the same things I do.. who enjoys being around me as much as I do them.. who I can't wait to see when I get home from work ,,,, to call during the day just to say "hi"......Pretty much my prince charming.. I know it's a fairy tail but hey dreams have to come true sometime don't they!!! until wont settle for anything less!!

Deedee


 FooledBySociety
Joined: 1/9/2016
Msg: 75
Rather accusatory tone
Posted: 1/12/2016 8:54:23 PM
So she just comes right out and calls us liars?
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What Do You REALLY want out of your relationship? Time To Be HONEST