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 CaliSoldier
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 4
Do you pursue?Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
"dont know how"...might actually be translated into " they are tired of our games". Why worry about who chases who? And if a woman thinks" He needs to know how to chase me" then she isnt really very mature anyway, and the same goes for a man who thinks he needs to be chased all the time. As far as the guys not calling for weeks? Maybe you said something to chase them off??? Maybe you triggered the loss of interest button. I'm guessing you didnt call in that week either? The calling and the showing of interest, goes both ways!
 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 6
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:29:40 PM
But then again, I'm smarter than the average bear.

In general, I let the woman make up her mind first before I jump.


Superlizard is smarter than the average bear...maybe even smarter than the average lizard. Chasing can only happen if one person is running. It's better just to be around each other and let an attraction be mutual.

Who makes the fabled first move? I don't know. Hopefully Superlizard can tell you more.
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 9
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:38:51 PM
When two people are interested in each other and it is obvious then it tends to flow pretty smoothly and everything works out effortlessly.

I can't read minds. I can only tell when a woman is interested in me when she acts interested.

If she is interested, but does not show it, then I will think she is not interested and I'm not gonna pursue any further.
 *Bulldog*
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 10
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:02:52 PM
A guy asks for my number, I give it to him. He calls a week later. *yawn*
He seems stunned that I not longer want to talk to him.

A guy takes my number and we have a great chat. Then I do not hear from him for another week or so.
He seems stunned that I not longer want to talk to him.


The fact of the matter is that YOUNG, good-looking, and highly desirable women simply do not want a guy to contact them too soon or too frequently. Modern "American" man has been emasculated via Oprah, Dr. Phil, US public education, Hillary Clinton and everything else and these girls have just been completely overrun by these spineless, needy, nice guys. They want a "real man", the alpha male that exhibits all things manly. "Real men" pursue, but they generally don't care if they get the girl or not. Why should he? Many flock to him. This indifferent attitude is what attracts girls.

The problem, of course is that "bad boys" give off the aura of the "real man" and women are so emotional that they often can't tell the difference.

So by the time even reasonably good-looking women are 35, many have been played so many times that they've grown tired of the games and "bad boys" that they want someone upfront and honest. By then of course, they are probably divorced with two kids. Yeah no kidding they want the nice guy to swoop in and call everyday and show interest. The "nice-no-games-kind-of-guy" is the sucker.

The thing with attracting girls is that girls of different ages act very differently. One way does not work on 18 year olds and 45 year olds. Biologically these girls are very different and their experiences (read: wisdom) are even more different.
 hiheelsareOk
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 14
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Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:17:53 PM
Men, do you know what it is to pursue a woman? Or are women so busy desperately chasing you, that you no longer feel the need?

Women are constantly chasing us guys, we have to beat them back with sticks! In fact they are always ringing our doorbells at the most inconvenient times, no wait! That’s those damm missionaries this time. Seriously though, the next day I’m either tired or hung over. As far as pursuing a woman as in romance. Yes. If your referring to being an annoying pest and trying to occupy her every moment, No. I don’t think men have to chase women once you have been dating. If you like each other, both of you are trying to be with the other.
 kornbluth
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 17
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Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 4:49:09 PM

A guy asks for my number, I give it to him. He calls a week later. *yawn*
He seems stunned that I not longer want to talk to him.

A guy takes my number and we have a great chat. Then I do not hear from him for another week or so.
He seems stunned that I not longer want to talk to him.

Sounds like yall didn't have much significant to talk about, or those guys can't pursue a conversation. Oh, and this early on, the object of pursuit is conversation, not the woman. Since you ask, hell no, I wouldn't pursue a woman. Is this a race, or is she trying to get away? I'm not the fastest hound in the pack, anyway.


How enthusiastic a man is about meeting you, spending time with you, chatting with you, is pretty much the only indicator a female has when it comes to figuring out if a man is genuinely interested.

That's true. And it's a little naive, or disingenuous, for a guy to act "stunned" when he suddenly tries to resume an liaison that he suddenly broke off too long ago. Perhaps the old pursuit-mentality induces some people to run too fast too soon, and they can't do the distance. Watch the Belmont Stakes tomorrow, and you'll see several horses who are better at this than most people are.
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 20
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 5:35:25 PM
Momi
There's one thing that you need to fully understand and appreciate.
CRIMINAL LAW TAKES PRIOROTY OVER THE "LAWS OF PURSUIT" TOUTED IN THE WOMENS TRASH RAGS.

And , under criminal law ALL pursuit is illegal be they stalking laws, rape laws, or harrassment laws.

It isn't that modern men don't KNOW how to pursue. It's that they CHOOSE not to pursue because of the risk of a jail sentence.
If you have a problem with this then it's your problem and it's not something to take up with modern men. It's an issue for YOU to take up with the police and the courts.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 26
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Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/6/2008 6:09:58 PM

men no longer know how to pursue a woman.


Maybe not so much of not knowing, but not knowing how to do it in today's social environment. I'll try to go over it as I've pieced it together.

Back in the late 60s and early 70s there was this thing called the feminist movement. Sure it started out reasonably enough, but by the 1980s and 90s it needed to find new demons to fight. Those new demons were often about how men pursued women.

The typical tools and methods of how a man was supposed to pursue a woman gained a social stigma or were even criminalized. Some of it was incredibly absurd, including 'studies' that called buying a woman a drink 'date rape'. Most weren't seemingly so absurd and were aimed at guys who were actually being offensive and abusive. However, the message was always about 'unwanted' attention from men. That was where the line was drawn between acceptable and unacceptable behavior, if the woman wanted it or not.

The problem is that the men who were actually being offensive and abusive didn't respect women in the first place so they never heard the message. Who heard that these behaviors weren't right any more? The men who did respect women and the women themselves.

The result is that men were taught not to give women 'unwanted' attention. Women were taught anyone that they didn't want attention from was guilty of at the very least some social mistake and at worst guilty of something criminal. Men became stuck in a situation where they were required to read minds. Women were empowered to treat men they didn't want poorly because it was 'unwanted' attention. Men didn't want to be guilty of showing a woman 'unwanted' attention. It takes a certain personality to think that EVERY woman wants you, and basically any man that thinks that way is likely to be quite a self-centered jerk.

On top of this throw on that women were supposed to be 'equals' now. Men pursuing women is inherently unequal.

Culturally, men simply had most of the social tools for pursuit of women stripped from them.


How enthusiastic a man is about meeting you, spending time with you, chatting with you, is pretty much the only indicator a female has when it comes to figuring out if a man is genuinely interested. A man who is serious about you, nothing will stand in front of that.


Enthusiastic pursuit is considered creepy. I think just about every woman in here has had some guy she considered unattractive that was 'enthusiastically' interested in her that she ended up considering creepy even though he did *exactly* what they are asking men do here to pursue.

To end this, I'll go through something rather typical that I've experienced personally.
A woman's car is broken down at the side of the road, a man she finds attractive stops to help her. It's romantic, he's a hero... maybe they date... When I stop and help a woman in my dating range the reaction is more like one towards a potential ax murderer. (I've stopped to help all sorts of people, I only get the nervous potential ax-murderer reaction from women in my dating range)
 wisguyingb
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 28
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 10:48:32 AM
I gave up trying to pursue women about a year ago myself. I look around at all of the couple's out there and tend to see a trend forming. Women these days don't want a guy like me..lol. But it's all good cuz then I don't have any baby daddy drama to deal with, nor do I have to help care/pay for some other guys kid. Staying single these days is wise. Cuz I don't plan on giving up half of eveything I worked so hard for in my 28 years!!
 CaliSoldier
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 30
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 12:41:05 PM
Whenever a guy says " Im not into games", and you wonder what he means by that? Well, this " He better know how to pursue me" is a very good example of these games.
 CaliSoldier
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 32
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 1:49:19 PM
" What I want to know is, how many men realize there is a balance."
if we have to do ALL the pursuing, and automatically know how she "WANTS to be pursued" then where is the balance in that?
 TheHumanist
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 34
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:22:35 PM
Just paying for the date in itself is "making a move". Afterall he was the one to give during that first date.

Also there is a fear of being labeled a "stalker" so that put's us off from being too persistant. Hell people can even be labeled a "stalker" without even having to have actually MEET the person! They say an online relationship doesn't count as a lagitamate relationship, same applies to stalking, online "stalking" isn't real stalking (unless they intend to find the potential victims home or work address and physically try to locate them).
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 35
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Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 2:33:07 PM

I did not say stalk, I said pursue. If your pursuit is bringing criminal charges... perhaps you need to reexamine your methods.


The line between stalk and pursue is a very fine one that varies from woman to woman. It has everything to do with how attractive the woman sees a man.

A man can do the exact same thing with different women, some will consider it stalking others will consider it pursuing and others yet will just find it annoying. Odds are that none will file criminal charges but it is possible.


Well, perhaps that should be changed to "the emotionally healthy and reasonable."


This is the same 'wanted' and 'unwanted' standard we have today in effect. The line between reasonable and unreasonable is different for every woman and in their head.


What I want to know, is how many men realize there is a balance. It's not a simple situation, obviously.


Of course there is a balance. That balance point is DIFFERENT FOR EVERY WOMAN. Where is her line drawn? What is her idea of being pursued?
Basically before a man can even approach or pursue a woman he has to learn a good deal about her, to find where her line is drawn. Because of the social unacceptability and even criminality that has been added in the last few decades, the man often to work with the worst-case in mind, he has to think that every woman he might approach is the least tolerant when going in blind.

As I see it, the rules were rewritten in this absurd way by women for women. When women as a whole become more tolerant of men they think are unattractive pursuing them, more men will pursue. And because it's called 'pursuit' the women have to be tolerant of it continuing beyond the first no or five. Because that's what it is, pursuit, to keep going until the prey tires out, gives in, or out runs you.
 SCUDRUNN3R
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 40
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 4:49:21 PM
I am utterly CRAP at persuing women I don't know.
What the hell are you supposed to say?
If I'm on a course, or working with a lass, then the whole thing becomes a LOT easier.
In fact I won't persue a woman that I don't know - full stop.
If they like me, then they can make the first move... it's happened before.
But I find that once I've got to know someone as a friend or colleage, it's much easier to just be yourself around them. And talk utter bollocks, which incidently usually ends up with them like this - which is only a good thing.

Scuse me a sec... gonna get back to playing GTA 4 now.
*grabs a beer.
 SCUDRUNN3R
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 44
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 5:54:44 PM
"Let me know if you want me or I'll assume you don't and move on."

You should never assume anything.
Tis bad. Could have missed out on something great.
Like a 1968 Charger R/T 440.
What the hell am I going on about?
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 45
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 5:59:46 PM
Crayonzz..... That is totally over the top.

Geez... only saying.. if he isn't interested enough to maintain some level of contact.. then.. any interest that might have been is gone.

If you take a pleasant "how are you doing" kind of email to the police..you believe they will drop everything and come after you??? Crayonzz...you need help for that paranoid delusion!

We all know the difference between sending an email and waiting for a reply...and ... stalking. And so do you.
===================================
We most certainly do not ALLLL know the difference Upstate girl.
And you can certainly do better than personal attacks.

Firstly the police HAVE to investigate ALL formal complaints. And, while most of them never even make it to court, they make life very unpleasant for the accused. Secondly the police are not the only authourities that are emppowered to investigate these complaints.
The most disgusting example I know of is Princeton University. A girl, wearing a short skirt, wandered past a guy enjoying lunch on one of the lawns. "nice legs" was all he said. The girl complained to the deans office about a "nini rape" and the guy was kicked off campus all hopes dreams and carreer prospects in tatters.

"Mini Rape"! And you have the nerve to call me the paronoid one!
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 46
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:16:37 PM
The problem is that the men who were actually being offensive and abusive didn't respect women in the first place so they never heard the message. Who heard that these behaviors weren't right any more? The men who did respect women and the women themselves.
=====================================
Very much so Zeotide

And you can see the results in the Broken Hearts froum all the time.

If you think of yourself as “the catch” and, following the girlfriends advice, wait around for somebody to “snare you” then the only kind of man you will get will be the predator.
Good men will not chase you because good men don’t need to chase anything . The world beats a path to their door.

The predator will suck the life out of you, eat you up, spit out your bones, and discard you. That’s what predators do, despite all the howling of the girls in the Broken Hearts.

You want a good man? Beat a path to his door and treat him like a good man. You want to be “the catch” ? Expect to be snared only by a predator.
 SCUDRUNN3R
Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 47
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:41:45 PM
" Good men will not chase you because good men don’t need to chase anything . The world beats a path to their door. "

Wow- look at all the women outside!
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 49
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:20:14 PM

It isn't that modern men don't KNOW how to pursue. It's that they CHOOSE not to pursue because of the risk of a jail sentence.


Puh-leeze! You ask for her phone number, she gives it to you. You call a week or two later, she is no longer interested. Calling her the next day is going to get you a rape charge??????


 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 50
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/7/2008 7:40:45 PM
No Woodby!

Thats YOU talking. It's not the loony women, nor the lunatic laws which support them
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 68
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:47:19 PM
crayonzz...

I want you to try an experiment... with my permission

take these messages I have sent to you via this forum to the police. tell them you are concerned based on these messages.

you will be told... there isn't any reason for them to be involved.

===================================
No Upstate!
Thats not the way you do it.

You take the messages to the nearest rape counselling centre , or militant feminist group and have them then take it up with the police. Thats when the police do get involved.
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 69
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:51:10 PM
A Good Man will not chase a woman? And so using your logic why would a Good Woman chase a man?

Ridiculous example
=============================

Re read it please.
I said a GOOD man is worth chasing.
What I didn't make clear is that these good men arent going to do any chasing because they don't need to. They already have man savvy women chasing them..

This means that the women who behave like "the catch" will be stuck with the predators because thats all that's left.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 70
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Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/8/2008 3:58:11 PM

Guy asks for number, he calls her 1 or 2 days later. She says "Oh, I'm in the middle of something, can I call you back?" and she never does. Should he continue from that point? Or was that an indication of disinterest?


If he doesn't 'take the hint' and stop pursuing her because she's not interested, he's wrong. If he keeps pursuing her and she isn't interested, he's wrong. Mind reading is the only solution.


A man who continues to pursue after hearing the first no... is the problem. Once someone has drawn a line in the sand, if you continue to ignore this, and walk right over it... that is the kind of aggressive behavior that makes women wary of all men. While we consciously know that all men are not like this. If it happens to a woman repeatedly, she needs to look at her clarity in the definition of her boundaries. She is giving mixed signals.


This whole pursuit thing is about NOT GIVING UP at the first no, the first negative reaction. When I start to approach a woman and she gives me that 'don't talk to me look' I walk away, that's the 'first no'. There are more examples but what the complaint that I hear from women is that men aren't pushing through that 'first no', that first sign of negativity any more. the men aren't pursuing. Of course we aren't pursuing we were told unwanted attention is WRONG. That is reinforced by every woman we encounter that isn't attracted to us.

To have pursuit, the woman has to first be on the 'run'. It's not a 'pursuit' when you pull over immediately when the cop puts his lights on. But men aren't supposed to follow when she takes off. The whole situation is a catch 22 for the non-mind reading guy. It makes perfect sense to a woman, but the it is unsolvable problem for the man because it requires that the man know if the woman WANTS him to pursue. Men don't have that piece of data. It makes sense for the woman because she knows that. She just thinks men are supposed to know it too.

Giving mixed signals is EXACTLY what women do with any decent guy they aren't completely interested in. They want him to hang around... they don't want him to go away. They give just enough positive so he'll think there is a 'shot' and a enough negative to hold him back. Then she'll turn around and blame him for not pursuing her when he gives up and walks away.


Good men will not chase you because good men don’t need to chase anything . The world beats a path to their door.


Does not happen. Most good men are not exciting enough for that to happen.


i have gave him signs without being to obvious


Duh. They aren't 'too obvious'. You're expecting him to read your mind. I've gotten all sorts of 'not-too-obvious' signs from women, every time I've acted on them I was an idiot because she was just being 'friendly'.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 75
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/8/2008 6:33:12 PM

American women, generally, have a huge sense of entitlement. Men are objects which they can fit into a slot alongside baby and career, just another thing they can brag about/complain about to their friends. As a result, they have honed to a razor-sharp edge every tool in the toolbox to dissuade men from paying attention to them. From the dismissive glance to the profanity-riddled tirade, to the "chase me because I'm oh-so worth it" attitude, you name it. Every time a guy talks to a woman, he has to psyche himself up for it, preparing for the attack which usually comes.


Wow...love the "American women" generalization sir! I'm sorry...I don't remember being polled to ask me how I felt...wasn't I home when you called/knocked on the door?

Not ALL American women feel entitled to something. I hate to read that someone has obviously ticked you off so badly that you slap a label on all women. I don't feel entitled to anything when it comes to men. I think that if a guy decides to pursue me, I'm gonna be flattered!!! I don't see it as stalking--some women take some things to the extreme, as do some men (the above generalization being a reference). I know stalking...and pursuing me doesn't equal that.

I believe that the advent of online dating has kinda leveled the playing field and it seems to tick a lot of guys off. Back when I was younger (under 25), men did pursue women...there wasn't POF or other sites where women could be the initiator. Makes a huge difference to many guys because for some, maybe they feel we've taken away a tool they had in their arsenal...I guess it did.

I don't know...but if a gentleman showed a lot of interest in me, I'd show it back. Shrugs...maybe I'm just different that way!
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 98
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History
Do you pursue?
Posted: 6/9/2008 3:31:41 PM

It would also explain why so many women are bitter. One man like this rampaging through the female population, will sully the path for 20 decent and men who come after him. Once again, it's men creating more problems for men.


I just wish women wouldn't fall for the obvious nonsense. Then the path wouldn't be ruined.
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