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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?      Home login  
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 Lifeismycanvas
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 1
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Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Just curious, I've heard that women find it a turnoff when a guy spills his guts to a girl when they are meeting for the first few times? Is it a turnoff when a guy talks about his whole life story and totally opens himself up to you, shares all his fears and dreams too soon in the relationship? Or do you ladies prefer a little bit of mystery in your men?
 Lifeismycanvas
Joined: 8/7/2007
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Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:07:01 AM
Actually I am not the type of person to reveal everything about myself to people I barely know. thanks for the input though.
 Lifeismycanvas
Joined: 8/7/2007
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Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:18:30 AM
"When your "secret" is about a couple stints in the state pen, yeah women tend to get bummed out. Also when they find out about the wife in another state, the 3 kids, all that rigamaroll, bad news...."

No, nothing quite like that. I've been through quite a bit in life but no kids or wife or jailtime. I'm an artist and I have a very vivid imagination and some of the stuff I like to think or talk about is pretty far out for the average person, I find that some people only like to keep things light hearted and surface level.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 4
Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:08:52 AM
Telling someone your whole life story right away is too overwhelming for most people. As you gradually get to know one another and ask each other questions, you can share your fears, dreams, successes, failures, etc. That's half the fun of meeting someone... gradually learning about them.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 5
Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:34:32 AM
For some reason, people open up to me. It doesn't phase me any more. But I DO think the GUYS get weirded out that they've revealed too much [made themselves vulnerable] and worry that I have this knowledge and would use it against them. I never have done anything like that, and would not, which is why people tend to tell me things.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 6
Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 10:54:14 AM

Just curious, I've heard that women find it a turnoff when a guy spills his guts to a girl when they are meeting for the first few times? Is it a turnoff when a guy talks about his whole life story and totally opens himself up to you, shares all his fears and dreams too soon in the relationship? Or do you ladies prefer a little bit of mystery in your men?

It's not about mystery, it's about pacing yourself...and overwhelming someone you don't know that well. There's plenty of time to do that once there's mutual interest and an actual connection.

The fact that you're asking if "too soon" is ok shows that even you know that the timing's not good...you're answering your own question.
 Lifeismycanvas
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 7
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Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 11:05:04 AM

Women usually prefer men who are open and genuine. Nobody likes a closed book, unless it's got a nice cover, but even "pretty" gets boring, eventually.

On the other hand, you want to present your best side to your date in the early stages of the relationship. Sharing fears can show weakness and doesn't highlight your strengths as a man. Since your partner doesn't know you, she needs to learn how you can add something of value to her life. She needs to see the attractive qualities of your personality and character.

In addition, it's usually best for men to maintain a small degree of mystery. Too much mystery can make you appear closed to her. Too little mystery can make you appear weak (or worse). Try to find the right balance with your partner, and recognize that the weight of mystery generally decreases as the length and depth of the relationship increases.


Thanks, thats the type of answer I was looking for, very detailed and accurate. You didn't judge me like some of the other replies who automatically assumed I'm some ex-con with 10 kids.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 8
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Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 12:25:23 PM
It can be very overwhelming depending upon what he's disclosing.
First discussion:
How 'bout, prison time on a drug conviction (recently) for dealing. Rehab, numerous times within a short period of time a number of years ago. This is a man in his late forties now. But said he was committed to being a responsible person now. Good job etc.....Without getting into more detail of this long (years) chaotic lifestyle, (long but interesting) this can be an overwhelming piece of information laid at your doorstep in the first few minutes of conversation. Takes a while to digest completely. First off, thinking to yourself.....uh, there's not many who BEGIN selling drugs at age 43 almost 44......So, you think about it and rethink what he had to say since you decide this guy was laying it all out on the table.

You give the benefit of the doubt.

Then a little later you find out that he's been shot not once but twice and stabbed. Then you find out that there's a NUMBER of DUI offenses when he was point blank asked previously if he had a problem with alcohol in addition to past drug problems and he said "no".

So, depending on what is disclosed and what you are ready to hear. The above mentioned should be somewhat commended for doing so but not in the way it was done and the timing of it all. It's like you have to know the bad deeds before you know the person. He was a total stranger at the time of disclosure. And you might think that this is also commendable on his part.....yes and no. .....since actually he likes talking about himself and what he wants period and everything and everyone else is secondary, 90% of the time.......Too much, too soon, isn't always a good thing.
And I'm not saying to keep things secret but on the first conversation?
 Lifeismycanvas
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 9
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Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 2:52:25 PM

its got nothing to do with openness/mystery, its all about the big picture. You can't tell a practical stranger a bunch of stuff without putting it into context, that being a big picture that includes a sense of your personality, emotions and nature. Otherwise stuff naturally gets judged in black & white. You can't expect people to wait to find out more about you before making judgements, its simply not practical.


True, but I do think that many women especially younger ones do find a little bit of mystery sexy in a man.
 Patarey
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 10
Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:26:30 PM
Yes,........its a turn off.........

I want to know all the dirty little secrets..............the ones were after you tell the girl your life story your dreams and fears............and still donĀ“t spill.............

those are the ones I want to hear.............

It never happens though..........
 alfcantor
Joined: 11/26/2007
Msg: 11
Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:49:27 PM
from a guys point of view (i've got some experience on the subject)

The last girlfriend I had was on the phone with me and wanted to know my life story. I told her she wasn't ready (we'd only been together 2 months), but she kept nagging til' I just told her... anyways, the next day she broke up with me. She couldn't handle my past, she forgot completely who I am NOW.

Bro, from my experience, feel free to be open, but don't overload them with the life story. Just give bits and pieces a little bit at a time. Let it come out in conversation throughout the relationship. You know, a little mystery to be revealed.

Wonder how many women will agree with me?
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 12
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Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:14:09 PM

Bro, from my experience, feel free to be open, but don't overload them with the life story. Just give bits and pieces a little bit at a time. Let it come out in conversation throughout the relationship. You know, a little mystery to be revealed.
Wonder how many women will agree with me?
I agree with you *alfcantor*.
 TravelingHomebody
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 13
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Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:40:12 PM
I don't want somebody to just vomit out their life story. There are things that are appropriate for greater degrees of closeness in a relationship, be it friendship or romantic, and somebody who just spills their guts has no boundaries and that's gonna be trouble.
 YearoftheCat
Joined: 9/26/2007
Msg: 14
Do girls dislike when a guy reveals all his secrets too soon?
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:25:18 PM
No, no, no, no, NO! I love someone who can be real. It shows alot of self-confidence. It shows the guy is ready to be open to someone else. And I hate facades!!!!
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