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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 3
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her PantsPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I only date 1 woman at a time, so it's not because I'm getting it anywhere else. I've never put pressure on a woman for sex, but I've noticed that saying no on the first date usually leads to having pressure put on me on the second date.
 Wildman46
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 7
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:10:46 PM
I always thought that women wanted sex also... Why would anybody need to apply pressure when sex is supposed to be for the pleasure of BOTH the man and the woman.
That being said, I have had quite a few women try to pressure me into sex.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 11
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:34:37 PM
Another poster said it right; we gentlemen just can't win it seems. Did anyone take a look at the thread over in "Ask a Girl" that started this particular thread? Here is the final conclusion of that thread's OP, about a guy who usually dated two women at once but only had sex with one...


Because of this, I would think a woman might want a guy to show a desire for her, even if she has no intention of sleeping with him anytime soon.


How far is too far in this scenario? We're supposed to push a little, but not too much, and only the woman knows where the line is?? Damn, if I wanted to jump thru hoops I would have joined the fraking circus! Did it ever occur to the poor misguided souls who think like this that maybe the reason a man isn't trying to get into a women's pants right away is because he respects her, and likes her enough to be trying to form a more lasting relationship, one that's based on more than just sex!? The poor unfortunates with this sort of warped perspective on men and their motivations are likely the ones sitting at home with their self help books, reading about how to get a man by following some secret formula of rules and hidden agendas, and wondering why they are all alone with their cat and the pint of Haagen-Dazs.

Sane men and women let their relationships evolve at a pace that is mutually comfortable, whether its a second date or fifth or tenth, and have no problems defining those parameters with their partner.
 wowsad
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 16
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:07:30 PM
anyone who's somebody decent would never want to be "that guy" who is begging for sex, whether they want to or not. even if a guy is getting it from somewhere else, he still obviously wants to get it from you if he's dating you, so that's not the issue. its not that guys don't want sex when they don't ask for it, its just that we've been trained to not act like animals.

women complain when guys are asking, when they aren't... nobody's ever happy. if a guy does ask, he's considered a pig. if he doesn't, he must be getting it from somewhere else. women always find fault in something it seems.
 SlingDad
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 17
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:37:00 PM
Sheesh, it does seem like a no-win for the men.

Sex complicates a new friendship or relationship. Yes, at some point (sooner than way later) there is a time & place to see if you're compatible in that regard. But...too soon and you both are putting the cart before the horse.

Besides, inuendo and sexual tension is part of the 'new relationship endorphin high'...right?
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 20
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:35:23 PM
I've never put pressure on a woman for sex. First, I am not the kind of person to put pressure on another person. Second, it takes me awhile to determine if I really want to have sex with a particular woman. It's not exactly a risk-free and consequence free act. It also requires some degree of trust...

The use of higher brain function in this regard tends to make women think there is something wrong with me.
 ExplosiveSheep
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 21
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/16/2008 12:39:56 AM
Gentlmanly. If I was getting it somewhere else and still dating a woman I'd just be getting it from double the sources.
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 24
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:35:44 AM
hey! we can be finicky too! maybe we just want to be friends. maybe we want to get to know her before we jump into that can of worms. maybe were not drunk enough. maybe were just playing coy to drive her anticipation crazy enough to tie us up to the bedposts and give us a thrashing
now go and turn on your feminine charm to see what were thinking
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 25
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:47:54 AM
SHE will not have a prayer of getting "any" from ME until I am in LOVE with her and the feeling is mutual. No mystery to it at all, really.

And the "other" thread that inspired this one ... I found depressing that [apparently?] SO many women can have "seeds of doubt" planted so easily. Maybe it was the talk of sweets that might have "muddled" a lot of brains in that thread???
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 26
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:48:31 AM
Some of you guys I think are not understanding why Classyfiedally was asking this question......

There was a man, over on AskAGirl asking us this question.
He stated that he has a "friend" (uh, huh) who does this and was asking us
(in a nutshell) if we thought this way about the situation.

Now, MOST of us had really never given this much thought AT ALL.....it wasn't a thought that most of us have at the forefront of our minds..... that if a man didn't pressure us for sex that he was getting it somewhere else. See? This OP (a man) over in AskaChick said he was there to do us favor (so he said) basically and enlighten us all ....etc...blah, blah, blah. Again, it's not something that most of us really ever thought about seriously.

Go over in AskaGirl and read the thread please and I think you will understand (to those of you who don't) what was going on over there to prompt Classyfiedally to start this thread.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 27
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:50:59 AM
Doesn't it occur to women that Prince Charming doesn't grab women's butts ?
On the one hand, you're gratefully surprised when he doesn't grab your butt.
On the other hand, you're sorrowfully disappointed if he doesn't grab your butt.
Naturally, you assume he's grabbing someone else's butt, so you start asking around who's butt's getting grabbed by Prince Charming.
When you can't find anyone, then obviously Prince Charming must be gay.
Look, if you want to play, then you know where he keeps his toys don't you ?
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 29
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/16/2008 6:28:34 AM
Why did you stop at two?
- it can be because the show's a good one
- it can be because she's a good friend but I've been told she's lesbian.
- it can be because I can see the white line of the recently removed rings.
etc etc
 shryko
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 35
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:39:40 AM
depends on the guy?

I try to avoid pressure, as forcing an issue like that will only hurt the relationship in the long run. Good things come to those who wait, after all.

but I doubt there aren't guys out there who're just getting some on the side, and thus, not really eager to switch.
 bluenfree
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 38
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/16/2008 4:02:12 PM
Because I'm a gentleman. I've met a lot of friends - platonic - on the internet. If the chemistry isn't there, she signals with her reserve. If I like her, why lose a friend by pressuring for something that isn't going to happen anyway?

BTW, if I'm getting it somewhere, I'm not out dating other women.
 isspringhere
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 44
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:39:01 PM
I have always been a gentleman and never put pressure on a woman for sex. But patience always pays off, if I wait long enough...............9 out of 10 times I will be asked for sex and several times it was demanded of me for sex and I don't have to be getting it from somewhere else for this to happen. Like I said, patience....................
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 46
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:01:16 PM
We could reverse this and say, If the woman doesnt put out then does that mean she is getting it from somewhere else? I think I understand why the men are upset about this thread. It is like asking Do you still beat your wife type of question...there is no right answer. Basically it appears to be saying that unless they are getting it from somewhere they cant be a gentlemen. I don't think that was the orginial intend but I can see how some might read into it. Bottom line is some men will do this and some women will do this and those that do ...do. Only by giving someone enough time to get to know them will you be able to figure out who someone is... anything less than that you are judging someone without knowing who they are and the error is on your part.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 49
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:06:47 PM

I think this is where the line: "It just happened!!" was born!!
You know? I think I agree with you on that quote. It probably was born out of a one time thing.........Then when it happened again and again......someone just took that and "ran" with it..... It's what my friend's (ex) husband said every one of the 4 times she caught him.....lol
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 50
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:15:18 PM
The whole point of this is to not get in her pants, but rather have her get into yours.......works oh so much better........

OT.......Equality is the key in what you do and how you act, and for me at least, I find that most women want the same thing I do, just may go about it differently.....

I long let the getting to first base attitude go, and moved well beyond hitting on many to hopefully get a few that will, to treating those I am with as my equal partner that will let me know what they want as much as I will them.....

The more you act like an individual and not like a school boy hoping to get lucky, the better off you are, and the better off those around you will be too....

Just my opinion......
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 51
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:02:30 PM

It is like asking Do you still beat your wife type of question...there is no right answer.

Excuse me ~ what?


It is the most used example of an accusation in the form of a question, of a question that cannot be answered with damaging yourself. The question is set up such that it assumes the person being asked 'beat his wife' at some time, just answering it will tend to make people listening believe the accusation to be true.
 John_Mon
Joined: 4/30/2008
Msg: 54
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:26:50 PM
I believe in the beginning the gal should let the guy know when she's ready. After that the guy can let her know in whatever way they click with. Some guy's, including myself, are a little afraid scaring off someone we may really like, or at worst, getting a knock at the door by the police the next morning saying you got carried away last night and would you please come with us.
 opnmydm
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 55
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/18/2008 2:48:42 AM
i am that way when i am starting to get to know someone, i act like a "gentleman" and no, it is not because i am getting it someplace else. the first few dates are to get to know someone, to see if there is any chemistry. if there is and we continue to see each other.....
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 56
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/18/2008 5:58:04 AM
Some Fifty years, or so ago a naive young girl graduated from an Australian Catholic convent to enter university. This kids name was Germaine Greer and it’s important to clearly establish her background because her naive comments have had such a massive influence on female attitudes for the last half century.

In those days girls normally left school after year eight. They lent a hand in caring for their younger siblings, or nieces and nephews, until they were considered old enough to marry themselves.

Catholic convents, teaching senior years, existed for only three reasons.
The first was the finishing school and those of the same style. A factory to turn out suitable wives for pollies, diplomats, and industry captains.

The second reason was to keep any girls, who were already too keen on boys, well away from them till they were at least eighteen, sometimes twenty.

The final reason was as a breeding ground for the next generation of nuns.

At a sexual level these schools were not just non sexual. They were anti sexual. Not a problem if the convents were purely breeding grounds for the next generation of nuns but a disaster when the girls left to become wives and mothers. The nuns who ran then were sexually frustrated themselves, with their hormones continually on the rampage, and that frustration was often savagely unleashed, on the girls, when these rapidly maturing girls did show any interest in boyfriends.

This was the world that this child, by the name of Germaine Greer left to enter university. It was also an age where the status of women was changing. Rosie the riveter and her sisters had already proved themselves industry capable in the munitions factories during world war two.
This was the seed of the women’s lib movement which re started at the time.

This movement was something that Greer, often unintentionally, milked for all it was worth, often getting credit for advances that she had little or nothing to do with..
The sexual repression however was something that Greer vigorously rebelled against. For a decade, or two, anyway!

But there was still no way that she could go through her convent upbringing without being influenced by it. On the campus she was shocked to hear young men discussing their sex lives as casually as they discussed the footy scores.

This led Greer to come barging blindly out with one of the worst pieces of misinformation that has ever dogged, and destroyed relationships for the past half century.

“Men are a bunch of slaves to their penises and are after nothing from a relationship but a semen spittoon.”

Now any teenage kid, who is young, stupid, and thinks they know the ways of the world , will regularly drop these clangers, not just on sexual issues but on everything from politics, to money, to whatever. Most of these comments don’t go much past general conversation, and rarely beyond the conversation of young teenagers.

But for some inexplicable reason, several generations of women, with a thousand times the sexual savvy as the young Greer, have blindly swallowed this particular “penis slaves” blunder, hook line and sinker. Millions of women, worldwide, have dedicated all their efforts to providing a better semen spittoon, in an effort to make relationships work. To the total neglect of the million and one other things that also go into a successful relationship!

The voice that declared men a bunch of penis slave s wasn’t the voice of a feminist at all. It was the voice of a nun.
.
 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 57
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:19:46 AM
^^^^^^pretty interessting post.
 secret_agent_thing
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 58
When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/18/2008 7:04:19 AM
There could be a number of reasons why he isn't, the two you listed are two possibilities but to think those are the only two is kind of naive. Sometimes it's the first reason for me, sometimes it's just that I'm pretty happy with how the rest of the relationship is going that sex really isn't a factor in the beginning so I don't think about it really. Others have reasons like they want to wait till marriage and/or serious commitment. Some guys have security and trust issues so they're too timid to bring those kind of things up, let alone pressure the girl.

If you want my honest answer from my own experiences it's a combination of me wanting to wait until there is some kind of commitment in place and the fact I'd like to consider myself a gentlemen about it and find trying to pressure a girl into sex to be kinda rude.
 WesL
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 59
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When You Don't Try To Get Into Her Pants
Posted: 6/18/2008 9:40:53 AM
Stupid point here... why as a society have we got to the point where by x amount of dates we need to have sex? Why can't it just happen in a passionate moment when both people feel the urge that they like this other person so much that they want to let them have something they they deny to 99.9999% of the world population?

Just a thought.
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