Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Do women need to work at it harder after 45?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 untamed one
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 3
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?Page 1 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Hopefully , by 45-50 , there is a realisation that work is involved in the care of the human body and some sacrifices are to be made , ie , less meat , ramen , tomatoes , alcohol .. it's all in the attitude and some people can attest to this , if you go to Montreal , every woman on Ste Catherine St is dressed to the nines whether she's 19 or 59 , and of course all of them gorgeous .


I`m not seeing that same attitude when it comes to older men. A lot of them are out there dating , quite readily, thin and youthful women

but then a lot of company funds are being embezzled ....
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:28:15 AM

... when it comes to older men. Alot of them are out there dating , quite readily, thin and youthful women, and not being bothered by their
big ponch, their aged physique. They seem to be fine with themselves just the way they are , as are alot of the women who are more than honored to date them.
I've seen that too, but I also know a lot of them (men). I happen to know that they are not interested in a life partner ... long term FWB yes ... but definitely not marriage or live-in life partner.

Those "thin and youthful" women that you speak of are happy to date them and screw their brains out because they know that when those guys eventually break down, they're done with them and out the door. Those are not the women who will be changing their diapers or giving them bed baths when they become bed bound ... so why not date them?

It's really not all that difficult to figure out what those women want with those men. No matter how big their bellies are, it's not that difficult to get them off and make them feel like a king ... as long as they keep the wallet open ... RIGHT?

It's not something I'd be interested in, so I'm holding out for a man about my age who has taken care of himself and wants a future with me. I have been taking care of myself and want the same in a man.
 herringchoker101
Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 6
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/21/2008 11:44:50 AM
hi,,,nice sense of haha.............cudos to you
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/21/2008 1:07:27 PM
I have been thinking a lot more in the last year about taking better care of myself. I have friends in their 80's who still look good for their age but they have taken care of themselves.. So I am taking care of myself..

I think that women who view this as a battle actually do more harm than good.. I see it as making a positive statement with what you have.. and staying healthy so I can stave off medications as long as possible.

I am quite proud of myself I am 55 and take no medications.. having brought down my blood pressure from 145/85 to 105/60 in a year by loosing 30 lbs and exericising regularly.. still trying to raise that good cholesterol number.. oh well maybe next year.

And the truth is that over 50.. a hard life shows up both on men's and women's faces..
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 8
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/21/2008 3:44:29 PM
You will always find those of either gender or any age that are accepting or not accepting of the physical part of “attraction”.

However, for the most part I think women in general aren’t as hung up on looks as men are in general in any age bracket. Probably why the older man/younger woman is so much more common than the younger man/older woman, not that it doesn’t happen, just not as often. Just as there are men in their 40’s and 50’s that are more attracted to the same age range even if they could attract much younger women and vice versa.

There are always exceptions, I don’t think it has anything to do with it being acceptable or not for either gender to “let themselves go“. Unless a younger lady is one of the exceptions like vain, shallow or a gold-digger she would probably go for an older “out of shape” man if he treats her nice. Especially, if she encountered a lot of young hunks that couldn’t hold a job more than a month , calls her “my biotch” or slapped her around.
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 12
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/21/2008 4:30:54 PM

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^man, if those are my only two options, I`ll be spending time on the forums for a long time!


Only if you are completely hung up on looks, then again how many options are there for a 7' tall woman?
 crayonzz
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 18
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:13:53 PM
Where the women DO have to work harder is in thier attitude to men.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:16:46 PM
While I certainly won't discount the fact that there has always been, and will always be a certain percentage of men who are willing "pay for" the attention of those young hunnies, I think that surely they are aware of the fact that those hot babes will disappear as soon as the checkbook snaps shut. Nothing wrong with that....a fair exchange is not robbery.

Have you considered that the men feel the same way about us? When we go out....all the 20-30 somethings hitting on us? Don't you think that men our age get discouraged by that? How are they supposed to know (or believe) that WE'RE not interested the young puppies if we don't tell them so? Even after that...don't you think that maybe it's possible that they do know that they're not getting any younger or better looking and that it's possible that even WE may prefer the studly 30 yr old without a brain in his head to just the average middle-age + decent guy? Something to ponder.

EDIT: Ohhhhh, come on girls!!!! I just looked at Abby's pic.....and a few others here....now don't tell me that there are not some HOT over 40 women! LOL! No way are you going to convince me that when Abby goes out that the 20 some year old guys are not swarming for her attention! (LOL, sorry Abby, don't mean to put you on the spot...but face it...you still got it! LOL!) Just imagine what even a 45 yr old guy is thinking! Just because she COULD take her pick of any 25 yr old in a place.....doesn't mean that she wants to......or would. The men just don't have that "maternal" thing that we do...that says....nooooo, my kids are older than YOU! So, the older men are thinking (I think) that they wouldn't have a chance....so why bother....they'd just make a fool out of themselves. Much easier on the ego to let the 20 yr old bimbo hang all over them....and so what that it costs them a few drinks.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 22
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:32:37 PM
I think it has become a balanced outcome of 40/50 something people (both genders) seeking to deny themself the truh that we are aging. The reasons these people give for dating younger people are usually based on sex and an ego boost. I've turned down many offers by women much younger than me because I fail to appreciate the (short term) benefits.... which are few.

On the other hand, I find many women in their 40/50's to be mentally and physically irresponsible for their well being. They act no better than men who have mid-life issues. I don't think women have a more difficult time with dating. Nor, do I think they must put more work into themselves because of their age...... those who have a low opinion of themself think differently.

40 something women have a natural sensuality and appeal... if only they would see it in themselves rather than being told about it.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:11:09 AM
Work at it? Work at what? lol
You know? We "are" getting older and no matter what you work at, some things just don't disappear! Just have to do our best to put our best foot forward and work with Mother Nature. Damn that woman anyway!!!
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 26
view profile
History
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 1:02:27 PM
I feel the pressure when it comes to looks. You bet - what woman wouldn't and that goes to say we feel it from the time we are born. I'm to the point I worry about other people's perceptions about how I look or how I behave. It's unfortunate that women and even girls are driven to feel the need to fulfill expectations, that most of those are so unrealistic.

As far as what I think about men after 45? They should take care of themselves. I'll be honest, I wouldn't date a guy that is 5'8" and weighs 300 pounds. I'd want him to be able to do things with me (bike riding; hiking; snorkeling; fishing; climbing those stairs; walking; etc). If he takes zero pride in his appearance, I don't care what age a man is, I wouldn't be interested.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 27
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 1:46:13 PM

I`m not seeing that same attitude when it comes to older men. Alot of them are out there dating , quite readily, thin and youthful women, and not being bothered by their
big ponch, their aged physique. They seem to be fine with themselves just the way they are , as are alot of the women who are more than honored to date them.

Mostly the paunchy wrinkled older men dating attractive(?) ladies have money, or they've led the lady to think they do.

Men who have wrinkles, paunches, etc and are not significantly moneyed are just as "toast" as women whose appaearance has aged.

The other factor that comes into play is so many women still buy into the idea that they have to be half of a couple to be a valid human being. In the 21 to 45 age bracket, there are TONS of slim, attractive women. The "thin and youthful women" you see with older paunchy,wrinkled men couldn't compete with the uber attractive women for the goodlooking younger men. So they make a choice to go for the older guy with some material resources,because they see that as preferable to dating a younger guy who ain't got much of anything going for him.
Yes, I know that sucks, big time. But that's how that works.
Cindy O
 NancyC123
Joined: 12/17/2006
Msg: 28
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 3:09:13 PM
I'm sure there will be a lot of different opinions from this question, but from what I see, yes, I DO believe women are being judged more as they get older.

In our society, it's almost a CRIME for women to AGE! But, when it comes to men, well, they just become more "distinguished" with age. Hell, even their gray hair is more accepted. But, for women, we just look OLD with our gray hair - why do you think there are more hair dyes geared toward women then men?!

And, the next time you check out a McDonald's commercial on TV, pay attention to the ones geared towards guys vs. the women. The women take their children to the park and munch on rabbit food (the salads), while the guys can just CHOW DOWN on the biggest, baddest burgers that are made with no qualms whatsoever!

There's a MAJOR double-standard but I don't see where this will ever change. It's just the way we're taught and Holly-weird CERTAINLY doesn't help matters, either!
 Bewildered100
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:08:55 PM

I have tried to take care of myself. I get plenty of exercise and eat well. I was blessed by not having a sweet tooth. It seems that men my age want younger women. We old gals cant win.


I disagree; to an extent. Yes, I've never met a guy whom would turn down the affections/attention of a younger woman, but most are fully aware that it won't last. On the other hand, a more mature woman often treats a first encounter with a comparably aged man as a job interview with NO input of what she may bring to the table. Why is it so important to know what I do/how much I make, but only talk about your failed relationships or outstanding bills?

And without looking at your profile first I would venture that you, Abby, come off as an attractive woman who would bring as much to a relationship as you do for yourself.
 Bewildered100
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:10:50 PM

Men who have wrinkles, paunches, etc and are not significantly moneyed are just as "toast" as women whose appaearance has aged.


 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 33
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 6:47:18 PM
Mesg 39
You do understand that comment was specific to the question of older men who seem to have no trouble getting attractive ladies to date them while older women get ignored unless they are extremely young looking.( or willing to f*ck like a mink at the drop of a hat.) It was not meant to be a blanket statement about all older men who show their age. But for the most part, a man who looks old, yet has a young and/ or extremely attractive woman on his arm, offers material perks/financial security.
Keep in mind, gals, if you bust your ass to look 15 yrs younger than you are, you will have to continue busting ass even after you catch Mr Right.
For me, I intend to ENJOY my life, putting forth the degree of effort and expenditure necessary to look healthy and happy, but no extreme measures, no agonizing over every calorie, no needles, no knives. If I wear myslf out exercising, then how am I going to enjoy the dates I get with men who are fixated on size 4 women? ( I WAS a size 4, once...the day I was born )
Cindy O
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 34
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:15:51 PM
Actually I think women are harder on other women than men will be. I been a people person for years, when a woman has inner beauty it comes across as appealing to men. How many men's profiles say they are looking for someone nice? They really are.

If a woman is presentable, fashionable and has taken advantage of minor things, ie...whiting your teeth so your smile still gleams...not that expensive..chest whitestrips work for me. Color your hair or if you prefer use the rinses that changes the grey to a white hue vs the yellow which looks dull. Smells good, uses lotions so her skin isnt leathery if she has a tan etc. Then if she goes out with the right attitude and has a positive and fun seeking energy I guarantee she would be considered irresistible by men of all ages.

I think one of the difference is women let social standards hold them back, while a man will walk proudly with a younger girl...most women would be worried about what other people will say to enjoy the company of a person much younger. I remember a few years ago I had met a special person who was more than 20 years younger than me. We had gone out to eat and my kids (in their early teens) went with us. I had a ton of frosted looks from women, men didnt seem to care. Maybe women are victims of their own limitations.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 41
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:23:22 PM

I have to admit, I never dreamed I'd be having sex this great.
I quit goofing with the non-performers.


Hmmm, no pictures and a profile full of 'prefer not to say'. I think you ARE dreaming, dude.
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 44
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/23/2008 1:01:12 PM

It's not that women over 45 need to work harder, they just need to be realistic.

In other words, accept being a f*ck toy.

However, there's a large percentage that won't figure that out until they're in their mid-fifties or sixties.

Oh I figured out that a lot of damaged,fearful men would try to tell me that over 45 women can't expect anything more than being a f*cktoy,within a few months of returning to the dating scene after becoming widowed at age 47.
I want to be someone's loved and respected partner. If that's not available, being a f*cktoy for some chickenshit man is NOT an acceptable substitute. I've got good ol' bob, who does what he's told, when he's told.

no longer see PoF as a viable forum for meeting realistic women in my age range so I put little effort into it.
No, I think by "realistic" you actually mean STUPID women...and they can be found at any number of "adult" dating websites.
If you don't like the peaches quit shaking the tree.
Cindy O
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 45
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/23/2008 1:13:18 PM
However, for the most part I think women in general aren’t as hung up on looks as men are in general in any age bracket. Probably why the older man/younger woman is so much more common than the younger man/older woman, not that it doesn’t happen, just not as often.


I disagree. Women in general care about looks just as much as men do. There are many women who wouldn't date short men, bald men, obese men etc. The only difference is that some women would date a much older man or an unattractive man because he is rich, famous, powerful etc.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 47
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/23/2008 2:19:44 PM

I'm not working harder and neither is she...
Except at having great sex.


Well, it's been my experience that great sex isn't hard work. You must be doin' something wrong, dude.
Cindy O
 blondblueyed
Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 50
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:47:29 PM

Women in general care about looks just as much as men do.


I find that women care about “looks” in general a different way than men do in general. For women it is more about hygiene, grooming and the like, not every man looking like he should be on the cover of GQ magazine.


There are many women who wouldn't date short men,


The majority I see would prefer men to be taller than them…..since average for women is between 5’4” and 5’6” which isn’t “average” among men most of the men are well within their range. There are always exceptions to any rule, members of either gender that don’t care as well as those that have narrow and strict guidelines.


bald men,
Some, yes. I bet there are many, many more men however that wouldn’t pursue a bald woman.


obese men etc
Again, I bet it is less than the number of men that won’t bother with obese women.


The only difference is that some women would date a much older man or an unattractive man because he is rich, famous, powerful etc.


Since most people don’t fall into the category of being wealthy, famous or powerful and there are a significant amount of couples with age gaps, I doubt if this is true for the majority of the older/younger couples.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 52
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/23/2008 6:54:30 PM
Provided that it's not being done with someone else's spouse, or a minor child, great sex isn't wrong.
Speaking to the original topic, whether she "works harder" or not is probably a decision, not a "need". I'm all for a sensible diet and exercise plan,and a reasonable effort to look healthy and youthful, but the key word there is REASONABLE. Good skin and hair care, hair coloring, quality cosmetics...fine. Injections of poison into your face and/or surgery simply to look MARKEDLY younger than the date on your drivers license would seem to be indicative,IMO, of some serious issues with reality and self esteem.
Cindy O
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 55
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:39:51 PM

I find that women care about “looks” in general a different way than men do in general. For women it is more about hygiene, grooming and the like, not every man looking like he should be on the cover of GQ magazine


Not all or most men expect a woman to have super model looks either.



The majority I see would prefer men to be taller than them…..since average for women is between 5’4” and 5’6” which isn’t “average” among men most of the men are well within their range. There are always exceptions to any rule, members of either gender that don’t care as well as those that have narrow and strict guidelines.


There are also plenty of women who will only date men who are at least several inches taller than them. For example, I have seen profiles where a 5' 4" woman will only date men who are at least 5' 9" or taller because he has to be taller than her when she is wearing high heels.


Some, yes. I bet there are many, many more men however that wouldn’t pursue a bald woman.


You might be right. But then again there are very few bald women besides the ones under going treatment for some disease.


Again, I bet it is less than the number of men that won’t bother with obese women.


I disagree. I know a few men who were obese until they lost a lot of weight. They got a lot more attention from women after their weight loss. I think the majority of people from both genders aren't attracted to obese people.


Since most people don’t fall into the category of being wealthy, famous or powerful and there are a significant amount of couples with age gaps, I doubt if this is true for the majority of the older/younger couples.


I haven't seen a large percentage of couples where the man is much older than the woman or vice versa. By much older, I'm talking about 15-20 yr age difference or more. I don't think an age difference of 8-10 years is a large age gap.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 56
Do women need to work at it harder after 45?
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:45:19 PM
Redarcangel, thank you for the kind comments! I have seen several men who have had the laser on their teeth...it looks great on them and made me want to save up for it!

I recently met someone half way to sixty and I think I understand where alot of people are coming from now, he said that he is taking two different kinds of medicine that if he just went and worked out he wouldnt need to take...he feels at his age why bother anymore and just pops the pill. He says going to the gym is alot harder than it used to be and doesnt enjoy it anymore. It would be another *thing he HAS to do vs wants to do. He is a very attractive man and has a great personality.

I guess everyone feels differently about aging, some find our comfort zone and allow ourselves to go before others do...maybe it is a balance of when we accept our inner beauty as being of more important than our outer beauty as in his case, his peace of mind is worth more than the muscles now.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Do women need to work at it harder after 45?