Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Did I up date my profile and go visible to soon?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Lario
Joined: 5/2/2005
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Did I up date my profile and go visible to soon?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
How did he know you had updated your profile and became "Visible" again if he wasn't looking around... Wipe the slate clean of him and move on...
 bellazingara
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 7
view profile
History
Did I up date my profile and go visible to soon?
Posted: 6/24/2008 5:53:30 AM
No you didn't. If you felt it was over you had every right to move on and you don't need his permission---it's none of his business. Some people move on faster than others. Sounds like it hurt his ego a bit though. He doesn't want you but at the same time he doesn't want anybody else to have you either. If he didn't think it was appropriate for you to be back on POF so soon what exactly was HE doing on here at the same time?
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 13
view profile
History
Did I up date my profile and go visible to soon?
Posted: 6/24/2008 6:16:28 AM

Was, I wrong to up date my profile and go back visible before talking it over with him first?
NO, absolutely not. You weren't wrong; he'd already said that he was NOT ready for a relationship.

NEVER make someone a priority in YOUR life who only makes you an option in THEIR life. If he has problems with his child....then they are HIS problems.....not yours (since you're NOT in a "relationship"). The fact that he is not only telling you what your feelings are...but at the same time implying that you don't have the right to feel them is a HUGE RED FLAG!
At this point....if I were you.....I'd be VERY skeptical about any claims he might make in the future about "missing you". It should be quite obvious that he has only 2 ways of dealing with people's feelings. 1) with the child...he avoids them. By giving her the clear message that she has nothing to worry about...he's not seeing anyone...and thereby encouraging her hope to see her parents reunited, he's AVOIDING dealing with her feelings. 2) With you, he's both DENYING your right to have them and criticizing them as being wrong.

I think you seriously need to re-evaluate the character of this man. If your statements are accurate, then what I see is a liar and a manipulator.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Did I up date my profile and go visible to soon?
Posted: 6/24/2008 7:56:39 PM
I don't think it was too soon exactly, but if you weren't satisfied with the idea of giving him space, and unhappy about him saying he didn't miss you much, you could have made it clear on that telephone conversation that you were going to start dating others. I definitely don't think you should have to wait around for him while he ignores you, but it's a nice courtesy to let someone know if you consider it over, and he still thinks you're just on some sort of break from each other. Communication is key.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 37
Did I up date my profile and go visible to soon?
Posted: 6/25/2008 3:45:38 PM

He did, said he hadn't really missed me much and, I wasn't real happy with the conversation.

He hasn't missed you much? There you have it! Good riddance.


My needs and feelings matter too! So, the next day, I up dated my profile, went back visible.

Your needs do matter...good for you? Who needs to be dealing with the I don't want you but don't want anyone else to have you nonsense at 50?

Good luck to you!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 38
Did I up date my profile and go visible to soon?
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:00:54 PM
But sincerely, I just wanted to present what happened as honestly as possible, out of curiousity. Just to see if I handled things right

Sweetie, it's YOUR life. You do what YOU feel is right for YOU. There is no PoF relationship rulebook.
If he's gonna fling up his head and bolt every time you speak up for yourself about something, then he's too screwed up to be a good relationship partner right now. What may or may not happen down the road I wouldn't dare to speculate,but he doesn't get to have it both ways.
You are gonna find out that the middle years are a real damage zone,as far as finding men who genuinely want a serious, committed relationship. It seems like it's still more OK for a middle aged guy to be single, than it is for a woman,in terms of social perceptions, so the women are more apt to shove their damage in a closet someplace, GET ON with their lives,and find a partner(sometimes they settle for not very much of one) Men can usually work around their damage sufficiently to find sex, but when it starts getting serious the wheels come off again...
Cindy O
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 43
Did I up date my profile and go visible to soon?
Posted: 6/25/2008 9:27:02 PM
It bothers me that he is a "christian" hypocrite. POF people don't want the bible but i want you to fire back at him with BIBLICAL FACTS.
1. All men~women are sinners. The only perfect man to walk the earth we nailed to the cross and that is Jesus Christ. Having sexual relations without marriage makes him a sinner NOT the devil.
2. Jesus says since man~woman is weak we are to take a partner because we can't be alone!!!!! Apostle Paul did walk alone though, he was a strange dude.
3. Jesus forgives with true repentance.

He might be doing this because he really has not intentions of being with you so he is committing another sin ........hit him with this one LYING!!!!!!

HYPOCRITE and trying to use Jesus to excuse his behavior SHAME SHAME SHAME
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Did I up date my profile and go visible to soon?
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:46:22 AM
If you agreed to give him some space without necessarily totally ending things and based on that conversation changed your mind it would have been courteous on your part to let him know that as he did not seem to miss having you in his life, you were going to unhide your profile and open up lines of communication.

He is unfair to be angry with you when he made snotty comments because he certainly had to know that it hurt you when he said he didn't miss speaking with you. On the other hand, it also seems like you changed your profile perhaps as much in retaliation for that phone conversation than for your desire to move on from the relationship.

Examine your own motives and proceed from there. If you feel you owe him an explanation you can certainly e-mail him but what you do is not really his business at this point in time. Looking at a couple of your reposts, it sounds like you should be happy you are rid of this immature, insensitive individual even if it sucks a bit right now.
 CherylCake
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 47
Did I up date my profile and go visible to soon?
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:02:13 AM
He wants you to feel guilty,therefore justifying the break-up, so he can make you the bad girl. You don't need this. It's called displaced agression. Yay to you for moving on. don't look back.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Did I up date my profile and go visible to soon?