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 SpiceyCougar
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 1
When She Stands You Up...Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I was wondering how men reacte when they realize they've been stood up or if/when the woman cancels on you last minute as you are walking out the door?

I was stood up last night, and, of course I was mad, but more so, just really sad. I don't understand how someone can do this. (I am not asking for pity or anything... just leading up to a point) As I walked out of the place and home, I thought about what I have read in this forum before and what some of you guys have said about women doing this to you. And it made me wonder..... how does a man reacte when he is stood up? Do men go home and eat ice cream and burry their head into work or something?

How do you reacte when you've been stood up/cancelled on last minute?

How does it effect you?

DOES it effect men at all?
 hiheelsareOk
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 2
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When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:05:18 AM
Depends what degree of being stood up you mean. If it’s just a cancellation, no problem. Even if the cancellation means never seeing this person again, I take it as it wasn’t meant to be. I would rather be canceled on than try and make something work that has no chance, because they met someone else. That would be just a waste of time. I can respect someone changing their mind or finding someone else. Having a date or a male friend make plans with you and then never show or call. Their out of my life. I don’t hang with inconsiderate people like that. When they finally call days later or something trying to explain. I say wtf, have a nice life. As far as how it makes me feel inside. Cancellations are just a disappointment. Being actually stood up pisses me off, we are so done here!
 h0ldfast
Joined: 12/19/2006
Msg: 3
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When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:05:20 AM
If you've got things to do, you do them. Might as well chip away at the old to do list. If you've got time on your hands, go out to a movie, go out and browse books at the bookstore, hit the gym or go for a walk. When I'm stood up, I usually don't want company, so I do things alone.


DOES it effect men at all?

It's unpleasant, but men are tough. You take your lumps and move on. Lief is full of disappointments. You can't let something like this get you down or you'll just end up sad all the time.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 4
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When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:00:15 AM
No matter the gender, being stood up isn't a nice feeling.

However, in this day and age... it's just something you have to accept.
It happens. A lot unfortunately.

If I get a call and they cancel last minute... yeah, it's disappointing. But if they're willing to try and reschedule, it can be forgiven. But only twice. If they cancel a third time... I figure that they're simply not serious about actually meeting.
I mean, it's not THAT hard to find some time to meet someone for an hour or two even. If you can't even bother doing that for someone, then why should they waste their time on you?

If the person just cancels, and doesn't want to see me. Then that's fine. Their loss. At least this way I didn't waste the night with someone who's not worth my time anyway.

If they stand me up... well, yeah, it sucks... but again, clear proof that the person's worthless and shouldn't be bothered with.

Now, in rare occurences, there are exceptions. I have been stood up, and informed shortly after that there was some emergency or another. And I will give them the one chance if I believe them.
But how hard is it to pick up a phone and call to say you won't be there? Honestly.

It hurts to be rejected like that... but it happens. I'm not going to sit here and mope about it. I'm not going to cry and get all depressed. I just accept it as a sign that the person wasn't worthy of me. And I can move on and hopefully find someone who is.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 5
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:08:51 AM
One time I made plans with a woman to hang out the next day. Then the following the morning ( the day of the scheduled date ) I realized that I was unavailable. So I called her and left message stating that I couldn't make it and we could hang out another time. Never heard back from her. She was probably mad that I cancelled the date on short notice. But how much notice could I have given her since we made plans only 1 day in advance.

Because of that, I am willing to give a woman the benefit of the doubt if she cancels a date once. But if a woman cancels a date more than once, stands me up, or doesn't call me back to confirm and finalize plans, then I wouldn't call her again.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 6
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:27:21 AM
I'm not sure if I've ever been stood up (if so, it was a long time ago). Not long ago, a woman showed up 45 minutes late, as I was getting into my car to leave. I have been cancelled at the last minute. More than anything, that pisses me off. Unless the cancellation is due to a life threatening emergency, I see it as just plain rude. I don't have a problem telling someome who's cancelled that she shouldn't have accepted the date if she didn't want to go out with me and that it's rude to waste my time.
 SpiceyCougar
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 7
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:43:21 AM
Most the last muinute cancelations I get are followed with some REALLY lame reason like their mother needing them to feed her cat or he forgot to do the laundry or he didn't realize how expensive gas was..... Like I am too stupid to realize I am being brushed off.


More than anything, that pisses me off. Unless the cancellation is due to a life threatening emergency, I see it as just plain rude. I don't have a problem telling someome who's cancelled that she shouldn't have accepted the date if she didn't want to go out with me and that it's rude to waste my time.


I suppose you guys don't have to worry much about this, but I have stopped putting on much make up or even dressing too nice for said dates. I am so used to men cancelling last minute or standing me up.

You're right... why accept the date if they didn't want to go?

Yeah... we all move on from this sort of thing... but the initial feeling, right after realizing you've been stood up... or you get the last minute excuse that his cat needs company..... it's that moment that hits so hard.
 AchillesHeel
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 8
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:08:06 AM
"D***, atleast I dont have to pay for an expensive dinner..." followed by going to a good violent guy movie and grabbing some Filibertos on the way home.
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 9
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:13:48 AM
The only two times I have been "stood up" are when they asked me to do something. And when I called the night before to re-confirm they had some lame excuse.

Why would they ask me to do something and then flake? But I could already tell there was something insincere and manipulative about them.

The first time it bothered me because I actually liked her, but I found out later how much of a crazy loon she really was. So it all worked out.

And the 2nd girl, I was actually relieved because she was so superficial and stupid from the beginning. She wanted to go to the mall. The mall? I'm a grown man, I don't want to go to the mall.

In both cases, I just mentally wrote them off and ignored them from then on.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 12
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:46:41 PM
I just realize that this person is pretty flaky, not very good at communication and I need to move on. If they are not interested they just have to say so. I'm a big boy.

It affects me a little; I mean I'm annoyed; if its someone I'm really into I'll get sad but I dont let it get me down.
 SpiceyCougar
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 13
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 2:39:54 PM

"D***, atleast I dont have to pay for an expensive dinner..." followed by going to a good violent guy movie and grabbing some Filibertos on the way home.


Yeah, my way of dealing with it was by calling up a friend and asking if SHE wanted to join me for the expensive dinner.

Then today, I dealt with it all with some ice cream (bad, I know) and going to see "Wanted" (Violent guy movie).

Both things helped

Thanks for the answers guys.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 14
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:11:09 PM

Sometimes people can change their mind after accepting the date.


That is really lame. Unless you're sure you want to go on the date, you shouldn't accept. Accepting a date and leaving open the possibility of changing your mind shows an utter disregard for someone elses's time. If you aren't sure, just say NO.
 CaliSoldier
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 15
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:22:07 PM
[As mentioned by celts123, sometimes you can't give the other person much notice because plans were made only 1-2 days in advance.]
Wouldnt that give you 1 or 2 days to let them know?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 16
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:23:29 PM

I suppose you guys don't have to worry much about this, but I have stopped putting on much make up or even dressing too nice for said dates.


I don't have to put on make up, but I do have to worry about making dinner reservations, purchasing tickets for the theater, symphony (well in advance to get good seating) or doing whatever needs to be done in advance to make sure everything flows smoothly and at least appears casual.
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 17
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When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:31:40 PM
It's rather context dependent.

The time it happened to me I took it as a lack of interest possibly including extreme wimpiness. The excuse was very lame. I simply decided that if she called me everything would be fine and go on. She did not call. I concluded she was not interested and that is why she canceled.

So what does it mean to me? That she's not interested or has what she considers better options. Time to move on. That's about it. Then again I'm conditioned for rejection.... Most men probably are conditioned to rejection so it's just another rejection. big deal.
 Karrpilot
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 18
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When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 3:37:19 PM
There are all kinds of things for me to do if and when that happens. The last time i was stood up, i had the plane scheduled. So i just called one of my co-workers to go with me. Actually, it turned out better. The plane did not want to start. Even with a jump. Then we ran that battery down. Had to both charge up the battery, and run the pre-heater on the engine to get it to start. I was dealing with that for almost an hour before i got airborne. I could imagine what a date would have done. As in LEAVE.
 SpiceyCougar
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 19
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:14:35 PM

Sulking and drowning your disappointment in icecream is about the worst thing you can do.


This is true. BUT, the reality of it is.... this is how LOTS of women handle being stood up.

The violent guy movie was the perfect cure though... to be honest.
 SpiceyCougar
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 20
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:16:54 PM

I don't mind being stood up at all.....probably because I stand others up so much.

YOu see ...often when I book a date with a girl....I often set up two...sometimes three dates at the same time...and just go with what I am feeling with.

It's kind of like food....tomorrow night I might be in the mood for a blonde with large breasts....but then again...I might just be into a firey red head with perky breasts.
Or If I am really feeling like something different I might go chineese.

Its kind of like...trying to decide what I will feel like for dinner tomorrow night....I guess.....

It's good when you stand up people....it helps deflate their swollen heads.


OUCH!!

Forgive me... but that's just heartless.

I mean, more power to you if you find those women who like to "have sex like a man". Have at it and get down with your bad self.

... but ouch...
 guys4theforums
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 21
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/27/2008 10:36:43 PM
These kind of people don't deserve a second chance. They have no consideration for anyone else but them selves.
 CaliSoldier
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 22
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:22:26 PM
[if a woman stands me up, i usually enlist the help of a friend to stand her up. turn about is fair play. ] HOOAH!! Then she will psot a forum like this one!
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 23
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When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/28/2008 6:14:47 PM
I usually have a backup plan too; not another date, as I don't double book, but I make sure we are meeting in an area where there are other things to do. This was especially important when I lived in a rural area and had to drive quite a way to meet a woman. I'd meet her in a part of the city where I could easily find something else to do if she doesn't show, or we don't hit it off.

Its all about being open to the possibilities; I once had a date that ended in about 15 min when she got a phone call and had to leave. Whether it was legit or just a bailout, I didn't care. I went back inside, and shared a smile and a laugh with a gal across the bar from me, who commented on how quick of a date it was. Once thing led to another and we ended up hanging out (platonically) for the rest of the night, laughing and joking, and I made a new friend. I had a better time than I would have with the date, so it was all good.
 SpiceyCougar
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 24
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:16:05 PM

The good part of that night, while I sat alone, this good looking blonde woman came up to talk to me and after a while, ended up leaving together. The woman that invited then tossed me, got a little jealous that I left with her as I heard the next day.
I dated that blonde for about a year. Good things can come out of bad experiences


Wow... the first part of that night sucked... but it lead to a nice year of something else.

That's very cool!

Thanks!
 whothehellknows
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 25
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:40:11 PM

I was wondering how men reacte when they realize they've been stood up or if/when the woman cancels on you last minute as you are walking out the door?


Unless it is a damn good reason, I just look at it as a bad date that I saved money on, and there will not be a second date. It's not that serious to me as generally I do low key type of things when I am getting to know someone. So if she cancels about the most I have 'lost' is a few hours. And they aren't really lost, I just do other stuff.

I have learned from experience NOT to plan expensive dates that involve tickets, reservations, time schdules, or nonrefundable activities.
 DLo!
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 26
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When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:26:28 AM
If it's the first couple of dates with the person I'll make back up plans to meet out with a group of friends. Getting dressed up for nothing is no fun!
 AndalusiaJoey
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 27
When She Stands You Up...
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:28:46 AM
It doesn't faze me at all. It actually give me more time to myself for the things I have delayed. It was just a date, and I don't date to invest in marriage which will never happen again in my life, God willing.
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