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 AUTHOR
 URLOVEY
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 3
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Drama...Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I have faced this issue (the wanting kids vs not) several times dating younger men. The only way to avoid it completely, is date men who are older than you who already have children or have accepted their lives without kids. We are all waiting longer and longer to have children but men can wait forever, where us women...well...ya know.
Sounds like you had a great time. Enjoy the memory. Be grateful for the experience. Not all one night stands are like that one.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 17
Drama...
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:56:52 AM
~OP~ I completely understand your situation. I don't believe it has anything to do with age. If you are 100% certain, there is no need to waste precious time with anyone that clearly isn't on the same page as you. Plenty of fish (I do believe.)
 EdwardPartSix
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 20
Drama...
Posted: 6/28/2008 3:43:11 PM
Next time, don't get rid of a guy you like on the first date because of some decision you might have to make in a few years.
 EdwardPartSix
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 24
Drama...
Posted: 6/29/2008 9:50:42 AM
No one on here knows if he is going to call. Give it a few days and don't worry about it. If he doesn't call, make a mental note that telling a guy you don't want to date him, then sleeping with him, is the ultimate mixed signal.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 28
Drama...
Posted: 7/3/2008 8:25:23 AM

While your stated desire not to have kids unless you know you can raise them 100% on your own is laudable, the fact of the matter is the father will be involved one way or another. Also at your age the clock starts to tick a bit louder.

It only ticks if you decide you want children, and sorry - but no woman should consider a child unless she's prepared to take care of them 100% on her own; you just can't predict what will happen once a child is born, and children are too important to "wing it" with.

I also know many situations where fathers are not involved at in any way with their children (outside of the initial creation), and you can't be sure before you have em what guys'll do this, so I commend her for being realistic about it and making sure it's something she can do alone before getting into it.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 30
Drama...
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:51:28 AM
^^^What can I say - women are the ones who end up carrying and taking care of the kids alone anyway if the fathers decide they don't want to be involved, whether you're married or not. Not a whole lot ties a man to a child if they are determined not to be involved.

I come from a generation where a LOT of dads walked away because they could, and I watched a lot of women struggling to take care of a child they thought they'd have help with (including my mother). It affects the child most of all, and sorry but the child is the most important thing to consider if you're planning on having any. So if you can't do it alone if you need to, then it's better not to go there). My main point is not to have a child offhandedly - it's a BIG job and something not to take lightly.

You can't control what a father does - doesn't mean he will bail but you have to prepare yourself in the event that it happens that it will be seamless and your child won't suffer an upbringing because of it. A large reason I don't want kids is that I don't want the responsibility alone, and because I don't want to torture an innocent child just to fulfill my own dreams (or because I was too stupid to prevent pregnancy). Some of it has to do with vanity as well, but I digress.

It's not hatred of men at all, it's being well prepared. And it's a step up call for women - when you have a child as a woman, it's not about you anymore - and trust me, I have seen mothers have kids that were unfit as well. But if so many more men hadn't shirked responsibility (and yes women getting pregnant by men like this is a factor) in past years then there'd be no historical facts to fear repeating.
 bellazingara
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 32
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Drama...
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:43:51 PM
He wants to have kids 'someday' (not any time soon) and I don't want to have kids (I don't think). Should that have been a dealbreaker? Or could we have had a nice relationship - for at least a little while? Who knows? Was I an "idiot" for walking away from a nice guy and potential for a loving relationship?

Yes that should have been a dealbreaker if you are both sure that's what you truly want. No sense in getting emotionally involved and wasting each other's time if you're not on the same page regarding such a major issue. I know I definitely want children--it's non-negotiable. If someone is "on the fence" about it, it's already a dealbreaker for me. Even though the possibility is there they might decide to have them, I'm not going to get involved with someone who is wishy-washy about something that important to me.
 opnmydm
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 34
Drama...
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:03:23 PM
if you go into this thinking you are going to change his mind, you are in for a big hurt one day. if you decide to go with it, just go with an open mind and say whatever happens, happens. he already stated what he does not want...read into that before you take that step
 borntoski683
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 35
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Drama...
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:07:15 AM
why not just go with the flow and enjoy the moment. Does every dating experience have to be based on the future long term potential for something serious? Just keep it in perspective. If you are the type of person that can't keep it in perspective, then you are doing the right thing to move on.
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