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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Anyone lend money to a girl/boy friend then break up before you are p      Home login  
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 cantondad51
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 1
Anyone lend money to a girl/boy friend then break up before you are paid back?Page 1 of 1    
I dated a woman from May, 2007 through July, 2007. She and I were both divorced, each with 3 kids living in the home. Whereas my divorce was over, and both my ex and I had moved on, she was having major problems with her ex. It was obvious that she was having financial problems, even though she was living in the marital home. Her ex was doing everything in his power to interfere with her and her children's lives.

She had a very heroic job, and she told me she only got paid once a month. She got paid by the hour and only when she was paged, called or the bell sounded. In early July, 2007, the right thing for me to do was to loan her $500.00 so taking care of her kids would be a little easier for her.

Our relationship pretty much went from seeing each other 4+ times a week, to almost no contact in late Julty, August, September and October, 2007. Since November, 2007 I have had no contact with her.

In August, 2007 she promised me that she would pay me back and I even provided her my address. To date, I have received nothing towards the $500.00 that I loaned her.

She was a straight arrow, honest, and someone that you could look up to. She set a good example for how one should be a better person and a good parent.

I have recently sent her multiple emails and IMs. I know she is still active online and on at least one dating site. So far, I have not received a response from her.

Was I wrong for lending this gurl money? Do lending money and relationships not go together? Was I too blind because of my feelings towards her and her children. All I tried to do was something that I felt was right at the time.

Your comments are welcome...
 URLOVEY
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 2
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Anyone lend money to a girl/boy friend then break up before you are paid back?
Posted: 6/27/2008 4:14:39 PM
My dad always told me never to lend money I wasn't prepared to lose. That being said, I did recently break up with a guy that owed me money. He paid back every dime. But, I was so afraid to break it off with him before the money was returned. I struggled with the decision, and had to risk losing the money rather than selling myself short. I do believe that the money situation was a contributing factor to the break up, because it made me very uneasy. My advise you bought her cheap.
 cantondad51
Joined: 6/23/2008
Msg: 3
Anyone lend money to a girl/boy friend then break up before you are paid back?
Posted: 6/27/2008 5:16:20 PM
I don't think the money had anything to do with the break up. We were on Fire. My relationship was great with this Gurl. My ex was out of my life, but her ex was really causing problems for her and her kids.

She was out of town for training for multiple consecutive weeks. Then, her dad passed away. By this time, it was pretty much over. She did make it a point to tell me that she would pay me back the entire $500.00. I believed her. At that time, she was a woman of integrity.

By the way, she is a member here, and offers a lot of good advice in her posts. Apparently, she is able to offer advice on how other people should act, but will not own up to her own responsibilities.

It's a shame that some people say one thing, but do another.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 4
Anyone lend money to a girl/boy friend then break up before you are paid back?
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:54:50 PM

Anyone lend money to a girl/boy friend then break up before you are paid back?

Only once. I'm a quick learner.
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 5
Anyone lend money to a girl/boy friend then break up before you are paid back?
Posted: 6/27/2008 9:02:59 PM
Yanno...I have kind of been on both sides of this situation.

I had a guy I was dating pay a bill of mine, without my knowledge...which was generous and sweet of him to do such. It was not a large amount, and when he paid it, he said it was a gift. When I split with him, he broached the money...which only ticked me off, since I had not asked for it, nor would I have accepted such.

But I have also loaned money or items, which were not returned to me after we stopped dating...and the way I look at it is, it is more trouble to open communication about such, than is worth.
 sleddinfool
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 6
Anyone lend money to a girl/boy friend then break up before you are paid back?
Posted: 6/29/2008 7:13:19 PM
I also lent money--one time..LOL. It was actually after we broke up. She left one weekend when I was out of town. We had lived together for 4 1/2 years, I paid for everything house related (my house) she pretty much bought her sons clothes and junk food, she also had a full time job the whole time so it wasn't like she didn't have any money. Three weeks after she left she came and told me she realized now that she had it made at my house, and wanted to borrow $300.00 s she could get an apartment here in town and move out of her sisters house. I gave it to her knowing I would never see it again, but again wanted to make sure her and her son were o.k...She lives six blocks from me now but I haven't seen her or returned her phone calls. Kevin
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 7
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Anyone lend money to a girl/boy friend then break up before you are paid back?
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:48:18 PM
You didn't tell us what you broke up over. If you cheated on her or something that got her angry at the end, then that would explain her not replying to your messages. In which case, I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for the money. I wouldn't say that you should never loan a friend or girlfriend money again, but you may want to be very specific in when it will be paid back or just drop the idea of it being paid back and give (in your mind) gifts instead of loans. She may also not have the money now, and not expected to pay back the money right away when you lent it to her, but then the breakup happened (which you can't plan).
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 8
Anyone lend money to a girl/boy friend then break up before you are paid back?
Posted: 8/10/2008 3:16:08 PM
Never lend money to a family member or a friend.
Period.

If you feel they need it.
And you have it, then give it.
And never expect to receive it back.

That way - it's a blessing to give and to receive.

As to the wisdom of loaning money to someone you met online.
Or on a dating site online?

That was foolish and stupid of you to have done and I am sure you realize that now.

How do you know that any of what she told you is the truth or real or legitimate?

You don't.

Clearly now...months later, the money is gone, she is gone, and you have neither in your life.

Please learn a valuable lesson that not everyone that you meet online is as innocent or honest or truthful as you are naively believing them to be. Before you are terribly hurt by someone MORE deceiptful than this woman.

Good luck.
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