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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Do hearts harden with age?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 best kept secret
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 4
Do hearts harden with age?Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
When I was young...it was wide open.

Then it was closed...to give myself time to grow.


Now it is open again but with a lot more wisdom in discernment.


But hardened? Never!


 heartseekertrue
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 5
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:17:01 AM
Brittle hearts break.
Harden it not..

that which teaches the heart to bend....
ebbs along the inner tides of life....
therein lies the gifts at the end.
hold not onto troubles nor strife
teach your heart to gently bend,
nourished, loved, sweet fruit rife.
toil to keep her and ever tend,
thence it shall grow old with thee...
 rossal
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 10
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:33:13 AM
My heart is as sensitive and tender as a child's.

I read the book the Extra-Sensitive Personality; it is all me (which in a way is too bad, 'cause things that bother or hurt me so easily, slide right off others).
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 14
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:00:13 PM
I think people start to compartmentalize their emotions..do what they feel safe doing...I have had several men talk by email or instant messaging for over 9 months..no desire to meet...they know what they are ready for..they want connections to other humans but arent willing to risk being hurt right now.

I guess what I am saying is that some go back to taking baby steps in relationships..they dont just jump in with their heart on their sleeves...they take the time to get to know you as a friend before they invest more emotions...

What I HATE is when a man uses marriage or the LURE of love as a weapon and at the start of talking with him says things like oh wow I like the way you think, I am going to mail you an engagement ring tomorrow..he isnt, it is the carrot on the stick to see what I will be willing to do for that offer...I dont want to be with someone who uses the offer of marriage and love as a lure so I think when we hear that someone does like us we stop and think and discard the idea as been something else.

Then some are in love with the idea of love...they can fall in love ten times in a day depending on how many cleavage shots they have seen that day :P.
 Avalon96
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 18
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Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:57:14 PM
.
I don't think that our hearts harden with age, but experience teaches us that the end of a relationship does not signify the end of the world as we know it.
We have probably been down that road a few times ourselves and have watched our friends in despair, only to rise again, like the Phoenix from the ashes love lost.
Yes, somebody ending a relationship with us, or behaving in a manner that forces us to end it, can be a tramatic experience, and deflating for the ego.
We are not jaded, just not looking to punish ourselves for stuff we should be leaving in the past.
The best thing you can do after a love gone wrong situation, is to do a post mortem. Give it an honest evaluation, see what we can learn, then bury it.
 tableguy
Joined: 11/12/2007
Msg: 19
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:57:53 PM
Love is one thing that you feel throughout .When you are young , with no experience, you tend to let it rule your life .However when you are older , went through a divorce and understand living together as well as the emotional component, its a whole different story.It helps if one partner is in a coma, it really helps if both are comatose but if both are like message #8 said they will look so hard they will forget what they are looking for.
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 20
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Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:04:22 PM

Sometimes I read posts of young men and women, spilling their hearts as to the pain that they are going through from a lost love. It`s so touching. But if ever I read that kind of thing from an older poster , they usually get alot of responses "Grow up, for God`s
sake how old are you?"

It seems as if as we age , we are supposed to lose the ability to love and feel, that it is somehow irresponsible , immature, and that we should just suck it up because we should know that it is just a big waste of energy. I know for myself, I feel love and attraction just as much now as I did when I was young. But I just tend to discredit it,
walk away, put it out of mind because of the hassle it can cause. Is this jaded, hardened, cynical or wise? Or is love just not a priority to life as we age? I know for me, if I would find it now, I would cherish it much more than when I was younger. But I don`t know if there are even enough people at this age even open to it any more that it can exist. Do you sometimes feel sadly about the loss of romantic love in our lives as we age? It feels kind of empty without it, or even the possibilty of it.


I actually am a softer hearted person now than when I was younger. I experienced a "relationship" recently where I felt like I did when I was a kid.. and when it ended.. it did hurt and I did not want it to end.. But I am more mature than I was when I was younger.. and I have a lot of living under my belt. A break up of a romantic relationship isn't very serious when compared with some of the heart breaks of my life time.. watching husband destroy himself with drugs and alcohol., divorce, my own parent's divorce, loss of parents and other loved ones, surviving cancer, and other disappointments in life..

So for me I am not hardened.. I just have a better perspective and realize that a break up is not going to kill me while other things nearly did..

Maybe what I have more of now is balance.
 Ur Xoxo
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 23
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:56:58 PM
At my age nothing hardens....

especially that sponge like tissue...

my I can't wait 'til I get old.

...errrr... 'got a sponge' ~ Sienfield
 rubygrl
Joined: 6/18/2007
Msg: 24
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Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:10:39 PM
I can say at one time my heart was so hard that nothing would or could break it. I was bound and determined that noone would ever have the opportunity to do this again. I lived in a world of despair and sadness. The key word here is "I". When the time came that I finally saw that "I" made the choice to harden my heart. I saw that I was very unhappy this way too. But when in love....sure it hurt at times and it did die in the end. But I am still alive!! I have way to much passion and way to much desire to stay in a world full of despair and sadness. When I found out that I was in love I found that I was happier. The person I fell in love with was beautiful and fun to be around. They laugh at me and with me. They had the desire to explore the world like it was their last day on earth, they appreciated the small things just as much as the bigger things. This person had the desire to be happy and they made it happen for me. This person is ME. Now I know that I can and do love as much today as I did way back when. When I am in a relationship I don't hold back. I give every bit of my passion and love to it. I don't know if it will be my soulmate, I don't care really. Each relationship gives to me what I want and desire and I like to thing that I give it right back. Should it end....ok, but I can take with me some beatuiful and exciting memories and grow just alittle bit more.
 rubygrl
Joined: 6/18/2007
Msg: 25
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Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:31:58 AM
Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

And say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.


Derek Walcott
 Hizdog
Joined: 12/19/2007
Msg: 27
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/3/2008 9:14:56 AM
I tend to agree with "TroubleAhoy"... While I wouldn't think that "mistakes" is the term for it, I would think that we make our attempts and enter into relationships with our eyes wide open.

Perhaps we are all scarred a bit from having our hearts broken, but at this stage, that isn't going to stop me from putting it out there again,....

After all - it's my heart... and besides me, I know that at some point, someone out there is going to care for it as much as I do.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 31
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Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:13:37 PM
Nope...I just think we become better at handling the pain of a broken heart.


At my age nothing hardens....


Now that was funny!
 swtcarolinej
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 33
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Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:07:25 AM
"Even a blind squirrel gets lucky once in awhile"!!!!!!!!LOVED it...sooo there is hope
for me!
I feel my heart has hardened a little but it has the capacity to love again,when the right lucky guy comes along!!God makes our hearts flexible and open for LOVE..
 Dceeeee
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 34
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:43:41 AM
After a break up, as a kid, we thought it was the 'end of the world'...we now know that no one DIES of a broken heart, and we've learned ways to deal with it better. We learn from experience.

I'm not saying that it doesn't still HURT...only that we know that this, too, will pass.....in time.

~DC~
 *mandrake*
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 35
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:56:36 AM
my heart is so hard, you'd need a jack hammer to get through to it! If ya can find it first!!
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 36
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Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:24:09 AM
I'm not so sure that hearts harden with age - only if we allow them too. Anyone that tells us to "suck it up" at any age, can take that advice and put it where the sun doesn't shine. If one does not feel sadness, joy, despair, heartbreak, love, that in itself is the worst. Human beings were given the ability to have emotions of all types, that's what makes us human.

I think older people at times, let life's experience beat them down, but that in itself doesn't cause a heart to harden.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 37
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Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:48:49 PM
No, I don't think our hearts harden with age.

The young ones are just now learning how to cope with all of it and some get so confused and it takes time for them to understand that this is life and there's no guarantees. But they don't understand this at first really. You remember how you were in your teen's and 20's.........bullet-proof, never gonna die, indestructible, devil may care attitude. And then, the first serious thing hits them and some aren't prepared for how they feel.

As we age we have a better understanding of this process and most of us deal with it better. And we know, that somehow we will make it through because of life experience not only in dealing with broken hearts but all aspects of life.

When we get to our 40's+ we've lived a lot of life and the young ones in their 20's posting on the other forums have only just begun.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 38
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:17:34 PM
Many of us still have open hearts. We may be more wary than when we were younger. We are much more aware of the fact that, as much as we wish it were so, love doesn't conquer all. The majority of relationships don't last and we know this statistic to be factual. Do we really want to set ourselves up for the possible, if not probable, heartache that will ensue when the rose is off the bloom? Yes, by God! I would rather be in love for one year than spend the rest of my life without love. Even if it means going through the pain and sorrow of a failed relationship. I know that the next time I will do all I possibly can to prevent it from failing. And I think lost love hurts just as badly when we are older as when we were young. When we were young, it was as if our world was ending and we would never be happy again. The difference is that now we know we will survive the pain and come out the other side of the darkness.
 Dceeeee
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 39
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:36:13 PM
Mandrake, honey, I don't believe this in a million years....


my heart is so hard, you'd need a jack hammer to get through to it! If ya can find it first!!

.....you may not want a relationship, but you've got a heart of gold! I very often wish we lived closer....I'd love to have a friend with a heart like yours in my area!!!!

(Where is that jack hammer when you NEED it....just in case you are right???? Just kiddin')

~DC~
 *mandrake*
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 40
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:41:37 PM
Dang!....she caught me....again!! I guess my sense of humor was a little dry on that one!....but you don't have to tell everyone else????
 Sky at sunset
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 41
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:55:26 PM
I don't think it is the heart that hardens --- but rather there is tiredness that sets in.
 livinglife719
Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 45
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:59:39 PM
Pearl 1. Just because you can't see something coming doesn't mean it won't. He could be pop into view tomorrow so keep your eyes open.

Pearl 2. Love, support and companionship take many forms not just that one typical romance. You may go a spell without the ideal arrangement but you'll still get what you want by other means, through friendships and community.

Pearl 3. There is an abundance of interesting, fun, rewarding and meaningful things to do in life there for the doing. Time not spent at one thing can be spent at something else. Life is a banquet.

Pearl 4. You may be by yourself at times but you are never alone. As a human being you are part of a very large family that generally shares your basic desires and experiences.

Pearl 5. Smiles are free and they bring out the best in people, in case you ever have any use for people's best.

Pearl 6. Life is lived one day at a time and luckily we are all capable of making at least part of each day turn out well.

Pearl 7. Darkness turns to light, sorrow yields to joy, and paper covers rock.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 46
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Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/7/2008 4:13:48 PM
Not mine and it's been broken plenty.
 Honcho
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 48
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:58:43 PM
Pretty Moon, speaking for myself, a widower at age 71, I live in danger of wearing my heart on my sleeve so to speak simply because I miss the affection and intimacy of marriage. Not many ladies want a man my age I realize (and I'm not feeling sorry for myself) and the ones that pretend to are usually insecure and looking for someone to provide them a house that they can keep if their new husband dies first. I can understand their insecurity but it still makes me overly cautious and anytime I see a beautiful young lady hooked up with quite an older man its usually because he is rich and she knows it. Am I being unfair in my outlook?
 yna6
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 49
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:26:06 PM
As we grow older we are expected to be able to handle the slings and arrows of broken relationships better than the younger crowd. But...for some it hurts just as bad. We are supposed to handle ourselves with some grace and decorum, unlike the younger crowd that may fly off the handle, pull stupid stunts, whatever.
Many an older person doesn't handle emotional pain very well...how many times have we heard of a long term marriage going south and the spouse goes in and kills everyone and then themself?

As far as I'm concerned, the only thing that grows "harder" is my veins...so the docs say anyways...age does that...but, with experience, I handle emotional turmoil far better than when I was, say 20 something.
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