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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Do men like it when women contact them first?      Home login  
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 rossal
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 3
Do men like it when women contact them first?Page 1 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
Life is too short to wait for a man you find attractive you contact you!

I contact any man I find attractive. How silly to not do that; they will never know, and unless they are mind readers, nothing can happen.
 himmicane§
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 7
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:33:25 PM
If you're content doing nothing but winnowing through the chaff in your inbox then by all means keep doing it. But keep in mind that if you don't initiate contact, you are limiting your chances of meeting Mr/Ms Right. A lot of men appreciate a woman who isn't just passive at this.
 himmicane§
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 11
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:18:07 PM

But I don't appreciate a man who is passive at this. Since I would not find him attractive, I have no reason to e-mail him. By the way, the "chaff" in my inbox has shown at least one quality I find attractive.


That really has nothing to do with how passive/assertive he is. Jeez, his search criteria might simply not have you in it because you're a year off in age for example. Don't assume that just because you can see him means that he's seeing you in his search results. I'm just suggesting that you open your mind up a bit. If you add the guy to your favourites and then he contacts you, would that be ok to you?
 Chuck65201
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 13
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:34:24 PM
Yes I like it better when they contact me first as it shows a real interest of sorts. Also that is why on my profile the line:

"If I am interesting to you do not be shy and give it a try. " as an open invitation for the ones interested in me to freely contact if they like.
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 15
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:45:46 PM
I had a male friend on POF tell me that he usually will not contact a woman first that he prefers they contact him because he feels that gives the woman more of a feeling of being in control. But you know he doesn't have this on his profile.. I think he ought to say this in his profile.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 16
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:16:46 PM
I tried it, I didnt like it!!!!!

Everyone I wrote to was nice and wrote back blah blah blah but it just isnt the same...seems awkward. Yes it was me, made me feel vunerable or needy. I think part of the reason was in the back of my mind, a man I met who told me he never writes to someone first cause women who write are so much easier to get in bed, they are showing they are more desperate....I DO NOT agree with him but I am sure there are other men out there who feel that way and that is definately not what I am looking for.

I think timing has alot to do with things. I have noticed some days I have alot of mail and it is more a chore to go thru it than the enjoyable opportunty to met someone special...other days someone will write me something funny and Ill spend the rest of the day in delightful correspondence.
 lln0627
Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 20
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:08:00 PM
I can understad what you all are saying.
It is upsetting to get up my courage and write to a man first and then not have them respond at all. I was raised in an old fashioned way and don't feel comfortable taking the initiative even though I work at a fairly high level job where I interact assertively with men all day long. So it is reinforcing what mother said years ago.

I believe in gender equality, but when it comes to ingrained habits it is hard to get your mom's voice out of your head, "nice girls let the boys call them".

Just recently I wrote a guy that looked like he might be fun, and he acted like I was offering myself for sale. The response made me put him on my blocked list.

Guys, it would be easier for us women to initiate first contact if you treated us like you DID want us to make first contact. Reply back and at least thank us for the attempt at contact. And don't assume that because we write first we are 'easy'.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 26
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:10:23 PM
I myself like it ALOT. At least 10 of the dozen or so ladies I have met here initiated contact. [And they were ALL attractive ladies with a lot to offer the right guy.] Add in the fact that like many men, I rarely send out emails anymore, because it is simply not worth the investment of my time. I send ONLY "proper" emails to "proper" candidates only to have them READ and almost never responded to or even DELETED. I would be willing to bet that these "brazen women" who actually send out emails are the ONLY reason many men stick it out on this sight especially if they have never discovered what a great distraction the Forums can be.

It would not surprise me one bit if these brave ladies that will actually email guys also make up the bulk of that tiny little fraction of ladies who WILL actually respond to emails. No matter how short the response. [Even a simple "not interested" would be nice! ] OR will have the courtesy to at least DELETE the email - a CLEAR indication of not interested and something I think most men would interpret as such.

I HAVE met a ton of great ladies here. Just not the RIGHT one. Yet.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 27
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:51:21 PM
Over my time here, I've done it a few times. With mostly negative results. Seems like the guys are better pickers, lol! I've nearly always liked to one degree or another those that have contacted me (after the first month meat-market), but a number of the fellas I contacted weren't a whole lot like their profiles. Finally I just quit, and waited, and that has worked out very well indeed. May be my age cohort?

 kornbluth
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 28
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:23:53 AM

I wonder what life might be like if women and men just started treating each other as equals instead of forcing each other into game playing "roles" that have nothing to do with who they really are as individuals. No wonder relationships fail if this is how they start.


Amen to that, Wayetogo. If the "old-fashion" ways were so good, they would still be the norm, and they're not. How "old fashion" do you want to get? Hubby as lord and master? No escape from a bad marriage? No right to vote? No indoor plumbing?

In making first contact, it would help greatly to read the guy's profile and ask about something in it. A conversation needs a topic. It won't do to say only "Hi, wanna chat?" because that one has been taken over by scammers, gamesters and airheads. And if a profile doesn't give you enough to go on, forget it, because that's what profiles are for.
 ColumbiaSingle
Joined: 5/20/2008
Msg: 31
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:57:42 AM
I would have to say that I simply have had no experience being the one who pursues - I am not comfortable at all with it. Teaching old dogs new tricks takes time !

I am seeing a lot of women & men over 45 who want to date like the very young - FWB or "hooking up" I always had dates and the men always asked me and I did not sleep with them on the first date.

But I am thinking about pursing men I like. I just need to think about it - the rejection part does not bother me at all - hell, I am used to that. It is the fact that I think a lot of men will think you want to have sex, really quickly and nothing else.

This has happened to me more than once. The guy offers his number, I give him mine in return and he never calls. Then he e-mails and tells me to call him. Once again, it is my lack of experience that makes my decision to not call him.
 Bluesman247
Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 33
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:34:04 AM
Sure,I'm happy getting messages from new people.
 bunkai
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 35
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:01:04 PM
My understanding is that the men out number women on these sites by quite a large margin. As well it is also my understnding that women receive many messages that are of an undesirable nature from a certain segment of the male population. So in my mind it sometimes seems that when I should initiate 1st contact are the women actually going to notice or are we going to be lumpted in with the undesirables automatically? I think it would be so much simpler for the woman if she is the least bit interested to indicate that. My 2 cents (CDN)
 i am cher
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 38
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 1:23:31 PM
I think the answer is that men want the women they are interested in to contact them. That said I prefer the men to contact me. I think I get a better response. I also tend to answer all my emails unless the sum total of the message is something to the effect of "ewwww your cute".
 nontoxic_texan
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 39
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:07:59 PM


I can understad what you all are saying.
It is upsetting to get up my courage and write to a man first and then not have them respond at all. I was raised in an old fashioned way and don't feel comfortable taking the initiative even though I work at a fairly high level job where I interact assertively with men all day long. So it is reinforcing what mother said years ago.

I believe in gender equality, but when it comes to ingrained habits it is hard to get your mom's voice out of your head, "nice girls let the boys call them".

Just recently I wrote a guy that looked like he might be fun, and he acted like I was offering myself for sale. The response made me put him on my blocked list.

Guys, it would be easier for us women to initiate first contact if you treated us like you DID want us to make first contact. Reply back and at least thank us for the attempt at contact. And don't assume that because we write first we are 'easy'.


A real eyeopener for all of us on POF would be an experiment where everyone or at least a participatory group of people would be assigned a profile of the opposite sex. Let the profiles be the full gambit of super hot on down. Then let the emailing and communication habits take over. We would all learn what the other side deals with from sexual suggestive emails to unread/delete.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 40
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:51:21 PM
...I did when I first joined but have since stopped. Now I will only contact someone usually as a result of something they may have said in the forums but I don't search profiles at all.

....maeflowers
 grilledsalmon
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 42
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:15:11 AM
I think Internet dating is an equal-opportunity venue, and it doesn't matter who starts communication.
 niceguy53
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 43
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:06:20 AM
I'D RATHER HAVE THE WOMEN CONTACT ME. IT SHOWS ME THAT THERE INTERESTED AND THEY ARE NOT PLAYING ARROUND.
 Dceeeee
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 44
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:32:00 AM
This is the internet....and the rules are different, I think. I would NEVER initiate contact a man in person....even if he hapened to be sitting right next to me, I don't think.

Here, we see all their interests, and we have made lots of friends, (which, lets face it....that's where all relationships should start). I have no hesitation about contacting someone to tell him that I like his profile, or to ask a question about something he said in his post in a forum, or to talk about a common interest we have. It doesn't necessarily mean that I want to go out with him...he may not even be local! If something DOES come of it.....fine....I don't even always expect a response.

Usually I only do this though, when I'm not starting to get to the point of meeting someone, as I don't want to appear to be misleading, if it IS taken as a romantic interest....(responses to comments on a forum post are an exception).

I was first to contact the guy who lived in in PA when I lived in CA....that's how I got here. I could say that means it's a bad idea, but even though it didn't work out, I don't regret trying...otherwise I would've always wondered, "What if????" Life is too short to live with regrets....

~DC~
 ru4meffb
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 45
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:50:37 AM
I am new to this site and was wondering...if someone puts you on there favorites, does that mean they want you to contact them...he never contacted me, just put me in his favorites.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 46
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:38:21 AM

I am new to this site and was wondering...if someone puts you on there favorites, does that mean they want you to contact them...he never contacted me, just put me in his favorites


If you figure out favorites let me know...I think it just means they want to look at you...i have deleted mine several times after a month goes by and they never tried to contact me. I think it is suppose to be a way to tell is someone is online so you can use the instant messenger feature. Good luck to you and enjoy the site...some really amazing people are on here.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 47
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:21:32 PM

So in my mind it sometimes seems that when I should initiate 1st contact are the women actually going to notice or are we going to be lumpted in with the undesirables automatically? I think it would be so much simpler for the woman if she is the least bit interested to indicate that. My 2 cents (CDN)


...Well from what I've seen, I don't think you have to worry about about not being noticed or undesirable but then you are from Winnipeg

To make it easier on both parties maybe PoF should introduce "the wink" or "the smile".....that way the option of winking or smiling back is left up to the other party. I have encountered some males that needed to have a brick thrown at them haha

...maeflowers
 opnmydm
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 49
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:10:19 PM
this is a very outdated way of thinking, this is 2008, if you like someone, say something, if you dont, how will the other person know, you may have lost a chance at something good because you think it is the guys that should make first contact...communication, is that not what all people want? it sure is the key to a happy relationship//
 *lilacwine*
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 58
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:28:28 PM
I do it. There are so many people on these sites that it can take forever for someone to come across your profile. Then they may be in a hurry and not really take the time to look closely. If you contact them first it really gets their attention. I dated one guy for a couple of months whom I contacted first, and he said that he loved it and wished more women would do it. If they're not interested, so what? Go one to the next one!
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 60
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 6:42:56 PM

Ms. Mae that's gonna hurt but it is something that some of us males need.


...Well I'm trying to be a little more subtle, but if that doesn't work I happen to have a roll of duct tape in the trunk of my car.


...maeflowers
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