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 Pink Rose Lady
Joined: 10/1/2006
Msg: 6
Why is being different not understood or expectable?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Being 'different' than the norm causes some people to get itchy, either out of fear, ignorance, or they are outside of their comfort zone. When the truth is we are all unique individuals, no two people are exactly alike, not even identical twins.

When someone reacts negatively to you, or something you have done or said, whose problem is it exactly? If it's not yours, why do you care?

Pink
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 8
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Why is being different not understood or expectable?
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:42:54 PM
I've read and re-read...what are you asking? What is it you're trying to get a grip on? I kind of get you're different, but your examples and explanation give me nothing towards understanding what is being asked.
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 12
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Why is being different not understood or expectable?
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:11:20 AM
I get the feeling that the OP's problem has nothing to do with his interests, but rather his inability to communicate.

Buy a dictionary and a thesaurus.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 16
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Why is being different not understood or expectable?
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:30:42 PM
OP everyone is different, some of us are more different than others.

I'm quirky, and you know what it's fine because that's the way I am. WSYIWYG (it's a programming word)

People are either going to like you or not, and honestly often there's not a whole lot you can do about that other than trying to be fake to please someone. It never works for long. There are some people you will like and some you won't.

As far as typical male, I think that's BS same as a typical female. What it is, it's a way to rationalize that they're typical because they like certain things or do certain things. There's 6 billion people on the planet to think there'd be certain traits or abilities or likes that would differentiate a person as typical male or typical female is ludicrous.

You can look at it two ways being different as being an oddball and that noone will accept you or (my preference) being different as being unique and not like everyone else is a good thing. It shows that you don't have the sheep mentality, but are proud to be an individual. If you look at the characteristics of many famous people that have shaped history, they were individuals in that they refused to accept the norm but were true to their own selves, their own beliefs and ideals. That's a leader, sheep don't think for themselves.

In an attempt to clarify the OP, he meant "acceptable" rather than "expectable". As far as the rest, evidently he's been considered odd because seeing women together doesn't turn him on, he likes "girl music" (whatever the hell that is) but he likes "guy" things, camping, blah blah and has done a reality check to make sure he's not gay. BTW totally unnecessary, being gay doesn't involve a reality check just acceptance. If you were gay, you'd know. As far as thinking he's weird because he didn't bring up sex on a first or second date, I wouldn't consider that weird at all personally, it'd actually be a good thing. If someone did, it'd end the date real quick if it were me.

 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 17
Why is being different not understood or expectable?
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:00:27 PM

Not being aroused or caring if I see two women together or not.

So? Not all people have the same interests.

Liking music that’s assonated with what women would like

I'm certain not all women like/prefer the same music.

but, still liking outdoor things like shooting, camping, fast cars, or seeing a good fight and, have already done a reality check if I’m gay or not :)

I know plenty of gay men who love boxing, NASCAR and also hunt/fish.

~OP~ Maybe not wanting sex in the beginning isn't what is costing you dates. Just a guess, but you do seem to overgeneralize and stereo-type. That would be a deal-breaker to me. All people are different and I think most people realize that. JMO
 TheWeekdy
Joined: 10/13/2005
Msg: 20
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Why is being different not understood or expectable?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:16:20 AM
bob, I am gonna go out on a limb and I say that maybe they are more or less surprised that you are probably more reserved than the typical guy today. Nothing wrong with that, but in todays "go, go, go!" society, it's seen as a social quirk, unfortunately.

Consider this to be one of those "damned if you do" situations. At least you were being yourself, more or less. Don't worry what they do. I will say that you probably dodged a few bullets in the process.
 _Red_
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 23
Why is being different not understood or expectable?
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:21:06 PM
About all I can say is, someday when your life is about to end, do you want to look back and think what a great life you led for everyone else or be content that you were true to yourself and shared that with others whether they appreicated it or not?

Objects belong in boxes, not people.
 *Bulldog*
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 24
Why is being different not understood or expectable?
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:27:23 PM
No girl worth dating, let alone worth having a relationship with, will turn you down because of your musical taste. If they say or intimate this, it's just a lie. It's smokescreen for the real reason why they don't like you. Often girls will come up with this kind of bs because they don't want to hurt your feelings or don't know how else to express it. You probably came on too strong, came off as too needy, or did something else to kill their attraction. When a girl has a low level of interest in you, they will split over the most trivial of excuses.

Likewise, whether or not you get turned on by girl-girl is irrelevant to why they don't want to be with you. Sure, it may have surprised them a little (and you might want to ask why this line of conversation gets brought up with 5 different girls) but not something worth dumping a guy. It has nothing to do with it. If Tom Cruise didn't like girl-girl either, do you think they'd have a hard time seeing him again? Of course not.

OP: The reality is that, something you're doing is turning these girls off. And it's happening each time you meet a new girl. Maybe you spill your guts; maybe you're not presenting enough of a challenge; maybe you're too negative. Worse, maybe you're desperate -- girls can smell this a mile away.

Anyways, it has absolutely nothing to do with being different.
 _Red_
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 29
Why is being different not understood or expectable?
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:30:58 PM

do you want to look back and think what a great life you led for everyone else


Actually, I hope someday I can say that I lived life for others as well as myself. After all isn't living life only for oneself a bit selfish, just a thought?


Poor choice of words on my part, was on the phone while typing and thought that came out better then it did.

What I meant was, do you want to live your life the way others think you should or be true to yourself and them by just being "you"? While being quirky or very unique may make life a bit more difficult at times and not everyone will "get" you, the right person will and I believe it will make fishing through all the wrong ones well worth the effort.
 ________
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 32
Why is being different not understood or expectable?
Posted: 7/13/2008 7:27:12 PM
"What we've got here is a failure to communicate."

as per Strother Martin / Paul Newman. Cool Hand Luke (1967)
 xeot
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 33
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Why is being different not understood or expectable?
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:03:56 PM
How can I explain this. I've always been different so this something I've put thought to.

Many people are either very shallow or need to put on the proper appearances. They think they need to be like everyone else at least on the outside. Today, what everyone else is, is often defined by what is seen on television and other areas of the media. Other times what a person has to be is defined in a subculture. People who wanted to be different but just found a small sub-group where they could be like everyone else in the group.

Independent thought is a scary thing to many people or at the very least they expect other people not to put it out into the open. It's not understood and what is not understood is threatening and scary or at the very least, confusing.

Maybe I am reading too much into the question because of my own perspective. The way I see it as that people don't know what to do with someone who is 'too' different. It doesn't compute. They are confused. It's uncomfortable. They don't understand.
 DreamDancer44
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 36
Why is being different not understood or expectable?
Posted: 7/14/2008 4:53:19 AM
I am so glad to see so many women on here who like myself are fed up with stereotypes.

I agree with another reply. You seem to generalize and stereotype too much. This is one of the biggest turn offs in guy.

1)You shouldn't assume that all men are aroused by two women.
2)You shouldn't assume there is a type of music that women would like.
3)You shouldn't assume that women and gay men don't enjoy outdoor things.

This is a big issue with some men [and some women for that matter], I honestly believe it has a lot to do with why men and women are butting heads so often. Essentially, we're all from the same planet. View us as individuals. Don't approach us as if we must like a particular thing or as if we'll assume you must like particular things.

The reason you got more attention when you were an "Ahole" is because you probably gave off more confidence whether it was genuine or not. People have that issue confused too.

What you should do is be confident in every part of yourself including your interests. Stop with the generalizations and stereotypes. You might even be pointing these things out on dates without realizing it and putting women off.
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