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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????      Home login  
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 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 6
Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????Page 1 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

She is very pretty, but her body does not turn me on....

You answered your own question.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 13
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:07:09 AM
She might be thinking the same thing of you. And when people get older they must get less attractive to each other anyway. But do you think you are a cheater? Would you cheat on her? She probably deserves someone who loves her exactly the way she is. Didn't you think about this 5 months ago?
 Brizo
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 19
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:34:21 AM
When you kiss her, does she turn you on? Attraction doesn't have to be instant, but it does have to be there...if you have to manufacture desire by "overlooking" your disappointment with her body, it's not going to work. If she turns you on despite your disappointment, there's a much better chance.
 yooperbrat03
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 20
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:34:27 AM

Very good song and very true lyrics... Smart man for seein this...

For OP if you are questionin your relationship like this, maybe you should speak with her about how you feel instead of here on this forum. You may find opinions but you will not find answers. Only you and your mate will be able to answer your question...


Brat
 yooperbrat03
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 21
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:35:49 AM
^^^ I am so bad with postin today


Here's a country song by Andy Griggs titled "She's More" that speaks of this very topic. When you can honestly say she's more, that's the one for you.


http://www.cmt.com/videos/andy-griggs/55237/shes-more.jhtml
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 24
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:46:26 AM
If in 6 months you still haven't fallen for her enough to find her body to be just fine with you, then I'd say let her go and do not tell her that her body turns you off, that's just cruel and uncalled for, just tell her it's not working for you and let the women find a man who is excited by her and her body.

I'm assuming she's gotten past that there's nothing about you that is smoking hot either, so have you asked her how she feels about that? Maybe she's at the same place you are and wondering if she could love a man who's so far away from being physically 'hot'. But yeah, if you are looking for some fantasy perfection to fill some need for your woman to look a certain way, then this is not going to work. At best you'll trudge along making her feel ugly and insecure and you feeling like you got gypped. It doesn't look promising.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 26
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:00:07 PM
Not the first time we've disagreed. I still say if after 6 months he's still hung up on her looks then there's not a lot of places for this to go, but he needs to talk to her, not about her unappreciated body, but that he's not fully into the relationship and may not ever be, so at least she can move on is she wants. I don't date by looks myself, but if after 6 months a man's personality just hasn't grown on me, I'd call it a day and let him go. There's no reason to leave a person hanging just so you can try to grow to like them despite their failings in your eyes.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 28
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:06:50 PM
op, you ask
"...I just want to know if it is possible have a healthy long lasting relationship with her if I do not think she is a super-hot-sexiest-thing-I-ever-laid-my-eyes-on..... is it possible??? I want to be with her, we both make each other really happy... I just want to know if this relationship is doomed or not????..."

obviously, no one can tell you if your relationship is doomed, or not.....but i had some thought reading this post of yours -
no, she may not be the sexiest thing you've ever seen (good thing or others would be after her constantly).....and so you question whether you will be happy with her in the long term...
well, my thoughts are do you think you could love her or grow to love her? you say how much you both make each other happy, so obviously you do really care about her and the relationship - it's rare to feel such happiness with another and not to be taken lightly, as you know....
you say you haven't yet taken things to the next level - due to fear? due to timing not being right yet? due to neither of you are ready? due to you really can't because you are that put off by her body? does she turn you on at all? remember women can be pretty magical in the love-making department and she might seriously surprise you, and you both might surprise yourselves if there is love generating with you two.
i would not be so quick to drop her, but it sounds to me like this could be your test to open your heart and mind further - to not do what you have done before - to go where you have not travelled before......
for, to me it sounds like there is so much you don't know -
and you say above you don't want her to change - but are you sure? don't you ideally want her to become the sexiest thing you've ever seen? perhaps that side of her is also just waiting for someone to come along and say it's ok to be the woman she truly is.
once many years ago a dear friend (female) told me that and I have never forgotten it - it was a gift.
perhaps your girlfriend also just needs a bit encouraging - not directly, but by your lovemaking, if you get that far, might just change all your preconceptions and impressions you now have.
to me make up your mind to be open -minded and then see what happens.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 31
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:44:13 PM
There has to be an element of physical attraction ... but what my eyes find attractive doesn't necessarily have to be attractive to others.

... but her body does not turn me on....

OP, when it comes to turning on ... you are dead right that it has to be on all levels incl the physical one. Hmmm ... saying goes that mind is the best aphrodisiac ... hmm ... only you can spice it up or leave it that's my conclusion. Good luck!
 angelgigi
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 34
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:15:15 PM
What exactly is wrong with her body that has you seeking advice in the forums/ you say everything else is all good, but...... I agree with the poste who said if you really are in love with her,then there are no imperfections.

Also, there are many different kinds of love, maybe you love her but aren't "in love" with her. If thats the case, then its best to move on cause you will hurt her.

Good luck,
Angelgigi
 Van_the_man_Unusual
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 35
Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:29:34 PM
If a woman just has one physical element(smile, a body part, the way she carries herself, etc.) that gets my attention and attracts me to them then considered me attracted to them physically.
 LaBellaLuna2
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 37
Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 2:09:59 PM

I just want to know if it is possible have a healthy long lasting relationship with her if I do not think she is a super-hot-sexiest-thing-I-ever-laid-my-eyes-on..... is it possible???


It must be because how many super-hot-sexiest-thing-I-ever-laid-my-eyes-on women are out there? A whole lot less than there are successful relationships is my guess.

One of two things is going on here. You are either having delusional thoughts that you can successfully play out of your league (ie is the kind of girl you want going to think you are the super-hot-sexiest-thing-I-ever-laid-my-eyes-on guy of her dreams?) and therefore need to do some real soul searching as to what really motivates you in terms of a relationship. Is it about the connection with another soul, or how that person and her beauty reflects on you and your worth?

~or~

You are not as into this girl as much as you think you are. Trust me, as so many other posters have said, true love sees only beauty. As a test, I am wondering how you would feel if she had another person interested in her, who truly appreciated all that she was. Would that make her more appealing physically to you, if another man saw in her something you did not?

I don't think the question is whether or not this situation is possible. I think the question is whether you are capable of being in a relationship like this.

Wow. Good luck.
 horses44
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 41
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 4:24:01 PM
I'm glad this thread has remained fairly civil.

Physical attraction is so dicey, I have said on other posts, that when I was back in my 20's and looked at people in their mid-40's that physical attraction didn't matter anymore, that at "that age" looks don't matter. Well as a 47 yo it still matters, not as much but it still does.

I was in a "relationship" several months ago with a guy I found EXTREMELY attractive, but crazier than _____ (yep, that crazy) His looks wore off fast as the looney bells got too loud to ignore.

Seems you are trying to talk yourself into a relationship with this girl, probably not a great idea, it may change at some point, but don't drag her into it now...

Always ask yourself - would you want someone to do it to you?
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 44
Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:40:40 PM
Personally I think you are seeing her with the wrong eyes, look with your heart if you want to see in your future, look with your c*ck if you only are worried about now (there is a reason it is called a one-eyed trouser trout)...

If sexual intercourse is only for marriage, is that where you wish to go? If so, then realize that the two of you will have a different connection than what the majority of people who are out rutting around like dogs in heat and it is based only on physical attraction; however, when they try to make a relationship out of lust...it just wont work. You are talking about someone who you HAVE REAL possibilities with vs someone makes you a horn dog.

What do you think is attractive? How is she different? If it is weight or something more permanent? Lets say you ditch her and find YOUR perfect ideal woman to be attracted to and yet she has none of the features your friend has? I mean I am more attracted to taller men but I have dated shorter ones, I would never dream of limiting myself to someone who is taller.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 51
Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:02:44 PM
Most people care about looks to some degree although some people will put more emphasis on looks than others would.
 Sunshyne276
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 57
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:22:11 AM
Attraction matters - yes.

So does compatability.

This is something you really need to consider. If you are not attracted to her to the point that you are questioning whether or not you should stay together - not a good sign! Be sure, before you go any further...

I don't think many people are 100% attracted to their life partner. I mean, it has to be pretty rare that we find someone we are compatible with AND who we find attractive in every single way... There is probably always something we will find less than attractive about the other. Noone is perfect. Our lil imperfections are what make us interesting. =)

Good luck to you both, what ever way you go!

~BlueEyedChica
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 60
Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:03:45 AM

Because she was the same wonderful person, only thinner.


Kimbo-well put!

I can understand that physical attraction can be a deal breaker for many, and if the OP really isn't physically attracted to her and continues the relationship it isn't going to change how he views her-so as many have already posted he should simply end things so she can find someone who'll embrace all of her.
 PerfectlyUnperfect
Joined: 5/6/2007
Msg: 64
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:17:14 AM
I think it is possible to have a long lasting relationship without the "you are the hottest thing ever" outlook on them. In most cases looks are temporary, and I feel it's most important to find someone you can have a wonderful time with, that you can have great conversations with, bc that is what is long lasting.
 nikinikaia
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 68
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/7/2008 4:42:11 PM
Yes, physical attraction is necessary - chemistry has to be there for any type of relationship... even friendship.

But, Hey, jb, just let her go... If you aren't willing to discuss it with her beforehand and be honest about why you're holding back on a physical relationship - wish her luck. You obviously aren't serious about loving her for the entire her, so let her go on to find someone who is capable of giving her that.

 Gourmetchef50
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 69
Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/7/2008 5:37:39 PM
Bang her brains out..if u still dont like her..drop her like a hot potato...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 71
Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:26:51 PM

Bang her brains out..if u still dont like her..drop her like a hot potato...

Gourmetchef50
FFS! Learn to freakin' READ and have some respect man...the guy is talking serious LTR material and your suggestion might ALMOST make sense if he was out picking up desperate free sluts at the local dive bar.


When we kiss and make out, yes I do get turned on and we do have sexual relations...just not actual sexual intercourse... (that is only for marraige). Just because of who she is and how she makes me feel .... to me makes her the most wonderful girl I know.
(italics mine)

I can tell you from both personal and observed experiences that at the end of the day, someone who is smart, funny, ambitious and has their sh*t together wears a lot better than somebody who merely stirs your hormones. I am NOT for a minute suggesting that you or anyone else should be with/stay with someone whose physical appearance is seriously unappealing to you. But someone CAN become beautiful because you love them, and someone you love for their beauty can become ugly.
I am hearing some very deep caring and respect for this young lady in your posts, and while I can't TELL you what you should do, I can suggest that you give it more time for the inner beauty she must surely have to grow on you...if it doesn't, yes there will be some heartache, but I think that you and she are already sufficiently fond of one another that even if you dumped her TONITE there would be some deep pain on BOTH of you. Are you in some kind of a freaking RACE to find a wife,that you can't give this more time and thought?
Look, if your relationship is fated to crash and burn, it's gonna crash and burn, but I'd put my money on compatibility,mutual respect, shared goals and values to give a better performance over the long haul,against sexual hyperattraction. There's a lot of folks here that are single because happy hormones alone couldn't sustain their marriage/committed LTR.
Cindy O
 ManeRider
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 75
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:57:34 PM
Yes, physical attraction matters. At some point, the physical attraction between two people is going to be the only thing that holds them together.
And given Shakespeares famous words, to Thine Own self be True.
It's kinder to cut her loose now and deal with the pain now, than to allow it to continue indefinately and tell her somewhere down the road that she's just not cutting it for you.
 nikinikaia
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 78
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/8/2008 5:05:56 PM

Well I sat down with her last night and we had a really long talk about EVERYTHING !!! No I did not tell her "I don't think your attractive" or anything stupid like that. We talked about our relationship, how we feel for eachother and where we hope things go and all of that sorta of stuff.... And I tell you what.... the way I felt when I left her house was priceless.... I just can not let her go because I'm not excited about the way her azz looks(and no it's not fat... she is not fat at all) ... So for some reason a lot of you will tell me I've screwed her up and I'm not being fair to her, but you know what she is crazy about me and i'm crazy about her.... so we are giving it a go... and we are not looking back.


Way to go!!! Being honest in a relationship will cut through so much crap and insecurity - proud of you that you cared enough about yourself and her to discuss the direction of your relationship.

 kenny1979
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 83
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Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/8/2008 5:38:27 PM
Hey man, If she is very pretty and her attitude is wonderful and everything your looking for, and her body is OK but not perfect, W T F are you stupid, I'm picky but you are rediculous and she deserves someone better than you.
 Dceeeee
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 85
Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:24:44 PM

physical attraction is very important at any time, I want to still be chasing my mate around the table when I am 75.......because I will still be attracted to her, love her and want to touch and be with her

May not be able to do anything when I catch her but then I will hold her hand lol


gerrysuper, that is so funny....I'm visualizing you chasing this little ol' lady around the table just so you can hold her hand!!!! That is just the sweetest thing I've read all day!

I'm glad that op got his thing straightened out...I was going to suggest that he rent the movie, "Shallow Hal". It'll make you THINK! Most people get past that kind of thinking when they are in their twenties....but some don't.

~DC~
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