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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > My ex is a Disney Dad My son hates home.      Home login  
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 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 2
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My ex is a Disney Dad My son hates home.Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
the excitement will fade off, he will get tired of it and will want to take a stepback. You don't need to compete nor compare his visits with what he has with you. He may not understand it now, but later he'll realize that quality is better than quantity. Stop comparing, and find ways to be creative without spending lots of money. make a creative art together, cook together. Go camping, go to the beach, only thing that will be costly is gas and getting snacks and drinks and a cooler to put it in. Make a sand castle, see if you can make a big sandcastle together. And dont' take it as slight when he wants t o go to his dad, just be glad you have an ex who is involved with his cihld and wants to see him happy and entertaining him.
 URLOVEY
Joined: 12/23/2007
Msg: 3
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My ex is a Disney Dad My son hates home.
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:31:33 PM
My advice would be to be grateful for the experiences that your son is getting.
Would you rather your son not go to the amusement parks? Would you prefer your son to be bored while visiting his father?
There is more to give children than ice cream and video games. You are giving him that. But, please don't resent your ex for doing everything he can with his son.
You son is VERY young. He doesnt understand still why he cannot be with mom and dad. And I am sure he can at least sense your feelings of worthlessness....YOU ARE HIS MOTHER....that is the most amazing job in the world.....be grateful for your son. Be grateful for his health. Be grateful for the roof over your head, the food on your table. Be grateful you son gets to experience things that 98% of the world's children never get to.
You are his mom, not his buddy, and it isnt a popularity contest. Your job is to raise him with integrity and morals in good health.....That is it....not to be a circus clown, or to compete with your ex...
I am sorry to rant...but I cannot understand how we all become so blinded by material things, that we consider ourselves worthless....
Next time you think you are a worthless mother.....picture a woman on the continent of Africa, holding her naked sons hand, while his belly is swollen for lack of food....this woman can't suck a d!ck to make money to feed her kid....there is NOTHING she can do....she doesn't even have the capability of dreaming about what you have.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 4
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My ex is a Disney Dad My son hates home.
Posted: 7/9/2008 3:57:11 AM
One thing you need to try to remember is that even in homes in which both parents work and the home is still intact, dad is often not the heavy because it is mom that does the bulk of the discipline. Dad comes home and tells them to do whatever chores and they seem to easily and gleefully comply while you have spent a couple of hours trying to elicit the same behavior. Dad has the time and energy often to be the fun guy while mom is exhausted from the job, the kids, and taking care of the house. Dad is usually around less so his mere presence the kids see as something interesting and fun, and this is when both parents are together and it can be compounded out the butt when they are apart. Remember Mrs. Doubtfire? This is not too far from most two-parent families, one is the adult while the other, meh.

I dated a guy last year that I felt was making a significant mistake because he would do all of his work or blow off work so that he could spend his entire weekend focused on the kids. I got that he missed them but this is not normal and I don't think good for kids to have their parents' undivided attention when this is not how it would be if things were "normal." This is unrealistic because if he lived with them, they would be playing with their friends and only spending some of their weekend with dad's complete attention on them. Then there are people like your X who obviously isn't interested in ponying up the money so that you can do some more fun things with your son or bothering to tell your son that the reason he can do things is because he lives with his mom, something a 4-year-old is totally capable of understanding.

The thing is, when they get older, it is not his dad that he will appreciate, it is you. Now, this is small comfort when the little brat (lol) is tearing your heart out but kids do see and yours will recognize that you provided a home for him and made sure he had the necessities and that you did do fun stuff even with the limited budget. What sacrifices did your X make? He uses his situation as a single dad as an excuse to live with his mother and has tons of disposable income that he could at least occasionally offer to pay for you two to go to the show so you have some of that fun time too. When kids grow up, it is often not the "fun" times they remember but the crazy stuff that really made life interesting. He has a string of events with his father but I bet he will remember the slip-n-slide just as fondly because it took more time and effort than the things his dad did for him.

I am in a similar situation. My X makes really good money and with the rise in the cost of living, I have seen no increase in child support, when we split, my income was more than cut in half in terms of what I receive from him versus his living here, I still have the same bills with less income to pay them, I had the bigger car payment (sucker is finally paid off but that money has been eaten up by gas and food costs), his rent is less and he does nothing with his children. So in terms of that, although it too may be little comfort, at least you don't have to deal with my situation.

My X has some kind of hair up his rear because he has been acting like an uber *ss recently either because he is chapped because my mother is sending me and the kids to the Grand Canyon at the end of the month or he is just grouchy because he was recently diagnosed with diabetes and has to make some significant changes, I digress. My 9-year-old asked if he could go with his dad because he wanted to spend time with him, my X told him he just wanted money from him and left the house with my son in tears. And could care less how much he hurt the boy's feelings. At least yours is spending quality time with his son so from that standpoint, suck it up and maybe talk to your X about how you feel and ask if maybe he might pop for a movie or something so that you are not always Miss Responsible and the heavy.

People are selfish in general and kids are a prime example of this in practice. Your son does love you and will eventually let you know he appreciated your maintaining a stable environment for him. My X does buy the children things, then complains about how they just want him for his money. My kids would willingly do away with the stuff if he would spend time with them.
 flagirl44
Joined: 4/29/2008
Msg: 6
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My ex is a Disney Dad My son hates home.
Posted: 7/11/2008 2:57:16 PM
We have a 7 year old son and my x is also a disney dad, while I have to be the real life parent. What I have found is after all the trips and toys, the one thing my son wants is to just spend time with me. He likes to play UNO or color. For 4th of July we had all sorts of activities planned with the family, but I took him to a parade in town, just the two of us. It was so special for him he said it was the best day of his life. All we did was watch a silly parade full of politicians and eat a snow cone, but it was great because it was just the two of us. I really believe its not about who can do more for them, I believe its about who can spend the quality time focused on them.
 goodfishgonebad
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 10
My ex is a Disney Dad My son hates home.
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:12:49 PM
don't you worry about a thing.
like you've said, he is only 4 and for now the world revolves around him.
just like you, I am the poor one since I left it all with my ex.
although they enjoy the material things and trips to disneyland,with their mom, when they are back home, all they want to do is just hang out with me.
so in a couple of years you will be the center of his universe.
just keep doing what your doing to take care of him and nurture him to be a happy adult... otherwise he'll might grwo up to be like many men you disapprove of.
 jennieinhouston
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 11
My ex is a Disney Dad My son hates home.
Posted: 7/15/2008 9:32:53 PM
its a harsh reality my best friends son moved in with his dad because that was the only way the dad would let him race dirt bikes he wouldnt just let him do it on visitation weekends so be glad your not dealing with both of them being against you. IMO ur x probably doesnt even want full custody or else he would be dangling it in front of ur son. I think he just enjoys being a weekend dad. So i would just tell your son that life wouldnt be as fun as he thinks over there that while daddy can do all that fun stuff on the weekends and occasion weekday it wouldnt be like that 24/7 most kids have a distorted reality of their NCP (non custodial parent) because all they see is weekend dad since yall broke up 2 years ago your son was too young to remember the every day dad
My son sometimes wants to move to CO with his dad thats a heart break in itself
Keep it up ur a good mom he'll thank you in the end and it sounds like to me so should your ex
 bigshrek
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 12
My ex is a Disney Dad My son hates home.
Posted: 7/17/2008 2:20:17 PM
Hey, let the kid stay with him for a few weeks during the summer, Disney Dad will turn into Regular Dad in no time at all...as long as you are giving the kiddo lots of love, hugs & tickles, he'll be back...

Notts-instead of letting him go nuts at the door, when the ex leaves, take him outside and let him wave Bye-Bye so he can see that Daddy is really out of the neighborhood instead of just out the door. Might resolve your little problem there, or at least make it a shorter session.
 Henry L. Moon
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 16
My ex is a Disney Dad My son hates home.
Posted: 7/21/2008 8:08:02 AM
beholder123 you have such a rare opportunity here, to influence and raise a child to be a decent human being and you have the support of his father in his life...children need the influences of BOTH gender parents to grow up...neither is unimportant. Don't allow the wonderful goal of raising your child to become clouded with the belief that somehow this is a competition, enjoy your moments with him....they are over far too soon. I always hugged my daughters a lot...and tightly....so they would always remain little, but they grew up anyway and are gone now.
My best friend and his wife got a divorce and they have sons, my own personal belief is that my friend made the mistake of his life by allowing this woman ...who I consider a sister...to get away, but things happen. She got custody of the kids ( as often happens ) and she turned this into a competition with my friend....one that she could never win, mainly because she is the nongender parent. One by one I watched all the boys move in with their father when they became old enough to decide, and I have even heard the boys speak ill of their mother, who is a wonderful woman but believed this to be a competition too. ...and watched my friend, their father...say nothing to the boys about how they speak of their mother....only mutter something about "she deserves this" it STILL breaks my heart and the only people to lose here are the boys.
At some point your boy will want to be with his father, which is a natural thing...when my folks divorced during my teen years I moved in with my Dad, and eventually so did my brothers. My own daughters wanted to be with their mother at some point...this is because she has to teach them how to become women. What the hell do I know about that??? Why would they come to me if they are experiencing bad menstral cramps???....I'd just get their mother on the phone anyway. ...lol....It was hard letting them go, but they were better off for it. Your son doesn't hate home or you...he just relates better to his Dad ( it's a gender thing ) I admire you for encouraging your son and appreciating his choices and NOT turning your home into a warzone. Our children are not "war prizes" awarded the victor in the battle of divorce.....they are people, with feelings...not weapons to "get even" with our exs with. Too often this has been lost.
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