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 AUTHOR
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 6
Married menPage 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
You should tell his wife. I would have loved to have had proof earlier. Yes. I had the code to his voicemail and spoke to "aquarocks" in south carolina where my husband had told her that he felt so lonely and unloved and "just wanted to be held".
boy did i have his ticket.......................
i would have loved if somebody actually was dumb enough to believe him and had an affair while i was about to give birth.

tell the wife. she has the right to freedom and a good life with a good man.
FYI~My ex husband's ex girlfriend who was an""""abuser""""" to him. The one that he got money from and I are still friends. She thinks that he is scum for not only cheating on her with her niece but dumping his family.

Give this Poor Woman A Chance at a Life to Get the Hell Away From This Loser.
this is not a bad thing to do
You are SAVING HER GRACE AND GLORY boy...................she does NOT deserve him
 wildman0067
Joined: 3/10/2008
Msg: 10
Married men
Posted: 7/9/2008 6:00:00 AM
It's not just married men who fool around , there are alotta married women who do the same thing so no need to leave out them . I could say alotta things of how there are women who can say no when ask out by a married man but indeed dont. Because they like the thrill of a married man and want the fun of not getting smothered. as they call it.. When in alot of cases women start the flings or one night stands because they aren getting it at home or they are mad at there HUSBANDS for some stupid reasons.. here again WOMEN DO IT AS MUCH AS MEN.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


y'all have a nice day

wildman
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 11
Married men
Posted: 7/9/2008 7:31:51 AM
I know I shouldn't be shocked but it floors me that married people frequent these sites AND choose to start side relationships. You'd think that the effort they expend on having a side relationship could be better used trying to repair whatever isn't working in their marriage.

The other thing which shocks me is the amount of time which this charade goes undetected. MONTHS!!!??? HOW???!!! Aren't there any red or at least yellow flags which come up within first few weeks? Aren't there any noticable peculiar patterns happening?

- You only see each other certain days of the week
- You only talk at certain times
- You've never visited their place
- You haven't spent an extended amount of time together

These are just a few things off the top of my head but aren't those things you'd expect to do with someone you're committed to? I'm probably just naive because I still believe that only single people are on dating sites. Silly me.
 Rider_50
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 14
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History
Married men
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:36:55 AM
I'm surprised you tell his wife. He would deserve it after breaking your heart.
 himmicane§
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 15
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History
Married men
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:46:02 AM
The first obvious sign is if the guy doesn't have a *public* picture up. Ignore all excuses for hiding the pic....and some of these guys have real creative excuses. If he hides his pic then the odds are over 80% that he's trying to cheat. Any public pic that doesn't clearly show his face should be considered the same as a hidden pic.

Second sign is if he won't give you a land line phone number. If all you get is a cell then be concerned. You can google a number or use other online facilities to see if it is a cell or not. I'm sure he has an excuse for not having a land line. Sure some people don't have land lines but they tend to be younger folks.

Another sign is the first meeting. Always insist to have it in *his* neighbourhood. If he's cheating, he'll balk at that.....odds of being seen by somebody he knows is too high. If he tries to change the venue to somewhere else, then be very concerned.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 21
Married men
Posted: 7/9/2008 10:22:54 AM

If more people squealed on the married men and women, these scum have the power to make fools out of the singles on the cyber world sites - their game would be up and they would be single like the rest of us and not smarmy then

Although, to the very best of my knowledge I have not been
1(duped by a married man)
2( the cheated-on wife
3( the "other woman"
my position is that "squealing" on a married man is a waste of time and would make one seem petty,cheap and vindictive. One could squeal like a hog all day and all night, and the actual impact that the squealing would have on the married cheater issue, would be about as noticeable as a fart in a hurricane.
Although I know we really aren't supposed to "polarize"...if I had to make an observation regarding the ratio of women who say "bust his sorry ass, tell the wife!" to men who say "bust the ho...tell her husband! " it would be like 100 to 1. Why is that, I wonder? Guys? If you found out your current main squeeze was a married woman, would you be informing her hubby?
Cindy O
 maddisson80233
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 22
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History
Married men
Posted: 7/9/2008 10:50:45 AM
YIKES.....no offense sweet thing69, but it took three months to see the red flags? Did you ever
ask to go to his house...etc?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 23
Married men
Posted: 7/9/2008 10:56:49 AM

And kick 'em in the nuts too... squarely.

Oh now THAT I could get behind...and would probably be a more effective and far less time consuming action, as compared to figuring out how to contact his wife, probably getting into a screaming match with her, maybe get called a lying scheming homewrecker, or( to me this would be the worst) hearing her break down into heartwrenching sobs.
Telling the wife,IMO, is an attempt to comfort ones own hurt,under the guise of "doing good"...it surely seems to me that having to handle that hurt completely,without trying to divert it onto someone else, would be a far more valuable and effective learning experience...
Cindy O
 maddisson80233
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 24
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Married men
Posted: 7/9/2008 11:20:01 AM
There is no need to tell his wife b/c she probably already is guessing. How could
you live with someone and not pick up on clues....I think women don't want
to see or admit it so they just turn the cheek. What is sad, is that she just does not
want to be alone so instead she let's him disrespect her....
 GiGi046
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 33
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Married men
Posted: 7/9/2008 12:57:44 PM
I got a better one, my ex father in law gave me the money to get out and testified against his own son.......that's what my ex got for cheating.....
 dobrian69
Joined: 12/12/2006
Msg: 35
Married men
Posted: 7/9/2008 1:12:49 PM
I am married, and yes I cheat. I know it isn't right but what can I say. The reason I use this site is because you can mark your profile as married and mine is. You wouldn't believe how many women don't even read that part. If I write to someone and they respond saying they don't date married men I thank them and move on. If I write someone and they respond in a way that tells me they might be interested I always ask how good they looked over my profile and if they saw the part where I marked it as married. Many have not.
Maybe there should be a spot on your profile stating that you would never date a married person and then you could be eliminated from a married persons search. On second thought, how about also including a spot that says maybe I would date someone who is married.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 36
Married men
Posted: 7/9/2008 1:25:31 PM

I am married. I know it isn't right but what can I say.
Dude, doesn't that just eat at your very SOUL?? I guess I could understand if your wife was seriously ill/incapacitated/in a medical institution and she was compassionate enough to release you from the "forsaking all others" part of the marriage vows...(but then I'm not sure that could actually be called "cheating")

I'm not trying to disrespect or attack you...I genuinely would like to hear YOUR SIDE of the story!
Cindy O
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 40
Married men
Posted: 7/9/2008 5:31:19 PM

All I an tell you is please be careful,and put in your profile MARRIED MEN NEED NOT APPPLY!! Good Luck in the future..

As logical as that sounds I doubt putting that in your profile will be a huge deterrent. Actually, the times I've seen it in a profile it made the woman sound less attractive. Not that they should get involved with married guys, it just makes them sound like just another scorned woman. Scorned women aren't typically very fun to date in my opinion.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 57
Married men
Posted: 7/13/2008 2:54:15 PM

Tell us bright boy, you probably never, in your entire married life, looked at, nor lusted for, nor fantasized about another woman?

I looked, and I'm VERY sure my late husband also looked. Hell, I look now...even if there's a good chance he's married. I look admiringly at goodlooking men, fine horses, magnificent classic cars...but I would never dream of trying to STEAL one.


You, and very close to 95 % of those in this site, by reading their profiles, are divorced. And forgive me for being so blunt but, what the hell are you doing in here looking? Did you not learn your lessons the first time around? Whatever your reason to be here, I really could care less. They are as valid to you as mine are valid to me. Your re-achieved status as singles does not qualify you to sit in judgment of those of us who, for "better or for worse" and "till death do us part", if you can remember those words, are still hanging on to our promises, no matter how bad our situations are. You divorced people BROKE the most important promise while exchanging rings and that was “FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE”.


Uh...there's a part in that marriage ceremony that dictates "forsaking all others".
There's one of the 10 Commandments that states, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."

Did you not learn your lessons the first time around?

What lesson would that be? That it's better to stay married and cheat?
Sounds like an unhappy married man who's looking for a side piece RESENTS the people who had the backbone to admit that their marriage was not working and that there was little chance of rescuing it. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that a fair number of them got divorced because their spouse was cheating.

I for one, and many like me, are not proud of breaking this one rule, albeit an important one, of "forsaking all others" but we still protect, honor, love, and continue to work and put a great deal of time and effort with our spouses to fix what broke

And chasing after side nooky helps this how...? Dude if you are not proud of breaking that rule,why are you?? is your d*ck holding a gun to YOUR head?
Or are you just afraid that a divorce would mean you lose your "stuff"?
Look, I know there are situations where a marriage becomes sexless/loveless because the guys wife just doesn't want anything to do with him anymore. I feel bad for them. But trolling online dating sites or making out of town trips looking for sex? Owning up to being married doesn't make that OK.
Cindy O
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 59
Married men
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:34:55 PM
Yes; move very slowly; I just dont get internet daters that fall in and out of love like its getting a cup of coffee. They move so fast in a relationship when in reality, internet dating should take more time than in real dating because you dont see them as often.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 60
Married men
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:58:45 PM

Owning up to being married makes it OK to those the married man is pursuing, Cindy O. At least they know the score and can say yes or no accordingly

Oh I get that part. But does it make it "OK" with the spouse? (Yes I know there are "shell "marriages ,where there's an "understanding"; but usually there's no pretense on the part of either spouse that the marriage is being "worked on")

What irritated me is ricco treating everyone reading this thread to a damned diatribe about how what he's doing is better than getting an honest divorce and starting over. Maybe mizzou5 shouldn't have come right out and called him a "douchebag",but it seems like ricco is pretty damn touchy,no?

Why should sex on the side end an otherwise workable marriage? If it's done with care and discretion and compassion, it could really help sometimes.

I get that, too. But someone who embarks on that plan of action had better be prepared to get some grief, and handle that flak without getting belligerent and trying to make out that everyone's out of step but him( or her). Like ricco'a trying to do.
And if this sort of thing is OK( extramarital sex, as long as the person is "upfront" about their marital status) for men, is it also OK for a woman who's sexually dissatisfied but doesn't want to end an "otherwise workable marriage",to go seeking sex elsewhere(as long as she's upfront about it?) or is this something that's only OK for men to do?
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 66
Married men
Posted: 7/14/2008 7:56:32 PM

I don't think that it's OK for people - men and women - to search for sexual partners if their spouses are unaware. But if they are discreet and keep it to a sexual level only - in other words, if they don't rub their spouses noses in what they are up to - surely it is better to stay married than end up divorced, where usually both are broken - financially, spiritually and emotionally - and any children involved are damaged. A marriage can be workable except for one element - whether that be sexual or not. It might not be a great marriage, but it can keep functioning

Oh, I understand the concept of extramarital sex being the lesser of 2 evils. I get the"unspoken agreement" idea. I'm fairly certain that any number of women, especially older ones who don't care if hubby gets it elsewhere as long as he doesn't cause embarassment to her. Possible there are older men with ED issues who have the same philosophy, though I doubt that it's nearly as prevalent.
But a couple of the posts to this particular thread implied that the poster was seeking sexual diversion while attempting to work on the issues with the marriage and I can't see how you can effectively work on a problematic marriage if you are apportioning time, energy and focus to chase nooky on the side. If a married couple have quietly agreed that they don't want to terminate an otherwise good marriage over a marked disproportion in sexual interest,that's understandable, I suppose. But it better be a strong marriage in every other respect, because it seems to me that if you play arond with extrmarital sex you play with fire...
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 67
Married men
Posted: 7/14/2008 8:03:51 PM

respect and appreciate all responses, but no my good folks, you too LacyC, I am not touchy at all …

I beg to differ...



It does not make us anywhere near as bad a person as one who drank too much, and knowing the consequences of drinking and driving, gets behind the wheel and wipes out an entire family. Later in the hospital, he/she apologizes for his/her error in judgment. I know, some of you are unable to differentiate.


This is nothing but a CLASSIC rationalization strategy,and an attempt to trivialize marital infidelity. It's basically what people do when they feel guilty about something.
Cindy O
 kittenjune09
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 68
Married men
Posted: 7/14/2008 8:15:19 PM
How do you check their marriage status on public data?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 74
Married men
Posted: 7/15/2008 11:04:02 AM

This is a complicated issue which sometimes can't be dismissed into ''good'' versus ''bad''. Sometimes, there are shades of grey

Oh I absolutely do GET that. But when I stop and make myself think about what is the absolute bottom line in scenarios like these, it always comes up that even with the tacit consent of the spouse and "discreet" behavior, marital infidelity is an attempt to have things both ways, to "have your cake and eat it too" FOR BOTH PEOPLE, and it exposes a pillar of a good marriage at risk of erosion. I blame not only the the spouse seeking sexual satisfaction outside the marriage bed, but the spouse who choses to turn a blind eye and allow the infidelity rather than work on why they no longer want to have sex with their life partner. And don't yahbut me with cases of physical incapacitation, for a genuinely incapacitated spouse to give permission for their partner to find sexual comfort outside the marriage is an act of INCREDIBLE love and compassion. It's not the same as stepping out on your old lady because she just doesn't want to have sex with you anymore.
Cindy O
 DreamDancer44
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 76
Married men
Posted: 7/15/2008 2:32:54 PM
I agree that these guys and girls should be outed. Especially to their spouse. I know if it were me, I'd want to know. Even if the spouse doesn't believe you at first then at least you've planted a seed and the spouse will be more vigilant and possibly find solid proof. The non-cheaters should look out for each other to get out the losers and this is one way to go about it. There are ways of doing it anonymously too.
 chickalina
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 78
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History
Married men
Posted: 7/15/2008 4:29:24 PM
Did you meet him on this or any other site? I know you are supposed to put dow married but I just take it for granted when someoe puts "prefers not to say" that it is a dead give a way. Ask questions next time and come right out and ask him. If he is then so be it - at least you will know what do do "bye, bye" Look on his finger if there is no ring but a line or indent on it then be cautious. You can usually tell more in the summer because the ring finger is whiter than the rest of his hand. There are only a few things to look out for but just be aware and hopefully things will turn out great for you. Why are a lot of men like to lie about that - any answers guys on why you like to do that? Come on and be honest.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 82
Married men
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:31:17 AM

You seem to assume, for example, that only one partner is being unfaithful.

I assume nothing. the topic of this thread is "Married MEN"

Since I never cheated on my late husband or cheated in any previous or subsequent relationship, I don't need to worry about what they do in Europe. The norm here in the US and Canada is sexual fidelity to your spouse.

And as I recall, the comment in the OT was about a guy who concealed his marital status in order to date/have sex with women he was meeting on the internet.

I do not support ratting out a guy who's used you to cheat...why lower yourself to spending one more moment of thought or ounce of breath on the POS? Use your valuable time on more productive activities.
Cindy O
 flyonthewall!
Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 86
Married men
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:55:52 PM
I have never even once wound up on a date with a married man, much less in a relationship with one.

There are lots of good tips on these pages for avoiding the ones who don't just outright tell you they are married. Overall, a man who is interested and is available to be in a relationship will never give you ONE mixed signal. Early on in dating you will meet his friends, double date. Later you will meet his family. You'll be invited to his house, meet his children -- if he has any. In other words, there won't be any mystery.

If there IS mystery, if he's not available on weekends, for a call late at night, if he's not around on holidays -- then he's probably taken, or at the very least dating someone else.

Since my objective in dating has always been long-term relationships, I don't even bother with men who seem not to really be into me. If you waste your time on a maybe, then you're not available for the right one.

Being alone is better than being in bad, or dishonest company.
 flyonthewall!
Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 90
Married men
Posted: 7/16/2008 3:30:20 PM
^ ^ ^ ^ If it is, then you haven't picked right. I had no problem remaining faithful. I was married over 27 years and would have picked to remain with him another 27 years if the fates had allowed.
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