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Joined: 5/4/2008
Msg: 2
friends with benefitsPage 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Ok im actually in somewhat of a FWB situation now. But we were always pretty far from eachother to actually date so are good friends,talk often,and when we do see eachother we do hook up. But now I moved 35 mins away and im curious if that will change things...we havent really talked about it but who knows. For now it is what it is.
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 3
view profile
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/12/2008 6:12:30 PM
I've had several FWB relationships over my lifetime... and one FB. I find the FB harder to deal with long term, as yes.. feelings do change and develop. I actually found myself wanting more from the FB then what was being offered to me, so I kind of pulled back.

So to answer your questions - no, no have always found it when I wanted it, because it takes a special kind if friendship to be able to sustain a FWB relationship, nothing...
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 4
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/12/2008 8:53:14 PM
nope, nothing wrong with that at all. Checked out your profile, get rid of your "must not be looking for hang out, talk/email, activity partner" restrictions. Those are typically your FB or FWB candidates. But make friends with them first and be bluntly honest as to what your standing is on dating or relationships or exactly what it is your looking for and you will find one. At least that's worked for me.........................
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 5
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/12/2008 11:04:25 PM
The best ``freinds with benefits'' are the ones you pay for the benefits. That keeps things in perspective if you're trying to avoid fvcking up a friendship you have developed for some other reason.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 6
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/13/2008 5:23:58 AM
Friends are people with which you share something in common. We tend to gravitate towards that which we feel comfortable.

So, if you are truly comfortable with sex with few or no strings, and have a friend who feels comfortable w/ you b/c she is the same way, and prefers that you are one of the few to not judge her for that....then its not hard. (getting a FWB, I mean :) ).

But otherwise, yeah, it could just not be in the cards.
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 7
view profile
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/13/2008 5:31:01 AM
AS long as both parties can separate emotion from the sexual act - then it's all cool! However if emotions come into play and that is something you do not want - then it's time to call it quits!
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 9
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/13/2008 6:59:52 AM
Been there done that and wont do it again. Like smilinpixie, i too knew what to expect, and i actually was the one who initiated it. But down the road a ways, my feelings started growing for the guy, but he was quite adamant that he didnt want strings or any type of relationship, so that was that!

I thought how soooo nice it would be to have a FWB, but i guess im not FWB material (live and learn!). I need much much more than that or it just aint happenin!
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 10
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:16:11 AM

Eh, it's nothing deeply psychological for me. Explorer's aren't famous for planting flags in the same soil repeatedly. It gets boring.

That isn't a FWB or even a booty-call, that's a one-night-stand. (And if it's boring after one time, someone isn't doing it right.)

is it really so worng to be friends with benefits?

Not if both parties are happy with the arrangement.

have any of you guys tried and could not find it?

Can't answer that one.

why is to so hard to find one?

Because so many people realize it's not for them.

whats so bad about it (ladies).

Nothing, for some people.

its not something i would do if i was in a relationship, but being young and single is diffeant. i have a few really close lady friends that i wanna ask them for FWB, but i don't want them to get pissed at me. were all human, and we all have needs. so what do you all think?

I'm not young and still have 'needs' ~ however, I'm too important to me to consider this an option. The hard thing isn't finding sex, it's hard to find someone I'd like to have sex with on a permanent basis.
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 11
view profile
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/13/2008 9:20:08 AM
The older we become the more contacts we obviously make. The FWB thing IMO is an off shoot of that. Here is a simple example; We meet, we enjoy their personality, beauty, intellect, common interests, communication skills and of course the sexuality. We however know after a short period of time they are 90- 95% of what we are seeking for that monogamous once in a life time relationship, not 100%. If they feel somewhat the same it can easily become a FWB situation.

Maybe it's a situation where "she" desires for what ever the reason not to leave her marriage, relationship etc.

In any event FWB are great as long as both involved are totally open as well as honest with the other. Some are able to handle it....some aren't. With that said, respect, communications, as well as in fact actually enjoy the time spent with that person is of course important.

Attempting a FWB situation with someone that is simply not even close to compatible will most often be a recipe for a short and much less then fulfilling situation for both individuals. Even in a FWB situation there must be at the least some degree of desire as well as chemistry.
Joined: 9/18/2007
Msg: 12
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/13/2008 1:51:13 PM
I've had FB where it developed into FWB, only to be screwed up by the other party being dishonest. I think that risk is true for ANY relationship whether casual or serious.

Now I am doing the opposite (trying to anyway) in becoming friends first or being more comfortable with the person. Hard line to draw I suppose.

I say OP look at your friends and know that perhaps by asking the question you lose the friendship entirely. Are you willing to risk that for sex? What you do then depends completely on the answer you give.

Good luck.
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 13
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/13/2008 2:06:40 PM
Since I have been on my own (about 2.5 years) I have not been ready for a committed relationship, the thought of one scared me more then I wanted to admit. FWB gave me all I wanted at the time. Now I find I want more and will not settle for FWB.

So, IMO, FWB works but both people have to be in the same frame of mind. Right now if a male friend asked/commented about FWB, I would not be insulted(not in my nature to be easily offended) but I would not hesitate to say that it isn't what I want.

If you are close to your female friends, talk about anything, flirt and talk raunchy then you really should know if they might be open to it.
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 14
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/13/2008 2:32:43 PM
I have one of those friends. We are both single and both looking. Once either one of us finds someone we will continue being just friends without the bonuses!

You are an optimist. What are you going to do if the person you find is not ok with you continuing a friendship with a guy you've slept with? Are you going to lie and say you haven't because ``what he doesn't know won't hurt him?'' Good luck.
Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 15
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/13/2008 2:50:12 PM
Nothing wrong with it as long as emotions don't get involved and you both uinderstand and agree to the nature of the's really you're my "in the meantime" until I find what I "want" or your cool to hang out with and meet sexual needs but you're not what I seek in a long term partner.....with hopefully no hurt feelings...

Of course the sex should be super hot and mutually satisfying otherwise why bother!
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 16
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/13/2008 4:23:02 PM
I see no issue with being sexually involved with any consenting adult. The problems only occur when two people are getting together for different reasons. Being honest about your intentions from the start is the best route to take, but again, some folks think being friends and then lovers is easier, because you know the person. While that is often true, however when romantic emotions slip in on either person's part that can sometimes end the sex and the friendship. I've had a few FB's and one long standing FWB-but I had a clear understanding from the beginning that it was sex only when either of us were in the mood.

I have a busy life and have no desire for a LTR -but I certainly do like physical intimacy-and having someone who I'm close too and knows my body makes it worthwhile. I wouldn't necessarily go up to a friend and say 'Hey, wanna bump uglies cuz I really need a FWB.' because I'm guessing the woman might be slightly offended. My long term FWB is a man I use to date-we split-but wound up back together. While, as a couple we had some issues- sex was never one of them. He's been acting a lil daft lately in all areas of our FWB-so I sent him on a vacation-but I know as soon as his desire to bump uglies again strikes he'll be knocking on my

And in terms of securing a FWB relationship-I'd casually bring up the fact you are physically attracted to your friend and see what she says. If she is interested she'll let you know. There is no guarantees in anything, but you need to, at the very least, put your best foot forward, but be honest. Nothing is worse than saying 'I want to date you' when what you are really trying to convey is that you want to bang her like a screen door in a hurricane.

Good luck ~
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 17
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/13/2008 4:35:13 PM

Sex should be sleazy, reprehensible, punch-drunk, and should be followed with a twenty minute anxiety attack the next morning from debating how to sneak out without waking up the proverbial "wife for the night".

You really need to stop bringing our sex life up in public.

Anyway...nothing at all wrong with FWB as long as both people are clear on the expectations and don't get more emotionallt involved. There have been some men I can do it with, other's I could not because of the emotional risk even when I knew LTR with them could never work. If either one has the slightest thoughts of more then FWB, bad idea.

But sexually speaking if you can find the right person, I think it's great if it's monogamous and neither party want a relationship at the time. Lowers the risk of compromising your health and keeps you sexually satisfied.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 18
view profile
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:21:11 PM
In my experience at least, FWB type relationships are only a short term thing, because inevitably one person or the other starts to develop stronger feelings. I've been on both sides of that equation, and find its much easier to be in a relationship if I want a woman in my life.
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 19
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friends with benefits
Posted: 7/13/2008 9:09:03 PM
Like many of the replies here, casual sex led me to the FB, FWB arena and for a time I enjoyed it. I did find that soon it all became FB and being the male slut that I can be I was fine with that. Maybe we men are really PIGS as I could go there again if the situation presented itself.
Joined: 7/1/2008
Msg: 20
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/14/2008 1:08:14 AM
The difficulty of this, for women, is that the sexual act secretes "coupling" hormones in us where we'd find ourselves wanting to be with someone that we might not find is compatible in a relationship minus the sex. For men, sex is just that - an in-the-moment exercise.

If you're really looking for a FWB, I'd suggest an ex-girlfriend where that activity was a healthy part of the relationship, but for various other personality/needs/future issues the relationship didn't work. For many women, we put men in categories and if you're in the "just friends" category, it's tough to move you to an intimate one. But if you're a been-there/done-that guy for us, it's easier to keep our head in the correct place.

If you offer this type of relationship to a woman you're just friends with, you'd better be sure that she also has you in the "just friends" category before suggesting this, or you could lose a friend.
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 21
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:37:08 AM
There is nothing with a FWB relationship if both people are clearly understand the situation. Sometimes people may not have time or energy for a serious relationship. Sometimes both people know that a serious relationship wouldn't work out due to long distance, large age difference among other possible reasons.
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 22
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/16/2008 2:03:21 PM
I just could not go there sexually with a friend. I value my friendships too much. I just think it could ruin that bond. Lets face it, once we become intimate with someone, things are going to change. Why ruin a friendship?
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 23
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/16/2008 3:10:58 PM
ive had fwb before i was married, the sex was hot, because it was just hot nasty sex, i loved it, at this point in life i often wish i wasnt married , and could go back to that time, but then it may of just been the woman i was having sex with, to be debated lol.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 24
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/16/2008 4:36:03 PM

I just could not go there sexually with a friend. I value my friendships too much. I just think it could ruin that bond. Lets face it, once we become intimate with someone, things are going to change. Why ruin a friendship?

This is exactly why I don't want to go there.
Joined: 5/20/2008
Msg: 25
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/16/2008 5:24:07 PM
honey he just wants sex!! don't set yourself up for a hurtin...
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 26
view profile
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:17:51 PM
Has three FWB relationships going on at once about 10 years ago.......but none of the three women had a clue about the was sheer torture keeping things going and involved heaps of lying and deceit on my part. I don't recommend it to anyone and I was relieved when they all ended eventually.

Never again !! That was pure stress and not too much fun after all.......but I blame myself totally for being so stupid and selfish.
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 29
friends with benefits
Posted: 7/20/2008 2:34:20 PM
Depends on the friend and the benefits. Just because you know what you expect from the arrangement, doesn't mean she expects the same thing.
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