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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Theres this guy...      Home login  
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 1
Theres this guy... Page 1 of 1    
We have been "friends" on and off for about 2 years. Hes a really great guy for the most part everything I want from a partner and he seems to be into me too. We hang out and have great times just chilling hanging out whatever. But were friends then we get closer (never had sex keep in mind) then he retreats. Everytime. Then after a few months go by one of us contacts the other to just say hey and see how things are or whatever which turns into him (not me) always saying I hope your not mad at me. Would you ever want to hang out with me again? Then he tells me how I'm so different from all the "othere girls" he knows that im a woman blah blah blah In the meantime I do go on with my life I go on dates and have fun live my life. Yeah for a week or three I hurt over it but I still go on with life But as soon as he shows up again the butterflies start and I give up almost anything to spend time with him. We've never had any sexual contact which really drives me crazy but I respect his reasons too. I want nothing more than to explore where this could go with us but everytime it seems like im almost there Ive gotten close he just disappears or picks a fight and makes me mad. When we were just friends my older son was cool with him we did things together as friends he taught him about motorcycles whatever but since the first disappearing act I kinda pulled them back to save my son the heartache now I will only see him away from home alone. I guess what I'm getting at is whats on his mind is this typical behavior of someone who wants something with you?? IDK what to do about him..... please help me here Im not sure what to think.
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 2
Theres this guy...
Posted: 7/14/2008 10:29:46 AM
I dont think I push for sex its usually not mentioned to him just something me and my girls talk about ya know... ty for the reply
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 3
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Theres this guy...
Posted: 7/14/2008 6:46:55 PM
I'm thinking he just likes the attention when he's not getting it from anywhere else, but he's keeping just enough distance to keep you from trying to snag him into a relationship with you.
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 4
Theres this guy...
Posted: 7/15/2008 8:07:00 AM
1. You're pretty young with 2 small kids... this is a HUGE turn off for most young men.
He has a son too
2. You're a door mat... you sound like you allow him to walk in and out of your life, so it's likely he's not the only person in your life who walks on you... It's shows a lack of self-esteem and self-respect.
he doesnt walk on me in anyway im just always willing to be his friend
3. Because of your age and motherhood, I'm guessing that you're not financially well off or stable. Again, a huge burden for men to deal with by dating you
I run my own cleaning service ive been on my own since i was 16 years old I am actually better off finacially then he is as well as mentally.
4. You're a BBW... Not all men are attracted to BBW type gals. Having a great personality isn't enough... a man needs to be attracted to his sexual partner.
hes more than enough attracted he always tells me how sexy i am.

so most of your reasons get debunked right there.
im not saying ur not on the right path but the reasons are wrong. I dont think hes sleeping with anyone he was in a pretty horrible accident and i think hes self conscious about what it looks like now (if you get my drift)
I will remain his friend no matter what i just want to know if the signs i get are enough to still hold out for a little more.
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 5
Theres this guy...
Posted: 7/15/2008 9:25:29 AM

I know how ya feeling and it can be frustrating for sure. I date a man whose like that-and lately he's really been an a$$, but the thing is when we do spend time together it's wonderful, it's when we are apart he becomes a dinkasaurus. I've allowed his behavior in the past to dictate how and when we would see each other, but recently just said 'I've had enough'. Fear of rejection or him being angry with me kept me silent, but NO MORE-if you want to know what is going on you have to ASK. Advice is great from whomever, but the only person who holds the answers to your questions is HIM.

Meathead and I went out to dinner last night and we discussed his recent behavior and how it MADE ME FEEL. I don't think he realized what he had done was hurtful, but when he heard how it made me feel he apologized. Our dynamics might be a tad bit different than yours as he and I have an intimate relationship, but the way you describe your friend made me instantly think of Meathead ( he laughs when I call him that cuz he knows I'm not saying it necessarily as an insult). He pops in and out of my life like a YO-YO at times, but it's the fact I know when we are together it's quite pleasant-the only draw back is the gaps in between and when he gets possessive of me.

If you want more from your man friend than tell him-the worst he's going to say is he doesn't see you in that capacity or he just might. Guessing will only cause you more heart ache. I don't always like hearing the 'truth' from the man I love-but it's better than just sitting and wondering. Good luck.
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 6
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Theres this guy...
Posted: 7/15/2008 1:37:42 PM
Quit making excuses for both of you and cut your loses. He doesn't want you as a sexual partner and I'm guessing when you kind of push for that he retreats. He likes you for a friend, not a close friend and not a companion in life and not to date..a friend, that's how he likes you.

You seem lonely and you have two young children at a very young age, so I'll bet you are lonely for a man, someone to love and give you love and help you raise your family. But this guy isn't it. Forget the some guys don't like BBW crap, some guys don't like anything we could bring up, there are men who will find you extremely attractive and want very much to be with you no matter what someone else says. You have to stop wasting your time fantasizing about this guy and find the men who want to be more than just a casual friend with you. Stop wasting your time, and stop wanting someone who doesn't want you. You could end up in another 50 years still wanting men who don't want you or you could find yourself and go out and not accept less than love and respect from the men you are attracted to. Don't be attracted to men who aren't right for you. Seriously, when a man you find attracted does not feel the same way, do not spend time in fantasyland, move on to men who are attracted to you, as you are, and do not except less.

Do not lower your expectations for how well you should be treated in a relationship, do not except a man who offers you less. Do not do it, I can't tell you how important that is. It doesn't have anything to do with size or shape or looks, it's about someone who is right for you and you are right for them, anything less will just make for resentment and emotional pain and allowing yourself to be used and/or abused or doing it to others.
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