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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?      Home login  
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 rossal
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 1
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?Page 1 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
It seems to me that (perhaps because of media, etc.).....in this fast-paced, instant everything....world, that there seems to be a lack of class, manners, gentility.......

It seems to be girl meets boy.....and putting the horse before the cart......it's all about sex (trust me I am so there right now, after being celibate since the divorce)....but that is a side issue.

I watch the old movies (you know, the ones with the plots, LOL), and wish society could go back a little......with the flirting, excitement.....etc.......Yes, I know it still exists....Guess this is a waxing nostalgia thread!

Rossal

P.S. I work at a University, and the language....wow....I remember in high school; you rarely heard a girl swear; now they swear as much as the guys.......
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 2
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:27:45 AM
It's fast food america! Everyone wants the drive through version of everything...it starts with pushing our children harder and faster (let them be KIDS, for cripes sake!!) and melds into everything else, including relationships.

This is EXACTLY what has kept me divorced for 18+ years! I have had some incredible relationships...but none that are in sync with my values and sacred-ness of the institution of marriage. In sync? Let's marry! Not working? Let's divorce! Ugh...no thanks...I rather be an old maid with cats than have several marriages under my belt!
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 3
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/17/2008 2:56:06 PM
I pine too redarchangel..... I pine too.....

I was at dinner the other night with a gentleman-friend... at a family type restaurant.
There were children nearby, as well as tables of only adults. The language was enough
to make my hair curl. OK, so my hair is naturally curly, but it was a night with very little humidity....

Point is, back then, whenever "then" was, I don't remember ever hearing adults cuss like I heard the other night.
If there were children present, adults took it upon themselves to watch their mouths and act accordingly.
Unfortunately, that kind of shit, OMG, comes out of the mouths of babes now!

I couldn't watch Batman when I was younger, because my parents thought it was too dangerous
and we weren't even allowed to say "FART" because that was considered bad and foul, he he, language.

So now I swear at any given chance. I say fook and damnit and shit all the time..... BUT,
I do NOT talk like that around children or the elderly, out of respect for them.

It's in the movies, it's on the tellie and it's in the schools now. There's no going back, my sister Rossal......

So let's just go forward with a bit of nostalgia and a watchful eye for those that don't need
to be reminded what a loose mouthed society we've become.

As far as the sex? I can't help ya with that sister..... I'm sure I should have been born in the
50's.... when sex happened only after a long courtship and actually getting to know one
another......

But that's moot, as that usually goes out the window the minute the chemistry locks in.
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 4
view profile
History
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:17:54 PM
Stay away from old movies unless you want to live alone with the past.

Life is what you make it. If you want romance/courship having a romantic attitude would be my first suggestion.
 bearwoman1959
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 5
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:49:17 PM
I saw romance and courtship in a handbasket heading towards hell. Flowers and candy and moonlight are nice, but I'd rather have a guy who can fix a broken toilet anyday, if given a choice.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 6
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/17/2008 11:06:47 PM
Maybe it's just me, lol!, but being in the midst of the absolutely *most* romantic relationship I've ever been in, I promise you, the concept ain't dead. . . . Maybe it takes *both* peeps wanting it as well as each other, and a willingness to take the time to really expose their souls to each other before just exposing their nekkid bodies (and mind you I have not one single thing against nekkid bodies. . . ). Or mebbe one or two Taurus males is about all one healthy hearted lady can take in a life time?

But ya, I will have to say I do find myself cleaning up my language around him ~smile~


 rossal
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 7
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/18/2008 6:39:27 AM
It seems that some peeps didn't understand me (that is not surprising). I KNOW that romance is in part due to ME.....I am romantic, candles, flowers, notes, etc., etc..........I'd like to find a man who resonates with ME...my values, etc.......as for "earning it"---sex, etc.....

That was never in my thoughts; it had to do with being taught morality....I am coming from a different place than a non-christian (no, don't yell at me; not judging); simply in a different place; those morals and values don't change with time for me.

I was never a feminist in the bra-burning, stereotyical sense. I always believed that women were equal to men; it wasn't an issue for me; I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and joined the army and have been making a difference ever since.

I am a romantic at heart, so swearing (I do it, LOL), bad manners, crudeness, in your face stuff in movies (violent stuff) turns me OFF.

So until I meet a man who interests me, I will hold on to my romantic self and dreams.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 8
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/18/2008 8:07:07 AM

these men are free in a way that no group of people has ever been."


Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. . . .

And the cynical will never find romance.

Which is a pity, 'cause romance is simply the deepest sharing of the soul possible, an honoring of each by the other, a respect for each other's core and core values, and a willingness to share and care in sunshine or in rain. And that *is* possible when both wish it, and work on it.

Cheers!
 rossal
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 9
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/18/2008 8:46:42 AM
Thank you ((())))hugs...to those who understood my sensitive, romantic soul and heart.

Romance isn't some abstract, centuries ago idea.

It is love, anticipation, respect, excitement, and 100's of other things; whatever 2 people in love...make it.

As I stated before, I will wait for the man who "gets me."

As an aside, I love myself, know myself as much as one can, am a stone "people" person and enjoy life (just 1 thing missing), but I won't give up; it isn't in my ROMANTIC, LOL....character.

Rossal
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 10
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/18/2008 9:12:43 AM
I can ask...whatever happened to the years behind us...when we had time for real romance/courtship?
People did not change...a lot of them don't know what romance means.
 Celticmist
Joined: 2/1/2005
Msg: 11
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/18/2008 10:27:40 AM

Men used to be respected for being gentlemen, being the heads of a home, treating his lady specially. Well, now we are all "equal" and they aren`t obliged to do it any more. They can just screw around and dog around and no one would think any less of them.


I am afraid I have to disagree with the above statement, because quite simply, I hold them accountable. I treat people with repect, courtesy, consideration, and caring - I expect to be treated in the same manner. As a previous poster said "You get what you give".

I believe romance is alive and well in all of us, except perhaps those who have let life jade them beyond hope. The old saying of " you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet the handsome prince/princess" is very true, and you can let the frogs dictate how you live your life, or you can rise above them and their standards.

I am willing to risk jumping over the frogs to get to my prince, and he doesn't have to be a prince to anyone else, just me. I was also raised that anything truly worth having is worth working and waiting for, so I will just continue to take a chance.
The last chance I took, introduced me to a super nice fishie that I want to get to know better, and with any luck at all, he'll feel the same way. Keep the faith - love and romance are always possible if you keep your heart and mind open to the possibilities.
 catman40
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 12
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:16:04 AM
I met a woman WHO I romanced . what killed it was these words " I met someone else . we were just freinds " I THAUGHT she was thee one . That hurt . and a woman who wanted to start out as friends said this . I totally lost it . It brought back those words . WE ARE JUST FREINDS . I like the romance . showing her how much she means . IF , a woman was to ramnce me . I can tell her that it would change my thinking .
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 13
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:35:09 AM

If you want romance.......then make it. If you want courtship......then really court somebody

I respectfully disagree. I don't think we should have to do the work to get the result we're looking for from another. FROM ANOTHER. I have no problem "doing the work", but when I'm wanting something and have to constantly do all the work alone to get the desired result, it loses something.

If you want somebody w/ the heart of a poet...write some poems & go to a reading.

I don't write poetry. If that's something I want from someone else, I want THEM to do it!!

If you want somebody w/ the heart of a cowboy, go ride the range on a fine bay mare.

No! Let him ride up to ME on his trusted steed!!!

See, it's not about becoming what we want from another.... but it might be about letting go of
expectations that might seem unreasonable....

And I'm also gonna believe that you CAN get what you want... but it's gonna be in Universe time, not yours.... so hold tight, have some fun and don't stop dreaming.
 rossal
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 14
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/18/2008 12:16:27 PM
Again, my point was missed. I AM a poet (website with over 14,400 hits), writer, dancer, singer and advocate/counselor in an abused survivor's group.

I am who I want to be, I simply want and need to find someone (as I said before) "gets me."

I am an adventurer also......I went to Hawaii alone to a convention where I knew no one. I may be presenting at next year's convention.....no degree, but experience and research has made me an "expert" in abuse.

Sheesh, I hope I don't have to keep responding and explaining myself anymore.......but I am sure I will, LOL, LOL!!

I cannot "make" romance without another person!
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 15
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/18/2008 12:58:42 PM

A passive approach requires more time, something humans have in a finite amount.

Merely waiting for somebody like that, to whom YOU are also the perfect match seems to be approaching lottery-winning odds........Personally, I'd not leave my financial happiness up to that game plan, & I'm loathe to do the same w/ my romantic happiness.

Basically, you are advocating having something special & rare brought to your feet without actively doing anything to smooth that approach. Kind of like expecting to go somewhere fabulous because you've got a great boat...but neglecting to raise the sail.

eek.... I think I may have fallen off my square.... I'm not expressing my thoughts well today.... Please forgive.

I do believe that we have to be pro-active in our approach, but I don't subscribe to the thought that we have to become that which we want. Therefore, I don't expect anything to fall at my feet, nor the perfect mate to come searching me out without so much as a spec of activity on my part....

I'm not advocating being a love sloth... lol.... but I don't wanna have to become what I'm not just because I want something I'm not. Hah! OK, now I'm confused.

I really need to get on with my weekend here..............................
 rossal
Joined: 12/5/2005
Msg: 16
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/18/2008 1:24:52 PM
The LAST thing I am....is "passive!"

Have you looked at my profile; do I LOOK or sound/seem passive!

Why do you think I am on poh?

I go out, meet, date, talk, etc..the point is......I haven't met the man I need.
 countrymanisgentle
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 17
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 1:15:56 AM
I am a true gentleman because I want and expect that special someone to be the same with me and treat me the same respectful way.

I have found with my experiences of the net dating, and the off-line dating as well that very little effort is to be expected from the female TO the male. Case in point, I have sent numerous emails and IM's to numerous females with whom I felt were "decent" BASED on what they said in their profile and their pics as well. Very little response was returned, whether interested or not. Most all were not. Most of the time I have been on here I had a different worded profile; like everyone else's I simply told of likes/dislikes, wants/needs. When I did receive a response ( which was rare ), it was filled with negativity. I didn't send out that to expect and receive that back. I received it because the sender cared nothing about returning mutual respect and friendliness OF WHICH I sent to them. I tried the "old-fashioned" way of the dating/romance/ courtship idea here with the modern venue of the internet and found..........the dating ideas and principles of yesteryear doesn't exist!

People have decided that those ways of being up-front, brutally honest, and ALWAYS truthful are not for them! How can a male be expected to "wine, dine and romance" a female if he is not reciprocated to and treated with the same fellow human mutual respect that he is sending out?

"Whatever happened to romance/courtship"? It died many years ago. There are TWO people involved in that as such ( the last time I checked ) but how can it be carried out, or even instituted, if only ONE is putting forth all the effort to search and find each other? One poster stated comments as such that basically she was waiting until the male came to her; fell at her feet. That IS the impression that was given, at least at first. She then in an additional post clarified that that's not the way she meant it to be taken. Thank you. But the fact remains that, at least from my real life experiences, that females ( most but not all ) require that the male do all the "work" as it were, initial contact, showing interest, pursueing, while they "sit and wait" for the guys to "find" them.

The negative response or mostly none at all that I received was not due to the pre-existing profile I had; it was not due to being butt-ugly, as have a look at my pics; not due to not putting forth MUCH time, thought, effort, energy, initiation, because I certainly have invested much of each of those things into this modern dating world; not due to not "branching out" to look further away from my locale for larger scope of an interest area, because I have done that too; not due to trying only on-line because I have tried many avenues out in public and in person face-to-face with females, but with the same uncareing results; not due to being too short as in that most women want and seek a tall male, as I am 6' 4" tall.

No, it isn't due to any of those things, nor a host of other innocent, positive things. It is due strictly to people and the way they WANT it to be. They are the reason that Romance/Courtship and all that goes with it does not exist anymore.

They have simply let it die.............and die out; in exchange for something callous, cold, cruel, un-human, and un-real.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 18
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:58:38 AM
...A friend of mine has met a guy and they are so in the beginning stages of their relationship, ya'll remember what thats like? Where everything is contrived as romantic. It was/is cute...she bought a card for him and the card says, "These are just 3 of the things you do that make me smile".....she wanted me to help her word it just so....it took us over an hour .... she kept changing it ...oh when he does this, it makes me smile or when he does that it makes me smile,.....finally I said BRENDA....pick THREE and sign it haha
But serioulsy, I have forgotten what it's like to be romanced, and when I see how happy my friend is I remember the feelings..... and I get just a wee bit envious.
Romance?.....Hmmm I hope its still alive.

...maeflowers
 TxSippiGal
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 4:47:49 PM
We live in an "instant" society now days.. instant food, instant tv, instant internet.. instant connections.. and Romance/Courting takes time.. it is the slow road..

I believe most people are too much in a hurry to take their time and I think that is why a lot of relationships are short lived.
 Sky at sunset
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 20
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:04:06 PM
Well you must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is still a sigh
The fundamentals still apply
As time goes by.

I like to watch people - and still see them fall in love.
I've also seen many fall in lust - and can predict the end.
I'm with the group that thinks romance takes time.

That said, as I read various topics, I'm amazed and rather sad at how hurt some people are, how easy it is for someone to completely inadvertantly "hit their buttons". Many men seem to send emails - and get no response. Many women never get any emails. It's too bad we can't get these two groups to communicate.
 lbiker
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 21
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:54:12 PM
HAPPY PANTS>>MS OR MR
just coulnd help myself
 lbiker
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 22
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:16:19 PM
Wow I feel like I have read a Dr Phil script. Romance?? What is it?? Where is it?? What happened to it??
For me its real, when I allow it, to share it, to enjoy it, even when it doesnt envolve me. When I have friends being romanced and in that euphoric world, I feel that old feeling, even though its not my romance. I dont live in Hollywood,,my life is not like the movies, I dont look like a movie star, I dont think that Cinderella is real. I dont believe in Happy Forever After.
I choose to be around the men that have manners, have teeth in their mouths, can spell, take a bath daily, have a job, and are humans. Males that are rude, smell, and are a disapointment are removed from my free time.
Any romance that I have experienced was a shared event. We both enjoyed it, until it ended for whatever reason. I never thought to compare it to the movies, books, or what I thought romance was in the 1800s.
I enjoy the romance whenever I am blessed with it, if I had it everyday, I wouldnt know how to act.
One good thing about bad days, lonely, sad, disappointment, tears, fears, and hurt it wont last forever, only as long as you let it..Smile and the whole world smiles back.
 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 23
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 7:39:42 AM
OMG!! I swear you read my mind. I have been watching Turner Classical Movie channel and the first thing that struck me was how proper the ladies are. Next, actors like Cary Grant, Spencer Tracy, Humphrey Bogart - they were sooooooo respectful to women, no ill words, and Bogart calls his ladies sweetheart, honey, just kind terms of endearment.

Then I get online or I see people in general - Young girls with "tramp stamps", ill mouths and pants where you can almost see the surprise since the top of their pants stop at the hairline...and we cannot forget the string thong underwear hanging out the top of the pants either. With men I am convinced that gentlemen are nothing but a rarity, a dying breed, an endangered species. So many use profanity to speak in everyday conversation.

It's actually very sad that society has taken a severe nosedive on morals, values and standards to live by. I am convinced I was born in the wrong era!
 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 24
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 7:54:29 AM

If you want romance.......then make it. If you want courtship......then really court somebody.

Be what you want in others & you will attract the same.

If you want somebody w/ the heart of a poet...write some poems & go to a reading.

If you want somebody w/ the heart of an adventurer, then make your self an
adventure.

If you want somebody w/ the heart of a cowboy, go ride the range on a fine bay mare.

We've got one life to make into a wild, romantic, storybook carnival ride.....that's VERY hard to do by sitting in front of a computer.

Here's to poetry, adventure & wide open places!



This was well said!! Thanks for that share!
 Tinkerbell201
Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 25
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 7/20/2008 11:25:30 AM
Read Happy Pants' profile, it is hilarious and relavent to the thread (sort of). It will certainly make you laugh.

Romance may still be alive and well in some circles, not sure those circles are to be found on an online dating site though. Last time I was romanced it was a by a neighbour I got to know through friends in the community. We would see each other at different functions, steal glances, chat with one another, we became friendly, blah, blah, blah... Like one poster said, if you want to find somethign go out and be what you seek (or something to that effect). Happy
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