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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Are most guys only into one night stands?      Home login  
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 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 2
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Are most guys only into one night stands?Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Sadly to say there are a multitude of men out seeking sex for sex sake and not looking for the relationship. That has ruined it for the men who are sincere in having a life with a partner to love and who loves them back! However women are not off the hook in this. They have to learn not to give it up until there is a certain trust that a relationship is in the works and simply not a lay! It takes two to make a one night stand happen!
It would be inappropratie to 'blame' one or the other for lack of quality sex - as a reason for the demise of an impending relationship.
There has to be more communication and more honesty to make things work in a perfect world!
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 3
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Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 7/18/2008 5:55:35 PM
eazk - smart ass - hehehe - - you are exactly right - that is why I posted as I did - definitely it can be interpreted for both sexes! It's a double edged sword! Since the OP was specifically stating 'guys' - my response was in direct response to the gender questioned.
 IT-Guy
Joined: 10/25/2007
Msg: 8
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:54:01 PM
If I may put a different perspective on things. I am bisexual and have sought relationships with both men and women. Of the men I have communicated with, maybe 5% are really desiring relationships. Most are looking for regular sex. Even when offered that, they don't want to make a commitment to be monogamous. Whether that be because they are afraid of commitment or that they are looking for a multitude of opportunities to relieve stress. This may have been okay until the 80's, but even if you are completely vigilant about protecting yourself and your partners, sex can be deadly. Possibly, like stated by many other posters in other threads in many forums, they are desiring a variety of sexual partners to keep sex from becoming mundane and boring. Maybe this is the reason I am bisexual? No, when I look for a partner, I have no interest in the sex...at first. Probably because I am actually desiring relationships, not sex. I need to believe there is a deeper connection than is found in purely sexual encounters. Women, I find, are usually aspiring to become involved with a wonderful man who will be everything for then and have her man be completely devoted to her. Women...I really do feel for you when you have been wronged by men who you feel have deceived you. I am not feminine, but have been told often (by men) that I think like a woman. I also have spent much time around men and know how they think and feel. What I say cannot be 100% accurate 100% of the time, but it's more accurate than not. Men like to have someone care for them and still be able to roam. Having the cake and eatin' it too. I get so sick of men (sometimes women) having , from the outside, beautiful relationships--saying they would love to have sex with persons outside of their relationships. When asked about their marriage or the wedding ring on the hand of the one they are ogling...I get something like, "Ain't never seen a ring plug a hole" or "What they don't know won't hurt them". Now, I know most people don't understand (or want to for that matter) what it's like to be a monogamist bisexual who desires only to have two people to share his life with, so I am accused of doing what I am against. Well, for one: I am not against sex or multiple partners as long as all parties involved are openly and honestly communicating their intentions to all people they are involved with--not doing as they please...to please themselves, and two:I desire commitment to two individuals...one female and one male. Each having different, yet desirable qualities and features to offer me, and if they choose...each other. But I have gotten off topic. I have personally found that women tend to offer sex to keep a man. Men want sex just for the sake of having sex. When one does not get what they thought they were getting and they were asked if their partner knew what they were expecting, "I thought he/she did" or "I don't know" are the usually similar to the answer. Communication is the key. Let your partner know what you are looking for and what you are not. You most probably will not be getting as much sex, but will not be so disappointed with the relationship (such as it is/was). I do not get a lot of sex, but then, I am not looking for it either. I desire what is much harder to obtain...healthy relationships and the ability to retain my self-respect.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 10
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 7/19/2008 8:03:41 AM
Edster...

Nah...most guys aren't into that...wait...I'm a woman so scratch that. Sorry.

I like the "most women are bad in bed" line. If you ask most men, they'll tell you that there is no such thing as bad in bed (oops...generalizing...). OK...seriously...

Generalizations are going to get you every single time my friend. Unless you've taken a poll, MOST people on POF are gonna take a potshot at someone who says most...whatever. The men will have something to say about this one.

The women and men who go back for more don't say anything cause we're happy. Or they're happy cause I can't include myself right now

A lot of women who do post the why question feel duped. We listen and hear what we want to hear and believe what we want to believe. And then get mad because what we thought to be true ain't. If you don't want to do a guy, don't. If your hormones get going and it feels good--before you do the nasty, ask him what he wants. What? Ask? Uh yeah...ask. If he goes limp because you've questioned him, oh well. And even more important...ask yourself what you want out of it. It's ok to allow yourself to just want sex with someone...but a lot of folks, yes I guess mostly us women, don't allow ourselves to feel that.

Quick disclaimer: "the above ramblings of Afashionlady aren't to be construed as facts based on anything but her ramblings. Poster retains the right to change her mind/remind others that this is her opinion...etc." End of legal crap...
 Mickey_2007
Joined: 6/18/2007
Msg: 11
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:21:54 PM
Well this topic is tough allot of girls complaint about guys only wanting them for sex if that's what you believe then don't give it up so easy. As far as the one night stand goes if you choose to have sex with somebody you just met that's your choice live with the consequences.Stop ****ing and complaining you got use now move on and learn from your mistakes.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 12
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:16:12 PM
I think the stereotypical "one-night stand guys" are a loud minority, to be honest. However, if that's their lifestyle, they're run through a lot of them to make a bigger impression out there, but as far as the ratio of guys looking for one-night stands, I would have to say it's a lot lower than many women may think (from my peers and observing others above 25).

First, there's more of the "he's not looking for a relationship" vs an actual one night stand. Many will call this a one-night stand, because "it mine as well be", since the guy led the gal on to thinking he really dug her and a relationship was on its way. He sees she doesn't want FWB, and so he ends up walking away from communication.

Second, if a girl's really into the guy on the 1st date, but the guy decides he isn't that into her, there's a real possibility he may be game to sleep with her, if she gives him every signal in the book that she's game for it -- even if he would have blown her off the next day no matter what happened. I think sometimes women may go for the bedroom to try and solidify something with the guy they really like, or they just like them and they're horny... but the stereotypical guy, unlike stereotypical gal, will go with that flow eagerly, even when he sees her as non-relationship material. In essence, the guy wasn't LOOKING for a one-night stand, he just stupidly didn't blow her off before she blew him!

All in all, it's usually the result of guys "playing along", thus the girl feeling played.
 wildmountainman
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 13
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Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:25:42 PM
Speaking for myself, I find one night stands pointless. A committed relationship takes you to much deeper levels of experience and bliss, and frankly, in this day and age, even with protection, you never know what you might pick up !!

I think that men and women who are into that have low esteem, and get a bolster to their self image when they go home with someone, expecting not to see them again. It's a bit like eating an unripe fruit to me... sour... heheh. Altogether rewarding one the fruit has fully ripened !!
 ASKFORPICS
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 14
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 3/1/2009 5:25:54 PM
I like this answer. It dodges the whole "are guys into one night stands" question by looking at it from another angle. I couldn't agree more...how can you possibly show your "partner" all of your moves in just one night. In addition, I think it takes a little time for people to become comfortable with each other. You may do something sexually a month into the relationship that you would never think of trying on the first night.

There have been guys that I have only dated once or twice too. I think that's why people date though right ?? If you can't get through the whole "getting to know you" period without being irritated by the other person then there's no way it would ever turn into a serious relationship.

Best of luck fellow fishers!!!
 brendantime
Joined: 10/31/2008
Msg: 15
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 3/2/2009 12:39:33 AM
I am so sick and tired of all these females b1tchin & moaning about all guys want are 1 night stands. Most girls I know or have met all they want is one night stands. Granted they all might be under 21, but still. Women are just as bad if not worse-& that's real.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 16
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Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 3/5/2009 11:40:01 PM
Not at all. Of all the reasons one night stands happen, I think the LEAST likely reason is because that is what the guy wanted in the first place. Are guys more superficially driven sexually, absolutely. However, even the ones who want nothing but sex would like to have a consistent partner; because not having a consistent partner means going without a lot more; and that is NOT the situation someone who is superficially driven by sex is looking for. Something negative came up, or the guy would hang around.

So, what's going on? If you get naked with somebody, you are interacting with them on the most basic of levels; and you get to know a lot about them, as a lover, and as a person, much faster; therefore learning if you are compatable, or not, much faster. Sexually, maybe she's a selfish lover; maybe she's an unskilled lover; or maybe she's not into the things you are into, or vice versa. Examples: She has 12 orgasms, then keeps you awake snoring, without ever asking if you might like to have an orgasm yourself; or she asks if you mind if she tapes it so she can show it on her website, and you ask for directions to the freeway.

You also learn about things in her personal life, or your personal life that may be incompatible; and personality flaws may also become more apparent. I.E. her parole officer calls while you are there; her ex slashes your tires; she thinks its cute when her 200lb pot bellied pig crawls into bed with you; or she brags about having season tickets to the World Wrestling Federation for the last 15 years. Or maybe she calls her sister, while you are there, and screams at her for 20 minutes about what a whore she is, and that she needs to go to rehab; or she spends 30 minutes b!tching about what an a$$hole her ex is because he is wealthy and wanted a pre-nup, knowing she had been divorced twice. (Those last two actually happened to me...you can also learn a lot when someone has been drinking. LOL. Although technically since I left without having sex, they weren't really one night stands.)

If a woman is experiencing a lot of one night stands, she needs to step back and examine the situation. Who is she bringing home, and why? Where did she meet them? Are they all drunk? Do they live anywhere close? Is there something going on with her, in her home, or in her neighborhood that would give a guy problems? If you are complaining about a lot of one night stands, you are sleeping with a lot of people. What's up with that?

Do one night stands happen? Of course. However, I believe, they are more likely because something surfaces that, for whatever reason, one of you views as incompatible; as opposed to that being what the guy was looking for in the first place. Example: I get up in the morning to brush my teeth, and see a "Rush is Right" bumper sticker in the bathroom...color me gone.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 17
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Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 3/7/2009 4:48:42 AM
honestly i have only had one one night stand, it lasted 8 years lol, not into sleeping with some woman i dont like or know......
 ForeverLong
Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 18
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Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 3/7/2009 6:03:58 AM
Why would I want to find a new woman every night?? Wasted time looking. If I found a good one I would like to keep her.
 JBens84
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 19
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 3/7/2009 6:49:11 AM
I'm not a fan of one night stands. I'd rather have a woman for the long haul(dating and whatever happens after). One night stands are a buzz kill and turn off for me, cause usually one or both parties involved get hurt or something, so I avoid one night stands.

I mean we all have faults, but hey we're only human and no body's perfect.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 20
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 3/7/2009 7:37:00 AM

most of the men on any given dating site (paid or unpaid) are looking for one nighters.


I marvel at the motivation of a self-professed "Baptist beach bunny" who has found her life partner (in an undisclosed place), but simply enjoys posting, simplistically, to the pof forums. Is this your "testimony", to save the sisters from POF perdition, blowing just a little too hard on that Gideon's trumpet?
C'mon. Your post damns most of the men on pof, on all dating sites, actually. There are millions of male souls on these sites, Darlin'. Does the spirit dwelling within really imbue you with that kind of power? Power, without the wisdom to wield it, or better yet, to refrain from unleashing the hounds, will corrupt. Really, how many men did you track to other wild sites looking to connect in those pools? If it's more than two dozen, then you must have found a part-time dream man to fill your life.

But let's stretch, reeeeallllly stretch, for a moment, and take what you say as gospel. The sexual act, imo, is a disclosing exercise-it really is difficult to hide behind your own nudity (Adam/Eve used fig leaves, remember?). In a real way, it's one of many ways to explore a potential life partner-a powerful way, maybe, and can be either an expediting agent to intimacy or a grenade that frags your foxhole. But it IS one very legitimate and even necessary path to the soul of another.
I don't know whether you tried that path before you reached your current commitment to your life partner, or even where you found your jewel (might even have been on pof, but I suspect not- sounds more like you've been somehow hurt, or felt that way, from your internet experiences).

I've spent a fair amount of time in this pool in the last 6 months, and I don't like it when somebody adds too much acid, specially the uric kind.
 swpmiso
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 21
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Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 3/10/2009 1:35:53 PM
Here are my 2-cents worth on this topic:

I love this movie so much, I don't want to distract you by writing about it too much, please just have a look at it, it will change your day:

http://www.TheQuantumLeapsMovie.com

Let me know what you think!

PS... I think it says a lot about life, love, relationships and self.....
 swpmiso
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 22
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Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 3/10/2009 8:21:56 PM
Don't label me here for this... but on Dr. Phil (yes, I watch him off & on), he had a recent show about "Gold Diggers". There was a quick, non-scientific poll asking the following with the following responses:

In a relationship what is desired?

Love: 91% women, 64% men
Sex: 3% women, 30% men
Money: 6% women, 6% men

Do not know if this info helps explain anything or not. Just wanted to share.
 OjosAzules777
Joined: 1/23/2009
Msg: 23
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 3/10/2009 10:48:35 PM
Sex 1st and trying to build on it doesn't work for anyone I know. Fun-sure, but the end result is you end up where you started.
 swpmiso
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 24
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Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 3/11/2009 11:27:21 AM
Sadly, labels are applied unfairly (at times) and assumptions are made daily (look at all of the losers who lost millions with Bernie Madoff....)

But to ass-u-me is one thing... to prove it through actions is another.

For me.. I like a nice woman. One that is strong yet soft. I will never put a woman in a situation such as being described. Maybe I am a prude, but sex is something to be shared by two who l.o.v.e. each other - not just out for a casual tingle of the senses.
 TSO Mattlock
Joined: 9/16/2005
Msg: 25
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 3/15/2009 6:03:01 AM
Great post. And teh reply about communications is spot on. I have met a few ladies in my travels as well. One thing I found out wa sthatIF you really listen to a woman you can tell wht type of relationship you will get. A very close and sexy lady spoke to me about why do men try by the third date to have sex. I told her it was not the call of all men. especially me since, I am really into dating and NOt into sex for the sake of committment. Sex is great WITH committmen but not FOR committement. We ll the first date went fine. The second wasbetter. I was a true gentleman. The third date was better and we expressed what we wanted in a relationship. Even the fact I was NOT looking long term but would not shut out the possibility went over well. But guess what, even though I made no move for sex, she did. I ain't no punk but nor am I a prude. I asked the questions all men should ask if sex is asked of them. Are you sure WE want to go this route. Remind her that although she is nice, sexy, and you want to continue with dating, the ORIGINAL undersatnding is still on the table. Sometimes we do get caught up in the moment, but that is no reason to throw caution to the wind. If you two agree it is okay, then go for it. But men, if you see any flags (drunk, mad at something, crying, and so on) pass it up.
But again, communications now will make it a hell of a lot easier if later she/he wants to spout the rhetoric that preceed a breakup.
Just my .02 cents worth
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 27
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 3/15/2009 8:14:25 AM

I think 80% of guys on online dating sites are looking for one night stands. I'm kind of a cynic though.


Kind of?!!! LOL!! Try to imagine that you are the toreador, costume and all, but no weapons-when he charges, jiggle the cape and step blithely to the left. It's not that scary; the bull always snorts and paws the ground before he makes a run at you. At some point, he'll get tired of that, and you can talk with him.


I haven't had any luck.


Tryin' to tell you that's it more like 80% skill, 20% luck of the draw.


I went on this date with this guy last weekend and during the entire date all he did was talk about sex so it didn't surprise me when at the end of the date he wanted to come home with me. I said 'no' bc I don't have one night stands.


You stepped toward the bull, not to the left. Wrong dance step, imo.


What annoyed me was that he said that we are going to go out again and bc I didn't sleep with him he decided to blow me off. I guess it's kind of good anyway bc it shows what kind of character he is.


What it shows me is that he was willing to offer a form of intimacy, and to talk about it, at considerable length (most men are most willing to talk about sex-they think it's their strong point, and it is intimate/personal, one path to the inner sanctum ). An adroit step to your left and you might have made it a conversation that led somewhere. Take him by the ear to some of your favorite places.

I doubt you learned anything about his character- all you did was revisit an unnecessary lesson about one characteristic of the male beast, and your 80% assessment suggests that you might benefit by taking some other course(s).
In Spain, they kill the bull; but elsewhere, they just take an ear.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 28
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 3/16/2009 9:21:13 AM
I don't think most men are just looking for a 1 night stand. However that doesn't necessary mean that they would turn down an offer for sex while they are looking a serious LTR.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 29
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 4/18/2009 1:37:07 PM
I don't think there are as many guys out there "just looking of one nighters" as some women like to think. If a guy "hit's it and forgets it" with you, it's because he wasn't that into you. If the right woman hooks up with him, he'll be back for more. And if she's just not that into him, he'll be the one hurting. The attitude of "that's all he wants", is a coping mechanism to keep from facing the fact that he just doesn't want anything more from YOU. Harsh? Maybe so, but that's just the way it is.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 30
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 4/18/2009 2:38:42 PM
Okay I may pi ss off some people, but here I go.

I had my share of one night stands. But interestingly enough while sex seems to be the ultimate objective the reality is that they are about the hunt. The sex tends to be a novelty, and filled with the curiosity of seeing if she is shaved, good, bad, whatever in bed. But is rarely great. Not compared with the sex you can have with the person you have been going out with for six months. So as vain as it may sound, one night stands are about testing to see if the ideas or so called game really works. What you do find out is that there are a set of predictable events and as each of those events are cross and she responded in a particular way you get closer to the kill, or to score. Again, I repeat, it's not about sex, it's about hunting.

Another thing about one night stands is that while sometimes you believe that YOU are the one hunting, it happens that YOU are indeed the prey and she was even much better at disguising her game, since women who participate in this sport tend to want to give the man the idea that he is doing some of the work. Some of the women who give the image too bluntly that they are pursuing you, in reality are just teases. They want the public display, the making out in public and if she gets enough of that, she has her thirst quenched so either avoid those. Or simply tease them and leave them.

In the end, I do prefer a longer relationship. The sex has the change to get so much better. Even when the sex was good the first time, then imagine what you can do six or one year down the road. And if you sort of miss the hunt, you can turn it into role playing with that special one, and wow, it's even better.
 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 31
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Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 4/18/2009 2:47:57 PM
It seems to me that women that feel as though "all" men are seeking only a one night stand may want to reconsider. Of course there are exceptions to the rule but most men are seeking something lasting. Now, that maybe only a few months or a few years but nevertheless something more then a one time romp.

The reason is that to actually discover a woman that is compatible both in bed as well as out of bed is something of a phenomena all itself. To in fact enjoy a woman that is fun, bubbly, out going and in the same sense great in bed is a find far and few between.

Therefore to develop a true friend with benefits takes much longer then hitting the sheets one time.

I have always contended that if a relationship is not great between the sheets then it's simply not going to work. Why the hell would anyone stay in a situation (relationship) with a less then enjoyable and fulfilling sex partner?

No matter if both are seeking a truly monogamous situation or a situation where one or both are seeking other to join them, become involved in swinging, doing threesomes or moresome, it most often can't be discovered in one play session unless both are widely and immediately open with the other, which happens about as often as a blue moon.
 Blondecharmthe3rd
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 32
Are most guys only into one night stands?
Posted: 4/18/2009 3:04:37 PM
Sometimes an encounter is simply not good enough to repeat (on the man's or woman's side of things). Why beat it to death???

If it happens once, and never again then move on. Call it a learning experience, getting off, or a drunken night of fun. Whatever helps you get through to the person you want to spend more than one night with.
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