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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > how long do you wait to be official-is she using me-what is this , wh      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 jet_45
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 1
how long do you wait to be official-is she using me-what is this , what is us, -my friend wrote thisPage 1 of 1    
i'm posting for a friend from church who is in his mid 20's but not the most experience guy in dating field. but bascially hes telling me this. he will be reading this too

i been going out with this girl like once a wk for 2 months approx we went out like around 12 times-movie, eat out, hang out, malls...etc i met off POF site. when i asked her to be bf/gf she told me "shes not sure, she doesn't now",and that her previous bf she knew him for one yr as just friend before she even committed with him-they were only bf/gf for a month though. how long would you as a guy or even a girl except some kind of committment -like after how many dates. i got a feeling it would have gone nowhere be it 2 months or 8 months . i don't want to keep on dating her and spending money and find out even after 1 month or even more that shes not even interested in being official. i want to be in a relationship. how long would you go for.

another thing is when we go to movie, eat out, i been paying the first couple of x's but a couple of x's i was little short on money and jsut paid my part for the dessert, i ordered my ice cream , and waited for her to buy her own ice cream. from what i observerved on her face-a frown-this frowned face happened right after she notice that i didn;t pay for her dessert. well i did pay for her dinner. i thought it would be nice if she just pay for my dessert too,but oh well i didn't except it. this happen a couple of x's.

another time we went to eat out i told her "i'll pay for the dinner and you pay for the tip", i paid for the 25 dollar meal and she put in 1 dollar tip. huh i thought that was cheap though. i didn't say anything. not once did she offer to pay or worst of all, she didn;t even say "thank you".
well i'm a easy going kind of guy,but who wants to be used right, if she doesn;t want to committ or be in a relationship then she should tell me upfront.
 jet_45
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 2
how long do you wait to be official-is she using me-what is this , what is us, -my friend wrote this
Posted: 7/18/2008 8:53:07 PM
oh ya and how do you get the girl to offer to pay up sometimes or go 50/50 or do you u just tell them straight up
"hey i paid this time and next time you pay" somehting liek that
 jet_45
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 3
how long do you wait to be official-is she using me-what is this , what is us, -my friend wrote this
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:21:43 AM
after how many dates should i start telling her or any girl the mutual acceptance,
example-i pay for the movie and pop corn and you pay for dinner or vice versa or even the dutch thing.

i mean after 2 dates, after 3, . i figure she would at lteast offer to pay like after the 2nd date , i mean i'm not rich at all. i mean i still trying to save up for school if i have to , to get a better job and also a car.

after how many dates should u start expecting the girl to start offering to pay or even say "hey let me pay this time", you paid last time"
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 4
how long do you wait to be official-is she using me-what is this , what is us, -my friend wrote this
Posted: 7/19/2008 1:53:10 PM
She's playing the friends with benefits game; she's not totally into this guy but she enjoys his company and enjoys that he pays for everything.

She's playing games. If this guy was rich and looked like Brad Pitt she'd have no problem being boyfriend/girlfriend.

He needs to move on. He needs to tell her if they are just friends then he will start dating other people.

Its ridiculous for him to be played like this and for him to wimp out this way. He needs to be strong and say 2 can play at that game. If she goes out on him or dates someone else, all she has to do is say,"oh but we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend". This girl may be cute, but she's bad news and a user.

Tell him to move on. Dont listen to the words, look at their actions.
 scotlandforever
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 5
how long do you wait to be official-is she using me-what is this , what is us, -my friend wrote this
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:23:30 PM
[True...to a point. There's a lot of ladies on POF who have very vocally said that it didn't matter what stage they were on during dating...they ain't paying. Period.]

I never expect a woman to pay when I take her out for dates; however, my current girlfriend seems to be uncomfortable with me always paying as she sees it as something that should be shared... we went so far as to come up with a system of who pays when so there are no awkward feelings when it is time.. i.e I get dinner or lunch and she gets breakfast and coffees etc. I pay for movies and she pays for snacks, she pays for concerts and I pay for snacks etc. This was kind of strange for me until I realised that she sees it as a permanent relationship based on mutual attraction and wanting to be together and therefore why should I pay for everything... it's a nice feeling and makes me wonder why more women don't see it this way.



likes to pay also and we always both seem to be trying to pay so we developed a system hat should be
 jet_45
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 6
how long do you wait to be official-is she using me-what is this , what is us, -my friend wrote this
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:06:14 PM
but some ppl well not myself say that its the guys job to call and intitate the calling-esp in the beginning . , and saying hey lets go to movie and dinner, .....etc what do you guys think
he told me the girl never called him once, and only called him when he called her and left a voice mail other than that she never intiated to make call. there was no "hey how was your day", "hey how did your exam go"
 jet_45
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 7
how long do you wait to be official-is she using me-what is this , what is us, -my friend wrote this
Posted: 7/19/2008 11:07:43 PM
what are some clues, and gestures he might do to give her the vibe that he was insecure with women.
hes pretty talktive at times and very direct.
 scotlandforever
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 8
how long do you wait to be official-is she using me-what is this , what is us, -my friend wrote this
Posted: 7/20/2008 2:26:12 PM
Just curious Jen/OP, but why isn't he in a relationship with you and why aren't you giving him more of the advice he needs rather than strangers here on POF.? You are certainly attractive and would seem to be the natural choice as someone who evidently cares about him.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > how long do you wait to be official-is she using me-what is this , what is us, -my friend wrote this