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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Who's More Forgiving...Men or Women?      Home login  
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 jm0405
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 8
Who's More Forgiving...Men or Women?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I think men in general forgive better than women. Women that actually do forgive something like adultery - she didn't really forgive - she is simply being tolerant because there's probably an underlying current. As an example: Let a doctor cheat on his wife; she will forgive him to keep the marriage together while she has shopping sprees; she's getting something out of it for herself. If a woman has nothing to gain from the man, she is outta there, seeking revenge and hating him and then the next 45 men she dates will have to hear about her ex.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 10
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Who's More Forgiving...Men or Women?
Posted: 7/20/2008 12:49:29 AM
^^^ "In my opinion forgiveness is not gender based. It all depends on the individual you are dealing with, their ethics and values and also what is it to forgive???"

How does it depend on the individual? It is the act that is to be forgiven, not the person. I think that response goes back to what was said earlier....forgive, but don't forget. So in the end, what was forgiven? Nothing.

And how does it depend on the seriousness of the act? Either you forgive it, or you don't irregardless the degree of the act.



We've all been wronged....both genders. None of us forget those wrongs. In fact, we use those as judgements (or red flags, lol) as to how we accept or reject others. To me, forgiveness IS forgetting. Not allowing that particular wrong/error/mistake/indiscretion/etc. to influence or shape decisions of the other.

Forgiveness is giving up the resentment felt due to being wronged.
Forgetting is not allowing the wrong to play any part in anything regarding future thoughts or actions.




~ds~
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 14
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Who's More Forgiving...Men or Women?
Posted: 7/20/2008 6:43:30 AM

acknowledge the wrongdoing and try to work through it...
You are making the assumption that the man is going to work it through when in many cases, all he does is acknowledge the problem and never does anything about it. Imagine the guy that say accuses his wife of cheating over and over again when she does not even look at or flirt with other men. It is not the forgiving and failing to forget it is that in my experience when a woman brings up things of the past or cannot forget it is not because of their long memory, but instead that they are repeatedly reminded of the offense.

I will stop whatever, and every frigging time you turn around the guy is doing it, or not doing it, again, so how do you forget and how do you feel when your feelings are discounted over and over again? And the earlier post about empathy. I am perhaps one of the most empathetic people on the planet, however, I really don't, after being made miserable for years because of a man's insecurity and the screwing around that exes did on him, going to give a rat's butt about how he feels or why he feels that way when he is so lazy he refuses to look at and work on himself and stop making his problem my problem and making myself and my children miserable for his short-comings.

Renaissance man, I agree with part of your analysis but then again, apparently I married a chick because he not only dredged up every single infraction that had occurred over the entire duration of the time we had been together or he did this and supplemented it with everything his x-wife had done to him as well. Some people use these tactics, to fight about something that happened five years ago instead of what happened today, in order to avoid really dealing with what happened today.

I think where you fail to make the distinction is that women want the empathy from their friends, the discussing the feelings, but if there is a solution to a problem they want that too. Many men, if it seems to be a "feeling" thing, listen but do not really hear because they don't understand that there is a solution to the problem so they ignore what their partner tells them and fail to change.

There is a difference between forgetting/forgiving and never giving a rat's butt about the discussion or argument in the first place. I have also had a man tell me to stop acting like a guy, he just wants to biatch so it depends on the circumstances. My X still hates one of my neighbors supposedly because she borrowed money and bounced the check she wrote us back. Now, she told me before she wrote the check that she was playing Russian roulette with the account so I was prepared for the check to bounce and we made arrangements for the money to be paid but more than a decade later he still has his shorts in a knot because she should have dealt with him because "he" loaned her the money. Sorry, thought we were married. My point is that it is an individual thing. I can let things go and I will keep them in the back of my mind to ascertain whether there is a pattern of behavior but will ordinarily never bring it up again unless given reason to.

I think women are quicker to forgive but if behavior doesn't change, they don't feel like standing in line to get kicked in the teeth again so they do not forget. When someone promises to change and illustrates over and over again that he will not, is it holding a grudge or trying to protect oneself from further hurt?

I really don't have experience with a normal guy who asked me to do whatever and whether I was capable of doing that and his forgiving truly because my X changed the rules nearly every day. Come home one day and complained because dinner was not on the table when he didn't bother to tell me when he would be getting home and the next morning when I left to shop for groceries for dinner and wasn't home for him to talk to when he woke up I wound up being chastised for not being there, so there was no winning, no placating, and I was never forgiven for anything.

Men I suspect have memories as long as women but tend to let things fester rather than get them out into the open so that down the road when there is a new discussion, they still have all of the old feelings bottled up in them and wind up blowing the deal out of proportion.
 JWork25
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 15
Who's More Forgiving...Men or Women?
Posted: 7/20/2008 6:49:05 AM
It varies from person to person. However, in my experience, women definitely hold a grudge more often than I do! So much so that i'm single! lol.
 Gourmetchef50
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 16
Who's More Forgiving...Men or Women?
Posted: 7/20/2008 6:54:00 AM
ok..my man..what did u do?? LOL...or what specifically do u keep doing wrong..(in the eyes of your s.o.)??
 JWork25
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 17
Who's More Forgiving...Men or Women?
Posted: 7/20/2008 7:03:27 AM
If I told you and POF what I do/did wrong, I wouldn't get any dates on this site! lol.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 22
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Who's More Forgiving...Men or Women?
Posted: 7/20/2008 9:35:31 AM
Overall, I do think men tend to forgive/forget more so than women. Except for when it comes to cheating. Most cases, if the wife cheats, a husband won't stick around.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 24
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Who's More Forgiving...Men or Women?
Posted: 7/20/2008 11:07:39 AM
the ability to forgive has nothing to do with gender. I think it has to do more with a persons character.

"To err is human, to forgive devine"
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 25
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Who's More Forgiving...Men or Women?
Posted: 7/20/2008 11:29:47 AM
I agree, rain -

the ability to forgive has nothing to do with gender. I think it has to do more with a persons character.

"To err is human, to forgive divine"

or as a fridge magnet of mine says,

"To err is human, to forgive .....canine." !!

I only know about forgiveness for myself and the men I have known to address this question, so can not possibly comment on the idea on the mass gender generalizations the OP asks....in fact, really I only know my own ability to forgive and at what level of forgiveness possible within me, so can not really comment on anyone else's.....for it's a many veiled concept, I think.

There is forgiving on the level of understanding and then there is forgiving on the level of empathy and taking it in deeply to release the pain and any hold that pain has on you towards the other and also towards all others who might display similar behavior or actions, reactions, etc.

I have no idea how any one here can comment on anyone else's ability to forgive unless they can get right in and see what's going on internally in somebody....and follow them to see the process, for forgiveness, to me is a path and deepens as time goes by.

Another aspect of forgiveness is forgiving ourselves and again, that is impossible for me to answer for anyone else, never mind for all women and all men and to compare who is more or less forgiving.
 jon525
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 28
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Who's More Forgiving...Men or Women?
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:48:13 PM
Personaly I think men are. If some man does a women wrong seems like the next 3 pay the price. Or that's what I have seen... Live in the present girls... some of us are not like male jerks..
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 29
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Who's More Forgiving...Men or Women?
Posted: 7/20/2008 6:04:33 PM
I have absolutely no idea... my fellow seems to be a forgiving sort as am I, so it really doesn't matter which gender is more or less forgiving in my wee corner of the pond.
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