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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Do you think MEN have a overall dislike of real parenting?      Home login  
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 nat2988
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 11
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Do you think MEN have a overall dislike of real parenting?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO NEGATIVE. WE COULD SIT HERE ALL DAY AND NIGHT AND TALK SHIT ABOUT DADS THAT DO THIS OR DADS THAT DON'T DO THAT. SAME GOES WITH WOMEN, LIKE THE MOTHER MY KIDS THAT HAS PAID CHILD SUPPORT OR HAD A JOB IN FIVE YEARS. GET OVER IT!!! BE POSITIVE SO THAT YOUR KIDS SEE SOMEONE IN THEIR LIVES THAT IS POSITIVE. REMEMBER IT IS ALL ABOUT THEM AND TO MAKE SURE THAT WHEN THEY GROW UP THEY CAN LEAD A NORMAL LIFE AND IN A LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIP UNLIKE THE ONE THAT MOST OF US DON'T HAVE. YOU OWE THEM AT LEAST THAT MUCH. THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU START THE BASHING!!
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 18
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Do you think MEN have a overall dislike of real parenting?
Posted: 7/22/2008 9:11:00 AM
OP, not everyone is born with that maternal or paternal instict. Some people grow up in large families and learn to nurture at a young age and others don't learn until the OB/GYN hands them the kid for the first time.
I would say the majority of single/divorced parents are here because the relationship with the other parent did not work out. My Ex is a good Dad, he doesn't pay his child support on time and never changed a diaper in his life but his kids love him and he lives them which makes him a good Dad but a bad Ex. A lot of people have a tough time seperating those two titles.
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 23
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Do you think MEN have a overall dislike of real parenting?
Posted: 7/23/2008 12:11:10 AM

You have forgotten the "you're doing it wrong" factor. How many times dad actually wants to take care of the child, to change diapers, to carry the baby, to dress him, feed him, only to be rebuked by mom's shouts and recriminations?

After a while, even the most dedicated father will leave these tasks to the wife. Who, in turn, will complain because dad never helps her.
Ha ha, that could not have been worded any better.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 29
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Do you think MEN have a overall dislike of real parenting?
Posted: 8/3/2008 8:50:02 PM
Lack of involved parenting is not gender-specific but if there is some way it is skewed toward men it is likely related to male and female gender roles rather than anything innate.

Assuming that the original post was related to men dealing with a child one-on-one in a way after divorce that they don't when they are with the mother is something that happens with intact couples from the standpoint that many women don't get that men do things differently and you have to sort of close your eyes and let them figure things out for themselves. Without intending to, many women prevent their husbands/SOs from bonding with babies because it freaks them out that many carry the infants around like footballs. It is only when they step back and see that man person doesn't damage the baby that the man really gets a chance to bond and parent the child.

That said, I have seen both men and women that totally don't get that they are missing their childrens' lives. Splitting up was the best thing that could have happened to my X in terms of being a parent because he spent more time with them in the year after we split than the 12 before that. The ironic thing, we were his second family and when we got together, he lamented not spending more time with his son from his first marriage, but he didn't bother to be any more involved with my three than he was with his first child. And frankly, he still doesn't get it. He misses most of their concerts, games, and other important events in their lives. He is now finding that with two teenagers and the youngest fast on their heels, that they have little time for him, preferring to spend time with their friends. So, instead of making more of an effort himself, he is ticked at the kids for not being around when he wants to play dad. Do I think this is because he is a guy? Nope, just a jerk.

As Carolann noted, there are men and women both that probably should not have had kids. Some step up to the plate and learn and others don't. There are men and women that as another poster mentioned, don't really want the kids but don't want their X to have them. There are men and women that desperately want to spend time with their children and the other parent does everything possible to prevent it.

I have no custody agreement and because of my X's strange work schedule he has open access to the children at any time but he chooses to spend time with them when it is convenient, not when they need him or as much as he should. We continue to hope he does better with it and in the meantime go on with our lives. But there are plenty of parents of both sexes that do not spend any quality time with their children. The last few years the day-to-day has been hard and I realized recently, it has been a long time since we did things like the zoo and other activities so I think it is incumbent on all of us at all times to step back and consider the quality of our relationships with our children.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 32
Do you think MEN have a overall dislike of real parenting?
Posted: 8/4/2008 9:12:35 PM

You have forgotten the "you're doing it wrong" factor. How many times dad actually wants to take care of the child, to change diapers, to carry the baby, to dress him, feed him, only to be rebuked by mom's shouts and recriminations?


Boy, can I ever identify with that. Yikes. Shit, according to the ex I didn't do anything right when it came to the kids. After a while, I just didn't bother.

After she left, I could do things my way and it really did change how I related to my kids in a very positive way.
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