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 MaryAnn Singleton
Joined: 6/6/2008
Msg: 1
When the time is right... in datingPage 1 of 1    
I'm wondering how important timing is in dating.

Back in the old days before internet dating, as a siingle person you'd meet other single people, get to the know them and every once in a great while, you'd meet someone and you'd click. You'd have all kinds of things in common, you'd understand each other, you'd be intrigued by the other person and so on. (And that could lead to the whole happily ever after thing.)

But BEFORE you met that person, you'd probably meet a LOT of other people who didn't quite click with you. People who you liked as friends, or weren't crazy about or whatever.

Here's my theory... I'm wondering if fate does play a role in your love life. Maybe you could meet the absolutely right person but if it's at the wrong time you might not even realize it. Maybe the timing has to be every bit as right for you as the person.

And in internet dating, I think the process can be quite frustrating for that reason. I've met a LOT of people from online. Some were only one date, some were longer, but so far I haven't found the right person. I'm thinking that online dating could be that much more frustrating because it IS so easy to meet a lot of people, so yeah, you're kissing alot more frogs before you meet the right person.

And maybe timing is more complex than meeting the right person at the right time. Maybe it also means that your baggage has been dealt with, you're open to a new relationship and because you're in the right place emotionally, mentally and physically, maybe that's when it'll all work.

Hmm, I probably think too much but I'd like to know other people's opinions on this...
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 2
When the time is right... in dating
Posted: 7/25/2008 8:41:57 AM
Timing is crucial. You have to be at similar points in your life on many aspects for a relationship to work to its fullest potential. For example, if one wants a child, but the other either doesn't then it's virtually impossible for a relationship to be sustained. If one hasn't yet learned that self-focus is immature and the other knows what it means to want a loved one to be happy rather than being all about the self then you are going to run into trouble.

There are many ways in which the 'stars must align' - but also note that we attract who we are. So if you are not ready for the amazing relationship then you will keep attracting similar people. Best you can do is work on you and one day it might all come together! Good luck
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 3
When the time is right... in dating
Posted: 7/25/2008 8:46:56 AM
Hey congratulations for contemplating this "dating" thing to this extent - because normally I feel like the "lone wolf" in this regard.

Old fashioned dating implied - dating more than one person while trying to determine the person who is/was right for you in all ways.

I'm going to fall on an old Dr. Phil analogy.

Say you were shopping for a used car to buy.
You'd look for the car that best filled the wants/desires/needs of your life.

You'd think of what things in your life were an issue, what you'd be wanting the vehicle to do for you, what you needed it to give you in return (when you turn your car on does it return the favor?)...

The point being; not many people I know, would walk onto a used car lot - look at the outer image of a car, start it up, then buy it. Deal done.

If they did? Then here's hoping the car went some distance for them and they were really psyched about all it brought to their life - BEFORE it bit the dust along the road. The lucky ones maybe get a 2007 Hummer for the price of a 72 Chevy Vega.

Yeah, sure, that happens ALL THE TIME in real life!

You're going to shop around.
You're going to find the one that's best for you, what you want, has the majority of the options you were seeking and the one you feel will be stable and go the distance.

And it's only somewhere down the line, after a significant period of time, that you're going to know - "I got a GREAT deal!" or..."Man, did I get screwed!"

Timing enters into it.
Someone else may currently be driving your sweet ride. (darn it!)

I think you can really accelerate your process in searching for who you want and need by resolving to the best of your ability all your issues, your past, really knowing your goals, what you want in life and in relationships, and being honest about the things that you MUST HAVE in a realtionship, versus those "perks" that are not necessary to close the deal for you.

The ideal if that both people are being 100% honest, real, open, communicate with each other clearly and in a manner that resonates internally with both people's personalities. That's the good solid basis for a real and time enduring relationship. Not to say neither is flawed or human - we all are, it's just a self-knowledge and realization that to make a lasting relationship in our world today you have to conscientiously want it to work and be willing to do the building, trial and error and due dilligence.

The Internet Dating world seems to be fraught with folks who think they can simply look at a photo, meet someone for a 1st meet and wham! Love for a lifetime happens.


Also there seems to be a tremendous amount of assumptions that because you exchange a few emails, and even have a phone conversation or two there's an obligation on your part to the other person.

There isn't.

A few emails and a phone call or two does not mean you're going steady, exclusive, nor have any right to anger or harsh feelings when it doesn't "click".

That's just life.

My opinion?

More maturity and more honesty and reality injected into the search for a partner for life would aid many people who seem to think it's all about bells, whistles and sexual sky rockets.
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 4
When the time is right... in dating
Posted: 7/25/2008 12:40:14 PM
part of me thinks that fate plays a major role in dating but the other part of me thinks that internet just speeds things up.
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 5
When the time is right... in dating
Posted: 12/24/2008 12:54:30 PM
Timing is important alright. For example, here I am months later with a perfect answer but there's no point posting it because you already left the site. Achh, damn.
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 6
When the time is right... in dating
Posted: 12/24/2008 1:06:04 PM
I agree with this. Fate has a role. A big role. It is all about timing, and faith in the belief that the right person will come in the right time. If something doesn't work out, it's because there is something better for you, if you have faith, and patience, and wait it out. A better person and situation will eventually come.
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 7
When the time is right... in dating
Posted: 12/26/2008 4:58:38 PM
The time is never right when you are shopping for the best deal. There will always be better. There can only be not quite good enough and too good to be true. It has nothing at all to do with how well any two people might actually get on together, and everything to do with the attitude of the person who is looking. For most people the percentage of potential mates in a dating pool is about 5%, defining the pool as people who are broadly compatible. You should be able to find a mate easier than 15 dates with different prospects. This allows a huge amount of personal preference and picky-ness, too. If you are not finding someone it is because you either have an unrealistic idea or you are appearing to have some kind of problem that puts people off.

The usual unrealistic idea people have preventing them from matching up is that when they meet THE ONE, angels will sing and parking meters will be free and flowers will bloom and something about chemistry and fireworks and sparks and some other things. It's funny but people who have been looking a while wake up one day and realize they have been chasing after a fantasy, and then within a week they happen to meet someone they like. You will never recognize the good when you look for the perfect.
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