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 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 1
no sexual advancesPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I did a thread search..but couldn't find it..so here it goes..

I've been dating this guy for a month. We have a lot of fun together when we hang out. He's the first guy I've dated who hasn't tried *anything*.

We'll cuddle while watching a movie.. He'll rub my back. Hold hands. I met him last night at a bar, and he saw me before I saw him, so he came up to me & hugged me tightly from behind. He's intoduced me to his friends. He wants me to meet his family and so fourth. How "normal" is it for a guy to wait to try anything? I asked him why he hadn't, and he said his last relationship started out as a drunken hook-up. I told him not to get me wrong, that it was a nice change not to have someone always trying to get down my pants.
 SweetnSassyNatureLover
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 2
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/27/2008 12:42:03 AM
We'll cuddle while watching a movie.. He'll rub my back. Hold hands. I met him last night at a bar, and he saw me before I saw him, so he came up to me & hugged me tightly from behind. He's intoduced me to his friends. He wants me to meet his family and so fourth. How "normal" is it for a guy to wait to try anything? I asked him why he hadn't, and he said his last relationship started out as a drunken hook-up. I told him not to get me wrong, that it was a nice change not to have someone always trying to get down my pants
********************************************

OP are you upset over this? Wow, sounds like you have a great guy that not only respects and likes you but actually learned from past mistakes and is making efforts to change that! Lucky you!!!
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 3
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/27/2008 12:45:43 AM
No, I'm not saying that I am upset. Like I said, he's the first guy who hasn't tried anything. Guess I'm just afraid of getting into that friend zone.
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 4
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/27/2008 1:00:05 AM
Thanks, piano. you pretty much covered it all. Thanks
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 5
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/27/2008 4:04:48 AM
<---tis jealous :P Congrats!!!!!!!!!!
 whothehellknows
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 6
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/27/2008 4:10:25 AM
Maybe he thinks women who are wanting to be his girlfriend while still having profiles on POF aren't worth the effort? Probably thinking something a long the lines of how many cowboys are riding this horse?
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 7
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/27/2008 7:02:21 AM
BrokenMemories...

You're a lucky, lucky lady!!! Sounds like you've met a guy who really appreciates you as a LADY.

Don't even think of friends...a guy who is relegating you to the FZ isn't going to introduce you to family usually.

I'm jealous, but in a good way!
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 8
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/27/2008 7:04:56 AM
If he is that decent of a guy, maybe he isn't overly convinced you are taking him serious since your profile indicates nothing about you being in a relationship. That, in itself, suggests you are not in a serious relationship with him, yet.

Make more of a committment to the relationship and maybe he will do the same.
 ThymeKiller
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 9
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/27/2008 8:21:33 AM
I always try to keep things slow, because that keeps things from getting complicated. But I always mess up and sleep with my date.

He may like you so much that he's afraid of messing up by putting his move on. In which case you are very lucky.

Or he might be gay Does he ever get a boner?
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 10
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/27/2008 9:58:13 AM

Are you afraid he might put you in the long term relationship or even wife zone?


No, not at all!! I love every minute we're together. Like I said ealier, it's just something I'm not used to.


If he is that decent of a guy, maybe he isn't overly convinced you are taking him serious since your profile indicates nothing about you being in a relationship. That, in itself, suggests you are not in a serious relationship with him, yet.


We haven't had that "talk" yet. I mean I know I'm the only one he's seeing, and he's the only one I'm seeing.
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 11
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:03:42 AM
Personally could not have lasted a month. If I have chosen to be with someone a full month, then we have chemistry and you can be darn sure that I would have made some kind of invitational gesture before then, that he could follow up on. He sounds like a wonderful guy but you must follow your own instincts.
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 12
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/27/2008 12:53:43 PM
thanks for everyone great advice! :)
 WpgGentleman2
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 13
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/28/2008 6:32:01 PM
A month isn't that long.

After 2 months you may be in the "friend zone" as you put it.

Sometime before then, you should maybe dress extra sexy and make a move on him. Is it possible he is waiting for marriage? There are people like that.
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 14
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/28/2008 7:09:56 PM
No, he's not waiting for marraige. He's had sex before. Like I said..his last relationship started off as a drunken hook-up.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 15
view profile
History
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/28/2008 7:47:00 PM

Personally could not have lasted a month. If I have chosen to be with someone a full month, then we have chemistry and you can be darn sure that I would have made some kind of invitational gesture before then, that he could follow up on. He sounds like a wonderful guy but you must follow your own instincts.


This is an important point. I can't speak for this guy or any other guy, but if I don't get a pretty clear signal that an advance would be welcome, I don't make one.

Others have made good observations here as well. Over the years I've had relationships that quickly accelerated into intimacy, and ones where we took a good while to get there, savoring each step along the way. Honestly, I can't say one type has proven better than the other, just that it's important for both to be comfortable with however things go.

Dave
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 16
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/28/2008 7:49:06 PM
He told me ealier in the relationship that he knows he is taking things slowly but to trust him, that it was a good thing.
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 17
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/28/2008 8:11:19 PM
He's gay!

But I'm not ... give me a ring!
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 18
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/28/2008 8:17:18 PM

He's gay!

But I'm not ... give me a ring!


I'm so going to hurt you! LOL. he is Not gay!
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 19
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/28/2008 8:18:50 PM

I'm so going to hurt you!

Promises, promises!!!
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 20
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/28/2008 8:20:33 PM
haha you so wish!!
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 21
view profile
History
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/28/2008 8:40:24 PM
He's a eunuch from across the Ohio River.

Given you're 23 and he's likely in that age range I smell some Apishpapa (stinky water.) If he's 23 and the earth has covered more than than 8% of its annual trip around the sun and he hasn't even started trying to knock your socks than I'm guessing he's gay.

Of course you could just jump on him and pound his tonsils while your hand gives some attention to that more often than not favored one of our apendages. Whether I'm right or wrong you'll know.

Of course since you folks have rivers that catch on fire he might just be crazy and I might not know what I'm talking about so just forget I said anything.
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 22
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/29/2008 3:11:39 PM
He's 26, I'll say it again, he's not gay. I'm going over to his place tonight..maybe I'll take everyone's advice and make a move on him.
 Sardonis
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 23
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/30/2008 9:51:15 AM
HA HA, women are so......

They love to portray men in condescending ways as "drooling" all over them.

But the minute one is not having some guy try to bust a move on her, she starts to wonder what is wrong with her.
 smhrgs3000
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 24
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/30/2008 10:52:11 AM
Well, it's very possible that he's just a really nice, sweet guy.
Or,................drum roll.................that he's not all that comfortable sexually.
I met a lady while building a habitat house, who lives in a very small, very strict Lutheren community who was so sexually conflicted that she not only sought out a seven year extr-marital affair before eventaully getting dovorced, but had NEVER, EVER been able to achieve a climax.
She also met someone who she thought was both a perfect gentleman and a polite and considerate suitor. Thier eventual marraige lasted seven days, after which time he was still a vigin!!!!
Personally, a fun, intimate, healthy sex life is just WAY, WAY to important to leave to chance, especially if your potential partners either been married, or is "otherwise experienced". You're not teenagers anymore, not wearing white at the alter, and as far as important compatibility issues are concerned, sex prowess and thoughtfullness is probably one of the easiest to assess. So my suggestion is to press the issue a bit. Use lingerie, a long, romantic weekend away, or some similarly "engineered" arrangement to become seriously romantic, and see if that part of your relationship "clicks" too.
Good luck, and I hope it's everything you've been waiting for.
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 25
no sexual advances
Posted: 7/30/2008 11:55:12 AM
If you want to take it slow, take it slow. if you find yearning for something intimate with him, perhaps the next make-out session, you should be a little more bold? Surely, you make-out, right?
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