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 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 1
Women's Financial StatusPage 1 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
That's more of a question to men, but women's opinion is also important.

What are the expectations from a woman of 45+ in that department? Own her home? Should her mortgage be paid off? Have an X amount of money on savings or in investments, etc?

Just curious, since it seems like a lot of men would like a woman to pay her way on vacations and entertainment, but at the same time to be financially secure and self sufficient with her assets.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 2
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/27/2008 2:27:28 PM
Hey Stef? Great thoughts there! You have progressed darlin! I have my own home, make a good income. Would luv to meet up with a fellow who is on the same page. However, if he isn't? That can be worked around. Except? The pro fellows I have met who think I happen to need a "boy toy". That I cannot and will not go for!
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 3
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Posted: 7/27/2008 2:39:52 PM
OP - I do own my own home; manage to travel (pleasure). I won't sit around and wait for Prince Charming. I think it''s great when men AND women own their own homes! There's nothing better than owning a piece of the rock. There's not a whole lot of us who will have our mortgages paid in full (if we're under 60-65). Also, having a mortgage paid off vs. having a tax write off (mortgage deduction), there's a whole lot of controvery on that. So, I wouldn't expect a man to have his mortgage paid in full. Even if paid in full, there are still property taxes and insurance to deal with.

As far as trips, cars, credit cards, etc. I'd expect for my man to pay his own debts. Likewise, I would think that a man would expect me to pay my own debts. I do believe that 2 incomes are better than 1, however, a couple has to be on the same financial page, in order for that to be successful.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 4
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/27/2008 2:46:43 PM
Is there a reason a mature woman should not be financial secure and take turns helping with paying for dates and vacations?

Do you not expect and truly want a man in your life that is independent, financially secure, and has the ability and willingness to pay his way and yours as well when necessary?

Just as most mature women do not want to have to take care of their significant other monetarily, most of us men would prefer not to as well.

Maybe if more, of both genders, would offer what they seek, and be independent and secure enough to more than prosper individually, we would not have as many problems, questions, and misunderstandings that we currently seem to have.

Just my opinion........
 justme1201
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 5
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/27/2008 3:37:34 PM

Is there a reason a mature woman should not be financial secure and take turns helping with paying for dates and vacations?


That would be my question as well. Now, I can't say I'd take "turns" paying for a vacation, but I'd split the cost. I'd expect to, in fact (ok well, if you want to treat me, fine, but I can't return the favor lol). I do take turns paying for dates; I have a good income, it seems only fair to me.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 6
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/27/2008 4:15:50 PM
I have absolutely no financial thoughts about “her” side past > she should be self supporting.

These days (I hope I can get it improved) my income is not all that much but ........ since I have no debt (other than a smallish mortgage) and have years of material junk already (cars boats motorcycles motor homes) ..... I don’t go backwards even with flat income.

So ..... if she is no better or worse off than I am ....... all would be peachy. UNLESS her expectations of my side are too high. Just because my income is flat right now ..... I still don’t want anything that anyone else has - I expect NOTHING and don’t want nothing ..... I am taking care of my financial business just fine - don’t need any help and >>>>>>>>>>>> I am in no mood for anyone looking down their financial nose at me.

As far as home ownership - I built this house 23 years ago. The house could use some repairs but nothing structural and ..... it is a pretty neato place and I don’t owe much on it. On her side (if she owns a house or not) ........... it would not matter to me one bit.

The fact is ... other people's financial situation is - none of my business. I've been WAY up the money hill a few times in my life. I have also learned that being pretty much debt free is actually MORE FREE than keeping ahead of the Jones(es).
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 7
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/27/2008 8:12:52 PM

Just curious, since it seems like a lot of men would like a woman to pay her way on vacations and entertainment, but at the same time to be financially secure and self sufficient with her assets.
I'd have to agree with the "lot of men". At 45, she should be financially sufficient and responsible, and not dependent on others to pay her bills, whether it's a mortgage payment or going on vacation and paying for entertainment.
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 8
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/27/2008 8:23:59 PM
This is touchy subject isn't it? I believe that many people are looking for someone who is financially independent. I know that I am not looking for a man that doesn't know how to balance a check book or use a debit card, believe me they are out there too. As far as my financial situation is, I am doing good and have continued to do so since the death of my husband 6 yrs ago. I also have raised my son to become a productive young adult in todays society.
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 9
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/28/2008 11:29:03 AM
That is so refreshing to see that opinions different than c_deacon’s still exist. … Unfortunately, for some reason I mostly meet men who think exactly like he does. This is a pretty touchy subject…. I got to the US when I was already 27 y.o. with almost no English. It obviously took me some time to learn the language and get adjusted to the American culture. As a result I have a good job now and a mortgage that is relatively new, and life in San Francisco is not cheap. So, I have to budget my expenses to stay on track, and can’t afford many things that those men can. I ended up being financially undesirable in their eyes Well, I still think that I did well...regardless of what they think...
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 10
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Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/28/2008 12:33:16 PM

...who think I happen to need a "boy toy". That I cannot and will not go for!


Even if I am willing to pay my own way?????? Give me some hope, at least!
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 11
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Posted: 7/28/2008 10:24:59 PM

Even if I am willing to pay my own way?????? Give me some hope, at least!


Well now Mr. R? *sigh* OK then, I guess for you I could make a slight exception? Far be it from me to dash a handsome man's hopes! P.S. - What do ya look like wearing nothing but an apron???
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 12
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Posted: 7/29/2008 12:04:08 AM
well, having bought out my ex's half and then moving, i own a bit of this house, but no way will i have it paid off by 65, which it would have been if i had stayed married. the house went up in value and i had to pay it off right then--my half, that is. now of course, we have declining values, so i just ride that wave and had to stop my fixing for a bit. if you bought a house way back and still own it, then your budgetary needs are way lower than mine.

point is that i pay my bills and even though almost out, i "supplement" three children here and there (ages 18, 20 & 21) with a grandson on the way PLUS my aging three cats and two dogs, PLUS me and whatever "disablity" medical expenses i incur for lymes treatments.

i have good cash flow, my recent SO made way less cash but he owned most of his house, so his bills were way less also. my assets are more than many, but certainly not what i planned for in light of divorce, disablity, 3 post trauma kids i fost/adopted at age 50, all these pets and my great move which has nonetheless cost me more in taxes!

in fact, w/o all of this, i would be rich! if i had not struggled, when younger , to pay for extremely expensive disabity policies, G-d knows where i'd be today. never in my wildest dreams did i think i would "ever" have stopped working. for anyone w/o a good disability policy, who comes into my life, no matter how rich he thinks he may be, i have an auto pilot memo that this person may need serious help one day and how would we "both" afford to deal with that?

it depends on the whole situation really. i don't mind a balance, but am not looking to be supported (controlled) or to support. if someone has no real money but can fix things and save me money, then as far as i am concerned, that "is" money. teamwork? yes. shared dreams and a reasonable way to stay put together? yes. lots of touchy feeley? yes. the rest is icing and i'm on a diet!

and ...also very important...dam-ed if i give up one of my charities. so, i say skip the third tv (in case we disagree on the shows, such as my only real addictions: the bachelor and craig ferguson) , skip the fancy stuff (been there and done that), get a quality ltr relationship going (never seemed to pull that off for greater than ten years) and be totally ready to laugh my butt off in this next relationship...hmm.... way better than going to get rid of one's butt at the gym!
 Chagal116
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 13
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/29/2008 12:30:02 AM
Everyones financial status is different, even financially secure may mean something different to some. If I pay a mortgage mine may be twice as much as someone elses.
Some people rent their whole lives. If your over 45-55 then financially secure hopefully includes some retirement preperation.
Paying your own way for a trip may mean you can affort a bus ticket, not a cruse line sooooooooooooooo all I can say is if you can support yourself and stay out of financial debt, and being in a relationship with someone doesn't put you or them in financial debt,then all is good.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 14
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Posted: 7/29/2008 5:52:52 AM

P.S. - What do ya look like wearing nothing but an apron???


Well, as Steven Segal once said...."Nobody beats me in the kitchen!".
 Henry L. Moon
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 15
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/29/2008 6:15:47 AM
This is interesting...after having gone thru a divorce myself, I'm curious about whether or not a woman can support her lifestyle by herself....or is her lifestyle being supported by a divorce judgement? I'd rather she lived a lifestyle she could finance on her own.....so she looked at me as me.....not as someone that will pay for things once her alimony judgement ends.
 Henry L. Moon
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 16
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/29/2008 6:37:15 AM
Yeah....I think I read that somewhere before
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 17
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Posted: 7/29/2008 6:40:02 AM
On average, over my lifetime, I would estimate that my contribution to joint lifestyle has been somewhat larger than that of my female companions, if I looked at financial issues alone. I can't say it has particularly bothered me. In most situations I made more than the woman did at the time, and never has a relationship driven me to debt or poverty or any particular form of financial hardship. So long as things remain within reason, I don't have a problem paying the bills to maintain a comfortable life style and enjoyable times.

I do, however, firmly believe that a woman should, by the time she hits this age group, be capable of self sustainance. It is somewhat amazing to me that there are women out there still doing the bricks and boards in a small apartment in an older building, even although they have always been employed in more or less decent paying jobs. Of course, I know men in similar situations, and they amaze me as well. Its a matter of personal priorities, and while I find it hard to understand, I recognize that not everyone regards the accumulation of personal wealth as necessary or desirable. Some spend their money on travel, holidays, food and wine, or whatever.

Looking back on my own life, I have the good life in the suburbs and money in the bank, but I also have not surfed in Hawaii, been to Nepal, or sold beads on Fisherman's Wharf, so I tend to limit my concerns to whether or not she is doing fine on her own, not on her situation.
 Henry L. Moon
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 18
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/29/2008 6:45:24 AM
Rear.....you need some beads?????
 Henry L. Moon
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 19
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/29/2008 7:15:42 AM
Well Ms Roper I guess you stuffed my square a** right in my round hole!...my situation isn't one to be compared to anothers, but that was quite a dissertation. Wanna buy some beads????
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 20
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Posted: 7/29/2008 7:30:44 AM
It is kind of funny! I have come across some fellows who "assume" that what a woman has by this age was because we are living off of our ex's support, much the same as what Mr. Moon has implied. Trust me when I tell you that the majority of my lady friends can prove this perception needs to be thrown straight into the garbage where it belongs! That kind of thinking is so very antiquated and a man who is of that opionion, would not be any kind of a man for this gal. This is not the Beaver Cleaver age my friends!
 Henry L. Moon
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 21
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/29/2008 7:37:18 AM
Just WHAT did "Mr. Moon imply'??? I thought Mr. Moon just answered a question posed to him, I didn't know that Mr. Moon was specificly talking to....or about...anyone. He just has specific requirements that he feels strongly about is all......so shoot him. ........I dunno what the hell happened...I woke up this morning, feelin' great......just tryin' to hawk a few beads.....Ms. Child you'd look GREAT in beads, wanna buy some??? They are reasonably priced for the value minded consumer!
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 22
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Posted: 7/29/2008 7:47:15 AM
or is her lifestyle being supported by a divorce judgement?


Mr. Dear Mr. Moon. Are we related? I took a statement that you had written and responded to it is all. My apologies if you felt singled out. Just meant to convey that the general populous feels if a woman lives in a nice home, it was because she "inherited" that from her ex. That mode of thinking simply doesn't work well in today's economical society. Many men would perhaps be quite shocked that it wasn't the male who had the money but the female.But let me just say that this is not something done by just men, many women have also made the same assumptions!! So again, Dear Mr. M, I apologize if you felt I singled YOU out. Now? What color beads are we talking about here? I think I look great in red!!!
 Henry L. Moon
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 23
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/29/2008 7:50:53 AM
I couldn't agree MORE.....and it just so happens that today's bead-o-de-day are the RED ones! We sell them by the boxful....that is 144 per box....now, the REAL question here is this....are 10 boxes enough?????????
 Henry L. Moon
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 24
Women's Financial Status
Posted: 7/29/2008 7:54:34 AM
And as for the house thingee.......all I wonder is if she can support her lifestyle on her own, I'm not looking to be some "white knight" out to save some "damsel in distress" and all the books I read on dating say to avoid this situation. So...instead......because some women really do need a "white knight"...I went to Ebay and bought some "white knights" so I have them to hand out........just in case.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 25
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Posted: 7/29/2008 8:52:28 AM
Pheobe....Do I know the guy for you....The man of your dreams......

I will send you a pic of me wearing my tool belt........
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