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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband w      Home login  
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 joy10
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 1
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
If you learned that a close female friend of yours was being physically abused by her husband would you engage in a physical fight with her husband to defend her? Do you feel the need to defend her by physically fighting with her husband? If you don't fight with him does it mean that you are less of a man? Is it important for your ego or image to defend her?
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 2
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/28/2008 5:21:17 PM
If you would have asked me this 10 years ago, I think without any hesitation, I would have said, "he!! yeah I'll beat the he!! out of him and while I'm doing it, ask him if he's a big man now, how does he like it, etc."

But the way you state your post, OP, is that I haven't witnessed anything. I'm going on what she has told me about it.

OP: "If you learned that a close female friend of yours was being physically abused by her husband"

So basically, you're asking after she said something to me, would I go hunt him down to fight him and defend her honor rather than defending her wellbeing.

As garbageman stated, that's what the police are for....and restraining orders....and divorces....and battered women's shelters.

Would I feel like less of a man if I didn't go kick his butt? No, I wouldn't feel like less of a man, but I may question whether I made the right decision. Was this the first and only incident? Has it been ongoing? Why is she still with him? Why hasn't she left? And I'm assuming by being her good friend as you stated, I would already know all of the answers to these questions. And know that she has decided to stay with him in spite of it.

It's a tough call OP. But the way you phrased your post, I think influences how people will respond. It sounded to me as though you were slanting it to try to gain some answers which support a point of view you already have. JMO.




~ds~
 bigjamiemac
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 3
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/28/2008 5:45:24 PM
well what i would do and to the other guys opions they would disagree....if a man was beating on my best friend i would make sure he new i was ticked off...hitting a woman is b/s no matter what...i dont care if im charged with assult charges,just think if you just take a pic or say your gonna call the cops he is gonna come at you anyways...bsides the cops will show up to late after the damage is already done if you just stand by....im not gonna stand around and let some dude hit a woman period...im not a fighter but when it comes to a man hitting a woman thats when i have to stand up for them....most men would just sit around and try to come up with ways to not get involved....here in anderson asult/batery charges are $25 dollars for bail,ive had friends who have gotten arested for batery charges and that is all that it cost them to get out...if the cop sees what you did to save her then he wont punish you if you coperate with him....thats my take on it.....
 WpgGentleman2
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 4
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/28/2008 5:51:49 PM
Police, the people who handle this for a living, regard domestic disputes as extremely dangerous situations.

Women will often try to physically defend the husband that was beating them a few moments earlier. That puts you in the position of two people saying you started the fight and you are guilty of assault.

If this was happening in their home, a man would have to be enormously innocent and unworldly to intervene (testosterone poisoning can cause that). Even here in Canada, where you and I live, many people have firearms.

The only viable course of action is to leave their house, or stand back, and phone police.

However, if the assault was occurring in a busy public place, and there were other bystanders watching (other witnesses, other people to help), I'd certainly consider physically intervening. I'd probably intervene after phoning police.

If it were out in the wilderness, it would be a heck of a situation to have to deal with. There'd be hatchets and knives around, plenty of opportunity for the battle to escalate. I'm not sure what I'd do.

However, I can say, if the guy you were with when this happened did nothing but phone police, he did the right thing and you should marry him.

If he did nothing period and the episode did not bother him greatly, or if he quickly joined the battle on the wife's side, it shows proclivity to violence. Do you want to marry a violent man? You could be facing the same situation as your poor friend one day.
 WpgGentleman2
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 5
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/28/2008 6:00:40 PM
I can see the law is a little different in North Carolina than it is here in Canada. We keep our dudes in prisons. And perhaps the police are slower to respond to 911 calls too.

When women want a crime committed, they often go looking for a man to commit it.

She could just want him beaten up for cheating on her with another woman. That was the case here in Winnipeg last month.

Fortunately the 2 would-be heros in the case were repelled and sent to hospital. All their farts will be silent farts for the next several months.
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 6
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/28/2008 6:09:50 PM
Bodies are really easy to hide where I live !!!


muahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 7
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/28/2008 7:51:38 PM

HA! i never would.........if she doesn't leave him, then she deserves to get beat........they need to have a backbone

What a completely F'd up moronic, heartless comment. I can see why you might be single. You wimp, NO WOMAN EVER DESERVES TO BE HIT....PERIOD! Get it? But one reason I wouldn't step up and beat the sh!t out of him would be because of potential repercussions from said beating on her. My sister was with a guy that used to abuse her often and the first couple of times I caught wind of it I beat the living hell out of him only to find out later he really laid into her and she was bed ridden for days from the retaliatory beating. I would just call the police and try my best to convince her to get out that she doesn't need or deserve that shit no matter what. Unbelievable the complete lack of heart and compassion of some people, referring to the above comment....antonio!
 BrokenMemories
Joined: 4/1/2008
Msg: 8
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/28/2008 7:56:11 PM

Bodies are really easy to hide where I live !!!


youre horrible!!
 looptex1
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 9
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/28/2008 8:05:16 PM
you don't have to fight him right off the bat. I have told several men who had hit their ladies that when they feel the urge to hit, look me up and we can fix the problem.
So far I havn't had one come say they needed to step outside and none of the ladies got hit anymore either.
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 10
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/28/2008 8:21:11 PM

You wimp, NO WOMAN EVER DESERVES TO BE HIT....PERIOD!


So, women don't ever deserve to be hit, under any circumstances? Is that supposed to imply that men DO deserve to be hit under certain situations?

I've been taught not to strike females, and that's what I live by. However, I'm not enough of a sheep to believe that women, being the "weaker sex" are immune to physical confrontation, just because they have a vagina.
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 11
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/28/2008 9:15:11 PM

So, women don't ever deserve to be hit, under any circumstances? Is that supposed to imply that men DO deserve to be hit under certain situations?

We're not talking about men here are we, the question is about WOMEN. And before you go on a rant, no, men do not deserve to be hit either, but as a man naturally you shouldn't stand there and take an ass beating from a woman, but you also should NOT be hitting on a woman either. There are always alternatives, one way or another. If a man can see himself laying his hands one a woman in a violent way then he's really not much of a man.
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 12
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/28/2008 9:52:12 PM
We're not talking about men here are we, the question is about WOMEN. And before you go on a rant, no, men do not deserve to be hit either, but as a man naturally you shouldn't stand there and take an ass beating from a woman, but you also should NOT be hitting on a woman either. There are always alternatives, one way or another. If a man can see himself laying his hands one a woman in a violent way then he's really not much of a man.


For the record, when the guy said a woman "deserves" to get hit, I think he meant that by refusing to remove herself from the situation, it's her own fault if she continues to be abused, and nobody else's. Therefore, one shouldn't feel guilty for not intervening.
 Lifeismycanvas
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 13
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/28/2008 11:34:35 PM
honestly I try not to make friends with women who would allow themselves to be in such a situation. I find that women like that will usually defend the abusers behaviour, most of the time they themselves are freakshows. Let the weak and meek live amongst one another in misery for all I care.
 fetish4u
Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 14
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/29/2008 12:12:28 AM
Like someone else said that's what the police are for.Fighting doesn't make you a man.
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 15
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/29/2008 3:37:10 PM
OK, well then apparently I was raised wrong or had the wrong values instilled in me when I was younger so I was taught that there is no circumstances for a man to ever hit a woman, but judging by some of these responses here it appears I am wrong and it seems there is some sort of reason for a woman to be hit or beat on so, with that said I will refrain form any further comments on the subject, but for those that do get beat on, I'm sorry.
 jessicarenee1977
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 16
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/29/2008 8:06:29 PM
Two true stories here.

Currently, a friends son is sitting in jail for domestic battery on a pregnant woman,his girlfriend. The girlfriend was actually throwing things at him and going nuts basically. When she came at him to hit , he grabbed her by the arms, picked her up, sat her outside the door of the house, and locked the door. That is all he did. She called her mom to come get her. She had marks on her arms where he had picked her up. They called the police. Because she had marks on her arms, he was arrested. The fact that she was the aggressor has meant nothing in this case. He just had a court hearing today, and found out that she is pressing charges, and that the prosecution is going for a three year jail sentence. Why is this being done--- she wants her mother to adopt and raise the child she is having, but he wants to raise the child himself. With him out of the way, she and her mother can do whatever they would like.

Quite a few years ago, a friend of mine and his girlfriend were out on the town. They were taking a walk, and saw some guy beating the holy crap out of a woman. He, being the man he was, of course went to the womans rescue. He pulled the guy off the woman and commenced to beating the holy crap out of him. He stopped once the guy was laying on the ground bleeding pretty badly. He turned his attention to the woman, who was unconscious not too far away. While he was busy providing first aid to the woman, the guy got up, got a bat out of his truck, and proceeded to hit my friend in the head with the bat a few times. The woman died shortly after arriving at the hospital. My friend was removed from life support four days later, and passed away.

The reason I told these two stories is, first, don't believe everything you hear, and sometimes, even the things you see, and secondly, if you are going step up, be careful. Some fights are not over until someone dies. Sadly, the hero is the one who does not live sometimes.
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 17
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/30/2008 7:03:25 AM
I know a guy who went through the same kind of thing. He plead guilty to avoid prison time. Then he had to take a abuse prevention course where the first thing he had to do was admit to being a women beater. He didn't like that one bit.

He probably doesn't realize the reprocussions of pleading guilty to that either. There is a law in the US called the Lautenburg Agreement where he can no longer own or carry a gun because he pled guilty to an act that involved a domestic dispute of any kind. It also means if anyone knowingly gives him a gun to use can also be proscecuted. Beyond that, if he is in the US military he will be discharged with an other then honorable and not be able to get his VA benefits, because in the military you are required to be able to carry a gun, and this law forbids it ... even though he did nothing wrong except plead guilty to something that he didn't even do.
 smhrgs3000
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 18
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/30/2008 11:13:45 AM
Absolutely NOT!
I've done extensive volunteer work with the local battered womens task force, plus I've encountered numerous domestic disturbances while putting my self thru college as a full time fireman.
While I will lend emotional, financial, and spiritual support in any way I can, actually fighting on her behalf is one of the best ways to die that I know of, and nothing is solved, regardless of which person ultimately gets run down or shot.
Plus, like it or not, MOST abused ladies willingly return to the abuser, and even frequently will seek his approval or support by disavowing the intervener, leaving you defending yourself in court on battery, assault, or heaven forbid murder charges.
She has to make the decision, and implement the seperation before she'll ever be truly free of his physical abuse. I've learned to immediately refer her to the nearest battered womens task force, where other ladies, and local police, can respond and assist far more ably than I ever could.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 19
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/30/2008 11:40:06 AM
Nope ....husband no ....ex yes ..if he is abusing her and she dont leave him she is crazy or likes it and it is none of my business ...after she leaves him then hes got a problem if he hurts my friend
 Ravenstar66
Joined: 8/27/2007
Msg: 20
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/30/2008 12:13:16 PM
Oh for pete's sake

The best thing you can do is put her in touch with a women's shelter so she knows her options (legal and otherwise)..help her devise a safety plan, be there when she's ready to leave (not There, but there for her) and call the police immediately if you suspect she is in immediate danger. The rest is up to her and law enforcement. Cop consider domestics to be one of the most dangerous situation and not just because the woman might attack them or defend her husband but because they are very volatile... and unpredictable. Probably the most violent of all crimes are domestics, other than hostage situations.

If you humiliate him he will take it out on her... later.. DO NOT LET HIM KNOW YOU KNOW, you put her in more danger.. and if he cuts off the friendship how will you help her then?

She needs to talk to someone who knows the dynamics and can give her the info she needs to decide for herself what she is going to do about it.

As a friend you need to support whatever decision she makes, if you can do that.

Call the cops, that's what they are paid for.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 21
If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:39:08 PM

If you learned that a close female friend of yours was being physically abused by her husband would you engage in a physical fight with her husband to defend her? Do you feel the need to defend her by physically fighting with her husband? If you don't fight with him does it mean that you are less of a man? Is it important for your ego or image to defend her?


That's not possible to answer, in general. If it was necessary to stop something that was happening right now to ensure her physical safety, yes, if getting the police involved would take too long. However, instigating a dispute over a domestic situation is stupid. All that is likely to do is get someone seriously injured or killed. Domestic disputes cause people to go beserk and escalating an existing situation with a physical confrontation is a good way to wind up with weapons being used. Starting something as an ego thing is irresponsible and unlikely to accomplish the intended purpose. For that matter, it's stupid to get into any physical confrontation for any reason if you don't know the other person isn't carrying a weapon. And usually, you can't know that. Egos heal faster than bullet wounds.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 22
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 8/2/2008 6:33:26 AM
I think Deerdog put it right. This is the internet and none of us know what other people are going to do but rest assured there remain many men among us capable of both rational analysis and the imposition of considerable physical harm. I'm impressed with some of the answers here and agree on several points. I would however like to point out though that IMHO for a guy to add no caveats for his alacrity to be violent indicates something quite troubling in and of itself. Just my opinion fellas. As has been noted articulate, certain language can sometimes nurture a change in attitude.

If the woman hasn't the motivation if not the character itself to seperate hereself from the situation and the man isn't crossing a legal line who is she going to support at trial?

So like any critical thinker I'll go along with many of the great anwers already and say it DEPENDS.
 pokerjimmy
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 23
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If a close female friend was being physically abused by her husband would fight for her?
Posted: 8/2/2008 6:42:07 AM
It takes all kinds as the saying goes.

Some women seek out abusive men because their dads were abusive and those kind of men offer a familiar environment. I would help any woman get away from an abusive situation if they really wanted the help...and have. Beating the crap out of the abuser is about the dumbest way to handle it. Ask the cop who goes to a domestic dispute and tries to arrest the abusive husband and the wife jumps on the cops back to prevent him. Some women are there because they want to be. The fact we don't understand why doesn't make it untrue.
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