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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Can I still have a roomate even with kids?      Home login  
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 6
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Can I still have a roomate even with kids?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I agree, you should either downgrade or stay at your budget rather than go out to get a bigger house which wouldn't be that much bigger if the roomate with kids move in. And if someone does want to move to a place, especially if they have kids, then they'd consider a place were they can be themselves and can wander around with privacy. Even with a background check, you're not going to see if you'll get a nightmare of a roomate after a period of time. You didn't mention if you have boys or girls, but if you have a girl or two, you may be more safe with a female roomate with kids. I just think it's really risky to bring a roomate it, with or without kids.
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 8
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Can I still have a roomate even with kids?
Posted: 7/30/2008 5:58:46 AM
I'm moving closer to a school and work, if I can ever get my house sold. Age has nothing to do with having a roommate. I have kids and I have a housemate. I knew the guy from church functions, he's single and has a job and no kids of his own, so no worries about that. No one, even after "background checks" is perfect or completely clean. I had him over to my house a few times at BBQ's and saw how he was around kids so I saw him in action and it was fine. Also talk with their friends, if you know them. THAT is the best background check and will reveal more than anything else will.

Just dont take a name out of the paper or Craigs List. Go with someone you've seen.
Joined: 10/29/2004
Msg: 14
Can I still have a roomate even with kids?
Posted: 7/30/2008 1:04:16 PM
Getting a roommate has worked out wonderfully for us. I can rent a 2 bedroom, very small apartment for around $750 a month. Instead we rented a large 3 bedroom home with an office (we both work from home) a pool and fenced yard for $850 a month. We split all of the bills (except for groceries) We have both saved a lot of money and are happy with the arrangement. We have been friends for years and he gets along wonderfully with my son. My son has a consistent male role model and he helps with my son. I have full custody (father out of the picture) work full time and am a full time college student. For us, this has been an ideal situation.
Joined: 10/29/2004
Msg: 18
Can I still have a roomate even with kids?
Posted: 7/30/2008 2:39:38 PM
I think all children should have positive role models. I think family and friends make terrific role models along with coaches, teachers and people in the community. Role models should never be limited to significant others. If someone was not a good role model, they would never be allowed anywhere near my son. I am very particular with who gets introduced to my son, even as a friend.
Joined: 10/29/2004
Msg: 20
Can I still have a roomate even with kids?
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:04:01 PM
We are on a lease. I can afford the lease if he is here or not. It is a bonus that he is here and is allowing me to save for a down payment on a house and finish college. If he moves out, we will still be friends and he will still be involved in my our life. I will be dating for someone for quite awhile before I consider changing my living arrangement and he feels the same way
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 21
Can I still have a roomate even with kids?
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:10:58 PM
Personally, I would never do it. It was done where the mother of my older kids were concerned, and it did not turn out well at all. I won't go into details, but someone ended up going to prison when I found out what had happened.

In the end, the short term economic gain wasn't worth the lifelong price to my kids. I just wouldn't trust that many people that close to my kids, especially in their own home.

Joined: 10/29/2004
Msg: 22
Can I still have a roomate even with kids?
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:39:20 PM
I would really like to be shown how my child is hurting by having a male role model. Wait, that's right, you are judging on a situation you know nothing about. It has been shown that a male role model, a big brother involved in a child's life just a few hours a month makes a significant positive impact. But my son does not qualify for a big brother and his father is out of the picture. My son has grown leaps and bounds since I have had a roommate.

Our roommate is a great friend. He attends my son's baseball games, swim meets, soccer games and school functions. But I guess there is something wrong with that since we are not dating. I'd rather my son be around my great friends that are not going anywhere, than a guy I am dating.
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 29
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Can I still have a roomate even with kids?
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:08:19 AM
op, i am going to put forth all the typical assumptions, but why not? you can adjust for your own particualar situation. first of all, i am beginning to take in foreign students and have networked with others in my area who are quite "pro" at it. my youngest child is past 18 and moving out, but she herself would have been uncomfortable with "strangers" versus someone she may have known already.

many of the guys will get into typical college trouble, especially away from home and it will depend on the girls and their culture. however, they may not put girls in with a male. they don't let you mix students either, two boys or two girls for example.

they also demand that no child sitting is allowed. for those with minimal english, you will need to divert time to spend with them, etc. that is why they are staying with you. that being said, the reimbursement is fair and not tax reportable.

it depends on the ages of your kids. however, i would not advise other kids unless you really know the parent and they kids have "dated" for a while before. they would need separate rooms and toys. if the kid is bereft and not able to afford more than a room rental, would your kids be willing to share?

moving on along, you cannot be too careful. as a fost /adopt mom, i know that often state searches do not do federal checks and often things that start to show patterns, are often not reported.

thus, if it were me and i was a dad, i would try to find a young woman with a steady, healthy boyfriend relationship of some duration--thus, keeping the party going to a minimum and their sexual interests would be more established and less guesswork attached. i would also demand the boyfriend be checked and sleepovers limited to once per week at max. that way, she could also visit his place and give you some rest. i would prefer a person who goes to college and has a part time job, or a full time job that seems to fit well, with raising kids. such as a teacher. i would hold off on barter for baby sitting unless you really know this person and has lived there successfully for a good six months.

i would try to get clean and sober people and perhaps demand no drugs/ alcohol in your home. if recently clean and sober, i would demand a good years sobriety before letting stay with kids. i might even get a tucked away nanny camera to be double sure, irrespective of "who' moves in. and make absolutely sure that your kids know they should come to you with any problems--making sure that even the small ones are taken seriously and resolved to their satisfaction.

the only other option would be a granny type with sufficient energy to not to be home all day driving you nuts and using up utilities, unless of course she is willing to barter housekeeping. even then, i would keep important and financial papers under lock and key. in this regard, i would look for someone who has reared children "successfully" and also has the same degree of state through federal checks. i would also ask for a credit report and established local references, particularly geared to any longstanding relationships the person has had with children.

this may be overcautious but you have "no idea" how high the child molestation rates are, and contrary to popular opinion, denial and shame-- the male child molestation rates are probably higher than the girls (in my educated opinion working with fost/adopt kids). boys are often molested by boys and women, but they get confused thinking the woman is "hot". many a 12 year old does not report. the girls tend to be molested more by men-- sometimes teens as well for the two sexes. at any rate, it is not a pretty picture and you would need to be saavy and not rely on any stranger, even if living in your home, to care for the children for any length of time. that way you keep your child rearing and "business" separate and it makes the children feel safer and more likely to report anything that makes them uncomfortable. after your checking, let your kids give feedback on the final candidates. they tend to have innate senses.

often the ones we least suspect, are the ones molesting the children. don't be paranoid. be smart and vigilant and with constant checks and balances.
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 31
Can I still have a roomate even with kids?
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:27:56 PM
May I add that I find it highly doubtful that you'll be able to find a decent roommate that was willing to move into a ouse with three young kids, OP. One kid - maybe. Older kids on the verge to leave for college - maybe. But which grown person with no kids of their own would like to move into such a family situation? If an adult person doesn't have kids chances are that they either don't want any (yet) and that their life isn't compatible with being around three young kids. The overall interests and lifestyles of young families and singles often simply aren't similar enough to live together, and trying to do so will most likely result in problems. So the pool of potential roommates is probably very small. Given that you also need to find a person that passes thorough background checks I believe the pool of people to choose from is near to empty.
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