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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 CheriiHuggiz
Joined: 6/6/2005
Msg: 1
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?Page 1 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
Hey,
My name is Rebecca, and I am 17...yea I know I am young. Well anytime I get in a relashonship that lasts...it becomes abusive. My first serious boyfriend used to force me into anything sexual, and one night he even raped me. He said he did it because I embarrased him at his school dinner. He said he was sorry. Then he ignored me for 3 days...then dumped me. I stopped trusting guys, and I started becoming interested in guys who werent as popular and were good friend material. Well everytime I start to really like a guy that I KNOW is a good guy, he kind of pushes me away for no reason.

People always tell me that I am "pretty" or whatever...but I dont beleive it. I need someone to tell me the truth. Is my looks pushing guys away? Is the only reason I get cruddy guys because they'll go for anything? If my personality is good enough to be a friend, why nothing more? Is it my looks?

PLEASE someone give me advice.
 Apalahh
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 2
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/10/2005 9:35:16 PM
Hello Honey,

I know exactly how you feel. I've been in the same situation(s) as yourself. I've been raped twice by the same guy who was supposed to be my friend and my boyfriend. He was also violent sometimes. Every man i've ever gotten close to has either sexually abused me or physically hurt me, even my own family. My dad and my brother have violent anger problems and ever since I can remeber, i've always been beaten and such.

I had no self esteem and I became very suicidal.. I was addicted to drugs and alcohol. I tried to OD every night and Im surprised i'm still alive. I decided enough was enough and I learned self defense, I studied human psychology in my spare time, I went through programs to help me with my substance abuse and my self esteem problems.. and now I don't let any man treat me like i'm worthless again. See, women who are often in abusive relationships seem to fall into the same hard relationships over and over because they were abused as a child , usually by thier fathers but it could be abuse from anyone as a child, physical or mental abuse.. so we tend to follow the abusive violent relationships without even realizing it because thats what we're used to.. You are not pretty... you're beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you anything less. I still have problems, and it will take time for us to move past them.. but you have to learn to take control of your own life and realize your life is precious. Having a man in your life isn't important or vital. True love comes unsuspectingly and you deserve it more than most. It WILL come to you sweetie.. but before finding someone who sees your beauty inside and out and loves you, you have to learn to love yourself. Its hard for others to love and respect you if you don't love and respect yourself. Men that are violent and controling go after women who are vulnerable because they are easy to rape and abuse and control. It gives them power and makes them feel mighty.. Thats why you keep falling into the same horrible relationships. You don't deserve the abuse in any way at all. Stand up for yourself , look in the mirror, and TELL yourself that you deserve the world and that you're strong. Take a stand and show the world your strength and that you're not going to let anyone hurt you again. Its easier said than done, I know.. but in the end its worth it. Don't ever give up and if you need someone to talk to, please feel free to talk to me anytime. I can completely relate to you as i've been in your position over and over. Before you know it, some charming, sweet, loyal guy is going to sweep you off your feet and never let anyone hurt you again. This guy will be deserving of your love and he'll know hes the luckiest man in the world. I know you feel hurt and lonely every day and you want love.. I feel the same.. but again, you don't need a man in your life to make you happy. You just need yourself and your strength.

Again, the reason why relationships don't usually work out with you has NOTHING to do with your looks. Girls would kill to look as pretty as you, i'm dead serious. The reason is because you have no confidence, you have a lot of trust issues, you hide things inside, you're afraid to show guys your true self, and you don't love yourself at all. You focus on the negative things you feel you have. When you look in the mirror, all you see is flaws.. now is the time to heal yourself and gain love and respect and dignity for yourself. Guys will see that and come running. Don't jump into just any relationship with any guy that throws a compliment at you. Start off as friends and get to know him before getting close. Be honest and open with a guy that you start to feel comfortable around and you start to trust. If you date any guy that comes along just because you're lonely and have low self esteem, it never works out, trust me. Take time for YOURSELF and heal and then true love will hit you when you least expect it and you'll be the happiest woman in the world. I give you all the luck in the world honey.

Take care sweetheart,
-Apalahh
 questing41
Joined: 5/8/2005
Msg: 3
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I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/10/2005 9:37:33 PM
I think you definitely ought to listen to the advice given above... certainly can be a good idea to seek out help for something like that.

You shouldn't feel it's your looks either... I don't think you've any problems there myself anyway :)

I might say.. don't worry about being with someone just for the sake of being with them... spend time with other gals who are really your friends..

Take your time and look for that guy who really respects you, and make sure you respect and believe in yourself. (certainly if it was easy to find someone like that none of us would be here )

Take care!
 Apalahh
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 4
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/10/2005 9:49:36 PM
:) I agree with the nice man above and I also wanted to mention that love goes much farther than whats on the outside. Any man who only cares about looks doesn't deserve you. Its hard to see how you could possibly think your looks is driving guys away, if anything it brings guys TO you. You're very beautiful.. and i'm a very blunt person lol If I didn't mean it, I wouldn't lie and say you're beautiful if I thought you weren't.. but you ARE beautiful. For now on, everytime you think or say something negative about yourself, think of something positive about yourself. Its a cute little trick that i've taught myself to do and its helped A LOT. What it does is it makes your see yourself in a much more positive way because you're very negative towards yourself and if you even that out with positive compliments, you'll start to think good things about yourself as much as bad things and then it will slowly make you think more good than bad things... so everytime you say to yourself "i'm ugly" "i'm useless" "my life is crap" "I'll never be good enough for love" etc etc, FORCE yourself to think something nice about yourself.. everyone likes something about themselves. Even if you don't think anything positive about yourself. Force yourself to say something nice about yourself even if you think you don't mean it. I'm serious, it really does help. Again, I do study human psychology as a hobby and i've become quite good at it, so if you need help, please don't hesitate to contact me. Take care of yourself!!

-Apalahh
 jennifer j
Joined: 10/15/2004
Msg: 5
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 1:08:14 AM
Rebecca if you feel this way then the rapist wins dont let him continue to have that power over you your a bright beautiful intelligent girl repeat this 6 times a day every day and believe it
 juan77
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 6
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I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 2:33:28 AM
Hi cheri sounds like you have hads some bad experiences that have lowered your self esteem and need to feel good about your self again. When we love our selfs and like who we are, other people automaticlly respond to this in a positve way and give us the repect we deserve, if they dont we have the self respect to walk away very quickly.. Sounds like you may benefit from visiting a proff counsellor who helps rape victims and perhaps reading some books on building up your confidence and good self esteem would help. Believe me its worth the effort, True happiness comes from within and only then is it reflected by the outside world, by finding people that truely love and respect us.... Are you worthless? NO YOUR NOT!11 you just believe you are, so other people like the men you meet are reflecting back your believes and treating you like shit... You did not deserve to be raped, dont let this bad experince spoil the rest of your life. Tell yourself every day, regulary that you are a confident and worthy person and you love yourself.. It wont feel true to begin with, and you may find that upsetting, but keep at it , its worth the effort - You can change you life... and you will meet a great guy, I promise -

Good luck
 smilincaligal198
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 7
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 3:00:59 AM
my advice, quit throwin a pitty party. this one is played out. the helpless victim. i know it sucks, BELIEVE ME, i know. but bettin for sympothy over this, well, it gets old. suck it in, and get theropy. sorry, i know this is harsh, but somebody had to say it.
 americangentleman
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 9
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I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 6/11/2005 6:00:44 AM
Cheri,

Let's get one thing straight: YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS

Secondly, as a paralegal apprentice, I can inform that this person who did this to you can go to jail for a very LONG time. Have you contacted a lawyer or notified the police? If so, I think you should. As I understand it, no one who has suffered a violation of their humanity as such does not want to relive the event but for their to be justice, you should seek some form of legal help.

No one is worthless until they perform acts as such as to take the humanity and dignity of a person. Never think such a thing. To others, namely your family and friends you are worth very much to them.
 solstice621
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 10
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/3/2005 8:44:59 PM
..Hey,
My name is Rebecca, and I am 17...yea I know I am young. Well anytime I get in a relashonship that lasts...it becomes abusive. I stopped trusting guys, and I started becoming interested in guys who werent as popular and were good friend material. Well everytime I start to really like a guy that I KNOW is a good guy, he kind of pushes me away for no reason.

People always tell me that I am "pretty" or whatever...but I dont beleive me. I need someone to tell me the truth. Is my looks pushing guys away? Is the only reason I get cruddy guys because they'll go for anything? If my personality is good enough to be a friend, why nothing more? Is it my looks?

PLEASE someone give me advice
under so confused....


Cheri - you have posted the same exact word for word post under different titles..what is up? I think you have a serious problem with a need for attention or just hearing compliments...it's sad either way, if this really happened or not. Take care of yourself.
 LegalWizard
Joined: 5/2/2005
Msg: 11
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/3/2005 9:30:00 PM
Dear Rainy Amber,

Rape is all about power. He had it and he demonstrated that he had it. You are still in denial about the situation because you would never wish anything bad to happen to your assailant, and the real truth is that you owe it to yourself and also to the unaware women in his future to recapture your own power as an individual, your esteem as a delightful and attractive woman, and your right to control your own sexual identity.

What I am saying is that your rapist must be prosecuted BY YOU either criminally or civilly. If you do nothing he will continue to force himself on the trusting and unsuspecting women that are now, or who will in the future be part of his life. Your silence ratifies your rape and places other women in harm's way.

So, if you dont want to have him arrested (NO really does mean NO!) you at minimum can and must file a civil lawsuit seeking unspecified damages. You are going to need rape crisis counseling and I want him to pay for that.

But, of course, you should also have him arrested; or call the child abuse hotline because since you are not yet 18 and are in fact under age, he is technically a child molester and should be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life.

When you recover your power you will feel better and you will have greater self esteem.

You are not "loose change" and you do not have to slut yourself to gain momentary acceptance in any man's bed or the backseat of the car of any guy that you may date, in an attempt to shake the rape experience and feel wanted by other men.

So take a deep breath, get the calender and remember the exact date of your rape, and then call 911 or the child abuse hotline and tell the truth on your rapist.

You have a duty to yourself, as well as a duty to other women who if you remain silent will also be victimized in the future.

He isnt going to change his spots, his behavior will only become more and more flagarant as he searches for limits and finds that you and his other rape victims will enable him as a rapist when no one will come forward and give the testimonty needed to stop him in his sexual assaultive misconduct.

Square your shoulders, take a deep breath, and tell the truth on him.

You are a rape victim. He is a rapist. Any questions?

Judge Reed A. Chambers II
 CheriiHuggiz
Joined: 6/6/2005
Msg: 12
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/3/2005 11:22:51 PM
Hey guys...sorry it took me so long to reply. I have gotten SOO many emails and replys on this. It really surprised me......and I took a lot of time to read each and every one of them. I wanted to say THANK YOU SOO MUCH for all the people who took time to share their heart with me. I needed that. Many of you are soo correct. It takes time. I knew that posting that on here might get good advice....but I never knew that so many people would care! Again THANK YOU. For all of you who shared your stories with me...it opened my eyes. I messed up by trusting a stupid boy......a lot of us have. I still hate my looks. Sometimes, expecialy after reading all of this..I look in the mirror and feel ****ing gorgeous. But then again when I'm with other people my age I feel like that ugly little scum in the closet.
Hopefully I can work on that. Oh but for you who left nasty comments saying that I wanted attention. Attention and pitty from who? I posted a question asking for advice on a board for ADVICE dumb shits. So for those who got some sick pleasure of trying to make me feel even worse then I already have......your going to hell :-D.
I made another big stupid mistake in the past couple weeks. I tried drugs, I let loose....I rebeled. It was stupid. My birthday just came up and I am officialy 17 now. Again I can't express how much this all has meant to me.

The story of what happened to me is long....very long...but haunting. My BEST FRIEND in the entire world.......whom I grew up with......it was her brother. He scared me. I did things with him because I was afraid to say no. Then when I did say no....no didn't mean a thing. Now a couple years later......he still tries really hard to get to me. He calls me a skank, says im so ****ing hideous and thats why my crush is repulsed by me. It's like I am going to be tortured for life by him. Arg. With everything that has happend.....expecialy lately of course I am going to feel worthless. But I think that how everyone has took their time to show me that they care....that shows I have some value! That's Gods way of saying something....it means a lot. Thank you guys verry much.

-Rebecca
 Frrosty
Joined: 3/21/2004
Msg: 13
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/4/2005 3:54:18 PM
You're SO not worthless dear!!!

If ANYTHING you are STRONG!! You learned a lesson dear...and climbed the mountain too!! (We all have pains that hurt us BUT the test of character is how you dealt with it....and bounced back STRONGER than you were)

*shrugs*

I think you're beautiful.



You are young my dear dear girl. THAT is why you get pushed away.

It has happened to us all for so VERY many reason dear.

I promise this to you.....ok?

(I dont make promises alot)



I think you'll be ok. (SO go be ok..k?)

You track down all your dreams.

*shrugs*

n I'll go do the same. (ONe day..you will notice...that some boy is tracking the exact same dreams as you)

 cold_b_heart
Joined: 5/14/2005
Msg: 14
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/5/2005 9:38:00 PM
you beutiful and I never met you. how ever all guys are scum and some more than others I apologize for the stupid men in your life and hope you find happyness one day
 MikeJ
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 15
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/6/2005 1:44:52 AM
*sigh*.

1) You're right you shouldn't believe it - you're absolutely hideous.

2) There are 200 kinda nerdy guys at your school that would love to date you.
 clubkid66
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 16
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I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/6/2005 2:10:07 PM
You are someone and don't let any idiot male or female say different. Just live your life, make friends, and explore things when you are ready. Find someone you can talk to and find some real friends not the ones who like you when you have something you want and then you will someday get back to the person you want to be.
 Bassplaayr
Joined: 5/23/2005
Msg: 17
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 5:35:11 AM
I've read all the responses so far to your post. Everyone has been great with their own advice, some better than others. I agree with Judge Reed A. Chambers II. Press charges against the **stard. I can't add much more except to all especially the ladies, enrole in a course that teaches self defense on this subject & also get professional help to build up your self esteem & realize this wasn't your fault. Maybe, if this ever happens again it will give you just enough time to get the hell away from him & get help. Rape is about power & control & the ones that do it belong nutless in prison for life. There are plenty of guys out there that will treat you like a queen. Don't let this experience stop you from meeting one of them.
 dice1996
Joined: 5/31/2005
Msg: 18
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 11:57:04 AM
I know how you feel.ITs totally not your fault.Report it to the police if you havent.And from what i can see your way too beautiful to even feel that way.The people who do these crimes deserve to be shot.And I also think some counseling never hurts.If you havent already you may wanna have a chat with God.
 straymk
Joined: 12/3/2004
Msg: 20
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I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 3:30:41 PM
Help me understand your delema.
Why do you have to be forced to have sex with "your boyfriend"?
Why do you want him for a boyfriend?
Why do want to be popular?
Why is he popular?
Why did he think you embarresed him?
Why do you like him?
Why are you his girlfriend?
Why do "good guys" look for "good girls"?
Why do you think "cruddy" guys look for "girls"?
 -x-Strawberry_Gashes-x-
Joined: 5/2/2005
Msg: 23
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/7/2005 10:15:17 PM
Where's your picture?
 Blueeuro
Joined: 6/13/2005
Msg: 26
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I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/8/2005 6:41:56 PM
agreed 100 % with iliketighttops on 7/8/2005 6:37:04 PM

... thats all i have to say....

B
 SWFNYC
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 27
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/8/2005 6:54:41 PM
you are just young yet although you think you are a woman and grown up. but i don't care how mature you are you are not a woman yet. i am 27 and still learning what's love what's relationships. but to make your heartaches a little easier on the way there is no love without respect. no matter what with a little respect it won't hurt as much if it doesn't work out. and good guys are scared a little of pretty girls so are the bad ones. they are human like you remember. and tell your x fuk off , he's sick, get some counseling
 eeeeee9
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 28
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/8/2005 7:17:43 PM
start listening to loveline on the radio. theres many like u. download em here

http://www.djzooky.com/loveline/
 WeekendHuntressKatelynn21
Joined: 3/25/2005
Msg: 30
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/14/2005 12:03:26 AM
You survived it and that is what is most important..

You are a SURVIVOR

Rape is a horrendous thing to go through.. I know..
That is how my daughter was concived..

YOU did NOTHING wrong..
The rapist was a sick sick person
with a craving to make someone feel bad about themselves..
DON'T LET HIM WIN!

You are worth so much woman..
Don't ever let anyone.. Especially yourself.. say any different..


Katelynn
 r1terrell6233
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 31
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History
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/14/2005 12:26:30 AM
It's sad but "I've been raped, I'm worthless" is something I unfortunately have to hear about 5-10 times a day. I am here to help anyone that is a survivor, a friend of one, or anyone that would like to talk in general.
 zhijie
Joined: 7/14/2005
Msg: 32
I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/14/2005 1:28:02 AM
hmmm u must get over it... damn that guy how could he do something to a girl... grrhz... maybe you should forget abt it and get on with life.. hope u can get over it soon. = )
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