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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?      Home login  
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 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 5
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?Page 1 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
So, are you saying that if these individuals have been in serious relationships (maybe even several) in their lives and not divorced and were never married that the "goods" are still in tact as opposed to "damaged" because of divorced? ~tilts head~ Good luck with that. Hope it works for ya. Somehow I think it will not.

Because I'm here to tell you that by age 29 (OP's age) that someone can have been in serious relationships. And do you think that just because they weren't married that they didn't share much? NO life experiences can be erased.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 9
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:00:17 PM
Even with people that have never married they will have bonds with people that having nothing to do with you.

I don't understand your logic at all. To me it seems really strange to as you put it "call off the marriage" after a long time. Young or old we all make mistakes. The key thing is did the person learn something from the mistake.

A young woman with a kid is "ruined". A very odd statement. If a man or a woman loves somene they will be more than happy to raise their child.

I see on your profile that you are 29. Never married? Why not? Can I use your logic here? Since you are almost 30 and never married, there must be something wrong with you. Perhaps you are damaged goods as it would seem there aren't any women that want to marry you. Does that sound stupid? I hope so, I meant it to. I am trying to show you are wrong your thinking is.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 11
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:05:12 PM
We're all damaged goods, my friend. Do you also eliminate people who had alcoholic parents? How about people who were abused? Or women who were traumatized by a parent who died while they were young, or a father who abandoned his children? Or women who had parents who divorced? Doesn't leave a whole lot of the population left, does it? What other "mistakes" do you disqualify people for?

People who have been married have one advantage over people who have not: they know what the experience is like. They may have learned something that their unmarried counterparts have not.

I notice your profile says you are Catholic and yet your tone is so judgemental and uncharitable. A woman with a child is "ruined." Wow, that's real compassion.

Judge not lest you be judged, my friend. You yourself may be divorced some day. Then I hope you will remember your harsh words and understand the folly of them.
 oesboy
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 12
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:07:32 PM
Holy cow, Batman! Social fascism has reared its ugly head!

You know, I'm with the other guy that said you can think anyway you want and nobody can change that. BUT, might I add that you have incredibly limited your social options and have finitely defined your lack of character.

Somebody gets divorced and they are damaged goods forever? Pardon me, fella, but I have a different view of who might be damaged.

People marry. People get divorced. The social norms in place 50+ years ago that prevented divorce are no longer there. Many marriages that should have ended didn't then but do today. So be it.

Why do folks get divorced? The list of reasons is intensely varied and quite long.

For myself, I choose not to judge a person by what is now history (their divorce). Nor am I so self-conscious that their past relationship(s) impact my confidence in them or myself.

People change. People get involved in relationships that don't pan out. People have children and have to do the best they can by their children. People have personal needs.

People make mistakes and shouldn't be crucified for them. People are the victims of other peoples' actions/mistakes and shouldn't be crucified for those either.

Gads, I hate judgemental people. Such attitudes as the above just burn my chestnuts.
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 13
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:11:24 PM
WOO HOO .. another guy has just ruined himself in the eyes of half the women population out there .... which leaves that many more women for ME!!!!!

Truthfully OP, do you feel that way about divorced men also? Are we damaged goods? I, personally, got married very young after I got a girl pregnant. I stood up and took my lumps in the marraige thing and stayed there for 14 years even though I didn't love her. We are now divorced, share the custody evenly of our two kids and have an even better relationship as friends then we ever did when we were married ... and trust me when I say ... you wouldn't have to worry about raising my kids, because even though we are divorced I am still their dad full time!
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 22
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:35:54 PM

So I am curious now. Earlier I was just interested in your ignorance. I want to know what "type" of girl actually finds you appealing? Are they found mostly in caves or purchased at the nearest brothel?

Well I am guessing most of them come with a bottle of lotion, because I sure as heck don't know any women that would date a narcisist like him! Must be why he is 29 and single.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 23
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:36:15 PM
There are some truly odd people runnin' around. ~shakes head~
Guess that's what makes the world go 'round.



I want to know what "type" of girl actually finds you appealing? Are they found mostly in caves or purchased at the nearest brothel?
I'm not sure if we can truly expect an honest answer to this.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 26
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:39:09 PM
~OP~ Interesting (or something) attitude. Damaged goods? Hmmm. I thought that attitude left with June/Ward Cleaver. Apparently not. Good luck with that.
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 30
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:00:23 PM
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Depends on the reason for the divorce (and I usually don't like the reasons - often too flimsy).

Regarding children: there's no way I'd hook up for the long term with a man who has children (particularly young children). I didn't have children and it was a very conscious decision. OK, I don't particularly like children. I see them as a PIA and I see the parent as far too conventional - not to mention I absoultely despise the SUV/minivan lifestyle and mindset!!! I want some excitement in my life and that does not include trips to Legoland!!!!!
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 31
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:03:40 PM

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Depends on the reason for the divorce (and I usually don't like the reasons - often too flimsy).

Regarding children: there's no way I'd hook up for the long term with a man who has children (particularly young children). I didn't have children and it was a very conscious decision. OK, I don't particularly like children. I see them as a PIA and I see the parent as far too conventional - not to mention I absoultely despise the SUV/minivan lifestyle and mindset!!! I want some excitement in my life and that does not include trips to Legoland!!!!!

HOLY CRAP .... there is someone for everyone out there!



....................mystifying!
 SpecialHeartedLady
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 36
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:41:16 PM
This forum is hilarious. It's nice to see some others standing up to this mentality. grillzRN... love your way of thinking.


 BrownEyedLeo
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 39
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:55:49 PM
And I suppose you are Virgin Mary made over !!
How dare you call someone "damaged goods" due to them being divorced. Divorce is NOT an uncureable contagious disease! And to consider a woman as "ruined" because she is already a Mother. I noticed you did state "in your eyes". Well, you need much more than glasses to help you see clearly. You are a very arrogant, obnoxuious , and judgemental person. I certainly will not refer to you as a man, as you certainly are not one!
 SpecialHeartedLady
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 40
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 9:00:57 PM
lol!... no sitter for the next 12 months. lol.
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 41
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 9:16:50 PM
You are very right. However, I noticed you are 29 years old. You are closing in on entering into a "category" of your own. The class of the never-been-married thirty year old. This is a difficult age, because you are "in between".... too young, and too old. You will soon ONLY be eligible to date those "undesirable, divorced women with oh, my God, children from previous marriages..... or you could go out with someone ten years your junior, which will present many other type of problems.... more than likely up the road, you will end up in the dreaded scarlet lettered "divorced" category.
So, it seems that nobody gets off scott-free. If you haven't had any trouble in your life, just keep on living, and it will find you. Even with the best laid plans, magnificent intentions, and hearts of gold, fate will find you suffering.... no matter who you are. It's the way of the world. You may be judging someone as "damaged goods", only to find yourself down the road.... more broken and damaged than you ever imagined, even though you tried to do everything right.
 discrete_contact
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 42
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 9:19:47 PM
In the western world people divorce more compared to poorer countries because in the western world people don't have the close relationships experience to others starting from young ages. People in the west get the kick in the face during the marriages because that becomes "personal" on a very intense manner. (again most of the "life" happens at the "cummunity level" before you sink into the personal one.....) And most people just purely don't have the skills...Also the strong push to make money money money creates lots of stress....you work later, go to school more.....
For this level of work people should work 4 days a week and have 3 days a week off so they can socialize more....With this little time left its hard to move on. Of course there are dependable marriages left and always will be...but divorces hitting the 50%....means pressure. In a poor country people depend on each other, they take care of each other more.....Here you end up a a nursing home..maybe.
Also in other countries the military servise was mandatory and at the age of 18 men learned to live together in harsh conditions for a longer period of time. That's why military service makes lifelong friendhips. Its unforunate that people have to be together in harsh conditions to learn the skills and learn to cope with each other.

Now how can you expect this "cooping" in the western world to happen over night?
You guys think you jump out form the jacuzii and go directly into marriages and expect it to work?......Hahahah let me remind you: If an imigrant comes to say America he is asked to have "american /canadian experience"......Well in the mariages you guys have to have "Relationship experience." Which many of you definitely don't have. But from inside you can't see it as well and you believe you are "eperrts". Pretty much WRONG.
No matter how much you guys do "volunteer work"...that remains at the "community level" level and you run home quickly after but it may help a bit , like its better then nothing...BUT...You need to exercise more at the "personal level"....that is the place with the "devils"....the details are there.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 51
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 10:05:27 PM
OP

Ah yes...a troll post. They're an elusive breed, trolls. Sometimes they'll lurk in the relationships forums. Or you may see them dodging reality in the ask a girl forum. But usually they catch themselves out somehow...and you did. When you posted about documenting...yeah...hello troll world!

If this isn't a troll post, then my friend, at 29, you may have one lonely, lonely road ahead.

Stating that pretty much anyone is damaged goods will leave you with what?

I know...........








Nothing.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 54
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 10:08:04 PM
I should have read further, troll, boring
 nocalsingledad
Joined: 11/27/2007
Msg: 56
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 10:46:13 PM
"Whenever I see "divorced" I think to myself 'damaged goods' "

At my age, anyone who is single and has never been married is most likely "damaged goods" with some very wonderful exceptions. When you get into your late forties, never married or married more than 3 times is a sort of flag that there might be something unusual going on.
 SpecialHeartedLady
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 57
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 7/31/2008 10:57:08 PM
These posts are hilarious. It's the most laugh I've ever had on one of these forums.

It's too bad men don't really seem to mature until they are 40 or above. Maybe there'd be less divorce if men waited til 40 or above to marry, and then they'd be staying away from the "20" year olds and less families would be destroyed and divorced... and oh yeah, less women would be damaged "goods," especially because younger women are naive as a rule and don't see what's coming their way, and fall into the trap--not meant as an attack--for those of you looking to jump on that, I was a naive woman til age 30... and may still be so, but I doubt it. LOL! Now there is some truth to what I said there...

The waiting to be married or committed for men... sounds like a good plan to me. I know I wish it would have been that way in my life. It's the women who have to put the pieces back together in the aftermath of the men's immaturity as a rule that makes women so "unappealing." Unbelievable stuff. I feel bad for the men who fall into the same category as us divorcee women-with children... and mine are special because of being born so premature... guess that makes me extra taboo! LOL... too bad their father was just like OP... and we're left to deal with it all on our own. We're strong, tight, and manage just fine.

Like one lady said, who needs a man like that... ????
 nebula22
Joined: 8/14/2007
Msg: 66
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/1/2008 5:15:58 AM
OP,,, You should take each person as an individual and not lump them in the same pile.
Some of these young mothers were married to jerks that lied, cheated, used and abused them.
Some are trash and sleep around with anyone and others are most wonderful people who would never do such a thing.

I see people for who and what they are..
There are women that do nothing to raise their kids..
And there are women that devote their lives to raiseing their children to be the best that they can be.
I would never have a problem with raising a womans kids if the woman is a good woman who does everything the right way..
And I know what the right way is. I have raised 4 children. 1 boy and 3 girls. All turned out great.
I studied psychology as well as anything else that could make me a better parent.
Funny thing is, It made me a better person too.. I am no longer the violent Biker type. I am now a peaceful HIPPIE.
Hookers and strippers are not always the best people to judge the world by.
 mr.wonderful0426
Joined: 3/5/2007
Msg: 68
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/1/2008 6:37:59 AM
[Judgemental people have much bigger problems]

I agree! we can't be judging books by its cover because you never know how you will ike the person till you see whats inside. Here comes the over used cliche....It's what's inside that counts! So everyone, never turn your back on soemone till you know them. you might be turning your back on your best friend!
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 70
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/1/2008 7:21:33 AM
Gapeman-

While I can respect your point of view I think it's a bit skewed. At any rate, the thing I did note, by most of your posts is that you've set about a life with a set of priorities that all start with "ME" ( meaning you ). Yes, it's important to look out for yourself-set and reach personal and financial goals-but I would think you've had a pretty lonely exsistance seeing your lack of detached physical encounters. Part of being in a relationship means being able to relate to other human beings. Seeing you don't really have a very REALISTIC view on being in one ( based on the things you've said throughout this post) I'd say you don't have much value for women-and I doubt that will change at any age for you. ( my observation based on your written word)

I do hope you find a life mate 0r at the very least someone who will make you happy, because everyone deserves that-including you. Despite your rather unsavory depiction of divorced people-I suppose there is a population of people who might think on the same lines of you, but wouldn't dare say it because that would put them in an unfavorable light. I see no issue with leading the life you've chosen, and even if becoming involved with a divorced person doesn't appeal to you why make the remark and comments you've made when you have NO real basis to say so. Unless you've been married or divorced you have no idea what kind of person they are nor do you have the license to say that one person would not welcome another child into their lives-you have no life experience to back that up-you're merely making observations which hold little merit in the real world.

At any rate-one poster did make a comment that is valid in my case-I have no desire, after being married for 15 yrs to commit to anyone anytime soon-that doesn't make me damaged that simply makes me smart!
 thatswhatshesaid
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 72
Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:12:41 AM

A young woman with a kid is completely 'ruined' in my eyes. Only a minority of men are seriously going to raise another man's kid.


Welcome to the post-lapsarian world, my friend. We're all damaged goods.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 75
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/1/2008 3:16:03 PM
Wow - you're 29, and viewing divorced people as damage goods. Prepare to be a Monk!! The divorce rate is over 50% for first marriages and much higher for remarriages. I don't view divorced people as "damaged". It could be their attitudes that could be damaged, if the divorce got really ugly. There are very good reasons to get divorced: abuse (physical, emotional); addictions (alcohol; drugs, etc); cheating; criminal acts, etc.

BTW - there are men out there who will help a single Mom raise her child, just like there are good women out there who will help a single Dad raise his child. If it isn't your cup of tea, then don't get involved with those who have children. After all, its a package deal.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 80
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Do you see divorced people as damaged goods?
Posted: 8/1/2008 4:59:44 PM

Well OP then why don't you just date people who fit your requirements - we all have some
My thoughts precisely. But OP must be having a difficult time accomplishing these goals in this area of his life.


Divorced people are not damaged goods. They are people who have been through a lot sometimes amicably sometimes viciously. They are more cautious with their emotions. You either choose to take a chance and see if they open up
This is true as we all have come to know. But again, this is exactly what the OP doesn't want in his life.....the past life experiences of a mate. Someone with no past emotional ties with another man. It's not workin' out very well for him. So, in the meantime he dates strippers and "escorts", women with who are essentially polar opposite to what he's seeking in his life. Just sayin'.

I am an X-Psychoanalytically trained psychotherapist specializing in addictions and personality disorders turned divorce attorney.
My, my, my what an odd combination of careers. ~laugh~ I could have recommended you to SEVERAL of my clients in the past for both of your professions. ~grin~
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