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 Northern Lights
Joined: 9/17/2004
Msg: 3
Dating after sobrietyPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Ditto that.

Alcohol yes.

Drugs, nope.

My son's father was a substance abuser, a weekend warrior kinda guy, which was not a big deal, until it got worse and worse. He smoked a lot of weed, which for most people is not a big deal, but with him it was.

It got to the point where he couldn't function if he didn't smoke a few joints a day. With kids in the house, not something I wanted them to be brought up around with, so it ended, despite his numerous promises to quit smoking up - he never did. Caught him passed out, stoned and drunk when I came home from going shopping with my mom. My then 8 year old daughter was looking after my baby son.

Not something I want around my life. If you can't stay sober for a couple of hours looking after the kids, there's a definite problem IMO.
 lonelydavid77
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 5
Dating after sobriety
Posted: 8/1/2008 8:41:34 AM
Once addicted, always addicted!

Some people think they can "control" the abusiveness to their minds and bodies on their own without counselling or help, they soon fall back into the darkness.

Having been raised by an alcoholic, I can "tolerate" in a casual situation, but could not 'long term' someone with any type of the above stated addictions. When they have been on the wagon or clean for at least three years, maybe, but not sure. But that is just me!
Dating after sobriety
Posted: 8/1/2008 8:48:44 AM
For me it would depend on the personality and how long they have been clean for.

I would not hold history against a person. I would trust my instincts.
 Northern Lights
Joined: 9/17/2004
Msg: 7
Dating after sobriety
Posted: 8/1/2008 8:59:06 AM
I can't answer the original question, because it depends on the individual right?

Some people can do the sobriety thing, others fall apart at the first sign of stress.

I've seen it from all ends, both in my personal life and when I worked for Child Welfare. All too often addicts fall off the wagon. Not saying they all do, but the chance is there.

Would I date a recovering 'addict'? to be honest, it'd depend on how long they've been clean for and what they are like as a person. I can't say yes or no, because I just don't know. I know how being around 'addicts' has affected my life in the past, and to be honest, I just don't need that kind of drama in my life.
 lonelydavid77
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 10
Dating after sobriety
Posted: 8/1/2008 10:01:21 AM
leorejean said:

...Duffster i have to disagree, an addict is not always an addict,....


Perhaps I should not have felt that a long explanation would appear and no doubt seem to most to be a soliloquy and indicated that those that have been tormented with an addiction have to work each and every day for the rest of their lives to avoid a return to that state of being.

I personally know people who have been alcoholics, and addicts, and they reaffirm to themselves and their loved ones, on a daily basis, that they are "a recovering" alcoholic or addict.

I am not saying they "are" an addict, but once a person has become one, it is not easy to recover. The 12 step program introduction is quite synonymous with what I have intended to be said: " Hi my name is John, I am an alcoholic, I have been sober for 29 days." or "Hi my name is Sue, I am an addict, I have been clean for 472 days."

Just had to expand on my original post, sorry to have woken anyone up!
 Rodzores
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 16
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Dating after sobriety
Posted: 8/1/2008 1:57:48 PM
omg this is hilarious some of the stuff im reading here, im not disagreeing with some of what's being said, but everyone's missing part of the big picture! (And my personal preferences don't matter) Once a addict always, sure, but that addiction doesn't have to make the person, it's just unfortanate that it often does!
Its society, you can either go to the Dr. and get some pill's, you can smoke a joint, you can go have a few beer's/shot's, you can go off the rail's on a crazy train!...
I love the reference to would you date someone with a history of cancer, Would you not date someone who takes a prescription anxiety medication, or a mild anti depressant, If where talking about someone who did some of that stuff, and is completely clean and sober for years, what about a diabetic!

I think the problem society places on this issue, is that alcoholism is something that causes alot of problem's, but it wasn't talked about, because people need an outlet! I mean for the people who go drinking and don't know when to quit, some people just like to do things the old fashioned way! (Everyone had a bottle stashed up until the 90's or even more recent)
 Rodzores
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 19
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Dating after sobriety
Posted: 8/1/2008 2:31:19 PM
its funny because of history, think about all the people who where hooked on moriphine in the early 1900's, or cocaine or heroin the dr's where dishing out to people, we know how bad that stuff is, so what where they thinking, heres one, how about that cough is bad, you better start smoking a pack a day, clear you right up!

But now comparing a diabetic to an alcoholic is like comparing apples to orange's!
then comparing a pothead to a crackhead to an alcoholic is like comparing carrots to potatos to beet's!
And drinking doesn't make you an alcoholic, or everyone would be, crack and stuff is not like that, but pot is not like crack! Its just society's conceptions, the bible made people snap to it, western media is making people snap, lose it.

Theres 3 types of people the do not's, who don't smoke or drink or anything!
Theres the do some, they pay their bills, they live in your neighbourhood, they show up for work, there priorities are in order, they have a little drink or a puff once and awhile and life is grand!
Then theres type 3, they have no shut off, and don't know when to stop! Think about when we where kids on the playground and the merry go round that would get spun 100 miles an hour, some kids would get on and get off and never touch it again type 1, some would do it think it was great until they got sick, and said, ok i gotta take it easy, i had enough, and then type 3 they spun till the got sick, and then got back on and went again!
Now here we are all grown up, and everytime 3 does something really stupid, all the 1's get upity and go on the crusade to stop everyone from having fun, in turn making the 2's really mad, with good reason at all the 3's, and its sad, because as 1's and 2's we should be helping the 3's.
 Taurid1
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 26
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Dating after sobriety
Posted: 8/4/2008 12:11:14 PM
The original question was about someone that had beat the initial couple of weeks. At that point, I would be willing to take the chance.

The former addiction would always "be there", and would be something I would be watching for the return of, and that might be a friction item, but I wouldn't reject utterly.

I have an "addictive personality", but never had the right peer group to fall into any of the serious addictions before the rest of the forebrain grew up to say "that's dumb". If someone else had a different peer group, that's something that they can grow out of.

I'd vote for "yes. Trust 'em now that they're clean."
 Dannyboy64
Joined: 2/9/2007
Msg: 29
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Dating after sobriety
Posted: 8/6/2008 2:29:36 PM
I possibly could, depending upon the situation. I've actually known some great people who have been former alcoholics or drug addicts and gotten clean through either AA, NA, or Christianity. It is, however, a slow process, and people are still pretty sick for the first year or two. If they deal with whatever life or emotional issues caused the addiction they can be more well than people who never had an addiction.

There is a difference between a user or person with a drug history and an addict. A person may smoke a joint once or twice a week and not be an addict. If it was in the past I would have no problem.

I think we do need to have a little understanding and compassion. Often people with addictions grew up in really dysfunctional families or had other contributing factors. Yeah, they made the bad choices themselves, but their situation greatly contributed to it.
 Wilf Huckitt
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 38
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Dating after sobriety
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:11:59 AM
""Could you date someone with a drug history? If the person has passed his/her first year of sobriety and is making his/her way to a clean life after getting the help needed ...and trying to make a fresh start, could you do it? Could you date an ex-user""

We all make choices in life!
We can choose drink/use or NOT!
We can over indulge in anything to the point where its a problem.


So for me I would have to take each person on their own merritt or atleast my view of them at the time!

Having said that I do have to mention that I cant tolerate over EATERS!!

I cant understand why so many people are over weight!
There are programs for this condition!!

Just my thoughts!!!
 Wilf Huckitt
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 44
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Dating after sobriety
Posted: 9/16/2008 8:44:16 AM
""""We all make choices in life!
We can choose drink/use or NOT!
We can over indulge in anything to the point where its a problem.


So for me I would have to take each person on their own merritt or atleast my view of them at the time!""""""""""""""""""""""""

Sorry Diva! I understood it as "Addiction's In General"
Some of the Post's read once a this, once a that and it made me think this thread was more Generalized!
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