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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Great Mom runs off in to the sunset and leaves teen girls.      Home login  
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 1
Great Mom runs off in to the sunset and leaves teen girls.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I have two little ladies. They are both honor roll and advanced placed in school. The oldest is a 4 time all district instrumentalist, former member of the local youth symphony, has been recruited by big time universities over the past year for her musical prowess, and is basically a lock for a full ride to college. The younger one is an academic all star and I am pretty sure she would get at least a partial schollie on academics alone, with great potential for a full ride also. They have both played a variety of sports but eventually settled in to their own.

My ex and I split several months ago and there's no love between the two of us. Recently, she brought the children back from a mini vacation and dropped them off at someone's house and then left....She moved 4 hours away and texted me that she only wants visitation. The kids, 16 and 14 yr old girls, are both traumatized. They are much closer to mom than they are to me, since I was always the disciplinarian and she let them get by with anything they wanted. Despite the borderline hatred I have for this woman, I cannot believe she would run off and leave behind the kids she has always protected and adored. Other than her penchant for being irrational and having no common sense, she was a very good, loving and caring mother. She met a man on POF and left. The kids both feel like she chose him over them. I can't express deeply enough the pain they are feeling inside. NOTHING I say or do consoles them. I am afraid of the behaviorial and mental consequences this will have on them. I have begged and practically bribed her to come back/stay close to the the kids, but she is very cold and seems lost. Are there any psychologists on this forum who can advise me of the next step I should take for the sake of my girls' sanity? Please, professional advice only. Thanks in advance for any consideration. Im desperate and I can't stand to see my ladies hurt like this.
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 2
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Great Mom runs off in to the sunset and leaves teen girls.
Posted: 8/7/2008 5:54:55 PM
Alan, I am not a pro. or anything like that. But my ex did the same thing.
Only differance is she left 3 girls ages at the time were 3/ 4 and 6..
Also she didn't move away, But she never comes arond except for 30 mins once a week.
Trust me you console your girls and reassure them at all times and often that they can count on you and trust you and you love them. They will confide in you..
I took the oldest to counseling in Atlanta because of an issue that came along with this divorce, And I had to assure her h=that they wouldn't tell anyone anything she didn't want them to know before she would talk to them.
I had already gotten the information needed, but needed a pro. opinion for the courts.
Kids are smart and although it is hard they will get through it.
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 3
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Great Mom runs off in to the sunset and leaves teen girls.
Posted: 8/7/2008 6:31:51 PM
I haven't been in this situation, but my dad left our relationshihp at 8 years old. It definitely changed my perspectives on what love is about. Follow the advice, seek counseling. Is your mom close so they can interact with her often? there is no excuse to why she has done this, no justification to them, but let your kids k now it's not because of them but because she chose to walk away because she wasn't happy with herself. Right now they won't understand it, but once the shock fades, you can talk and assure them it has nothing to do with them.

My advice for yo is to slip off the disciplinary and show them how fun you can be. Yes you're protective over them and want the best, but they need to see you carefree too. If you raised with disciplinary strictness, let them k now that and youll try to soften it up a bit.
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 4
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she stayed until she met someone at least
Posted: 8/9/2008 5:52:42 PM
Your ex must have lost her mind....You are going to have to be there 100% for those girls....Obviously counseling for them as suggested above and conseling for must be pretty angry and they will pick up on that...
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 5
Great Mom runs off in to the sunset and leaves teen girls.
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:22:42 PM
Im raising mine myself also,I have a boy 7 and girl soon to be 9...they havnt heard a word from there mother her in over a year. my son deals with it pretty well,but my doughtor really has a hard time with it...on top of this she has cancer..she was diagnosed at age three...she is now 9 and doing really great,there is no remission for her type of cancer...but she has beatin all odds...truly a miracle....anyway im not one to be angry at anyone...but seeing my doughtor cry becouse she has no mother really makes me angry....she should not have to deal with to all you dead beat moms and dads out you can abandone your own children is beyind me....and too all you single moms and dads out there keep up the good makes the world go round......
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 6
Great Mom runs off in to the sunset and leaves teen girls.
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:30:58 PM

You split up just a couple months ago ... she was on pof already ... you are on pof, yet already have a new woman (that you've liked for months)?

WTF? Did you pull that out of your azz? We split in January and she was not on POF then, though she was f'n around with another guy.

Any training/education I have tells me there is a whole lot more to this story, and to possibilities of why the mother moved so far away, and would drop the young ladies off at someone else's house instead of their own home.

Any training or education you have, must have been through correspondence or in carpentry/landscaping.

Seriously, Einstein, move on to the next topic. You're stirring up sh!t for no reason. You would have to be incredibly stupid to have gathered that from my OP.
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 7
Great Mom runs off in to the sunset and leaves teen girls.
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:40:19 PM
God bless you and your little lady. Im sorry to hear about your situation. Its probably much harder for your kids being that young. Hopefully, she will beat that cancer and Mom will come back around.
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 8
Great Mom runs off in to the sunset and leaves teen girls.
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:55:24 PM
Thanks...she is beating far as her mom...if she came around on a reg basis id be ok with that...but defintly not here and there crap...would be just as hard if not harder on the kids. as far as i looking forward o meeting new people....there are still some good ones right?
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 9
Great Mom runs off in to the sunset and leaves teen girls.
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:52:59 PM
Yeah, bud - mom just had a meltdown...

You will need to have a third party (like counseling) speak to them - hearing it from dad, then having it confirmed by someone else will definitely help them get things straight on this issue.

One of the big things that you need to point out to the girls is that there is nothing at all in this that was their fault, nor is it something that they could control - They need to hear that and understand that, because most kids take that sort of rejection very personally.

Don't downtalk their mom, but feel free to discuss this issue with them. They have tons of emotions bouncing around right now, and most of them conflicting. You may try to break it down to them that something went horribly wrong with their mom's thought processes, and that she's simply not thinking logically anymore (I use the analogy with my kids that if suddenly, just as certain in your head that 1+1=2, someone else was equally certain that 1+1=3. There's a breakdown in that person's thought processes, because of that, there's no easy way to fix that damage. The only way that it will change is if the person finally realizes they might have something wrong there...)

Hope that helps....
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Great Mom runs off in to the sunset and leaves teen girls.