Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them aga      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 6
view profile
History
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
First times are always awkward... if he's not even trying to make sure I'm completely satisfied, then there might not be a second chance. If he tried, and things still didn't work well.. then there's more then likely going to be a second try. Takes me a while to get 100% comfy with a new partner...
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 8
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 6:58:09 AM
I'd probably give the OP a second chance but only because she is cute ... but if she doesn't swallow ... damnn ... tough decision!
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 15
view profile
History
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 7:29:26 AM
Libra as usual nails it on the head. Unless he is totally flacid, I need no assist from him making sure I am happy with the encounter but there is also the first time awkwardness that is just the way it is when you are with someone new. And if the guy didn't make sure you were satisfied he may have had experience only with women who raved about his abilities in bed instead of showing him that it is not the climax but getting there that makes for good sex.

If you expect every first encounter to rock your world make sure you are at least half drunk before you start taking clothes off. Last guy I was with didn't knock my socks off the first time and if I had walked based on that one encounter, I would have missed out on some really, really great sex.

If you are shallow and don't take responsibility for yourself, are waiting for him to cause the fireworks instead of realizing that it is not his job to do something to you to get them, then by all means, kick him to the curb. Or you could be normal and wait and see what the second encounter holds and if things are still boring you decide whether you want to teach him or move on to someone that needs no lessons.

One last thing, I notice you have not said anything about whether the guy was a good guy in other ways. If there is attraction, bedroom issues can usually be worked out to everyone's satisfaction. Finding a nice, decent guy that treats you well and has other qualities that endear him to you is rare, particularly if it is coupled with compatibility. So if the guy was great but the sex needed to be improved, I would just start working on that and keep him.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 16
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 7:45:03 AM
The problem with this question is that, sex is so much better with a person that you've had it with about 100 times, that the first time it's not about being great sex, but about seeing if there's room to play around, explore, grow. Take it for instance, my gf had problems having orgasms. She even told me not to worry about, she can then masturbate and get off. Because of this, she worked at other areas, from giving awesome bjs, to all kinds of different things. Then one time I went so deep inside of her that it hurt her, but when began to pull out she held me and wanted me back in there. I pressed on her cervix but did not move, and out of nowhere she had the most intense orgasm (what she told me later on). Now she can have about 4 types of vaginal orgasms. And the sex is only getting better. She even suggested (while having sex) to meet me at my office wearing some skimpy dress, close the door and fvck my brains out. Now, this is the type of things that if on that first date you went, this is not great sex, and gave up, then you could never develop the sense of discovery you could have with your partner. And at least to me, good sex is about intimacy, the ultimate giving of your self, it's about discovery, about trying to keep growing together and not being afraid of exploring things together.
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 19
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 9:01:11 AM
It's women like the op that make me insecure about my virginity.


Just sayin~
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 23
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 9:21:44 AM

It's not really other people that make you insecure. It is the person within themselves. Don't blame other people because you are too scared to take the plunge. JMO.

Of all the replies you got to your original post -- you choose to pick on the virgin! CLASSY!
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 27
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 9:46:04 AM
It's not really other people that make you insecure. It is the person within themselves. Don't blame other people because you are too scared to take the plunge. JMO.


You missed the point.

I am insecure, because I dread that the first time I have sex, it's going to be horrible (for the girl), and she'll give me the boot, expecting men of my age to be experienced with sex, etc.

the other day, I was hanging out with some women, and the virginity subject came up. I didn't admit being a virgin to them (they were all in their early 20s mind you), and I said to them

"So when do you think is the age when it becomes weird?"

"Well if they're in their late teens, and like 20-22 it's okay, then it gets weird after that."

I turn 24 in november. :(
 BaldyisBeautiful
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 29
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:04:55 AM

Lower your GF standards and go and have a casual relationship where it doesn't matter because you're not intending on keeping her around and vice versa.

Why should he have to lower his standards just to get sex "out of the way"?

... hold it, wait! Strike that! What the h*ll am I saying?

John, go boff some women dOOd before I have to pull your man card!
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 30
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:11:35 AM
Well, I've messed up opportunities to have sex, and other times they were situations that made me feel uncomfortable, so I didn't (married woman, she's drunk, etc.)

That said, after being a virgin for so long, why waste it on someone so... unimportant (for lack of a better word)

I'm not going to wait for marriage, oh HELL no, but I'd like to have sex with someone I share a connection with.


Sides', not exactly many womenfolk knocking my door down at a chance to grab my v-card. :p


Second thread today that I've successfully derailed. I'm on a roll today.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 32
view profile
History
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:28:55 AM
Johnbono: Don't listen to folks who tell you it's weird or you should "get it out of the way." Do what feels comfortable to you when *you* feel ready to do it. Which is weirder: Doing it just because you think you *should* or doing it when it feels right to you? Those girls were being silly and superficial. Don't let them set your standards for you.

OP: I'm glad you brought this up and yes, I do think there's an age thing. I'd give a guy a "pass" the first time, especially if here were under 50, as long as everything else seemed good. Why? Because you may reject a good lover. My experience is that *every* guy I've been with who was under 50 did *not* seem to notice or make any effort about my satisfaction the first time we were together, although some of them went on to be excellent lovers. However, *every* guy I've been with who was over the age of 50 put my satisfaction first! Way cool! One of them said, in the most charming Israeli accent, "A woman's orgasm is the best part of sex." Younger guys, for the most part, have not yet figured that out.

Even guys in their 40s - otherwise decent guys, good kissers, been married, had girlfriends, so they should know better - first time with them, they come and it's over. It wasn't that they didn't do things pleasurable to me but I didn't come, they did, and then they quit. This led me to wonder: do they not know or do they not care? I posted this question anonymously on Craig's List and got amazing responses from 63 men, very few of them what I would call "crude" although many were very explicit. It was revealing. Many of the younger ones admitted that they didn't care. Older ones, who care now, admitted they didn't care when they were younger. Men often expressed confusion. Women aren't always honest with them. The responses I got, though, were touching as men expressed their desire to please women, how it grew with time and experience, and their frustration sometimes in understanding how to achieve it.

First time, people don't know each other. Hell, I rarely come the first time with someone no matter what so I don't fret too much and just enjoy whatever is going on. How to deal with this, though? I mean, I can't see having a conversation in advance in most cases or stopping in the middle of things. The guy I'm with now, the first time I was with him and I thought he was on the verge, I playfully said to him, "You're not one of those guys that gets off and leaves a woman hanging, are you?" I got an emphatic "NO!" from him and by golly, he wasn't. Lesson learned: you can say almost anything when you do it playfully.

So, I do cut guys, especially guys under 50, a little slack. However, a guy who continues not to show interest in his lover's satisfaction gets the boot.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 33
view profile
History
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:36:46 AM

I am insecure, because I dread that the first time I have sex, it's going to be horrible (for the girl), and she'll give me the boot, expecting men of my age to be experienced with sex, etc.

We all feel insecure the first time. I had a friend who dropped out of the priesthood and was with a woman for the first time when he was over 40. He told her, "I've never done this, I'm not sure what to do. You'll have to help me out. Show me what you like." She was really sweet. They didn't stay together but it was nice for him. If you're with a woman you feel a connection with, then that connection will extend to your physical relationship. If you are decent and caring and so is she, I doubt it will be a disaster. And if it is . . . well, it will make a good story later.

Second thread today that I've successfully derailed. I'm on a roll today.

Not at all! I think it's sweet and admire your courage.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 34
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:52:15 AM

First time sex is awkward - understatement!! When my SO and I were initially dating, and contemplating sex, I recall him saying something about sex getting better as you get to know each others likes, dislikes, etc. And he was absolutely correct. . .

This is so true. I have had relationships where the sex just got better and better. If either of us had walked initially, we would have definitely missed out on fabulous sex.


One last thing, I notice you have not said anything about whether the guy was a good guy in other ways. If there is attraction, bedroom issues can usually be worked out to everyone's satisfaction. Finding a nice, decent guy that treats you well and has other qualities that endear him to you is rare, particularly if it is coupled with compatibility. So if the guy was great but the sex needed to be improved, I would just start working on that and keep him.

I made this observation too and agree that the OP has not mentioned anything about his character. I say that if the rest of the relationship is worthwhile, work with him and tell him what you like...if it continues to be all about him and his needs, then .

Good luck!
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 37
view profile
History
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 2:48:58 PM
If he's not trying to please you the first time (I'm not talking about succeeding, but just attempting) and is being selfish on the very first time you are together, it's certainly not going to get better. So yah, dump him. Compare that to the more normal experience of a man trying his hardest to impress a woman with his skills the first time, and then on subsequent times getting more concerned with his own needs, there's no contest. I'm speaking from my experience at my age (mid thirties), and dating men who are about my age. Perhaps if he's really young, he'll get less selfish as he grows up a bit, so it depends on how you feel about him (if you are both young and inexperienced). If he didn't please you because he couldn't last a long time, that's different. He might be able to get better in the future. Also, if it's just a matter of style and preferences, he can be taught how to personalize the experience to your needs. But that doesn't fall into the category of not even trying. Guys that don't even try are probably just out for the one night stand anyway.
 darkeyes10
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 43
view profile
History
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 7:07:54 PM
u know this is a great question....It does take awhile to really get comfortable with the person ur with, but I just spent 7 years with someone, I now realize was a big fat loser in bed as well as out. It was all about him, even though I would tell him hey, ur not done are u????? OMG by that time, he was snoring!!!! Oh and by the way he was well endowed but sure the hell never learned what to do with it. I will never be that desperate for a guy again, in any way. Whew....felt great to vent!! Thanks
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 48
view profile
History
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:18:05 PM
John, what you aren't getting from all of these posts is that no matter how experienced you are, the first time with someone new or your first time period is likely to be less than stellar BECAUSE IT IS THE FIRST TIME for that couple.

The most experienced guy on the planet can fall victim to any number of things that might make the first time totally suck such as falling off the bed and actually injuring one or both parties, being attacked by domesticated animals (dogs and cats people), some other type of bizarre interruption, she might be nervous so there are about a million things that can go wrong with her body, or anything else.

Anybody that has been through a bad marriage or other long-term relationship and has sex for the first time, omfg, what a potentially horrendous thing. Do you still remember how? Does my body still work? For women no one has seen their post-baby body but their hubby. You can wind up nearly as nervous as a virgin in those situations too so just keep looking for the right gal whether you think you may waltz her down the aisle or not, and remember the information you have read about what is important to a woman, the mind and paying attention to what her body is telling you. You'll be fine.
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 50
view profile
History
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:30:40 PM
In the case you described: man got off; and did not "make sure" she did as well....Run.

Men put a lot of stock into "getting laid"; and when they get there the first time, unless they are knee walking drunk, they bring the show on the road. Sex is rarely, if ever, smooth, easy, and natural the first time. It takes more thought, effort, attention, and appreciation the first time you explore someone's body, preferences, and desires.

#1/guys like to show off and they like to brag. It is ALWAYS a huge turn on and ego/moral booster to be told, "OMG, no one has ever done that" or "Oh my, you are the best I've ever had" or to be told she had never had more than three orgasms; after you just gave her 10. Guys live for that.

#2/he knows if he doesn't put on a good show this time; the curtain may not rise for act two. That's in the first paragraph, of the first chapter, of the text book to get your Man Card. If there are no other extenuating circumstances, the guy gets his nut; and does not look after you; he, on a cellular level, really doesn't give a d#mn whether you get yours or not. If he was raised by 7th Day Adventists, and is under the age of 19; he MAY not know just exactly what the parameters are; or what is expected. If he is over the age of 25; that's just one exceedingly self centered, selfish, #$@%*%@#*! He doesn't care; he has never cared; he will never care; and the book hasn't been written that will help. Closed circuit television, cue cards, play by play commentary, will not improve things. Your options are: settle for bad sex; or leave.
 vbxtc
Joined: 3/31/2006
Msg: 56
view profile
History
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/9/2008 7:22:30 AM
Sometimes it can be fantastic from the very beginning with a new partner, but like most good things it usually gets better with time. People feel more relaxed with each other, they communicate better, they just get to be comfortable.

I remember I had started dating someone and after the first time thinking, "that was the worst ever". But I really liked her and we kept seeing each other. What I found out later was that it was her first time in about 3 years, and she was REALLY nervous. Within a couple of weeks I couldn't believe it was the same person....but it was incredible.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 59
view profile
History
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/9/2008 8:18:11 AM

So, now that being said, you people still agree with giving each person (who has had sex before and at an age where they have experience) a second chance?

I do, unless they were so clumsy or self-centered that it was obvious the situation was not going to improve much.
 cuteazabutton
Joined: 8/8/2006
Msg: 63
view profile
History
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 8/9/2008 8:57:26 AM
Good question but for me I wouldnt kick someone to the curb after the first time because the first time is always awkward. I am proof of that because i did go thru a similar situation in June and I knew he was tired from working all day and we both were a bit shy with each other. The next few times together turned out to be awesome!!!

If the sex continued to be bad after that then i would definitely sit down and have a talk about what we both want and need from each other. If after doing all that it still isnt going good then i would make a decision to just be friends.

 supernovastunnah
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 65
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:28:46 PM
this one time a guy i was with came in his pants before either of us took any of our clothes off it was brutal he left embarassed.......the thing that pissed me off the most was that he didnt even try to please me at all....any guy that doesnt try its time to say buh bye.....i love it when the guy makes it his mission to make me cum its just wonderful to hear "cum baby i want you to cum all over me"
 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 67
view profile
History
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 9/7/2008 9:28:33 PM
It's all about total enthusiasm as well as person hygiene. If a woman possesses both then there is only a fine line between good sex and great sex. That line deals with and is in of course conjunction with chemistry as well as over all attitude and appearance. The difference has to do at that point with an emotional connection.

If her hygiene is lacking there won't even be a first time.....A "second chance" romp maybe possible if the lack of enthusiasm isn't there the first time between the sheets. If it's not happening within romp #2 then it's bye bye now.

Lack of enthusiasm includes but certainly is not limited to; the take it or leave it attitude towards sex, less then sexually agressive/assertive. Few are able to be 100% per each and every romp. Before dumping ask yourself this....is she or in your case he trainable?
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 9/8/2008 8:47:17 AM
It depends how bad.

I had a truly awful experience with a lizard tongue, cat claw chick.

Couldn't kiss for sh*t. Treated me like I was a scratching post. It seemed like she was trying to impress me with how "sexual" and gnarly she was in bed.

I spent most of my time trying to bend her in ways that she couldn't reach me

She had a hot little rig but I did not see her again.
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 9/8/2008 3:11:38 PM
hit the road and find a real man that can please you!


*Shudder* Here we go again with the real man bit. Just because....nevermind. There is a good thread I want you to go to. It's called So many men just can't do it. :38::39:
 luv2lol
Joined: 2/18/2007
Msg: 87
view profile
History
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 2/4/2009 9:52:53 PM
I deal with this on a case by case basis...if I have doubts already then no I wouldn't. If they are a great person in other ways I would try to find a groove and would be open about what I want and expect...if they still don't deliver they are showing they are selfish - THEN they'll get the boot. I don't always know how to give my guy mind blowing sex so I expect every guy will know how to do it for me. The key is if they are willing and care enough to want learn how to please me they will get further consideration.

That being said it's so much better (and seems like a sign that it was meant to be) when it's just there for both of you
 mazzymazz
Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 89
view profile
History
If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?
Posted: 2/5/2009 10:06:50 AM
I don't know that I'd drop the guy, but I'd probably avoid sex in the future. I guess it would depend on just how bad he was or what was bad about the encounter.
Before joining POF I was talking to an old childhood friend, we were thining of hooking up. One night we had a sex talk and he told me about his wildest sex act. It was something so, so basic to me that I just stopped talking to him. At my age, I want my partner to know what to do and at least be as experienced as me...
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > If your date was bad in bed the first time would you not see them again?